hey .... it's me again .... i thought i lost you when i said we should bomb kansas; did that frighten you? were you scared? nobody wrote in saying "yah, bro' .... right on! let's bomb kansas!" where were all the kudos? i don't think bombing kansas is over the top; we've had years of chanting and ranting and panting about how we should "bomb bomb bomb .... bomb bomb iran; bomb bomb bomb .... bom bom iran ....." why, that was even a presidential party platform in the last election, and nobody looked askance at it .....
although now the chant's changed a little, hasn't it? now the news goes like this: "republicans criticize obama for not taking a stronger line with iran ...." that's news, isn't it: republicans criticizing obama? ..... wow, i'm shocked: republicans criticizing obama! who woulda thunk it? but .... doesn't criticizing a wartime president constitute treason? hey, that's what i was told last time around; when did the rules change?
just kidding of course .... ha ha .... i know how the rules work: democrats exist for republicans to criticize, and the "media" exists to promote and propagate this bullshit; what i don't get is, how do republicans know who's a democrat these days? i mean, we have the democrats enthusiastically taking charge of and expanding the wars they got into office opposing and floating more dollars i'm told we don't have to promote those wars, just like all the democrats are forking over wheelbarrow loads of moolah to big banks that are now touting record profits and handing over huge bonuses again so they can "keep the best talent" because they don't want all those bright folks who tanked the world economy to go someplace else with all their smarts and when it comes to healthcare and you read the polls which, as questionable as they are, now indicate a preponderance of americans want a single payer healthcare system so they can have insurance without having to peddle their butts on downtown street corners, the democratic chairman of the committee that's supposed to evaluate healthcare modalities won't even put single payer care on the table because "insurance companies can't compete" but "the government would run things badly" and that would be "soshalism" which as we know won't wurk here like it doesn't work in sweden and england and canada and .....
boy, that socialism ..... thank god i don't have soshalized medisin where i live now, a very affluent part of america in a very affluent part of californya, where it took three months to get my boys in to see doctors, just as it took me three months to get to see a doctor, by which time all our symptoms had disappeared; is that how medicine works now in this country? if you take long enough the symptoms will go away .... or you'll die .... in which case we can enter you in the statistics as "cured ......"
there are lots of things i could criticize obama and his boys for, like .... where are the war crimes trials? but .... this "why isn't he taking a hard line with iran" isn't one of them .... how would we have responded if the iranians had, back in 2000, invaded the united states to preserve democracy in the face of the blatant electoral theft perpetrated by the republicans--abetted by the supreme court--in florida? "hey, guys ... thanks a lot! thanks for helping us save our freedoms! down with the usurping dogs! down with the corrupt corporate plutocratic hegemony that stifles dissent and tramples the rights of the people! and while you're here, don't forget to have some conch fritters .... and you gotta try the stone crab!"
why are we critical of the iranian regime? let's see .... their establishment has stolen an election .... hey ... we do that shit all the time .... massive demonstrations are ignored .... or outlawed .... just like us! hey, when we do it, when our "leaders" ignore popular opinions and pursue disastrous corrupt evil policies we call it "fearless leadership" so why don't we just snuggle up to the iranian Supreme Leader and make him an honorary republican? i know it's been a while since, like kent state, we shot demonstrators in the streets but we can't be far behind in this respect, can we? i mean, how can we give up the moral high ground here? i've always felt that non-violent protests were dangerous, that people peacefully protesting against wars posed massive threats to our security and that non-violent people should be treated as violently as possible: it's the american way, and our ways are the best!
of course, america has a hallowed tradition and history of supporting freedom and democracy in iran; just like southerners haven't forgotten the civil war the iranians still recall america's involvement in their politics, with highlights like the CIA toppling the democratically elected mossadeq government in 1953 and replacing it with that icon of freedom, shah rezah pahlavi .... it's a tossup, isn't it? should we bomb them because we don't like that ass-a-hole-a ayatollah? because we disapprove of the mad, bad ahmedinajad? or should we invade them and have diebold install new voting machines to preserve the integrity of their electoral process? we're experts on the integrity of the electoral process, from mississippi through the fifties and sixties and seventies and eighties and florida in the nineties and ohio in the new millenium and i know i'm missing about forty-seven other states and isn't the timing of our indignity and moral rectitude spectacular? with the supreme court upholding the Voting Rights Act of 1965? except for that recalcitrant holdout cl*r*nce th*mas? yeah, that f*ggers, all right .....
“The historic accomplishments of the Voting Rights Act are undeniable,” the chief justice [roberts] wrote. But these days, he went on, “things have changed in the South.”
“Voter turnout and registration rates now approach parity,” Chief Justice Roberts wrote. “Blatantly discriminatory evasions of federal decrees are rare. And minority candidates hold office at unprecedented levels.” of course, things have changed in the south, and now the discriminatory practices held sacred by southerners have been adopted by states like ohio .... or florida ..... or anywhere voter turnout might give democrats an electoral edge .....
you know, not too long ago we read, ever so briefly, about populist rage in the face of the unabashed greed of our financial masters of the universe; we never saw any of that ....ha ha .... populist rage manifested over stolen elections ..... or ten hour waits in the rain to cast a vote that'd be disallowed ..... too bad the only protests over stolen elections came out in favor of them ......
etc. etc. etc. .... etc. etc. etc. .....
you know, i'm so despondent about, well ..... just about everything on the political scene .... i'm thinking of heeding the advice of some of you readers, who suggested that i write about other things, things like ..... my boys' first day at camp! or how about the upcoming 40th anniversary of woodstock! or how about a treatise on how it's not just that we're old ....
it's that today's "music" really does suck .....
next: dr. pete takes a vacation
Posted by DrKanga at 6:13 PM | Comments (1)
thank god we don't have to have a discussion about torture any more and, by the same token, thank god we've won the war against terror--at least in iraq--and we don't have to read about that shit any more .... the media's been slobbering over the nominee for the supreme court--even as republicans call her a racist--and my heart melts every time i hear about the hardships she suffered and her parents suffered and how she pulled herself up by her bootstraps and i've never even seen a bootstrap and i've worn a lot of boots in my day one of my favorites i was ten years old i think and i remember i was on the giulio cesare the italian american oean liner heading somewhere and i was walking around the corridors of the ship and i had oh my god! i had combat boots! and they had to be laced up! and they were a great color too i just can't remember where i might have gotten a pair of combat boots i think we were coming back from pakistan via europe but i do know there were no bootstraps in them and none of my shoes have ever had bootstraps or shoe straps you know i heard the same fucking stories about clarence thomas about how he'd overcome oppression and intolerance and how if you didn't approve of him you'd be prejudiced and a racist and boy is he a gob of phlegm we sure screwed the pooch on that one i wonder if he has bootstraps i could care less what color a supremie is polka dots green-and-purple stripes who gives a fuck what'd really make me enthusiastic about a supreme court nominee is someone who is so dedicated to upholding the constitution rather than expanding corporate rights who's such a rigorous interpreter of the rule of law that we'll see cheney bush rice bybee yoo and you know hoo else slapped in jail for treason and crimes against humanity and placed on trial for war crimes and ......
then i'd get excited about something .... then i'd have some of that hope obama was selling ....
the fact that we're so preoccupied with a candidate's socioeconomic whereabouts and usetabes tells us yet again what a classist country this is, and what a tribute to marketing we are and .....
but you know all that, being the kind of sophisticate that reads my columns ......
there is no discourse in this fucking country, and the parameters and talking points are all set by neofascists and so distorted that i'm surprised you haven't heard me shrieking .... i'll give you a couple of examples .... last week i heard a "commentator" on N[utzoids] P[uking] R[egularly] talking about "wild-eyed bomb throwing liberals ......" i can't remember who the "moderator" was, but there was no correction, i didn't hear the sound of this cretinous asshole being bitchslapped; nobody was called a "lying fuckhole retard" or a "scumbag who sucks poodle shit off the pavement," although all labels were most likely accurate .... bomb throwing liberals .... mmmm .... i guess that means timothy mcvey was a liberal, or maybe liberals wouldn't use car bombs because they're not eco-friendly and green .....
then the neejerk crimes had one of their masthead "columnists" telling us how to tell the difference between liberals and conservatives ..... he tells us that conservatives don't want to slap their fathers, neither are they comfortable touching the water faucets in public restrooms .... he says that "People who would be disgusted to find that they had accidentally sipped from an acquaintance’s drink are more likely to identify as conservatives ....."
wow ..... i sure wanted to know that, didn't you? important part of the discourse, wouldn't you say? i never knew that was the way you could tell a conservative: i thought conservatives bombed hospitals and shot doctors who provided health services to women; i thought conservatives got loaded on oxycontin, banged in viagra suppositories, and abused prepubescent sex slaves; i thought conservatives sucked the brains out of kittens and used the flaccid bodies as lounge slippers; i thought conservatives gnawed their way out of leathery-shelled eggs with an egg tooth; i thought conservatives were psychotic assholes who poisoned the air they breathed and sullied the ground they walked on; i thought conservatives lined their nests with the bodies of children who died for want of medical insurance; i thought conservatives were a lot of things, none of them pretty, but i never thought the marker was whether or not they'd slap their fathers, were disgusted if they drank from a friend's glass, and weren't comfortable touching faucets in rest rooms .... come on; aren't conservatives the ones that are always hanging out in rest rooms? in the crapper stalls? playing peekaboo? dipping crusts of bread in the urinals?
what a fucking world ... jesus .....
no wonder we don't have to talk about torture any more; who cares, right?
i'd started writing this column a week ago, then i was out of town for the weekend and what a joy to come back and find out how prescient i was, writing about conservatives who "[shoot] doctors who provide heatlh services to women ...." yes, that's the pro-life stance for you, and i guess that makes me pro-death, because i'm all for executing all these assholes .....
the discussion never touches that a woman's "right to choose" extends far beyond whether she wants to terminate a pregnancy or not; a woman gets to choose the quality of life that child might have; a woman gets to choose the kind of lives her other children--present or future--might have; a woman gets to choose whether she wants to bring a child into a world that's loving and provides comfort, or whether she wants to consign that child to the kind of conservative hell these ass-sucking christers like so much: suffer in this world so you can eat god's pie in the next .... ha ha .... as california, fiscally inept under republicans, cuts off all services to poor children ......
guess that fetus better get a job .....
there's no discussion about domestic terror and there should be because, yes, they're terrorists, yes they actively terrorize people ... they want people frightened and they want people curtailing their freedoms and they want to impose their will on others and they're murderous fucks .... the spin is that the perpetrator was mentally unsound, ooooo, but fuck .... they're all psychotic assholes, and like all conservatives they skate on the responsibility thing: yes, prominent conservatives can sanction and advocate the murder of people who provide health services to women, but when it happens they side step their own culpability .....
guns don't kill people; christians with guns kill people .... although i'm really glad that we've made it legal to carry automatic weapons in national parks; you never know when you'll come across a bear performing abortions .....
you know what i think? i think we should carry the war on terror to kansas; i think we should carry the war on terror to the bahbul bay-yult; i think we should carpet bomb topeka because we know there are terrorists there; i think we should drop daisycutters on pentecostal churches; boy there's a hotbed of sedition if ever there were one; let's put the cheney one percent doctrine into effect: find a group that wants to kill americans and bomb the shit out of 'em .... i can't tell the difference between the taliban "over there" and our taliban except ... ha ha .... the taliban over there at least provide valuable services in that they ride herd on the opium crop and the heroin production, just like we taught them to do when they were our buddies, so production's always going up and quality is guaranteed .....
it staggers me what a non-item doctor murder is, how little coverage it's gotten, ..... one of the few references i caught was from a conservative bemoaning the "liberal bloggers who were ....." ngngngngngng ..... and i can't believe how blase we are about the fbi letting this shit slide when even the department of homeland security came out and cited the rise of right wing groups as a major terrorist threat and .... and .... and ..... and i can't go on .....
you know, i expected all this shit from bush and the boys; ashcroft, covering up statue titties and talking in tongues, that's both ooo-eeee-oooo and ha ha ha at the same time, you know? but a democrat in the white house? i didn't expect anything, i really didn't but .....
i had a smattering of hope ......
boy, are the dust bunnies looking rilly rilly good .......
next: dr. pete has allergies
Posted by DrKanga at 8:40 PM | Comments (1)
here are some of this last week's fun headlines, and some comments on them .... by the way, this column was originally entitled "fuck harry reid;" now that i read the column i'm not sure why seeing as there's no mention of him but .... at least i'm thinkin' about him, and with all the respect he so richly deserves .... anyway:
Obama Moves to Bar Release of Detainee Abuse Photos: Saying the release of photos of soldiers abusing captives in Iraq and Afghanistan would endanger U.S. troops, the president reversed a decision made last month.
Senate Rejects Limit on Credit-Card Interest Rates .... gee .... there's a surprise ..... the same shameless group of ass-garglers that turned the credit card companies loose on the consumer in the first place; that legalized usury and made bankruptcy incredibly difficult--unless, of course, you're a car company sucking up taxpayer dollars; .... where's that much-vaunted "populist rage" now that we could use some?
Social Security Set To Run Out of Money .....
they're at it again, not that they every stop ..... fear, lies, deception; manipulation, betrayal, these cocksuckers won't take their eyes off of your social security funds until they can put it away in their pockets ......
Obama Planning to Keep Tribunals for Detainees .... what do we have here? bush lite?
Health Insurers To Kick Back 2 Trillion Dollars Over A Ten-Year Period .... mmmmm .... if they're leaving two trill on the table, makes you kind of think that they've been gouging the living shit out of us, doesn't it .....
i can't believe that we're still having a discussion about "torture ....." i mean, "harsh techniques ...." i mean "enhanced techniques ....." i mean " what republicans and christians are all in favor of and democrats'll go along with if they think no one's looking" why am i not surprised that "christians" are in favor of beating the shit out of people and nearly killing them time and time again, over and over and over again because they don't say what you'd like them to say because "AUUGHGHGHGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB" isn't the same as "saddam hussein personally flew one of the planes into the twin towers just remember infidel dog while bush and cheney've been keeping you safe from terror attacks about 5,000 troops have been killed compared to the 3,000 who died in the towers not a bad exchange for safety GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB" christians are conditioned to hurting the fuck out of people because they worship a loving god who will burn you in agony forever and ever if you don't accept his peaceful love and .....
GLUGLUGLUGLUGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBBLEAUGHGHGHGHGHGHG .......
you just have to learn how to live with inconsistencies, with dissonance, and with stupid fucking people who by and large wouldn't even qualify as landfill; can we just pave 'em over?
this whole "what did nancy pelosi know and when did she know it oh my GOD! she knew all the time and never said anything and OOOOOO she's a hypocrite and that makes torturing the shit out of people okay because we're republicans and we get to do that kind of shit" is a straw man, but the media's complicit in this ghost chase .... you know, i'm still waiting to hear what diane feinstein was referring to when she said, just before the IIUIOASNTPUNTW, "if i were to vote the way my constituency wanted i would vote against authorizing IIUIOASNTPUNTW, but because nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah i know things that you don't i know things that you don't, i'm going to vote to authorize IIUIOASNTPUNTW and then i can join the ranks of war profiteers like any good american would .....
jeez, i don't know ..... does anyone in this country think about what they're being fed? dog food? sheep food? we can't show us pictures of us torturing people even though they were leaked to an australian newspaper three years ago (i'm citing hearsay here; does anyone know anything about this? the unifying theme of the pictures is said to be "blood .... there's lots of blood ..everywhere" ...) because it'd put our troops in harm's way and antagonize our horrid adversaries who want to hurt our troops ..... i figure if you want to get troops out of harm's way, bring 'em back alive ..... plus, isn't the point of being a troop hurting people? and if you hurt people don't you just think you might run the risk of getting hurt right back? and i don't really think that showing the world more photos'll antagonize those detergents ... i mean, insurgents .... so they think "let's go kill some americans" .... isn't that what they're thinking already? they hate us because they hate our freedoms, which obviously includes the freedom to torture people whenever we want to and the freedom to be psychotic lying assholes and dervish dancers in the mad spin to justify what complete shits we are and the contempt and disdain with which we're held as lying fucks .....
besides, didn't "the surge" take care of all that shit?
ha ha .... just kidding of course ... ha ha ....
can we get over our obama love fest, please? let's see: we're keeping up the bush tribunals, we're falling over our tiny little dicks to pony up another 97 billion dollars to bomb wedding parties in afghanistan, we're not prosecuting lawbreakers .... well, let me back up a minute here .... we're not politician lawbreakers and we're not prosecuting corporate lawbreakers because corporations contribute huge sums to politicians whose primary function is to stay in positions of power so they can get more money and more power so they can stay in positions of power so they can make more money and get more power but we will prosecute the shit out of you if you're a n*gg*r and you have some c*caine then it's nellie bar the door and don't you think if insurers are going to kick back two trillion dollars they've been gouging us for years if they can afford to kick back that kind of money and still make the profits they like to make to feed their shareholders and give their ceo's the kind of golf vacations, hair treatments, and golden parachutes they so richly deserve because after all they're the best and the brightest it's a good thing we still have grade schools that we can cut funding to and thank god for health care programs for children we don't need them when we're in a fiscal crisis so we can always take their pennies away to give to big banks fuck the kids and the poor why don't they get a fucking job and pull themselves up by their bootstraps don't tell me they can't afford fucking shoes ..... anybody that can afford two hundred and forty bucks for basketball shoes with a logo can ante up the bucks for shoes with bootstraps .... doesn't nike make 'em?
i don't know .... my crystal balls are cloudy these days and i can't tell what the future holds, although i tend towards darkness and disillusionment, so i'm reluctant to think that the amount of press given to the torturers might actually breach the indifference of the american sheeple, who seem to be far more concerned with jen and angie and .... gasp! .... abortions ..... well, you know what they say: don't want an abortion?
don't fucking get one .....
what do you think? think we'll see some of the boosh biggies hauled up on war crimes trials? set up in the hague, charged with crimes against humanity?
the only thing i can add is, i'm temporarily out from underneath the bed but .....
my dust bunnies are lonely .... and i think i had a better view down there .....
next: dr. pete sneezes .....
Posted by DrKanga at 8:34 PM | Comments (2)
yeah ... i know .... i've been .... absent ......
there's not much that makes me want to leave the security of my dark padded room; if i didn't have to take the boys to school i'd never crawl out from underneath my bed, where i cuddle up to the dust bunnies, and as for writing? it's not been for lack of trying, but what can i do? rather than write a daily journal whose content could be summarized as "fuck this shit," i thought it might be better to judiciously observe, to not be hasty in making judgements--value and otherwise; to watch trends develop, to see which way the winds blow, to see if there'd be any lubricant used before the american sheeple were bent over, once again, and penetrated vigorously with large, angular objects, before being shorn totally and left, shivering, out in the cold .....
i hate to say this but .... i miss bush ..... honest to god, i miss that slobbering tremulous dimwit bush ..... do i need to explain? i miss bush because he was an easy shot; there wasn't anything subtle about him; it didn't matter what he did or said or said he was going to do, or tried to say what he might have thought about thinking of doing: it was perennially and patently obvious that he was a spoiled, petulant, entitled, whining, overwhelmed-by-circumstance dickwit idiot ..... it didn't matter what he did, or pretended to be doing, or set his minions to doing, nor--for that matter--did it matter what his lords and masters told him to do: it was always going to be malignant, ill-intentioned, it would always be detrimental to life as we know it and--when all else failed--i could fall back on the gut laugh that this slobbering cretinous retard was president of the united states .....
now clearly observable events, trends, and patterns are confounded with this overlay of "hope;" oooooo ..... we've got a democrat in the whitehouse now ..... eeeee, we've got a pigmented president in the white house ...... ngngngngnggn ..... thngs are going to be different, there's an upsurge of resentment against the republican depredations and .....
i swear to god, i can't tell the difference .....
sure, there are these little dollops of enlightenment, these titbits thrown out to palliate a public that's eating the big, hairy economic wazoo: stem cell research? hey, that's great, and i know that michael j. fox'll be glad to hear that but ..... i'd rather see war crimes trials ...... there are lots of trials that i'd like to see to .... ha ha .... reinvigorate my belief in the "rule of law," but .... ha ha ..... i doubt very much that we'll be seeing the telecom companies prosecuted for their complicity in .... ahem .... eavesdropping on americans; i doubt that we'll see any charges brought against republican whore .... i mean "war" .... mongers like feith, perle, wolfowitz--along with the "mainstream media," for their part in promoting falsehoods and disseminating mis- and dis-information that led to the IIUIOSNTNPUATW (i believe that stands for "the illegal immoral unilateral invasion of a sovereign nation that never posed us any threat whatsoever" but i didn't bother counting out the letters); do you really think there are going to be any significant consequences for the wall street sociopaths that threw aside the surly bonds of government regulation--aided and abetted by willing democrats and republicans--and wreaked havoc on the global economy? do you really think there'll be any significant reform of an economic system that's served a select few very well while slamming the ham to the ever more strictured middle class? and the rest of the world?
i really can't summon the remotest bit of what in the past might have passed as humor as i contemplate america and american values today .... hmmm ..... let's see .... i've just read that FEMA is now going to repossess the trailers (the ones with the formaldehyde filled walls) that new orleans residents, displaced by katrina, have been living in while trying to rebuild their homes and now .... ha ha .... there'll be no place for them to go--even though the trailers are just going to be junked: "they've served their purpose"--while y/our money continues to flow into the gaping pockets of investment bankers and banks and insurance companies and hedge funds and oh, isn't this an eloquent manifestation of american values and i can't find anything funny to say about this .....
maybe it's just that i'm tired, or need to up my meds .....
if i do up my meds, i'd better not be counting on single payer healthcare to help pay for them, not in this fucking country .... doesn't it strike you as .... mmmmm ..... somehow indicative of our values that there is no provision for single payer health care in the current "discussions" of "healthcare reform" on capitol hill? that people who questioned the wisdom of that at the hearings were jailed? eight years ago cheney's "energy task force" consisted of oil executives and lobbyists, and it's still the same old, same old: the foxes guarding the henhouse .....
and now i'm sitting here thinking, "do i have to write about torture again?" jesus, are we still seriously debating whether or not pouring a couple of gallons of water up somebody's nose is "torture" or just a "harsh technique?" are we really going to let all the sleazebags and psychopaths who perpetrated this shit go scot free? ha ha ..... yes, we are; you can count on it ..... isn't it funny how, after eight years of listening to bush try to speak, sounding like he was choking on a perpetual pretzel and making no sense whatsoever, we're no longer anti-semantic--we're now very precise with our use of language: it isn't torture if it doesn't cause major organ damage or death .... gee, i don't know; i keep thinking about the chinese water torture--it doesn't cause major organ damage or death but .... it's still torture ....
what do the chinese know that we don't?
then there was the big flap about arlen spector leaving the republican party ..... oooooooo ...... this'll give the democrats a huge advantage ....... eeeeeeeeee ....... they democrats'll have a fillibuster proof majority! yawn ..... if the democrats gave a shit about having a majority, if they had the eeentsiest teensiest bit of interest in having a majority so they could promote the democrat agenda--and does anyone have any idea what this might be? other than .... ha ha .... raising taxes?--might not they have expended some energy on the outcome of the norm coleman/al franken election?
i'm sorry but i'm not feeling super hopeful .... it feels to me like the democrat agenda is to embed themselves in power so obama can get another term so the democrats can stay in power; isn't that what the republicans were doing? and now i'm sitting here, looking at this fucking computer screen, with the only thing going through my head a litany of "f-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-ck ........ ooooooooooo f-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-ck ...... we-e-e-e-e-e-e-e're f-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uck'd> ......."
sorry: that's not substantive writing, not coherent reasoning, and not cogent thought, not by a long shot ......
it's not funny, either ......
as far as values go--and that's not very far, not in this country-- and as far as media integrity goes--and that's not very far in this country--let's talk about priorities, the biggest one being peddling fear for top dollar, a time honored tradition in america, and always about the biggest business there is ..... H1N1; swine flu, and we're not talking about pigs flying by my window, or greedy pig cocksuckers in congress who suck it up for greedy corporations .... you scared about swine flu? you ready to go buy some tamaflu? hey, think we should lock the borders and keep out our gardeners and nannies because, well .... because they're dark-complected and we're a racist bunch of fuckers but .... we can justify it because some poor kid got sick and died and maybe the disease started at a pork factory run by smithfield because bill clinton rammed NAFTA through and our corporations can run 'cross the border (see, it's okay because it's going south rather than coming north) and fuck things up down there and .....
how about this for an epidemiological perspective: every day out of every week out of every month in every year the united states of america has 81 gun fatalities ..... yes, that's every day .... every year the united states sees 144,000 tobacco related deaths ..... now: which do you really think needs more attention ..... something that kills 144,00 people and is preventable? at the risk of pissing of the tobacco companies? how about preventing close to 30,000 deaths per year? ooooops .... don't want to piss off the NRA, do we?
i've often wondered--and i'm sure you have, too--why the democrats have been so, well ..... ineffective in consolidating their power, presumably to further a progressive agenda .... i think it's because there is no progressive agenda; i think we're going to be served up the same old turd cake with a slightly different shit frosting on it .....
tell me i'm wrong ..... go ahead; tell me i'm wrong ......
i'll be under the bed .... with the dust bunnies .....
next: dr. pete bakes a cake
Posted by DrKanga at 3:50 PM | Comments (1)
so me 'n' pooty the magic pony was out in the pasture, just cropping the clover, when he suddenly started puking blood and i thought, ground glass in the sugar cubes? but pooty set me clear rilly fast; spain, said pooty, is investigating whether alberto gonzales, that cretinous toadfucking tool of george bush as .... ha ha .... attorney general ..... is liable for prosecution under international law for his part in aiding and abetting the "legalities" by which the united states kidnapped people in countries around the world, carried them to different parts of the world where they were tortured because, well, if we weren't going to do it ourselves, well then .... we'd outsource it ..... the spanish are also looking to issue warrants for the prosecution of john yoo and douglas feith; i didn't see jay bybee's name, but i hope they'll get around to him ....
jesus; we can't even do all our dirty work ourself; when we want to torture people we have to outsource it .....
but pooty said, you know what makes me sick? what makes me chorf esophageal blood is not that the spanish are doing this; shit, after all, they went after and got pinochet, america's great friend and ally, the great friend of democracy who disappeared 3,000 people; incarcerated 80,000 without charges, and tortured 30,000 people; what makes me whorble and spew is that we haven't done anything that'd affirm anything more than mere lip service to "the rule of law;" there are no charges brought against george bush; no charges brought against donny rumsfeld; no one in the united states has charged paul wolfotitz or paul bremer; dick cheney is still slobbering all over his shirtfront, blithe and carefree, and not even from a secret secure location; three enlisted soldiers got prison time for the abu ghraib debacle; it went no higher, but don't give me that "a few bad apples in the bunch" bullshit; we all know goddamn well that torturing "prisoners" started at the very top and no one gives a shit, even though it's poisoned the world against the united states--a democratic president gets his willie wet and that's grounds for impeachment, but mass murder and torture, that's a ho-hum yawn-off; that's what makes me sick, said pooty, as his gloss flanks shivered yet again under another paroxysm of gagging and retching ....
and i thought, as i danced between the droplets of barely digested clover, gosh, pooty--being a magic pony and all--has got a point here, you know? i mean, you don't have to be a magic pony to see the fundamental disconnect between rhetoric and reality, the dissonance between "we're a nation of the rule of law" and "do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" and whoever would have thought that the united states of america'd become an acolyte of aleistair crowley? who also said "if one were to take the bible seriously one would go mad .... but to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad" which is a pretty telling commentary on a nation where 68% of the people believe the bible to be the literal word of god but then they also believe what they read or hear in the "media" especially when it's about "celebs" and who's got a tummy tuck and who flashed their beaver and who's getting a divorce and who's heartbroken like these shitheads were real people that gave a fuck about anyone else and .....
don't get me started on media betrayals, pooty said; i'm tottering on the brink of needing a transfusion, right now ..... and i may not need more blood right now, pooty said, but we sure have the need for liability and responsibility: in the media; the citizenry; in our bleak political landscape; the lack of responsibility extends from the debacle in iraq to the fiasco in afghanistan to the "economic meltdown," but .... ha ha ...... but it's not like this pillaging and plundering and looting and hooting were systemic and systematic, for goodness sake .... it's not anybody's fault, other than maybe just a few bad apples .....
george tenet, tommy franks, and l. paul bremer, parties responsible for our illegal immoral unilateral invasion of a sovereign nation that posed us no threat whatsoever (in the future i'll just abbreviate this as "IIUIOASNTPUNTW") got their contributions to chaos, murder, and idiocy recognized when bush awarded them the presidential medal of freedom .... AIG recognized the contribution of its employees who totalled the world economy by giving them "retention bonuses ....." there seems to be a pattern here, and i don't think it's one that any self-respecting parent would approve of: "honey? junior just set fire to the cat and cornholed the dog .... what say we take him out to mcdonald's and get him a feedbag fulla bacon grease and chocolate?"
i keep hearing n[utless] p[ickled] r[utabagas] doing show after show about "how shall republicans get it back together?' or something like that .... that's kind of like running shows on "how can germany's national socialist party regain respect" ..... how about doing a show on "how republicans should commit hara-kiri with a dull fucking butter knife as partial atonement for their multitudinous sins;" who gives a fuck? WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO THESE DICKWITS? they fucked the country for thirty fucking years; caused endless fucking scandals: iran/contra; savings and loan; yada yada yada yada; bankupt the country; lie us into war, culminating in the nomination of john mccain and sarah palin while "permanent tax cuts" is the best they can come up with?
i'm sorry, but fuck you all incredibly much, and right in your fucking mouth, and that goes for the media for promulgating this offensive fucking nonsense; no, i don't give a fuck what sarah palin's wearing or what that moron has to say or who does her hair, no, people who have been proven wrong time and time again do not deserve to be heard from, and no, i DON'T KNOW WHO JEN IS AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! one thing you can say for the republicans--other than they're being shit-eating fear-mongering cretinous bags of fartwind--is that they hang together; okay, maybe it's because no one else can tolerate them, but they presented a united front as they pushed their agendas ... okay; maybe there's something to be said for being cloned from snakeshit, but you can't say that for democrats: the most you can say about democrats is that they're hatched from rotten eggs and cloned from chickenshit .....
gee, dr. pete, pooty said; why would you say that?
well, pooty, i said; i'm glad you asked ..... democrats don't vote together; some say that it's because they're "voting their conscience;" some say it's because they're the "party of individuality;" some say that trying to get democrats to work together is like "trying to herd cats ....." here's what i say: they don't vote their conscience because they have none; it's not the party of individuals--it's the party of back-stabbing self-serving posturing self-righteous shitheads and, as for the cat metaphor, fuck them; they're just pussies .... listen up, you scabby, clapped-out, mange-ridden fucking donkeys that need a botticide douche: don't give me this bullshit about how you won't vote the obama budget because you can't condone creating a deficit: you didn't give fuck one about deficit spending when you were tripping over your flaccid little dicks, lining up to be reamed by dick cheney while shoving blank checks into george bush's hands; you didn't give fuck one about fiscal responsibility when you condoned back-channel budgeting for the pentagon, billions of dollars that'll never appear on the books; you didn't give fuck one about tax payer's money when eight billion in cash evaporated in iraq ......
here's the deal: barack obama, a democrat, is the president of the united states; he won the presidential election because people were fed out the ass with george bush and his bullshit; he was elected because he "offered people 'change,'" and i'm not going to start equivocating on that right now; you're democrats, how about this for a change: how about you back your president .... you're democrats; you're the party that swept the polls; you're democrats; do what americans want you to do--back your fucking president .... don't give me this bullshit about how you've got to "safeguard your interests in the upcoming elections;" you're elected, you're in office right now, you're there to do a fucking job, not to win popularity contests, not to be miss congeniality, not to prance around like a dithering shit wearing a skimpy swimsuit; winning an election in the future, that's NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB! your job is to BE A DEMOCRAT! do your job and DO IT NOW!
the fact that there's no payback for these craven eaters of liquid fuck is part and parcel of the whole "there is no responsibility" routine .... like that wrinkled old wombat scrotum, joe liebermann; did he get thrown out of the democratic party for endorsing wattle-faced mccain? fuck, no; did we see him hanging upside down in a gas station, like mussolini? no, we didn't ..... see anyone from halliburton getting indicted? anyone from morgan stanley chase manhattan citigroup bank of america getting anything other than more money from you and me? i read a lot of shit in the "media;" this week's hot phrase is "populist anger:" ooooooo ..... the people are so angry ..... eeeeeee .... the president is so angry ...... nrghghghghghghgh ...... angry! angry! angry!" what a load of codswallop: people aren't fucking angry--they're worried about jen or about the latest teen that's disappeared or where they can get more coupons for shopping ..... if they were angry they'd be in the fucking streets, manning the barricades, shrieking LET THEM EAT CAKE! LET THEM EAT KAKA! KAAAAAA KAAAAAAAAAA KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!
pooty used one fetlock to wipe my fevered brow and, with a dainty trotter, took my pulse; a magic pony can do that, you know ..... dr. pete, pooty said; you're overwrought; perhaps you ought to have a sugar cube? chill out a little?
next: one mint julep was the cause of it all
Posted by DrKanga at 11:41 AM | Comments (1)
pooty the wonder pony and i were hanging out the other day; we'd eaten some sugar cubes and pooty, being a magic pony and all, was getting ready to braid my mane, but we started talking about the thing that's on everybody's mind and .... no, not that thing, silly--you're being perseverative and obsessive; we started talking about the economic meltdown and why we just couldn't bring ourselves to use the "N" word--you know .... n*t*on*liz*ation and pooty said something to the effect that *meric*ans were really d*mb because not only couldn't they bring themselves to call a sp*de a sp*de, there was all this rhetoric from apparatchiks and functionaries about how we needed to enact legislation that'd prevent stuff like this happening again and pooty said, you had that legislation it was the glass-steagall act until it was meticulously dismantled by republicans headed by the Great Whore phil gramm but ha ha it was buy-partisanship at its finest because clinton signed it into law and then it was nellie bar the door and all the horsies got out of the barn and now you want to close it? and then pooty went on to say isn't it odd that the wall street guys who busted everybody's balls so they could get stinky rich are entrepreneurs that drive our system but wistful wishful wannabes who bought a house on questionable credit because they thought they could roll it over and put some money in the bank are irresponsible scumbags who deserve no help or sympathy whatsoever and the wall street guys are protected by contracts guaranteeing their bone-asses which means they're not union members because union contracts with for example auto makers don't mean shit and .....
pooty's a magic pony and all, but sometimes even a magic pony can't fathom the depths of perfidy, grok the venality, encompass the impetus republicans have to sell themselves, the citizenry, and everything else that isn't nailed down with railroad spikes to those big corporations ...... but pooty reminded me of my own prescience, referring to my mid-2004 musical opus "beyond help!" which featured such predictors as "george bush suggests social security invest in stock market .... market crashes .... country bankrupt .... tom cruise has good looking wife ......" at the time people upbraided me: tom cruise isn't married, they said .... stick around, i replied; just stick around .... you'll see ......
anyway, pooty reminded me that there's a lot of confusion about the "cash for trash" initiatives the fed is suggesting, that people really don't understand what purchasing "toxic derivatives" is all about, and how badly they're being screwed--again--by the upper one percent; "dr. pete," pooty said, using one dainty hoof to pop another sugar cube; "you being a doctor and all, and having worked with seriously compromised individuals like hot tuna and all, perhaps you could help people understand what otherwise might seem to be impenetrable?"
well, it's hard to refuse a request from a wonder pony, so here goes .....
now, boys and girls, let's pay a visit to those long lost days of yore, the golden carefree days of the late 70s and early 80s when .... oh, you thought i was going to go off on john mccain and neil bush and the savings and loan debacle? but ... ha ha .... that was just pennies in a peasant's pisspot, a paltry 350 billion drilled out of the u.s. taxpayer compared to close to a trillion and counting on the current meltdown and that doesn't even wink a sphincter at the cost of the eye-rak war and there's your republican fiscal responsibility i guess we'll have to shut down some more schools and hospitals and clinics to save money and where i was really going was to the Coke Years, before cocaine ever became a problem for anybody and before the war on drugs made it so difficult to get cocaine unless you were in a prison or in a grade school and of course the war on drugs's made cocaine rilly rilly expensive so no one can afford it now i mean who afford twenty bucks a gram but back then there was lots of it and lots of people dabbled at dealing it so they'd get some and generally it'd be pretty good and then they'd dip into it a little ha ha plus they figured they could stretch it out a little ha ha so they'd have more to sell and even though it wouldn't be as good they'd make more money god they were all little fucking republicans weren't they so they got extenders things like mannitol the notorious baby laxative and everyone'd say that's why you want to poop when you take that first snort no that's not why it's because cocaine is a central nervous system stimulant and one of the first results is that the autonomic nervous system goes zero to sixty in 1.2 seconds and that includes peristalsis which jams your poops into overdrive and then outsources them and we're not even counting the reuptake cycle of serotonin and then there was inositol the corn starch derivative those shiny little spicules you'd have to grind 'em up because they'd lacerate the shit out of your nasal mucosa and before you knew it you'd have a kilo of talcum powder and ground glass and poodle dandruff without an atom of columbian instant breakfast or peruvian marching powder no nose nike anywhere but you'd still have to sell it because when it got into kilos it got serious and it wasn't funny any more and suddenly people had guns if only we'd had our good friend uncle sam he'd've said, why .... give me your tired your hungry your poor; let me take that kilo of crap'n'duff off your hands and i'll find a buyer for it somewhere out there there's some visionary that wants this stuff here that's what's being proposed now we're going to buy all the paper that no self respecting canary'd crap on and our kindly government'll see to its toxic disposal like maybe they can take it out to nevada and bury it all under harry reid maybe then he'd be good for something that toothless nattering old fuck and i guess what i'm saying is i don't do coke but if i did i sure wouldn't want to buy a kilo of inositol why would anyone buy devalued paper as an investment so it seems to me that we're being set up for another fucking, plucking, sucking and fleecing, and it's so blatant i think i'm going to poop now pooty can you clear me a space on the straw right here and ......
wouldn't it be nice if we could stimulate the economy as quickly and easily as hoovering up a huge rail?
jeez, i don't know ... it's not like i want to toot my own horn or anything beep beep honk honk but somehow i managed to figure out that there weren't any wmd's in iraq; somehow i could tell that we shouldn'ta oughtta embark on a unilateral illegal immoral invasion of a sovereign nation that'd never posed us any harm; somehow i knew that everything bush stood for or did was malignant and i'm thinking that america's been living in fear for over sixty years; are we ever going to get tired of it? if the goal of terrorists is to create terror, then the lords of wall street are right up there with osama: "if you don't give me lots and lots of money then your whole house of cards is going to come crashing down and your big screen hdtv is going to be reposessed," and the sad and sorry truth is there's no shortage of cause for anxiety, alarm and concern, what with businesses going out of business and people losing their jobs and our politicians are still not missing an opportunity to fuck with unions that might help a working stiff just a little .... focusing on "bonuses" makes for good press; politicians and the public can thrash around in a twelve-step meeting feeling-share-fest: "oooooo i'm so angry ..... eeeeee ..... do you see how angry i am? now .... watch me get really angry" but focusing on the bonuses misses the point completely, and that is these gents own our government, our government was and is complicit in promoting a culture of avarice, an ethos of greed, and a system that rewards sociopathy ..... i'm not saying that my propensity for absolutist self-righteous thinking always stands me in good stead, as evidenced by the absolute lack of current sales of "going home;" my degrees aren't in economics, but i don't need a ph.d. in economics to know that we need to nationalize the banks, clean house of all the folks involved in creating this shitpile--don't tell me there aren't any other people around smart enough to do the job; maybe we should outsource it to india ho ho ho--and .....
your call is very important to us; please stay on the line while we drink caffeine rich beverages and toss a frisbee around the office while we listen to and laugh at your shrieking in an impotent frenzy and infantile rage ....
next: dr. pooty goes to india
Posted by DrKanga at 8:19 PM | Comments (1)
anniversaries are important and today's an anniverary that is really important although it seems to be slipping away unnoticed, what with all the enthusiasm americans are now showing for high finance, the level playing field of the free market, and the invisible hand of the free market, which is jammed so far up the american collective anus that two of its fingers are coming out america's collective noseholes .... six years since the united states undertook its illegal, immoral, unilateral invasion of a sovereign nation that posed no threat whatsoever that, furthermore, used to be a favored nation, one to whom we sold jet fighters; tanks; cluster bombs, and the wherewithal for making .... weapons of mass destruction .... yes, iraq was part of america's grand tradition of supporting autocratic repressive psycopathic dictators around the world in protection of our "national interest"--which generally seemed to be connected to corporate profits and "regional stability," which generally seemed to be connected to corporate profits--which might also have meant preventing someone else from accessing somebody else's natural resources ....
six years later, it hardly matters; iraq isn't an issue, afghanistan is peripheral although i doubt that it will be for long; pakistan? well, who cares what the taliban is doing, or where osama bin laden is, when we've got terrorists of our own to deal with, and i'm talking about the folks at AIG ..... dick cheney is harrooomphing and phumphing and going on quail hunts saying that we're less safe from terrorists now than we were under his reign, and this time he's right: we've got corporate bankers threatening to destroy the system if we don't give them more money .....
rust never sleeps and extortion never stops .....
so why all of a sudden is their this .... mmmmm ..... "populist" turmoil? what's happened to us? are the sheep looking up? losing their sense of humor? along with their jobs and their houses? did their tv's get disconnected? seriously, now; i haven't been writing because, well .... i'd like to write something different each time but i'm overwhelmed by the sameness of our bleak lunar political landscape, which goes something like this:
monday .... hey! did you notice that we're being fucked?
tuesday .... wow! we're being fucked ....
wednesday .... boy, are we being fucked and gosh, how fucked we are ....
thursday ... have they finished fucking us yet?
friday ... nope; still bangin' away .... have a GREAT weekend!
saturday .... no rest for the wicked ....
sunday .... hemorrhoids are no deterrent for our political process ...
monday .... etc. etc. etc. etc. ......
i guess i don't really understand the outrage that AIG's "retention packages" are causing; 170 million is a penny on the dollar when factored against the .... mmmmm ..... how many billions have we given them? somewhere last week--and i can't remember which fearless purveyor of "news" it was that brought it to our attention--i read that americans are no longer perceiving corporations as having their best interests at heart ..... did you hear me shrieking? i'm not surprised that you didn't; i hardly have the energy to shatter glass and etch crystal these days ..... oooooo ..... americans are a quick study, all right; let's see .... they've tolerated over three decades of rectal plunder by the oil companies; they stood by, grazing and bleating placidly, while the very banks they're now shovelling more money to rewrote the bankruptcy rules so that americans couldn't get out from underneath the burden of the credit cards they were bombarded with; they slept through the no-bid contracts in iraq torture kidnapping eight billion dollars cash on pallets somehow misplaced ha ha we're at what fourthousandtwohundredtwentyfive troops dead over one million iraqis yawn i can't even go off on the vapidity with which they've contemplated how the pharmaceutical industry's fobbed toxins off on them while sidestepping any liability, aided and abetted by the FDA; as for the food we eat, or the water we drink, it's all poisoned by the corporate feces of greed, and don't tell me that monsanto, archer daniels midland, or conagra are going to go sustainable and "organic" and what was that "splash" was that the last polar bear dropping into the boiling seas?
i like my polar bear rare; pull him out quick, please .....
and now joe america is pissed off because wall street's best and brightest are getting a bonus and joe's getting a bone-ass .....
i guess another reason i find it so difficult to write is that it feels like i'd be filling out a report card for barack obama: afghanistan--F+; stem cell research--A-; iraq--D+; torture--C .... it feels like i get a snippet that perks me up and i go "gosh that's really great fuck you bush eat your heart out you republican fucks" and then the bottom drops out of my world and my heart sinks and i think fuck barack, i don't think your afghanistan planistan's going to work out and it just feels gamey and sniffy and it feels like i'm writing for the new york times and i'd rather eat my flesh than become a corporate journalist even though their numbers are dwindling dwindling dwindling why there's no money to be made in reporting the news except about jen she's always worth writing about and bristol palin's break-up boy there's a surprise i never saw that coming down the pike did you i'm just sitting here shaking my head thinking over six years ago we were marching in the streets ha ha like we thought it'd do any good but we did it anyway and "the media" 'misunderestimated' the number of people in san francisco new york chicago los angeles paris london rome madrid and "the media" got all excited about "shock and awe" and got stiffies about how spiffy a unilateral illegal immoral invasion'd look on television and they could sell lots of air time they sold lots and lots of hummers with little "support our troops" decals and then they started to go "oooooo ...... where are the weapons of ass distruction they're not under george booshie's desk ha ha isn't that funny?" and i could've told 'em that and so could you but they never asked me did they did they ask you and now they're going "oooooooooo ...... do you think that there's a lot of greedy little fuckers runnin' around and don't you think it'd have been just a skosh better if all the regulations and oversights hadn't been so assiduously dismantled by all the eager little termites and fuckelves in congress and the senate who had their lips firmly affixed to the fetid crank of corporate america" and i could've told them that and i don't even have a degree in economics how about you but they didn't ask you either did they and don't even get me started on the coleman/franken debacle in minnesota we still don't do elections in the land of the free and .....
i don't know what it's like where you are but it felt like spring today, the air feeling soft and velvety and i wanted to rip off my clothes and roll on my back juggling stars with my paws but it's not safe to do that in my yard i haven't even pruned out my roses yet and they're long overdue .... tulips are up, the orange tree i planted five years ago is finally bearing fruit; i see one or two glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice on it ..... mmmmm mmmmm mmmmmmm; organic free range oranges; think i'll have monsanto genetically modify it so that the oranges come mixed with ethanol ...... then i can put a tiger in my tank ......
next: dr. pete braids pootie's mane
Posted by DrKanga at 9:18 PM | Comments (0)
oh, dear diary: what a week we've had! we have word of the destruction of 92 [more] cia tapes documenting cia torture ..... ooooo .... the cia dog ate the cia homework! bad doggie! bad doggie!
we have cheney admitting to having knowledge of and advocating "techniques" the civilized world has acknowledged to be torture for centuries, "techniques" that led to the prosecution and execution of japanese combatants, by the united states, for war crimes after world war II ....
not surprising that there's "debate" over whether there should be criminal prosecution for such blatant violations of international laws: republicans would like to torture and kill whoever they want with no blowback whatsoever but ..... this isn't simply a question of hunting down and killing the scum that subverted the ideals of the united states, although that's not a bad idea, neither can we dismiss the movement towards investigation and prosecution as a "partisan witch hunt," one that should not be considered because "we need to move forward, not look back ...." republicans continue to perseverate over semen soaked satin from the clinton era which, by my rudimentary math, was over ten years ago--while cheney's appearance on ABC's World News was broadcast Dec. 15, 2008 ......
jesus ... i don't know ..... i mean, i know how completely superficial our "media" is; if seeing headlines like "octuplets mom! no sex for eight years!" "her problems with men!" at the supermarket checkout aisle doesn't give you a clue, i don't know what does ... but the new york times? the new york times? i never realized what an impact michelle obama was having on the republican psyche: oooooooo, an intelligent woman ..... eeeeeeee ..... a dark-complected woman ...... aaaaaaaaa ..... a physically fit woman ...... maureen dowd's (MoDo the DoDo) got a whole front page column dedicated to michelle obama's bare arms, and david brooks, another highly paid new york times front page "columnist" says he's tired of "thunder and lightning" by which i guess means her arms and he's probably thinking to himself oooooo she's got a dark p*ssy a m*sky m*ffin nnnnnnnnn i'll bet he want some strong woman to tie him up whip him because he's been so naughty and ..... and ...... and fucking god did you hear me shrieking before i threw my fucking computer out the window what the fuck is wrong with us what's it like to be such a fucking asshole i wish i knew i can't imagine what it's like getting paid lots and lots and lots of money to be a complete dithering twit isn't there anything worth thinking about other than how buffed michelle obama is i mean i know laura bush was the physical and mental pillsbury dough-bunny and xanax poster girl and i don't have a tv but i still know that there was another well organized killing by pakistani fundamentalists who shot at the sri lankan cricket team folks that's really serious cricket is a sacred cow over there threatening players is like peeing in the baptismal font in st. peter's cathedral in the vatican seeing a turd bobbing on the surface just before you genuflect and obama's now getting ready to cut a deal with the taliban which means he wants to put them on the payroll .... again ..... because they were on our payroll back when the russians were in afghanistan so we might as well pay 'em not to fuck with us we've certainly had no luck hunting them down they just get stronger and stronger big opium crop you know and what happens when we run out of money and can't pay 'em there'll come a time when we can't cut funding to any more schools hospitals police are we going to give them a pink slip saying sorry guys you'd better look for some other form of employment find someone else to kill'em sure that'll go over really well and here's the deal .....
i know it'll come as a great shock to you but maybe, just maybe, our really good friend pakistan, maybe they're not our Best Friends Forever, even though we dumped over fifty billion dollars into the pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence Directorate (ISI), the guys that channeled a lot of that money on to al quaeda and the taliban, and now they've let a.q. khan out of his house you know the Father of the Pakistani Atomic Bomb the guy who was selling nuke technology to anyone and everyone with the cost of a frappucino in their pocket sure he was under house arrest for a while but the pakis would never let the cia or the fbi talk to him maybe they didn't want him waterboarded so there we have our good friends with fleets of f-16s we've sold 'em and nukular weppons and more religious fanatics than you'll have to help me with a simile here i'm too tired to come up with anything better than a republican prayer meeting but you know what i'm driving at and gosh guys i don't know but maybe just maybe the bush administration's lack of any coherent policy other than just throwing gobs of money at repressive military regimes around the world that were clearly not "democracies" that showed no inclination of ever being a "democracy" that just haphazardly stroked our military dick and said "ooooo daddy it's so big now give me more money" that were subsidizing our avowed enemies not that we were very interested in finding people like osama bin laden certainly the pakistani intelligence didn't need to find him they knew right where he was they delivered pizzas to his front door all because bush pursued simplistic policies that put torturing prisoners above the need for nation building and dealing with the enemies of the united states and believe me we do have enemies and ......
if that's all bush and cheney and all those shitheads wanted to do wouldn't it have been cheaper and easier to just bring 'em animals from the shelter they could torture kitties set fire to dogs pull the whiskers off of puppies incinerate kittens eviscerate hamsters here's your gerbil you scumbag fuck you know where you can put this one .....
jeeeziz ..... michelle obama's got bare arms ..... please ..... someone help me ......
america's always been racist and classist, but there are resentments against classes and stratae that i never dreamed of: what does "equality" mean these days? that we're all fat, stupid, incompetent and resentful? .... there's a move afoot to put a bike path through a hill that abuts my house .... let me be really candid here: i'm vehemently opposed to it, and i'll tell you why: i don't want any more shitheads near my house than i already have .... seriously: i've actually had people crawl through a quarter mile of thick brush and poison oak; haul themselves over my very high lower fence; climb up through my lower yard; rap on my back door and say "we're lost .... can we use your bathroom and walk on through?"
so i went to a meeting about bike paths last week, and i learned that people who want to ride bicycles on bike paths in marin county need bike paths because they don't want to bicycle over hills because, well .... it's just too hard .... and they don't want the bike path to go near any intersections because, well .... it's so difficult to stop a bike or make a turn ..... but it's all okay because putting this bike path through the mountain even though we don't know if it's feasible the southern pacific tunnel that goes under the little mountain's been shut down and filled up and decaying for twenty years just the feasibility studies alone run a couple three mil a conservative estimate to actually do something'd be around eighty mil but it's okay because it'll reduce the carbon footprint and people'll get out of their cars and they'll all go shopping on their bikes i'm not making this up and the skies will be filled with magic rainbows and we'll all be green and pooty the wonder pony'll walk up to you and you can give him a lump of sugar and braid his mane and then i learned that these whining snivelling little maggots really hate people who actually ride bikes because they're "really athletic and really fit and they can go up hills it's no problem for them and then they come bombing down because they're all thrill seekers and adrenaline addicts" and i thought i'd died and gone to a confabulation of the stepford wives sucking off the pod people and i said you know the problem with god is, she just made a lot of hills when she made marin county wouldn't it be easier if we just bulldozed everything? and what i didn't say was god fucked up when she made all of you so stupid and fat and intolerant and entitled and really fucking ugly too and everyone smiled at me and said yes, you sure got that right and then i went outside and puked duodenal blood up into the bushes .....
so ..... let's get back to this torture thing, the thing we do so well .... it's glib and it's facile, just saying that the beast within us all lies beneath a thin quivering veneer of civilization; i'll bitch slap the next fool who dismisses torture as "it's a post-9/11 world," or who says "stringent times demand harsh measures ...." don't tell me that beating people to death or smearing menstrual blood on a koran's "kept us safe;" au contraire, mes amis: it's pissed off a lot of people, they're well armed, and they've got a bone to pick .... americans aren't an introspective bunch, but we'd better learn how, and we'd better learn it really fast .... over sixty years after the end of the second world war the german newspaper, der spiegel, regularly runs articles on the third reich; they're not forgetting, they're still looking for lessons ..... i think there's some lessons we can learn; an important lesson for americans to learn is that there is such a thing as "the rule of law" and that "having a bad hair day" doesn't excuse barbarism, torture, or mass murder .....
next: dr. pete rides pooty the wonder pony
Posted by DrKanga at 10:13 AM
we went to see "slumdog millionaire" on oscar night; it was a good night to see it--between heavy rains and it being oscar night there wasn't anyone in the theater, and we actually parked right out in front of the theater .... i don't get out much these days, so i was .... well, not surprised but ..... taken aback by the assaultive nature of what we were subjected to before slumdog started: advertisements, commercials, promos, played at top fucking volume; i know, this is america, a nation of whores, where every inch of space has to be smeared with some corporation's logo feces, where there are now fucking tv screens on top of gas pumps that tout high calory high fat predominantly synthetic snack foods to bovine america while pushing big! quality! autos from detroit that get 17 mpg! highway! even as Big Oil bends you over and pumps bucks out of your butt but this .... this was aural rape, a massive headfucking of a captive audience, an interminable and unavoidable shrieking, shrilling, importuning, yelling and ..... i'm no stranger to volume; god knows i spent my time in front of big amps, when it was a badge of honor to learn how to lipread, when the success of a performance was gauged by how much blood came from the ears of the folks in the front but ....
when did volume, subsonic frequencies, and the sound of explosions become a substitute for emotion and meaning?
ha ha .... silly question; don't bother taking it seriously ....
fortunately, america's advertisers take americans seriously, and here's what they were pushing ..... shampoo, for starters; then we got into a dazzling array of upcoming motion pictures premiering on television, and all of them seemed to be about 1) barely post-pubescent "rock" musicians or 2) comic book superhero characters with superpowers and spandex costumes ..... jeez, i had all the marvel comics from back in the sixties on, but you didn't have to put in earplugs to read them ..... boy, i sure love going to the movies so i can find out what's coming up on television, and i resonate wildly to teenage heartbreak and, as for evil mutant comic characters who hate humanity and want to destroy the world, i've been following republicans for years, so do i need to see this shit at 145 decibels?....
anyway, we liked slumdog; i grew up in pakistan and boy, did i feel right at home here .... have you seen it yet? there's a sequence where you get to see lots of young beggars; when i saw how many of them were missing limbs i knew right away what was coming; why, doesn't everyone know that kids get their arms and legs broken because crippled beggars make more money? it was part of my education as a seven-year-old in karachi, pakistan .... and later in life, too: it's a guild, kind of like the internships i had to do on the way to becoming a psychologist, mutilating, degrading, and scrambling for spare change .... ha ha .....
well, it was kind of synchronous, seeing slumdog millionaire last night and reading the "news" the last week, with the dow index now down over fifty percent in one year ..... you've got a choice: you can go to the movies and watch slumdog millionaire, or you can stay home and read about all the scumbag millionaires you're forking your hard-earned tax dollars over to, those fucking beggars .... oh, they're fucking beggars, all right, and their begging is predicated on mutilation but never think that they'd mutilate themselves ... instead they've mutilated the economy, and they're threatening further mutilation unless they get more money: eeeeee, we're too big to fail! oooooooo, how can we attract top talent unless we drop millions and millions of dollars on them? aaaaaaaaaa, sucka! if we go down we're taking everyone with us ......
clearly, they've spent their money wisely and well, judging by how well their businesses are doing, so i'm thinking we oughtta give 'em what they want .... it's not just that they're extortionate threatening cocksuckers: doesn't it strike you as ... mmmm ..... odd? that the people in charge of forking the swag over to citibank used to work for citibank?
oh, life's little ironies!
speaking of movies, here's my current favorite: wall-e, another oscar winner, especially the first thirty-five minutes .... i watch it over and over and over i really do .... it just keeps me endlessly entertained, and i think it telling that its non-verbal machines are more complex, compelling, and attractive than the 'human' characters that are introduced after thirty-six minutes .... but what really gets me is that wall-e has a christian theme ..... you didn't know that? neither did i, but i just read it somewhere and immediately repressed the knowledge of where; it must have been the front page of the new york times ..... really, i didn't know that these robots had accepted jesus as their personal savior, while their selflessness is one of the christian virtues .... NOT! it's the same rationale that has n[auseatingly] p[uerile] r[adio] repeatedly giving air time to those who would expatiate shrilly about their wonderous faith--haven't they ever heard that pride's a sin?--or air time to republicans who need to say how they wish our president to fail, how they want our country to crash into oblivion, how turr'ble it's gonna be when we soshalize the banks, and this helpin' peeple stay in their homes ain't fiscally responsible--like funding illegal immoral unilateral invasions of sovereign nations; maintaining occupying forces around the world, and funding a preposterous "defense" budget is ..... i guess the best way to "balance the books" is to shut down schools and hospitals; 'member now, edjimacation and health care is fiscally irresponsible and ...... aren't there any democrats who have comments? well ..... i know there aren't any democrats who have a spine, but surely we could find a socialist or progressive who could indict the failures of forty years of republican voodoo economics ..... shouldn't we establish--once and for all--the total failure of republican economic theories as an historical fact? rather than devote more time a 'battle of the books' between the bible and "the origin of species?" anyway, i envy people who can find affirmations of their faith wherever they look, be it a cheeseburger, the mold on a stale piece of bread, or the abstract diarrhetic splatter on a porcelain bowl: honey, come look! it's jee-ziz face! it's our lord and saviour!
actually our current economic crisis is a christian theme park .... didn't know that? here's how it works: see, when the world's economy collapses one of the benefits will be that people can no longer afford food .... or water ..... starving people will get edgy; there will be riots, chaos and anarchy will ensue, nations will go to war over mcdonald's franchises, untold numbers will die and .... and this will hasten the rapture .....
i shouldn't have to explain this to you ....
speaking of religion--and hastening armageddon--over one hundred and fifty years after emancipation the residents of washington d.c. are set ... .maybe ... to get a vote ..... there's a trade-off, of course; republicans want d.c.'s citizens to be able to carry semi-automatic weapons on their way to the polls, the bargaining chip being that "we'll give 'em the vote if we can sell 'em the guns ...." i don't know; i thought that d.c.'s citizens were already better armed than the national guard and that d.c. was the murder capitol of the united states as well as being our capitol city, but ..... subtlety has never been america's strong point, and overkill is a way of life .....
next: dr. pete reads the bible to a galapagos tortoise
Posted by DrKanga at 9:48 AM
some days are better than others, and some weeks just suck rocks .... let me tell you about the last one: it not only sucked rocks, it gargled them, rolling them over and over, before spitting them out in a fine white powder .... mid-week last week my back was killing me to the point i couldn't sleep all night but ... ha ha ... that doesn't mean i get to rest through the day: i drive the boys to and from school, and kalevi was .... mmmmm ..... being vociferously tempermental, coming and going ..... it was all wearing and distracting, to the point that i got ticketed, for rolling a stop sign, four doors down from my house .....
i wondered if i should have the boys start going through the sounds of barnyard animals: boys, what sound does a horse make? and a cow? now, boys; what sound do pigs make? "do you know why i pulled you over?"
the answer is obviously "because you're on a fund drive and you could be pulling over all the shoppers on their cell phones, but no .... you have to be fucking with me when i've lived here for thirty fucking years and yada yada yada yada yada .... i didn't go into my song and dance because i was too tired but also because i've seen too many trophy wives in big cards pulled over of late, instead of the usual collection of the brown complected in old toyotas piled high with yard implements, plus we've been teaching the boys that police are their friends and what to say to them if they're ever lost .... so .... i really had no right to complain but .....
i thought i'd try it anyway ....
hey, ossifer, is said; i wanna be like all those politicians; you know, the ones that fuck up but then get to walk when they apologize, when they say with all the heartfelt sincerity they can muster how sorry they are ..... david vitter, republican of louisiana, comes to mind: an active participant in his local conservative church--and a conservative politican--he asked god and his wife for forgiveness: "please forgive me for payin' hooo-ers ta whup me an' make me lick their boots 'n' snoff their panties 'n' other body parts my wife won't do that with me i shore am sorry" and then of course there's daschle gosh darn it all honey do you know where my keys are and oh, here's one hundred and forty-five thousand dollars i'd set aside for taxes but just slipped my mind i didn't pay those taxes i sure am sorry" and then of course timothy geithner just the person i want overseeing my hard-earned tax dollars i can understand how someone who's worked for the international monetary fund and was head of citibank could just not know tax regulations and miss out on paying taxes to the irs it's an honest mistake and he said he's sorry so it's okay and so i said to the police i'm really sorry now how about getting on your fucking way i want to go home and take a nap and ....
what do you think happened?
i wonder if, say, some inner city dark-complected youth, caught with a little wacky terbacky on him, and facing double life for drug trafficking, said "i'm sorry .... my bad ...." what do you think would happen?
if we're going down the "i'm sorry" highway, there's something i'd like to hear ... what i'd like to hear is the republicans apologizing for being scumsucking obstructionist corpse fuckers: "we're sorry we're duplicitous evil fucks .... we're sorry the only ideas we have are to continue sabotaging our country in every way possible .... we're sorry we're traitors who want our wartime president to fail in a time of war .... we're sorry we hold the american people in utter contempt, loathing and disdain .... we're sorry we've sanctioned mass murder and genocide .... we're sorry we promulgated the mass looting of the world's resources ..... we're sorry we've obstructed all attempts to address global climate change, something that threatens each and every one of us on god's planet earth and ..... we torture puppies, too, but we've got to cling to something, okay? so lock up your dogs at night, bitch"
boy, do we have priorities, or what? let's give citibank another forty billion dollars because they need to pay bonuses to the sociopaths that institutionalized fiscal sodomy, but let's all vote against funding education in the "economic stimulus" package .... yessirree bob, that one hundred and fifty mil would be misspent if it taught our darker complected and less fortunate how to read or write ..... know why?
because educated people'd be less likely to join the army as the only way to make a living: cannon fodder for continued imperialist aggression ..... oooops! ..... i meant to say, safeguarding our national interests with unilateral invasions of oil producing regions ......
speaking of priorities, here's what ours look like .... go ahead, check it out:
http://www.ruthgroup.org/2009/02/12/not-my-priorities
i don't know what i can add to this ..... oh; while you're there, click on http://notmypriorities.org/sources and watch the little film with ben and his b.b.'s .....it's a hoot, it's a real hoot ......
it's possible that the first month of the obama presidency has really been carefully and strategically crafted to cement his position by "reaching out across the aisle" only to have "the hand of friendship" spurned and rejected by "crass craven cowardly evil satanic cocksucking monsters who pose and posture as 'patriots'" who advocate "fiscal responsibility" excuse me while i spew blood across the parquetry take another look at the link above there's your fiscal responsibility and now that they've been shown to be evil cretinous kobolds maybe he can pursue his agenda without having to pander to them any more but i don't know and it's raining outside nice that we've actually and finally got winter here in california but it's raining too hard for me to go out and bike the trails'd be all greasy i don't mind mud riding it's a legitimate excuse to wallow but i've had a chest cold for too long and it means the boys are inside and i've run out of kibble so's i can't lock them up in the garage and ....
next: dr. pete goes to starbucks
Posted by DrKanga at 12:07 PM
i wrote this two weeks ago but didn't have the heart to publish; my depression just couldn't keep up with the day-to-day realities of our brave new world, so i thought i'd just bide my time and bite my tongue in the hopes that the sun would rise, redder and rosier and more resplendent than ever .... but it didn't and and it wasn't going to and i was going to hang it all up until a friend abjured me to write because--and for the life of me i can't understand why; she's otherwise quite intelligent--she thought i had something to say which i always have something to say even though it's mostly nonsensical but i'll heed her call and i'll print this and then i'll go on and write something else in the hopes that it'll be good even though it never has been before so here's what didn't get printed two weeks ago and it's bitter late than never .....
oh dear diary! so much has happened that i just don't know where to start! why, we have a new president! and he can speak english! maybe we haven't stopped torturing all the taxi drivers and goatherds we kidnapped, but the american people are no longer subjected to having their ears tortured by some cretinous retard choking on his tongue ..... i didn't watch the entire inaugural pageant, but i did get to watch the swearing in part; you know me--reluctant to jump on the joy bandwagon but ..... i was moved by close-ups of tears running down black faces, but then .... america's always given black people lots to cry about .... it's not so much that i see the glass as half empty rather than half full; it's that i think some republican's used his tiny ulcerated dick as a swizzle stick, but still--it's clear that a sea change has occurred, and i hope it keeps occurring ....
other areas are more entrenched and intransigent; speaking of tiny shrivelled dicks and cankerous assholes, republicans are like crab lice: a constant irritant, hard to get ride of .... a recent new york times article states that:
"Republicans plan to test President Barack Obama’s commitment to bipartisanship as his $825 billion stimulus package heads to the floor of the House of Representatives this week, with the House Republican leader saying Sunday morning that many in his party will vote no unless there are significant changes to the plan.
“Right now, given the concerns that we have over the size of this package and all of the spending in this package, we don’t think it’s going to work,” the House Minority Leader John A. Boehner, Republican of Ohio, said on NBC’s “Meet the Press.” “And so if it’s the plan that I see today, put me down in the no column.”
Senator McCain, who lost the presidential election to Mr. Obama in November, said that he planned to vote no unless the bill were changed.
“We need to make tax cuts permanent, and we need to make a commitment that there’ll be no new taxes,” Mr. McCain said. “We need to cut payroll taxes. We need to cut business taxes.”"
language is so critical to shaping thought and opinion, wouldn't you say? and i say that even though we had a figurehead in office who'd choke on his tongue while formulating the most rudimentary sentences, cognitive statements my four-year-olds would sail through, the new york times perpetuates mis- and dis-information with their "obama's commitment to bipartisanship ...." excuse me, but what does bipartisanship mean these days? we've had eight years in which bipartisanship consisted of democrats rolling over and fawning at the republicans' feet; is that what constitutes bipartisanship? it seems like it's only bipartisan when the democrats go along with republicans, whereas republicans? still cretinous, still retarded, still mouthing the same, tired old aphorisms, pushing concepts that have been utterly discredited by history, by fact, and by intelligent people, and yet the new york times doesn't comment that john mccain--who lost the election--continues the blathering cant and tired rhetoric of permanent tax cuts, something that's almost as old and as useless and as idiotic as he is, something that our current economic depression puts the lie to, drivel that needs to be repudiated and ... and .... and ....
how many times can a body say, fuck you, you fucking assholes; you lost the election; you couldn't steal this one, now you're the dog, here's the bone, crawl on the fucking floor and SUCK MY FUCKING BONE!
i'[m sorry, mrs. butterworth; that just slipped out .... i don't know where it came from and YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES THE AMERICAN PEOPLE VOTED YOU OUT BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU SUCK SATAN'S COCK AND HAVE DEFECATED IN THE FUCKING MOUTH OF BEAUTY AND .... oh my GOD! .... it happened AGAIN!
honey, have you seen my meds?
buy-partisan, my fucking ass .... i'm sick of hearing it and i'm sick of it being held out as something that democrats must do to keep republicans happy or jesus won't come back and attend the easter egg hunt and egg rolling competition on the white house lawn or something and ..... there's something else that grabbed my attention in the new york times, and that was bob woodward telling barack obama the ten lessons he should learn from the bush presidency, based on .... ha ha .... mistakes bush made .....
could you hear me shrieking? only ten? ONLY TEN? woodward, you're such a fucking asshole; i remember when woodward had credibility, but then ... i remember when the press had credibility, too .... weren't we just speaking of fawning dogs? oh, the press had a good old time, trashing democrats and sucking up to republicans; they trashed kerry, they trashed edwards, they sniped at bill and hillary, but bush got a free pass until ... until .... until the end of his tenure and suddenly everyone jumped on the "hey he wasn't such a great guy after all and he made some mistakes like katrina and did you know that there weren't any weapons of mass destruction in iraq even though we were assured there were and the war over there isn't going all that great but we don't want to mention over four thousand americans dead let alone a million iraqis or the four million refugees or the trillion dollars that went down the shithole into the pockets of corporations that contributed to the rnc" bandwagon .....
jesus; what's it like to be such a shameless butt-licking asshole? i simply can't imagine ....
ain't america great? you can be a slobbering mongoloid who couldn't engage in rudimentary rectal hygiene with a belt sander and a firehose, but you'll keep your job on the editorial panel of the new york times or washington post; you'll have a sinecure as a tv factotum; people who are just as stupid as you are will continue printing your comments so you can encourage stupidity in a readership, and i pity the fool who would gainsay or deny any of this ..... what about you? me, i sure want to listen to people who have consistently been proven wrong; i'm sure they're budget mavens, judging by what they've done to the country; i'm sure they have all our best interests at heart and will improve our quality of life just like they've done for the iraqi people and the afghan people and those fine folk down in n'orleens these are the folks i want to listen to because they've done so good with everything and why doesn't the new york times run a headline like "REPUBLICANS SUCK ASS" or "THE RIGHT IS ALWAYS WRONG" or "JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
in the meantime, i'm not holding my breath; it's nice that we have a different face in the white house but i'm concerned; i'm concerned that obama's been the palimpsest upon which we've all projected our dreams and that in no time at all we'll be back at the same old silliness, things like sending lots of troops to afghanistan; cutting business taxes, defunding education .... i guess i'm hoping that the obama nation doesn't become ....
an abomination ....
next: dr. pete gets pinkeye
Posted by DrKanga at 1:38 PM | Comments (1)
oh, dear diary! it's been such a long time that i scarcely know where to begin so's we can catch up! well .... let's see:
the boys were very excited about christmas ... and hanukkah .... and their birthday, which is three days before christmas; they may not be fully appreciative of the more spiritual aspects of the holiday season--for that matter, i'm not sure that anyone is, but .... i took out a new sub-prime mortgage on the house i've owned for years just so's i could get 'em the presents they were clamoring for; they didn't clamor for anything specific, there was just a lot of clamor, and the clamoring was for presents, period .... they're very bright boys and they've integrated the basic tenet of life in america, which is: "GIMME .... I WAN' IT ..... GIMME GIMME GIMME! WAN'IT WAN'IT WAN'IT!!!! .......GIMME MORE! GIMME MORE! GIMME EVERYTHING! NOW!"
it's distressing that they've become so american; my god, greed was running rampant at home and then i'd read the "news:" ..... wall street; bail-outs; madoff; bail-outs; detroit: greed running rampant on an olympian scale by americans who are infantile in their egocentricity and solipsism and narcissism and greed and sociopathy and who and want more more and more and more and we may well be reaching the point where there isn't any "more" to go around, but then .... maybe there never was, not with the hoarding at the top .... our institutions, our banks, our corporations are paragons of greed and ineptitude and infantile whining and hoarding--the .... ha ha .... excuse me .... ha ha .... "economic bailout" ..... ha ha .... is no exception, a greedfest at the trough of public money gone private, money gained and hoarded by institutions whose application form for getting largesse--and i'm not making this up--was two pages long and don't you wish you could buy a car or a house with a two page application? ..... getting a couple billion dollars gets done in an application process that parallels the inanity of the seventy-five questions asked of sarah palin to determine her suitability for the government she'd have been an aging man's heartbeat away from leading ..... those question must have included "does this shoe go on the right foot? or the left foot?" "do you want to shop at barney's? or neiman marcus? or both?" and "john's just fallen down and is making choking sounds! do you administer cpr? dial 911? or both?" (the correct answer was "no") ......
i have to keep reminding my wife and myself that the boys are still at an age where they're just as happy playing with the boxes things come in as they are playing with the things themselves; in fact, they didn't want to play with anything that they'd just yanked out of wrapping paper: they just wanted to shred more paper and rip open more boxes ..... the process of getting christmas presents for them wasn't finite; it was a process that didn't want to be over ..... why, my boys at christmas were kind of like our "wars" in iraq and afghanistan, a process without the possibility of a finite ending; wars, especially such spurious ones as we've undertaken, are not like football games where the clock stops and you look at the scoreboard and there's a winner and there's a loser and then everyone gets drunk in the parking lot or goes home; there isn't going to be a point where suddenly tinkerbell flies across the screen waving her magic wand, pixie dust drips slowly down the alabaster sky and ALAKAZAM! suddenly no more cars are exploding and everyone's got running water and there's electricity on around the clock and there are medications in the hospitals and all the troops are home and they have jobs and their marriages are intact and no one has PTSD and there's a new and vital industry that turns depleted uranium into bikini briefs and cut-out brassieres .....
then again, i don't see much in the "news" these days about afghanimastan or eye-rak .....
in fact i don't see much difference between this, the new year, and the old one; we ended the old year with israel blockading the palestinians and started the new year with the israelis invading and bombing the palestinians .... when israel first blockaded gaza, shutting off food and medical supplies, the first thing i thought was "warsaw .... warsaw ghetto ...." that was what--four weeks ago? and it's been an exponential escalation since then .... today's playoff score was .... mmmmm ...... 900 palestinians dead to 14 israelis, four of whom were snuffed out in a friendly fire incident .... that's a pretty good ratio, wouldn't you say? fourteen to .... well, let me back up here a moment: ten into 900 comes out to ninety palestinians for every israeli soldier, and all the women and children that were killed in schools were really terrorists in drag ....
this kind of math is so reminiscent of--and it's like vomiting up my gall bladder to say this shit--the germans in warsaw--or any other place where one german soldier'd get whacked resulting in the extermination of an entire village .... the germans thought small; the israelis have learned to supersize: that's what associating with republicans'll do to you, you'll go for cities, you'll nail entire civilian population centers, and you know that these blockades, these unilateral invasions a la the bush doctrine, these assaults on civilians and united nations workers and hospitals oops so sorry our bad but our intentions are good we're humanitarian and just protecting our freedoms could never occur without tacit american involvement and approval, and the timing to coincide with the inaugaration of a new president is no accident .....
i just haven't had the heart to write anything of late; i'd start, put my head in my hands, and whimper softly before inserting my narcotic drip into the cubital artery .... first of all, you can about predict what i'm going to say, except that sometimes i use larger words than most people--as someone who's done postgraduate work i get to use words like "poo-poo head and ass-sniffing scumbags;" second of all, i wanted to see if santa was really going to bring me what i wanted for christmas: an indication that the rule of law would actually enter 1600 pennsylvania avenue, shining its bright light in musty dark corridors where only furtive creepy crawly things have skulked and slunk, where the ghastly ichor from tortured prisoners .... excuse me; i meant "terrorists from whom information was extracted using 'harsh techniques' that have ensured the safety of the american people from savage attacks so they could be ass-fucked and plundered by large corporations who then got billions of taxpayer dollars gifted to them because they fucked up but we don't want to look backwards we really need to look ahead so we're certainly not going to hold anyone there accountable" smears the walls like graffiti painted by psychotic homicidal republican vice-presidents and .....
no, really: torturing shepherds and taxi drivers has really been instrumental in keeping americans safe from being attacked by whack jobs carrying box cutters, neither have i seen pigs fly by my window, nor have elephants in pink tutus sashayed up and down the street in front of my house, so i'm thinking that the abrogation of our civil liberties and the defiling of the constituion have all been worthwhile ....
oh, santa; what i really wanted for christmas was an indication, any kind of hint, that president-elect obama'd actually institute proceedings, any kind of proceedings, that might hold at least one person from this "administration" accountable for ..... mmmmm ..... well, take your pick: torture; kidnapping; robbery; murder; buggery; sex with dogs; anal sex with sea cucumbers; soliciting policement in airport bathroom stalls; being a lying dickwad, poo-poo head, or ass-sniffing scumbag .....
i don't see it happening, and it really makes me ill ..... reading the "news" these days is like reading the menu at the international house of pancakes, what with all the waffling going on you know it's going to be about more of the same: the taxi drives in gitmo'll die of old age, we're not in bid'ness to go out of bid'ness; we're not in iraq to get out of iraq; in spite of all the rhetoric that stirred us up in "the run up to the election ...." only they're going light on the syrup because, let's face it, they'll be in office and i won't, and neither will you, so they don't have to sugar coat anything any more .....
meanwhile, the democratic party never fails to fail; they're going to prove how incredibly buy-partisan they are by attacking one another--funny how, like a savagely beaten dog, they'll roll on their back and expose their mangy bellies to any republican that comes along, but they'll turn savage when they attack one another: first it's burris as senator from illinois, then it's panetta as director of the cia .... ooooooo; panetta can't be head of the cia--he's got no intelligence experience ..... which makes me laugh because i haven't seen a whole lot of intelligence coming from anyone in the cia .... or the senate .... or ..... or ......
so it just gets hard to editorialize; i'd rather be playing music and telling you about it .... i'd rather be out sprinting up and bombing down steep hills in what is unseasonably gorgeous spring-like weather, and global climate change be damned--do you want to hear how beautiful it is, up on the mountain? bagging coastal views that stretch for miles and miles and miles? hucking three foot drops? skidding through turns? or ..... how about the new music i'm working on?
how about the old music that no one's buying?
next: dr. pete gets a job
Posted by DrKanga at 1:57 PM
as an end-of-the-year gift, how about i spare everyone, myself included, my perorations, divigations, indulgences, absurdities, non-sequiturs, and shrewd incisive commentaries to just thank everyone who actually seems to read these columns and, even more frightening, enjoy them ..... you know who you are ..... in lieu of all that, i wish each and every one a very
happy new year .....
next year: dr. pete will make sense
Posted by DrKanga at 2:30 PM | Comments (2)
i wish you the most wonderful Christmas
and
the most wonderfullest
New Year
xxxxxx
dr. pete
Posted by DrKanga at 6:09 PM | Comments (1)
franklin delano roosevelt was paralyzed from polio; it was a rare photograph that would show Roosevelt trying to walk—an image that the press, for reasons of tact, and the president, for reasons of strategy and pride, never drew attention to ..... the same does not hold true for today's press or bush, who is often shown trying to talk, and yet he has never spoken a truthful word or made any sense to any creature slightly smarter than a planarium .....
this christmas season bush might well mumble out "emission accomplished;" jerkoff that he is, he's whacked off all over america: the tiny spurt of his demon seed on everyone's pantleg is the true republican "trickle down" effect: forty million homeowners have lost their homes, and that doesn't even count the ones that hurricane katrina evicted way back when and i don't even think about them any more because who gives a thought to new orleans or the myriad displaced; i'm surprised that the republicans didn't blame the very existence of katrina on the poor people it devasted; they're certainly blaming the economic meltdown in the subprime pot on all those dirty vicious predatory homeowners who took out those low interest mortgages .... as if it's not bad enough that people aspiring to the american dream of owning a home crashed the economy and are now out on the street: "they're whiners," according to phil gramm, professional republican corpse fucker whose deregulation of the financial industry paved the way to the legitimization of greed and plunder until .... until ..... bernard madoff made off with the money of rich people, of famous people, and isn't that outrageous? no, it wasn't the greed of the entitled that led to a 50 billion dollar ponzi scheme: it was the doing of one bad apple .....
i haven't read any "news" stories that might implicate people who had plenty of everything but who, needing more, still wanted something for nothing; part of madoff's attraction to the ultra-wealthy was that they would suddenly join a select circle of fortunate investors, that--not only would they become wealthier than ever before--they would become more elite than they ever thought possible ..... i'm sorry, if there's one christmas gift i'll enjoy it's billionaires complaining about losing a million or two along the way .....
the germans—who have a word for about anything and everything—have one that i think relevant here: "schadenfreude ...." we've talked about this, haven't we? 'schadenfreude: the [almost] guilty pleasure one takes in another's misfortunes ......
in the spirit of schadenfreude, and the christmas season, i'd like you to sing this christmas carol along with me .... come on, now; join in ..... you know it; it's to the tune of "oh tannenbaum" or, if you prefer, "oh christmas tree ....."
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude how lovely is the feeling
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude how lovely is the feeling
i love it when the rich get fleeced
when they take it up their butts ungreased
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude how lovely is the feeling
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude i dearly love the feeling
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude i dearly love the feeling
so many wealthy folks got plucked
it's such a joy when they get fucked
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude i dearly love the feeling
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude how lovely is the feeling
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude how lovely is the feeling
i love it when the upper class
takes it in their greedy ass
oh schadenfreude oh schadenfreude how lovely is the feeling
the collapse of lehman brothers; of bear sterns; the imminent collapse of aig; none of this made anybody wonder about regulations or the regulatory mechanisms that had been assiduously dismantled; suddenly there's a concerted intake of breath: ooooooo ..... where was the sec? what were they doing all along? why didn't they catch this years ago?
i could go on, and so could you, but i'm going to go wrap presents for the boys; it's their birthday tomorrow .....
next: dr. pete catches the spirit
Posted by DrKanga at 8:12 PM | Comments (2)
it was the summer of 1965 and i was hitch-hiking from stockholm, sweden to greece .... carrying a guitar case in one hand, i worked my way down to italy; i hopped a ferry in brindisi and sailed across to piraeus harbor outside of athens, where i took an underground to the ammonia square in the center of athens .... my eyes started to burn and water as i started walking out of the underground station; no wonder it's called ammonia square, i thought to myself--it smells just like ammonia ....
when i got into the square i realized it wasn't mr. clean i was smelling: it was the clouds of tear gas that blended nicely with the smell of burning gasoline and rubber from the overturned cars that were burning merrily away ..... masked youths ran hither and yon, bricks in their hands; one of them, noticing me and my guitar case (i wasn't a fool; i had a canadian flag sewn onto my backpack), threw bricks at a parked car and shouted "demokratia! demokratia!"
well, that was '65, and revolution was in the air; it culminated in 1968, with the waves cresting in paris and berlin; in rome; in prague; in berkeley and new york; when the wave broke--along with our balls--and we shambled into the '70s so that we could snort coke and listen to disco .... i'm pleased to see that the greeks are still at it; they, at least, have the nuts to get upset when the cops gun down a kid .... we don't get excited about that, although it happens here all the time, probably because the kids the cops gun down are primarily dark complected, so it's a non-issue .....
it gets harder and harder to write editorials these days .... oh, i know .... ha ha ..... we have the attention span of a hyperactive fruit fly and i, for one, find it hard to keep abreast of the endless litany of outrages that excite no attention or pursuit whatsoever; jen gets far more attention than does the denouement of the anthrax terror case, attributed to a "loner" who worked in the army's biological warfare lab; that it took seven years to winkle him out .... ha ha .... should make you feel more secure in the knowledge that the war on terror is successful on many fronts, from mailing anthrax or cocaine through the united states mail to stopping elephants wearing pink tutus and dancing en pointe down main street from frightening miniature french poodles whose eyes have those horrid nasty runny brown streaks down them ...... we're so excited about a politician (blagojevich) trying to sell an office rather than just letting himself be bought--like most of the republicans who've been bought lock, stock, and artificial hair by major corporations--that no one's appalled by let alone commenting on dick cheney appearing on television and advocating the use of torture as a government policy ..... torture and this 'administration' are business as usual ..... yawn .....
now ... what's up with jen?
as far as that goes, and it doesn't go very far at all, i'm slack-jawed at the disingenuous expressions of dismay from the cognoscenti at bernard madoff's costing some of the upper percentile 50 billion dollars, but the SEC couldn't catch it, just like who could have foreseen the collapse of our housing market impacting the entire global economy that we've heard so much about and gosh, how could that have happened with the invisible hand of the free market grabbing every fucking dollar it could for a select few and then giving us the invisible middle finger of The New Depression and thank you george bush, your emissions are accomplished .....
there are a couple of points i'll make, again ..... one of them has to do with those cute little republicans, shit-canning the fourteen billion dollar loan to the .... ha ha .... auto industry ..... don't you find it interesting that the gift of seven HUNDRED billion dollars to financial institutions, which have no workers, no laborers per se, which are fronted by a select few who just happen to be cronies of the person supposedly in charge of the fiscal allocation, that gift was jammed right through because it was important to do it the fate of the free world hung in the balance why it was a question of national security just like we had to jump into iraq before the smoking gun became a can of andy warhol's mushroom cloud soup boy the republicans went right along with all that shit didn't they but those good ol' southron boys this is the first time they haven't shown "party unity" the first time they didn't dance around the fire chanting "kill the pig! kill the pig! spill his blood!" at little george's behest so much for "hands across the aisle" and "buy-partisan-ships" because they were asking for concessions from the auto union which i seem to recall went something like, okay guys, why don't you just work for free and forget about health care and fuck you in your pension and the point of this is, those cocksuckers will do anything to bust unions; republicans just hate workers; republicans can't stand laborers republicans want to flush the middle class down the dumper put them in drums with all the toxic nuclear waste underneath yucca mountain i think their real agenda is they're still pissed off that they lost the civil war i mean the war of southron independence lincoln did what? goddam it slavery was a real good thang and it's out there for everyone to see their contempt and calumny is as plain as____________________________________ you can fill that in to suit yourself because i don't want to use up my quotient of "fucking assholes" who "suck satan's cock" quite yet ......
meanwhile in spite of our winning the whore on tear-air we're continually seeing appalling waste and mind-boggling corruption and the stench of death (4,209 american dead, upwards of 90,000 iraqi civilian deaths but hey, we had to take out that tyrant saddam hussein, we're all better off without him) not to mention the war on drugs and the war on liberals and the war on progressives and the war on cat sand in the kindergarten sandbox and what needs to be said is that every single republican financial policy has failed and always has been a failure, that all the republican machinations internationally and nationally have been abysmal failures with catastrophic consequences for the "american peeple" and just about all the other people conservative "policies" are not just failures they're dangerous and destructive and neo-con policies cause death and destruction and are horrible failures and goddam it, IT FUCKING HAS TO BE SAID!
we're getting close to christmas and it's hard to get that christmas feeling but santa what i'd like other than everyone from this republican adminstration bush rumsfeld cheney powell rice wolfowitz bremer perle libby et al placed in the dock the hague and charged with war crimes and you don't even have to tie it up with a red ribbon .... here's what i'd also like santa i'd like headlines in the new york crimes the poshington toast saying "chicago school of economics theories bogus!" "free market economy a hoax!" "economic deregulation an open invitation to looting and theft and corruption!" "tax cuts don't benefit the economy, only the wealthy!" "trickle down means widdle on!" "they've lied to you and we've helped them!" "war on terror justifies war profiteering! "wars justify war profiteering!" "republicans don't make you safer!"
now write some headlines of your own .....
one more thing, santa; can you bring the democrats some balls? balls are smaller and easier to carry than a spine, and can you maybe help change their diet from sheep food to at least dog food? i'd really like to hear the party that we elected into office so resoundlngly identify some of the misapprehensions under which this country has been piloted--into disaster and onto the rocks--for so long: it needs to be said that every single thing the republican party has advocated or done has been false, deleterious, toxic, disastrous, destructive, and a horrible waste of time, life, energy, and money .......
it needs to be said, and i'm not hearing it .....
i wish i could say it better, and i wish i could say it louder; don't let yourself get distracted by blagojevich's hair; keep your eye on the prize .... don't get distracted by the "ha ha" factor of an iraqi journalist, who has bigger balls than the entire north american continent put together, chucking footwear at our 'president,' when he's probably got those nuts hooked up to reddy kilowatt right now .....
it's been in the mid-30s here and it's bright and crisp and sparkling and the frost on the lawns at the boys school this morning was like powdered diamonds glittering in the sun .... it didn't feel like christmas, but it was awfully nice ......
next: dr. pete puts up his christmas balls
Posted by DrKanga at 10:50 AM | Comments (1)
well, we made it through thanksgiving; how was yours? mine was nice: rose champagne and my world famous stuffing and good company and i was thankful that i wasn't in iraq or afghanimastan even though we're winning (on odd days of the week,) the world is better off without that tyrant what's-his-name and now it's december already; i knew we were getting close when christmas ornaments appeared in my local drugstore back in july .... most americans, unlike the pentagon, the white house, the military and the neo-conservative coterie--who seem congenitally incapable of planning their way out of a cul-de-sac--seem able to plan ahead; i think starting to buy your tinsel in july gives a body ample time to get ready for the christmas season ....
i don't know about you, but i'm glad that creeping secularism hasn't destroyed the christ in christmas and that americans still have good, solid bedrock values like charity and compassion, and of course i'm referring to the the fatal shooting in a toys'r'us that resulted in two deaths and of course the trampling death of one of walmart's highly trained, highly paid customer service representatives .... boy oh boy oh boy oh boy! is there a song in here, or what? i don't know about you, but i'm thankful that the nra has protected my 2nd amendment right to carry assault weapons with me when i go shopping; safeway can get a little rough at any time of year, and you want to mark your territory when you see a choice cut of beef or a specially good price on a keg of flaccid speshul brood low-ca lo-carb sparkling glistening fortified processed official douche of the national football league and oakland roller derby team .....
hey, i just was in a toys'r'us; i wuz packin' n' yew'd be too its rill skary in thare theers lots of childrun and dolls and toyz and its rilly bright and thayrz lots of noyz sum of thoze toyz tawk to yew 'n' if'n i warn't chewin' my oxycontin tablets i'd'a just put my glock on full fukking auto i want a new barbie 'n' i wanna new peepee weepie doll 'n' i wanna get me some bratz dollz for chrissake we can't even spell any more what the fuck is with this with the proliferation of "z" to pluralize shit i don't mean maybe and that's what mayd this kuntry grayt killiin' peeple in toy storz ..... or any fukkin wherez .....
i don't know about you, but i've never been one to sleep on the sidewalk outside a walmart so i can queue up to the door at 4:30 am so's i can be first through the door to get all those really great prices on all that quality merchandise of things i need so need so much i like a six foot television screen because there's so much great stuff on tv and you want to be able to see your commercials clearly and do you think like they're going to run out of stuff or something so you have to get there early? one thing you can say about america is, there's a superabundance of shit, and i'm not just talking about the bush white house ..... and speaking of shit and the bush white house--and we were--there's a lot of silly shit being talked about "the bush legacy" these days, which is a concept that just beats the hell out of me; does anyone ever talk about adolf hitler's legacy? iosif vissarionovich stalin? nice legacy, george, a couple million dead, the world economy, shattered; every valuable life-affirming piece of legislation ever passed in this godforsaken country, rolled back, rolled up, and thrown out; turned america overnight into a third world banana republic, with institutionalized spying and torture; combat troops stationed around the country for "national security," and can you imagine the george bush library? fucking coloring books? a first edition of "my pet goat?"
still, there's one instance where he showed true grit and true leadership: when--as the dust and smoke of the twin towers was still clogging up the lungs of the first responders whose claims for medical treatments necessitated by exposure to the debris and dust and asbestos and heavy metals would later be disallowed, he told america to go shopping ....
and we did, by god; we did .....
and we've never looked back .....
speaking of assholes, i just read about students at mit who, in exchange for a free i-phone or dingleberry or whatever the fuck it is these days, will let their every move, their every word, their every purchase, their every everything, be monitored .... and once again i marvel at how fucking cheaply americans sell themselves out for .... a fucking phone for chrissakes; you can't afford a fucking phone? you have to whore yourself out for a fucking phone? oh, they say; it's innocuous, it's not like they're giving up anything, and some of them are saying how cool it'll be because the corporations'll figure out their demographics and their motivators and their triggers and they'll be able to tailor offerings and pitches to them, they'll be able to customize promotional offers, they'll be able to get more stuff that they might not know about needing if someone didn't tell them that they needed shit they didn't know about and did you hear me shrieking i just about fucking shit myself i mean i'll do the amazon.com thing every now and then but i start screaming fuck you you tasteless monkey motherfuckers when i see the "people who bought this also bought ___________" i couldn't give a flying rat's ass what some dildo out there bought your taste sucks ass you fucking bitch you don't know a fucking thing about me even though you're tapping my phone GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU CORPORATE FUCKING WHORE and HONEY? can you bring me my meds?
i'm getting overwrought again .....
do you really need a corporation to tell you what you need? oh .... ha ha .... they've been doing it for decades now? and it defines public and international policies? a nation of shoppers in an economy that's gone down the toilet .... i swear, i don't get it: people laid off, losing their houses; investments, gone, and what do i see around me? a proliferation of chi-chi superfluous stores in my downtown where you can no longer buy a fucking lightbulb, while family restaurants get shut down, refurbished and turned into upscale establishments .... the latest one in my neighborhood was the mexican restaurant that's been around for twenty-five years; twenty years ago i was dining on the waitresses; the last few years i'd take the family there because it was inexpensive and child friendly .... now it's been turned into--if you can imagine this--an upscale mexican restaurant where a chile relleno--yes, one chile relleno--costs sixteen dollars ....
i don't know; i'm not an economist but doesn't it seem like if you're a corporation and you want to "protect your bottom line" so you start to cut benefits and fuck with your unions and fire your trained workers and then outsource everything so americans no longer have jobs or if they do they're low paying ones so then they have to shop at wal-mart to get the low prices because otherwise they couldn't eat and then that means more jobs go overseas to make the shit they want to buy at low prices and you always buy stuff if you're an american because being an american means it's time to go shopping and then more americans lose jobs or become janitors or customer service representatives who use their bodies as door stops to keep back eager value hungry shoppers, well .... it's a vicous cycle and self-fulfilling prophesy of how you have to fire workers to keep up your bottom line because you fired workers to keep up your bottom line and keeping up your bottom line is the most important thing there is although wouldn't you think that if no one has any money and they stop buying your bottom line goes down the toi-toi?
the class disparities continue unchecked ... recently my n[auseatingly] p[uerile] r[abido] has been running commercials--excuse me; i meant to say that they're being "underwritten"--for dubai airlines; i'm told that it's the most firstest classest airlines in the world and you get your own private suite as you fly to dubai .... i don't know about you, but dubai isn't the first thing that comes to my mind when i think vacation mecca, and i'd've felt that way even before the advent of young children (i'd rather slash my wrists and eat my flesh than go to disneyland, by the way, but that doesn't surprise you, does it?) ..... what's in dubai? unmonitored banking for war profiteers and arms merchants like halliburton; an economy supported by oil profits and maintained by slave labor; architectural monstrosities that put las vegas to shame and, when you get tired of sightseeing on the sand dunes you can always retire to your seven star hotel and ski down the ski slope with artificial snow, right to your table in the dining room .....
mmmm mmmmm, gooooood ...... one camel steak, rare ..... please!
next: dr. pete super sizes
Posted by DrKanga at 11:24 AM
the boys will be four years old in a month and a half and it's past the time that they started learning that actions have consequences .... these are important lessons: you create your moral compass when you learn, for example, that setting fire to the cat and cornholing the dog is not socially acceptable--unless you're a republican, in which case it's encouraged, as is necrophilia .... there's another part to the equation of children learning their own behavioral lessons, of dealing with the outcomes of the choices they make: these are the experiences that gear one up to be proactive in adulthood; acquiring that sense of self, that locus of control, is no guarantee of success--not in this country of the plutocratic "level playing field" of which our little georgie bush is a prime example--but it certainly makes for a more "complete" person, a more balanced person, the kind of person i'm guessing .... ha ha .... we'd all like to "have a beer with ..... "
a long time ago i had an attack trained guard dog; duchess angelica von gordo (dusty for short) was remarkably well trained (and a dog of infinite joy) but every now and then she'd push limits .... children, like dogs, need to test boundaries and push limits, but--like dogs--they are reassured when they know where those boundaries are .... my boys are pretty good with me being the alpha dog; the hard part is training mommy: she gets stressed when they start crying and shrieking, and lets the leash go just to shut them up .... this is counter-productive, of course; i tell her that all it'll take is six weeks of them shrieking before they learn that adults are adults, a small investment considering that they'll be living with us for the next forty years ....
the point of this isn't how smart i am, or how being a behavioral psychologist put me on this track a long time ago: the point is, i'm glad my kids are too young to read the "newspapers" because, if they did, they'd see that there are no consequences for bad choices made by big businesses or that there are no paybacks for the asshole behavior perpetrated by our politicians .... did you hear me shrieking when that fucking wrinkled old prune (he's a turbo prune; just thinking about him makes me shit) liebermann got to keep the chairmanship of the homeland security commission after pushing mccain for president? after cornholing kittens and being a turncoat kike and an apostate yid and eating babies? after being the first to step up and sanctimoniously whine about bill clinton getting a hum job? after being the biggest piece of shit we've seen since the brontosaurus lumbered through the antedeluvian swampy bogs, dumping colossal loads dinosaur doodoo into the torpid turgid tides .... yes, that fuckeating joe lieberman; no consequences for being a turncoat, a traitor, a dickhead, a feces eating moron, and a balless sack of shit .....
but wait! there's more!
wall street takes no consequences for actions, but why should they? why shouldn't they get bailed out--at our expense--after they couldn't bilk any more people out of any more money and .... oh .... they're still bilking us out of money, and we've been gifted with a "money czar," paulsen, who says "i'm not sure what we're going to do or how we're going to do it but we're going to throw money after some money that disappeared or something and then we'll throw some more money into a few banks so they can buy smaller banks and then we'll have fewer banks but they'll be bigger banks and no money will go to people who took out bad mortgages and are losing their homes because they're the reason we're having these problems anyway if only they'd read the microscopic print and had ph.d.'s in economics they'd have known that the mortgage offers they were bombarded and harried and harassed with were spurious and they shouldn't have taken them out and getting something for nothing is the american dream and i wrote all this down on my three page proposal anyway that congress had eighteen minutes to read because we didn't want the economy to tank and i've got mine so fuck you anyway" and where does that leave detroit?
some people were complaining about the big 3's ceo's flying into washington on their private jets ... is there a problem here? like they're going to take a fucking greyhound? i don't care about the private jets; if we're going to get sanctimonious about that then we should have been bitching about mccain owning twelve of them or all the politicians who fly around on corporate lears, like they're not going to kick back favors for the free ride and it always staggers me how cheaply americans'll sell themselves out hey i'm an elected representative and i'll suck a big corporate cock for a plane ride vladimir ilyich lenin said that capitalists'd sell their hangman the rope with which to hang them and old v.i. wasn't that far wrong you want nylon or manila hemp and when you think about detroit and how disingenuous they are "oooooooo .... we're just giving the people what they want" and "oooooooooooooo ........ who could have seen this coming? we had no idea" and "oooooooooo ..... we're just the unfortunate victims of circumstance" like 68% of the cars purchased in the mid- to late 70s weren't small imports like honda and toyota and datsun and bmw and volkswagen? like we didn't have an energy crisis back then? like they haven't had over thirty years to build better, more efficient cars that got better gas mileage than a model t and i don't mean hummers or the new aesthetic which has rear side windows so small you can't even see out of them boy that's a great idea driving blind must be a reflection of detroit's management style they had their butts kicked back then don't you remember chrysler getting bailed out for the first time? ooooooooooo, lee iacocca said; i'll have to fire all the workers if you don't bail me out so .... ha ha ... i can sell the company to daimler benz .... ha ha .... who now are offering the "people" what they want a car that's "just plain meaner" which is something i look for when i go out to buy an automobile i want something that's really fucking mean, and i mean REALLY fucking mean i want scythes spinning on my hubcaps just like ben hur's chariot chopping up unwary pedestrians slicing and dicing sidewalk strollers and making hamburger out of hapless dogs and i want 500 fucking horsepower in the cocksucker because that's what i need when i drive down to the supermarket to buy a gallon of milk which costs even more than gasoline these days what the fuck are they feeding the cows? depleted uranium and cocaine?
nah .... cain't be cocaine; thanks to the .... ha ha ..... "war on drugs" cocaine's cheaper and more readily available than ever before .....
and what really smokes my kippers is when i hear all these fucking "pundits" boy do i hate that word and what it represents and the people who actually think it's meaningful to be a shit fountain they're saying "harrrummmmphhhh ..... ahem .... well ..... the real problem is the unions that's the REAL problem why they want health care and you know how expensive that is and why should we ever pay our workers a pension they should be fucking grateful they're even getting a salary" and what they're really saying is, that asshole abraham lincoln, what kinda republican was he? he must've been drunker'n a motherfucker when he freed all them slaves that's what a vital competitive capitalist economy needs these days to be effective a nice slave labor force for christ fucking sakes it's working great in china and in florida .....
i get so tired of tabloid journalism: jen this and jen that and brad this and tom that and angie this and poofie that and hillary this and barack that and sarah this and why am i not surprised that sarah's our new fucking darling with book offers and tv offers and talk show offers and why don't we just get it over with and have the bitch do a porn film with her fucking a moose and last week all the pundits were going "ooomphhh .... ahem ..... wellllllllll ....... look at that obama everyone he's putting into office is a clinton person sure they're really really smart but where's the change he promised us and it's going to be clinton all over again and if hillary gets into office she'll take it over hey heard the one about the hillary bucket of fried chicken two small breasts and really big thighs ha ha no offense intended ha ha" and it makes me fucking choke on intestinal blood watching and hearing these talking used tampons spatter clots everywhere .....
let's think briefly about the bush "administration:" the same war criminals that promulgated genocide under reagan, they got back into office and did the same old shit, like sanctioning mass murder in central america with cia trained and funded hit squads; when that wasn't enough he pulled out his daddy's rolodex and recreated the cabinet that sold biological weapons to saddam and the press said, "well .... okay .... maybe he's not .... ahem .... all that smart but .... he's got really great advisors so we don't have to worry about anything" and the best thing they could say about condoleeeeeezzzzzzzza rice was "hey, she plays piano really well and she plays pieces by really old dead white men isn't she great?" and here we go, all over again, the press sharpening up its knives to hack and hew at the clintons, all over again, any clinton'll do and while they're doing that the bush "environmental protection agency" is, among other things, sanctioning oil drilling next to arches and canyonlands national monuments in utah which are about my favorite places on all of this blue earth and i've been all over boy when i go to moab to mountain bike i sure want to see a pall of smoke drifting over arches along with the sixty new coal fired plants that got the green light jesus no wonder i can't get out of bed in the morning it's not just back pains it's these colossal pains in my fucking ass can you really believe how trivial our press is, how superfluous and inconsequential our highly paid columnists are (i'm sure this is even more true for television, but .... thank god .... i don't watch televsion, so i'm spared fox news and bill o'reilly and sean hannity and chris matthews and all those other chattering parrots i shouldn't say that ! i take that back! i love parrots! i love parrots!) squawk squawk squawk squawk squawk squawk ..........
don't you find it charming how the republicans sprinkled nine hundred billion dollars on the financial "institutions" that they'd deregulated so they could "mission accomplish" the world economy but are balking at giving 25 mil to detroit which tangentially employs hundreds of thousands of people? i'd hazard a guess that they'll leave this stinking shitpile for obama to contend with, another kind of "fuck you boy and the horses you're riding in on" gift: if he ponies up the bucks he's a "socialist" and if he doesn't he's betraying american industry ....
my real question is, what--other than being a nominal democrats--did bill and hillary (and al gore) do to gain the enduring animosity of our "media?"
next: dr. pete gets a hummer
Posted by DrKanga at 11:26 AM
nrgghghghghghhhnnnnnn .... nnnnnnnn ..... nnnrgggghhhhhhargargaarggggggggggggg ..... nnngngngngngngngnngggggnnnnnnnnn ...... snort ......
that's the sound of a bear, coming out of hibernation .... that's about the sound i made, pushing aside the dust bunnies and coming out from underneath my bed, knowing that the election was over and that .... ha ha ..... obama won .......
you probably thought that i'd post an immediate editorial, saying something like "BLOW ME YOU SCUMBAG FUCKSNIFFS AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA FUCK YOU YOUR EVIL WAYS ARE REPUDIATED GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE FACE YOU FUCKING FUCKS" and i may yet churn out some invective to express the gloating exultation of schadenfreude but .... by and large i don't feel all that much better ..... and by and large i haven't really had the oooomph to shriek "YOU LOATHSOME BAGS OF FECES BURN IN HELL FEEL THE HATE FEEL THE HATE FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ....." and if i have to shriek further along here let's save the space and time of my writing out "IF YOU HAD ANY DECENCY OR ANY HONOR YOU'D COMMIT SEPPUKU ON THE STEPS OF THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL I HOPE RATS EAT YOUR FUCKING LIVER FOR A FUCKING ETERNITY" by inserting numbers to represent invective, vituperation, venom, or vitriol:
1) go fuck yourself; 2) burn in hell; 3) rats eat your liver; 4) blow me you fucking scumbags;) 5: eat big gulping mouthfulls of doggie-doodoo and 6: etc. etc. etc. .....
the night the election returns were coming in i had a republican in-law stop by for dinner and stay the night; that i even have a republican in-law, let alone one that stops by for an overnight, should tell you that there's a cosmic sense of irony that's tinged with cruelty .... mind you, i wouldn't waste my breath or time by trying "meaningful dialogue" with someone like that; he's resisted intelligence and analytical thought for years and i doubt very much that i'll be the catalyst that will make him see the error of his ways ..... second, i'd been rehearsing hair trigger responses, should he have tried any republican right-wing nonsense, like "you fucking cocksucker how dare you sully my house with your fucking shit i've got a .45 right here with teflon coated slugs don't fucking mistake me for a liberal now get out of here before i turn you into mulch and fucking compost" but, goddam it, all my fantasy rehearsals were as for naught ....
what did happen was, every now and then i'd pop up and say, hey! mccain's catching up! he's got three electoral votes to obama's 168 .... and what i did hear was shit like, way-ul, he's a-gonna raise yore taxes ....
i had a ready reply for that, too (and you can use it in response to all conservatives), and it was: that's the stupidest fucking thing i've ever fucking heard; how can you be so fucking dumb?" i added that i'd gladly pay a couple hundred bucks more per year to 1) have good roads; 2) have schools and teachers; 3) have healthcare 4) have clean air; 5) have clean water and 6) not have a bunch of lying cocksuckers dragging the country into illegal immoral wars that were bankrupting us financially, spiritually and morally while bankrupting our image world-wide ....
yes, i'd eat bologna sandwiches for a week or two if i could be sure that was going to happen .....
i have to reluctantly say that this election changed my opinion of george bush ..... up 'til now i've thought of him as a psychotic retarded cretinous petulant spoiled murderous sociopathic little shitbag incapable of telling the truth if it came up and nibbled on his shrivelled scrotum but .... i must say--and i'm man enough to admit it when i'm wrong--that i was wrong, and he actually told the truth once, when he said: "ahm a yew-nah-tuh, not a dee-vah-duh ....."
he's such a psychotic retarded cretinous petulant spoiled murderous sociopathic little shitbag that he united the entire united states--and the world--into abominating and abhorring him, with the attendant electoral outcomes .....
of course, mccain ran an admirable and honest and forthright campaign, characterized by integrity and adherence to principles along with his characteristic maverickness .... ngngngngn ..... maverickosity? mavamucousness? mavacuity? mavamavamavamava? someone help me with this word; get it right and you can run palin's 2012 campaign ..... because you and i both know we've not seen the last of the killa from wasilla; she's too dumb and too extreme to cross the street by herself to go shopping at barney's i wonder if any of her clothes are in my local goodwill let's not fuck around a maverick is a horse and you know what you get from horses a lot of horseshit which means she's just right for a republican candidate for high government office ..... and i like the deference and respect the republican candidates showed--and are showing--one another; this tells you so much about how they'll "reach across the aisle" to "join hands with the democrats" to "further the agenda of the american peeple" and "get the country on the right footing again" and "deal with the pressing issues of our time" like "gay marriage" calling each other tender names like "whack job" or "diva ......" and (insert epithets # 1 and # 4 right here .......)
again, one of the few times they've been right .....
the "media," of course, has to manufacture "news," and here's what i really like: i really really really like how "the media" is rushing to interview "the pundits" and find out "what should the republican party do now?"
i wish they'd ask me: here's what they should do--they should:
GO FUCK YOURSELVES! GO EAT SHIT AND DIE! COMMIT SEPPUKU IF YOU HAVE ANY INTEGRITY, HONOR, OR DECENCY! FUCK OFF! I MEAN IT, GO FUCK YOURSELVES! DO IT NOW! DON'T STOP!
and you can insert epithet # 6 right here .....
of course, everyone's got suggestions as to how obama should comport himself, and the concensus seems to be that he needs to move as far to the right as he can so's he can govern by concensus and reach hands across the aisle and join up with the dickheads who have never been right about anything and have never collaborated with the democrats and never will collaborate with the democrats they'll only collaborate with major corporations or arms manufacturers and i wish he'd ask me what i think he should do and here's what i think he should do:
put 'em all on trial for war crimes and crimes against humanity and, when they're found guilty and executed, place their heads on pikes and place the pikes all around the white house ...... do it in time for easter and use the heads for an easter egg roll; wouldn't that look good on television? mmmm?
i guess i'm not shrieking and exulting and baying at the moon because it's not just the republicans: it's the democrats .... we still have that toothless old fuck, harry reid, as well as nancy pelosi, who have consistently provided funds to this republican administration to do whatsoever it has chosen to do, have shown no interest in looking for accountability in this administration, and are tripping over their tiny little johnsons to give lots of money to the auto industry .....
here are recent side-by-side headlines in the new york times: Lobbyists Swarm the Treasury for Piece of Bailout Pie and Obama’s Transition Team Restricts Lobbyists’ Role .....
in another recent paper i read that "credit card, loan firms eyed for bailout program ...." aren't these the guys that saturated the country with easy-to-get no-background-check high interest rate card offers? the guys that, through their lobbyists, rewrote bankruptcy rules so that individuals couldn't get out from underneath their usorious burdens? you know what the american sheeple need? they need lobbyists of their own to ....
oh .... ha ha ..... that's right; congress and the senate were supposed to represent our interests ...... silly me .....
it's nice to say that there was a sea change in the electorate this time around, but i'm not so sure of that ..... in the 2004 election bush got 51% of the popular vote to kerry's 49%; this time around obama got 51% of the popular vote to mccain's 49%; yes, the electoral vote tally was way different, but when i look at the red/blue map of how this country voted it looks like the midsection of the united states is hemorrhaging red ..... i add to that the people who were "undecided" the day before the election; how can you honestly be "undecided?" what could they have been waiting for? i add to that the success of proposition 8 in california; its passage was facilitated by minorities who--in the great american tradition--needed to slam the ham to an even more minor minority ......
i can't balance the myth that "the surge" is working and that violence in iraq is down to the reports of carnage and slaughter in baghdad .... i'm dumbfounded that the cost of our illegal immoral wars was never a factor in our presidential "debates," neither has the cost of our illegal immoral wars been part of the analyses of our economic meltdown and the cost of recovery, just as i'm slackjawed with disbelief that the "bush legacy" will be secured by how gracious he is in facilitating this electoral transition; i'll believe it two years after it's over: i'm waiting for him to short sheet the beds, glue the toilet paper rolls together, and stop up the toilets ..... and .... and .....
i'd hazard a guess that if there are hearings about malfeasance and breach of trust and overweaning scumbaggery on the part of the bush "administration," that's all they'll be ..... just hearings .... first we'll hear this, then we'll hear that, then we'll hear a little bit more, and there won't be any trials and there won't be any convictions and the rule of law will go into the toxic waste dump underneath yucca mountain and bush'll pardon everyone anyway and then he'll claim executive privilige and national security after he's out of office and that fucking lieberman'll still be strutting around the corridors of power and .....
hey! can you spread some of that 700 billion my way?
my records aren't selling .......
next: dr. pete gets a bailout
Posted by DrKanga at 11:59 AM
wake me when it's over .... are we done yet? can i come out from underneath the bed? guess we'll know about the national erection's results tomorrow, although the "media" likes to announce outcomes early: that short american attention span, you know .... if this is what it takes to have a great erection it's no wonder that viagra's so popular with white american males: we've been in the process for what? two years now? that's a lot of foreplay, and this time the democrats "went along to get along" so's not to sour their chances at the white house; don't want to do anything controversial, you know, like support the bill of rights or the constitution or habeus corpus .... the american people certainly wouldn't go along with that, especially not during a time of war, and i can't remember the last time there wasn't a war because if there isn't a war we'd better start one really quick that's what our economy depends on although this time ha ha maybe we have too much of a good thing? too much war? and not enough economy? thank god violence is down in iraq, thanks to the success of the surge; that killed off everyone that might have been killed by internecine warfare and when there's no one left who can die, then the death rate declines and when there's no one left to kill, then violence declines, too .....
aren't you glad i explained this to you?
it's not as though we shouldn't be afraid, very very very afraid .... if ob*ma gets elected it's due to one or both of two things, and that would of course be the machinations of that dirty far left liberal media which wants us all to become soshalist and spred the welth and they want takses to be razed too ..... the other thing is of course acorn which has not only registered n*groes to vote but mickey mouse too and i don't know about you but i think mickey should get a vote first of all he makes more money than 99.8975% of the people in this cuntry so he should get a lot of votes and i'd vote for mickey; he's infinitely more qualified to be president or vice-president of this country than george bush dan quayle richard nixon sarah palin it seems like you have to be a cartoon character to be a republican candidate at least a puppet so that your jaws move and your arms wave when your strings get pulled .....
honest to god, i'd love to find some liberal media; i've been looking for years now and, like unions and the dodo, it seems to be extinct ....
americans aren't good at learning outcomes, leastways not the ones i'd like to see ..... we learned something from vietnam, but it wasn't about the folly of imperialism; we learned to not show pictures of our dead and wounded; we learned how to really co-opt the media; we learned how to market insanity .... will our republicans learn anything from their implosion? from trying to create a majority out of a strident and psychotic minority? i doubt it; i'm sure we'll see "the killa from wasilla" back in 2012, with the same old, same old stuff about gays and lib'rals and drilling and god wants us all to be as dumb as a bag of hammers and meaner'n snakeshit on a hotplate (mercedes is running advertisements touting their cars as "mean ....." does this say something about america? other than how dumb we are? ooooooooooo that's what i want: a mean car, with twin .50's mounted up front so i can use the 1% doctrine to deal with road rage! bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang .......)
i'm already seeing demands that, even with 85% believing that america is on the wrong track, we move further "to the right ....." etc. etc. etc., yada yada yada, blah blah blah blah blah .....
enough of this nonsense: the boys had a stellar halloween, and it was sheer delight, watching the two of them walk down the darkening streets of my neighborhood in their cowboy costumes that my dearest friend, gary ray--who just died (i miss you gary; i miss you terribly)--gave to them two years ago; chaps and bandannas and cowboy hats and plastic pumpkins for the candy stash swinging swinging swinging .... kalevi is almost three inches taller than daniel now, but they're still a matched set, and their enthusiasm and excitement was boundless ..... they're not quite clear on the halloween protocol: 1) knock; 2) wait; 3) when the door opens say "trick or treat!; 4) don't be republican; don't take more than two candies! 5) say "thank you" and 6) say "happy halloween! ..... it took lots of sotto voce reinforcing, and the "not more than two" rule was pretty hard to reinforce .... still, my boys are goal oriented; as soon as they turned and started bouncing away they'd shriek "MORE CANDY! MORE CANDY! MORE CANDY!" ....
and we'd go on to the next house ......
we don't do sugar and i'm not a real supporter of hyperactivity, so The Pumpkin Bunny came in the middle of the night and culled the candy catch while the boys were sleeping; they didn't really notice, and they've been really nice about sharing it: mommy .... would you like some candy? daddy, can i give you some candy?
i just wish that belgian dark chocolate was part of the halloween catch; american candy is about as nourishing and flavorful and natural as american politics, and that means not very .......
hey, have a great erection .... i mean .... election!
next: dr. pete sees his back doctor .......
Posted by DrKanga at 11:11 AM
i haven't written for a couple of weeks .... did you notice? part of that's been our spin in an ever-widening gyre of absurdity, preposterosity, anusness, and moral rectumtude, all of it fecaliferous, whether i write or not .... i'm about at the point where i just can't summon the self-righteous indignation i need, or call upon the genetic coding that predisposes me to occupying the moral high ground, that's carried me through all the republican administrations and imperial wars of the past ..... part's been that i had shoulder surgery and my arm was--i know; usually it's my ass--in a sling but .... two weeks after surgery i'm pretty much out of the sling; still, i can't quite get my right arm around behind me to perform the minimal perineal hygiene so necessary in today's polite society--heavily reliant as it is on ass-kissing--nor dare i put it over an acoustic guitar, and as for bicycling ....
i think i'll wait another couple of weeks ....
i don't know about you, but won't it be a relief when this "election" is over? sure, there's the schadenfreude of watching the republican reich implode, while their craven constituents turn on one another in a frenzied bloodlust of blame, of snapping, back-biting, butt chewing; slobbering, foaming, drooling; voiding their bowels and bladders while flailing away at their tiny little ..... well, shit; that's about normal for 'em anyway; i can hardly tell the difference ..... still, i'm repugnificated at the incessant din, the never-ending clamor, the ceaseless hystrionic shrieking of the "media ...." clearly, when you broadcast "news" 'round-the-clock it comes as no surprise that most of what's broadcast hardly constitutes news; it's just more fucking noise ..... still, there's something i don't understand, and that's the eagerness with which peeple subject themselves to this shrieking sonic pule .... in my convalescent hospital room i marvelled as my "roommate" turned on the television and watched the hospital information channel, over and over and over again .... what drugs was he taking? i wasn't getting anything like that .... a few days ago i went to my gym to ride the stationary bike; the next person that came in made a beeline to the television and turned it on ..... i couldn't handle .... well .... ha ha .... i can never handle it but ..... i couldn't handle the "OBAMATHIS!" ...."MCCAIN THAT!!!! .... OBAMAMAMA! ..... MCAINCAINCAINCAINCAIN!" and i asked him to kindly turn it off .... "oh," he said; "how about i turn the sound down and just watch it?" you can't escape this sensory onslaught; i'll bet your gas station's put tv screens up on the pumps .... you know what i do?
cans of black spray paint .....
did you hear my "ballad of sarah palin?" here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rylvlSSM5aU but .... as brilliant as it is (if i do say so myself, and obviously i do because i must ..... our relationship relies on the truth, and the truth must be told) i think that this one line describes the appalling nature of our body politic; the effrontery of the republicans in their choice of candidate; their staggering lack of any qualifications for international office; the blatant insult of republicans offering as candidates creatures not qualified to be breed stock on a sheep ranch--like the american sheeple really give a shit .... and that line is:
this vice-presidential hopeful lost a swimsuit competition ......
jesus .... can't we even have a vice-president who won a swimsuit competition?
and hey, howzabout that 700 billion bucks that's gone into wall street? i sure do like the way there's a level playing field out there, how the invisible hand of the market's just given us all the finger, how--without even snapping on a wrinkled rubber glove--that invisible hand went way way far up our collective back passage and clamped the vice grips on our collective prostate .... you know, that money was to loosen up lending but ... ha ha .... it doesn't seem to be working out that way .... i know you're surprised to hear that the big player banks are dipping into the taxpayers' slush fund so they can buy up lesser banks; the idea of lending money out is no longer part of the equation--as if it ever were ..... mission accomplished, indeed: the further centralization of power and wealth, facilitated by your friendly government ..... oh, that's spreading the wealth around, all right, with back hoes and manure shovels ..... and speakin' of ho's, i keep hearing how obama's "a socialist ...." that's what one of my surgeons--who otherwise seemed to be capable and intelligent--said to me .... i was at a loss as to how to respond, especially as he was pulling tubes out of my arm at the time .... but i thought of saying, you need more money, you fucking whore? you need a new fucking mercedes? you're already bargaining, cents on the dollar, to the insurance company, but that doesn't seem to be a problem for you .... and maybe i missed something but .... what's wrong with socialism? scandinavians been doin' it for a reel long time 'n' they seem to be doin' okay .... oh .... whussat? you gotta wait a long time to see a dokter? thank god we get immediate medical attention; like, one of my boys's got sinus troubles and the earliest i can get him in to see a pediatric ear/nose/throat doc is the middle of january ....
and i made the appointment two weeks ago .....
what about that "obama wants to spread the wealth around" lede? let's just say you're living in a fucking trailer eating three-day-old possum steaks and you don't want a little wealth spread your way? is this what drove cretins to vote for eight years of bush? the american peeople and the republican party, it's like the dynamics of spousal abuse, with the abused spouse returning to the abuser, over and over and over again: busted muh union, lost muh job, closed down muh factory; don't got no health care, got evicted frum muh house; whut littul savin's ah had gawn dun disappeared; took muh boy 'n' got his haid blowed off in ganimastan but .... ah'd shore lahk tuh have a beer wit' him hees just a reg'lar guy jus' lahk me as stewpid as a bag fulla hammers 'n' ah jus' know hees gawna change 'n' ah cain't buh-leeve we gawn let a darky in the whaht house 'n' gawd bless amurka ......
even as my capacity for outrage has been stultified and blunted, i''m still stupamafacted at how effectively americans have been assiduously and deliberately disinformed .... i have neither the time nor the energy to trace the proliferation of think tanks and the co-opting of "the media," but .... is the question why we're not teaching "intelligent design" in [public] schools? or is the question why the united states is 25th in math and 29th in science, world-wide? are the answers to global climate change (assuming you actually believe that there is such a thing) going to be found in the bible? i'm sure reading the bible will make us effective competitors with the indians and the chinese and the taiwanese and all those little heathens over there who just seem to be kicking our financial butt although ha ha we sure pulled the pin on the global economy didn't we so fuck 'em we're number one we're number one .....
as the global economy collapsed on itself we were inundated with the catch-phrases "meltdown;" "greedy brokers;" "interdependent markets;" "yada yada yada yada ...." but i didn't see a whole lot of coverage or discussion given to the phenomenon of global looting and impoverishment as a direct result of the deliberate deregulation of the market along with the dismantling of any possible overesight mechanisms, resulting in .... well, ha ha .... how many times can a fiscal philosophy be discredited before it's discarded?
probably about as many times as you can watch the democrats continue the funding of illegal and immoral invasions of sovereign nations, while republicans--under the aegis of fiscal responsibility--advocate more permanent tax cuts for corporations simultaneous with funding illegal immoral etc. etc. yada yada etc. yada etc. etc. .....
i'd sure like to encounter some of that demon liberal media, i really would .... i can't count how many evangelicals or representatives of the brookings institute i've heard on n[auseating] p[uerile] r[epugnant] in the last week .... today i heard nancy pelosi say how sorry she was that she'd been unable to pass legislation that would "bring the troops home," but i didn't hear anyone ask her why she'd continued funding for this war, nor was she asked why she'd taken impeachment proceedings against george bush "off the table ...." i ..... i ..... i ..... i ..... ay yi yi yi ..... yi yi yi ya ya .......
etc. etc. etc. ......
and i'm tired of hearing these assholes legitimatized with the cute phrase "pro-life ...." i guess that makes me "pro-death?" if they're against abortions they shouldn't have one; the people most opposed to abortions are the people you least want to fuck in the first place; if you're pre-birth, you're fine; if you're pre-schoo, you're fucked .... and that string of pearls is from george carlin ....
i'd like to hear once, just once, someone in the media characterizing these worm-eating wombats as "anti-woman ....." just once, just once before i shuffle off this mortal coil, hand in my lunchbucket, cash in my chips, buy the farm and .....
experience the rapture .....
next: dr. pete scratches his butt .......
Posted by DrKanga at 8:35 PM
i'd written a lot and wanted to write more, but it was all fragmented and chaotic .... i've been distracted, and not just because of the sheer weight of the toxic absurdities littering our political landscape .... i just haven't the strength or resolve to cite them, chapter and verse, so i'll just let it go at that .....
anyway, i'll be down for a couple of weeks or more, with one arm neatly wrapped in a sling, recuperating from shoulder surgery ....
guess i won't be doing windmills for a while ....
you know what i regret? i regret that you're not going to hear my "ballad of sarah palin" which i just finished .... i regret that i don't have a conduit to clearchannel or fox news, and i regret that it'll be .... well, let me back up .... i hope it'll be a sordid musical footnote in a couple of weeks ....
talk atcha later .......
next: dr. pete wipes ......
Posted by DrKanga at 8:27 PM
i read a lot while i was growing up, and while i was growing up i read a lot of science fiction .... this was the classical period, with the all-time great sci-fi writers: silverberg and sheckley; bradbury, pohl, and asimov; mathesson and heinlein; bester and bloch, on and on and on .... it was a wonderful time and a wonderful time to be reading forays into the future; i lived in a world that was fraught with possibility and promise while reading about worlds of promise and possibilities ..... there were lots of things that were to happen between, say, 1955 and 2000, and a lot of things did happen, but not a single writer, not one of these visionaries, not on their worst fucking night, not when they were drunk out of their minds, crawling across the floor to the bathroom where they'd collapse into large puddles of vomit and excreta, not one of these incredibly gifted writers, not on the worst fucking acid trip imaginable, could have foreseen .....
sarah palin .....
well, shit; let me back up a little bit here and say that not one of these literary giants imagined republicans, let alone what they'd do to this country and the world, although ray bradbury got close in his "a sound of thunder ...." anyway, we're now in the present, which is what the future's become, and what do we have? we've commented at length on the disappearance of civil liberties and the abrogation of the bill of rights .... we're watching a select few dismantle the financial "system" that made them very rich, and we're watching them parcel it out to even fewer, while you and i pick up the tab ..... gosh, i remember those halcyon days in the past, when ma bell was deemed "too large" and was broken up into the "baby bells ...." boy, that sure worked out just fine, didn't it? now at&t runs phones and internet and credit cards and--as though that weren't enough--spies and eavesdrops on you and me and turns it all over to the government .... and it looks like bank of america and chase bank are going to end up owning all the other banks ....
but i'm sure their intentions are good and i feel confident that none of this illegally acquired data would ever be misused for any reason whatsoever, nor will the kind of raw brute power that these new conglomerates will wield will be misued and ..... excuse me .... i wonder who's knocking so loudly on my door? it's four o'clock in the morning, for god's sake and .........
just kidding, of course ... ha ha ..... ha ha .......
what's serious and sad is that fifty years ago we had great expectations: we imagined a cleaner, better world; we imagined a world with more leisure in it, not necessarily dependent on whether we had robots or not; we imagined a world where .... well, let me back up a little bit here; some folks did predict a grim mechanistic world, overpopulated, with gray polluted skies; a world run by brutal repressive corporations with no regard for human dignity or life; a world under the thumb of autocratic political dynasties, with one corrupt psychotic amoral oligarch handing the torch of power on to his handpicked successor ..... and still, swith this incredible spectrum of possible worlds, no one .... no one .... no one ..... no one ever imagined anything like ....
sarah palin .....
now, i've said it before and i don't want to belabor the point, but the republicans have always taken great pleasure in rubbing our noses in their feces: they've given us spiro agnew, who resigned because of criminal charges; dan quayle, who wasn't bright enough to steal newspapers from a blind newsboy, although if you remember marilyn quayle--and i can understand why you'd want to forget her--she probably did; george bush the first, who sold weapons to saddam hussein and probably gave him trading stamps to sweeten the deal; gerald ford, who ..... god help me, i can't go on; i just can't go on .... so it's not surprising that, once again, they're lowering the bar so low that a banana slug with down's syndrome could vault over with no difficulty--and find himself in the white trash house .... you've got to give it to the republicans, in some areas they are equal opportunity employers .... one way or another, they're going to get a retard into the white house .... remember, now; we've had eight years of george bush, and--i'm not making this up because i simply couldn't--there's still twenty-two percent--yes, that's right: about one out of every four amurkans--who think he's doing a great job, that he's just fine and dandy .... if that doesn't fuck you up, i don't know what will; say you're on an elevator and there are twelve people in there with you: three of them think bush is great .... say you're on a bus, along with thirty-one other people; there are eight people around you who like what george has done ..... say you're in a crowded restaurant, one hundred and twenty diners ... that means you'll lose your appetite because thirty people ......
makes you yearn for a heroin high colonic, doesn't it?
but anyway .... like i said, it's not surprising that the republicans have found themselves yet one more cretinous retard that they'd like to put into the highest office in the land; that's what they do, that's how they've managed to turn the united states into a fourth-rate third world country plundered and looted by corporations that pay no taxes and have more rights and legal considerations than you or i ever will .... what's disgusting is how low the country's expectations are, and how this has been reinforced by the "media ...." did you listen to "the debate?" i couldn't, i really couldn't and, having no television, i missed sarah's high points, like .... winking .... jesus fucking christ bleeding ass wombats, give me a fucking break .... bush looked into putin's soul; sarah looks out her kitchen window and sees him .... what the fuck is she going to do now? wink at him? when she meets with world leaders, what'll she do? wink at 'em and teach 'em the macarena? she's such a blatant dildo that by not pissing herself, by not picking her nose and eating the boogers, by not masturbating on stage (yeah, i know she was jerking off on stage, but i meant not actually dipping her moose-gutting fingers into her honeypot and lickin' 'em clean) then, well .... she passed the fucking test and she's now qualified to be a republican leader because we've already seen what a twat she is so anything better than that is really really really good and that's good enough for the republican ticket so it's goddam well good enough for the american sheeple .....
christ all fucking mighty .....
we've had eight years of one booger-bitin' moron and there's more lining up to take his place, and they're getting a green light, they're getting a pass from .... well, shit; let me back up again; you'd think the "media'd" be the gate watchers, but .... ha ha .... they're just watchin' brad 'n' jen 'n' pootie 'n' sniffie 'n' tom 'n' brad 'n' i don't even know and if the "media" isn't telling us that the emperor is naked is turning blue from the cold without clothes you know they'll not tell you shit about the last bit of cash in this country being looted out right from underneath your noses and being given to the same old corporations that have been calling the shots forever ..... so sarah gets the green light and this last "interview" my god how can they live with themselves why don't they ask a real question like "yo, bitch .... where is your shame? and why don't you go back home and drill in a seal's ass for oil that'd be part of your .... ha ha .... energy plan ....."
and where is the seven hundred billion dollars that's going to prevent our financial collapse going to come from? honest to god, these fucksniffers are still doing the same old same old shit and they're still getting away with it they're stil pushing buttons that you'd've thought would have turned to dust around the time noah was whipping the animals on the ark it'll all be paid for by tax cuts for god's sake and, oh, we'll put a cap on ceo's compensation i'm sorry but that's such whoreshit; yes, these robbing fucks make way too much money, but they're being rewarded for being crooks and they've done a really good job .... you know what we should see? instead of tax cuts? we should see corporations being taxed, that's what we should see .... oh, no, dr. pete; that would stifle creativity and exxon needed another tax break so they can develop alternative energy sources like all the fucking hot air they spout putting in ads that say how green they are they could just dip bankrupt homeowners in wax, put wicks in their mouths, and light 'em up; put 'em in times square and you'd see the great white way, all right' you could see it from the hubble telescope, over off the burning shoulder of orion: burning tax payers, a renewable energy source .....
and why would we even talk about how much has been pissed away in iraq, no one's even talking about it for god's sake although it must be because the surge worked placated the people why so many have been killed off no wonder the level of violence has gone down to, say, compton or east lansing on a saturday night and ......
we know the nation has been "dumbed down;" that's the way you want your farm animals--placid, bovine, docile--but do we really need to be proud of it? brag about it? i'm tired of officials that speak no language known to man, english foremost among them ..... language is a tool; among other things, diplomacy relies on the ability to use language .... oh, shit; i forgot .... we don't need diplomacy any more; we just figure out what nostradamus and jesus christ would want us to do .... this whole bullshit song and dance about sarah "doing better than she did in her first interviews so it's all okay now ...." for shit's sake; a french poodle on quaaludes could do better than she did on her first interviews; i know parrots that are smarter, better looking, and talk better than her .... horses can count by raising and lowering a hoof but ..... that doesn't qualify them to be vice-president .....
gosh, new zealand's looking awful good, right about now ....
next: dr. pete gets a visa
p
Posted by DrKanga at 7:30 PM | Comments (1)
jeez, it was great, being back country and not reading the news .... i mean, the "news ...." how much secret heartache of the network stars can a man stand? i'm about saturated with baby tsuris and jen and biff and muffy and scummy and nibbles and pootie and who's going with who and who's not going with who and who's overweight and who's in the dry-out chamber and who got their picture taken with no panties and who dresses badly they all do for fuck's sake and who the fuck is jen anyway? i missed the emmies; i don't have a tv .... what i didn't miss was The Wall Street Meltdown, and it's not going to miss you, either .... but let me back up a bit .....
y'all remember molly ivins? you oughtta, and ya oughtta be checkin' out sumatha things she had to say .... but let me back up even further, and go off on a tangent which, hopefully, i'll bring back into the fold ....
i think i've talked about the stimulus barrier before? our neurological triage mechanism? the mechanism that assesses and grades and filters stimuli so that you can respond to those that demand immediate attention and ignore the other irritants and goings-on around you? if you have kids you know what i'm talking about--you learn what kind of shrieking is innocuous and what kind of shrieking calls for staunching the flow of blood ..... lilke an eskimo with snow, you learn the seventy-four different textures of crying; you know what can be ignored, what you can walk slowly to, and what has you dialling 911 ...... you know when to whip out the choke chain and the cattle prod and when to pour yourself a shot of single malt; you know when to put on the biohazard suit and when to just walk glassy-eyed into that good night and say "fuck it all ...."
i had some travelling to do, so i was listening to molly's "bushwhacked" on audio disc while i drove; it was a forcible reminder of the monumental incursions, the global depredations of bush and the bush league, and it made me aware that i'd deliberately been making myself unaware of them because, well .... because frankly i was getting overwhelmed by the magnitude of them, of what--in their parlance--we can summarize as "evil ...." yes, my stimulus barrier'd been assaulted by unrelenting evil and i had to shut up shop; i was running on adrenaline overload from perpetual outrage; i'd gone hoarse from shrieking "you fucking FUCKS you evil FUCKS fuck YOU you FUCKING FUCKS go FUCK YOURSELF in the FUCKING MOUTH YOU ............Auugugugughghghghhgh .... MY FUCKING HEART! IT'S LIKE AN ALLIGATOR!!!!!!"
shrieking like that's not a bad thing, mind you; it'l give your voice that rod stewart je ne sais quoi, and if you're doing vocal tracks it works out fine but ...
the fact remains that it's been eight non-stop years of rectal pounding and plundering, the shit frosting on the sociopolitical turd cake that started with reagan; it's hard for me to conceive of the thoroughness with which these malevolent evil fucksnufflers have trashed everything .... i mean, what did they do? did they get out of bed one morning and say, hey, i got an idea: let's fuck up everything! did they have a checklist of what they wanted to fuck up? or did they just check one box, the one that says "everything?" i can't even begin to do the catalog and catechism of it all, but .... the kyoto protocol; the environmental protection agency ... ha ha ... schools and education, with every [dark] child left behind; health care delivery; illegal immoral unilateral wars based on lies and deception deliberately foisted on a fear-saturated manipulated population; torture; mass murder; our international reputation; running national and foreign policy .... well .... ha ha .... what little policy there is seems to come from pentecostal visions, propounded by talking in tongues .... corporate welfare to the banks, the pharmaceuticals, the energy giants; packing the judicial system with psychotic idealogues; making it impossible to sue corporations; tax cuts for the wealthy; no taxes for corporations; screwing the taxpaying middle class; widdling all over the does this make me a fucking elitist if i say "lower class?" katrina .... heckuva job, bushie! making intelligence unconscionable, competence detrimental, experience anathema; institutionalizing greed and corruption on a byzantine scale ..... yada yada yada ... yada yada yada .... this shit didn't happen overnight, it didn't happen by accident, and boy, was there a rush of satan's little fuckelves, tripping over their barbed little yangs, jumping in to help .... yes, new york times and washington post, that's you; yes, television that's .... well .... ha ha ..... those airwaves, they're the public airwaves, and they're givin' the public what they want, which seems to be a triple scoop of congenital idiocy with the steaming brown fecal sauce of and i can't even carry this metaphor out into its most logical destinations because i want to shut it all down and not think about it which ....
which means i'm playing their game, the way they want it played .....
maybe if i google "jen" i'll find out something i need to know that'll help me survive in this fucking country .... i'm going to do it, right now and .... and ......
none of it makes any sense to me, except the jen buddhism thing: "Perhaps the most important Confucian and by extension Chinese value is jen--once you have mastered this concept, all the remaining Confucian and Neo-Confucian values fall into place. As a crucial concept the word is immensely complex and so can't be translated easily into English; traditionally, it is translated either as "humaneness" or "humanity" or "benevolence.""
and you know that has no relevance in this country, not now, no how ....
well, folks, the Wall Street Melt Down has landed, and you should be afraid, very very afraid .... what you should be afraid of is, here are the folks that wanted to "privatize social security" because "everyone needed to be in the market" "managing their own funds" and "the market always grows it never fails" and you're in the market now, oh yes you are, you're in the market place being sold down the river, lock stock and barrel isn't it funny how the latest scare is coming out this close to an election like so many other scares before like the eye-rak invasion and we have to give paulson irrevocable unquestionable powers but i'm sure his intentions are good is he competent? if he is i don't want him doing anything unless karl rove says it's okay and i'm thinking this is their last assault on the country's finances, they're going to hollow it out, they're like bankrobbers sweeping change out of the till into their sacks as they run out the back door of the bank into the waiting getaway car, they're looting the country, they're getting what's left, what's offensive and insulting is they want you to hold the doors open for them as they run out and make their getaway; they're going to take everything that they haven't given to exxon mobil god what are they communists you don't have to be an economist like paul krugman to know there's a fucking train coming down the pike comin' atcha real strong whooooo! whoooooo! here comes the train the engineer's text messaging he's not payin' attention WHOOOOOO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOO WOOO WOOO WOOO WOOO WOOO WOO WOOO WOOOOO WOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O!O! and meanwhile the democrats, relevant and upright as always, that partisan party that gives "buy partisan" a whole new level of meaning, the party of fun-lovers that's never stopped any republican giveaway, the democrats that have always gone along their mothers must've told them always say "yes" to be polite to get along have just funded another 618 billion dollars to the perpetuation of our illegal immoral occupation of iraq and remember this is the dream team that gave us samuel alito and antonin scalia and john roberts oh darn and the bankruptcy legislation written by the bank lobbyists that just sticks it to the little guy who's going broke in this booming economy and now they say it's okay drill for oil offshore we've had a moratorium on it for twenty-eight years but jesus fucking christ the democrats are just handing it right over no wonder i don't want to know anything anymore how about you and what i'm thinking is even if obama isn't assassinated and even if he makes it to the white trash house ......
there won't be a penny left in the treasury for any social programs whatsoever; we'll just have to keep feeding the military industrial complex and shut down all the schools .....
i miss molly ivins; she was way beyond bright and she tempered her views of the abattoir around her with humor ..... she also came up with solutions to the problems she saw, and her eyesight was way beyond twenty-twenty .... i don't have the energy to cite her, chapter and verse, although campaign finance reform is the start of it ..... you can find her in the library .... .
you can find me, huggin' my dust bunnies, hiding underneath the bed ......
next: dr. pete changes his mind .....
Posted by DrKanga at 7:34 PM
it sucks being back, but it's nice to have one's absence noted ....
steve singer wrote saying the kennedy's weren't all that classy, that he had a photo of jfk in a havana whorehouse back in 1957 ..... hey steve .... what's not classy about a havana whorehouse in 1957? it'd be far classier than a mccain/palin whitehouse'd be, and it would have been the best that organized crime and an endless string of american administrations could make; i'd say that'd have been pretty good .... plus, kennedy was into fucking women, rather than fucking up the country and the planet .... given my druthers, i'd rather have my elected officials having congress--and why not the senate too?--with women; i'd say the bush twins are in vitro .... hard to imagine little georgie--and i mean little--doing anything substantive with his tiny putz .....
compensatorily speaking, i'd say that's one of the reasons we're in eye-rak .....
speaking of class, i keep perseverating on the conundrum, "what's the difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom?"
i guess this is the republican attempt to co-opt the "hockey mom" category in their ongoing class war .... do hockey moms drive volvos? or do they hollow out a moose so they can get the puck outta there?
i'm told the answer is "lipstick;' now, i've never seen a pitbull with lipstick, but hey .... in the trailer park universe i'm sure there are lots of 'em .... what really bothers me is, if that's the only difference--that pitbulls wear lipstick--that means sarah palin's personal hygiene consists of her licking her box, scratching behind her ears for lice and fleas, and dabbing on boticides for sacrcoptic mange; it means she widdles on the floor, attacks and kills cats, and ruts in the streets with stray dogs .....
well, hell .... she's a republican, after all, and that's about what they do. so i shouldn't be surprised .... but class?
i rather think not ..... all those moist sucking, nuzzling, gobbling, slurping, licking and chewing noises could be a real distraction when you're trying to decide which defenceless brown country you want to invade next to distract the bovine population from how badly they're being screwed ......
still, republicans do know how to have fun, as witnessed by the agency officials whose task it is to monitor and collect royalties from the energy companies; the new energy policy there is "cocaine," and exxon mobil may be fucking you and me, but not quite as intimately as they've been fucking these republican appointees .... jesus, i'm qualified for government work, you know? maybe i should send in my resume .....
jeez, after that i don't have a whole lot to say .... seven years, oh lord, seven years later and whattawe gotta show for it?
next: dr. pete bursts into tears ......
Posted by DrKanga at 10:09 AM | Comments (1)
i've been away a long time; did you miss me?
i didn't and don't want to come back; what's to come back to? the mouldy cookie crumbs of civilization? a lunar and lunatic political landscape, one without atmosphere? i don't want to tell you where i was or what i was doing because i'd burst into tears and become incapacitated but .... the bicycling was great .... and there weren't any cars .....
so .... what did i miss? well, russia invaded georgia and the united states sent strong "messages" to the russians: "ah won't call you "pootie-poo" any more," for starters, or "the next time i look into yore soul i'll see a murderous sociopath who's butchered millions of people and oh my GOD! i'm looking into a MIRROR" and "don't you dare violate the sovereignity of another country with a pre-emptive illegal immoral unilateral invasion" at which point the world burst out laughing and i would have too only i was so far removed from what passed for "news" that it was all but as a gnat's fart in hurricane katrina whose anniversary we also celebrated i think the new york times ran some nice puff pieces on how great mardi gras was so thank god all things are back to normal down and there and speaking of being back to normal .....
i don't even want to think about our "electorate" or what passes for a national election .... jesus, you couldn't run a junior high campaign like this; the kids wouldn't tolerate it--they're much too sophisticated ..... let's make a couple of things clear here: being a POW doesn't make you a hero; i'm sorry ..... all it means was, you got caught and you got held and at the most you kept some prison guards busy and you ate bad food .... no, that doesn't make you a hero, especially not if you participated in an illegal, immoral occupation and devastation of another country ..... and if being tortured and "breaking" makes you heroic, then we got thousands of heroes in guantanamo, bhagram air force base, and black sites around the world .....
we're making heroes faster and better than general motors is making cars these days .....
let me add that not telling your daughter where babies come from doesn't qualify you to hold the launch codes; what is this? immaculate fucking conception? i'm not sure when ignorance became a virtue, superstition an asset, and incompetence a prerequisite for holding public office .... jesus, these people are turning the white house into a fucking trailer park: it's not the white house any more, it's the white trash house, and they'll have cars up on blocks out on the front lawn, along with some nice big old appliances for their fucking kids to play in .....
how fallen are the mighty, and what a mighty fall it's been .... the kennedy years, jesus .... jacky kennedy, a class act if ever there were one, dressed in givenchy or bill blass, not a suzanne sommers special off-the-rack dress from walmart .... they had pablo casals playing cello in the white house, for chrissake; i can't imagine what the republican's music of choice'd be, but their chanting "drill baby drill" gives you an idea ..... as bad as country music can be, i don't think there are any country artists currently descending to this level of imbecility ....
as for imbeciles, they'll do anything to get a retard into the white house .... no ..... really .... they've done it for years; think about the calibre of people they've brought into the white house: spiro agnew; dan quayle; george bush; lon cheney ......
can you imagine what the response would be if an obama daughter were pregnant? how do you think rush ilmbaugh would--remember his compassionate and sensitive impressions of michael j. fox's parkinson's disease--would portray a democrat who had a child with down's syndrome?
we're way beyond hypocrisy here; i'd expect nothing less from creatures that use a sharp little egg tooth to burst through their birthing egg before they eat their mother, then look for a sunny rock so they can bring up their blood temperature to a comfortable level, one where they get the agility they need to fuck with you and me .... none of this is surprising, neither am i surprised--although i'm seriously repugnificated--at the mindless hunger with which our "media" laps this fierce liquid shit up, or the number of diversions, distractions and confabulations they disseminate .... our public policy is now being "debated" and decided at the magazine racks at our supermarket checkout counter .....
what constantly boggles my mind is the .... ha ha .... opposition party ...... what is the most strident response you've seen? other than them saying "tsk, tsk, tsk" while stroking one forefinger with the other .... oh .... excuse me; was it biden who said "i am rubber/you are glue/bounce of me and/stick on you ....."
jesus ......
the republicans, the party that represents the interests of exxon mobil, of halliburton, that was personified by enron, panders to a small population that has a persecution complex .... i'm sorry, but let's be honest: when people resent and resist your forcing your beliefs down their throats, it doesn't mean you're being persecuted .... it means your an autocratic sociopathic asshole, on odious fucking nattering pest feeding upon the yang of the dark lord, that poses grave threats to everything that america ever pretended to stand for, and that should bar--rather than qualify you--for holding public office, but .....
i've been wrong before ......
i really don't fucking know where to go ......
i wanna go back where there were no people and no cars and no radio and no tv and no newspapers and .... and ..... and ......
it was just fucking great .......
now ..... here i am: give me a hero's welcome!
next: dr. pete wipes .......
Posted by DrKanga at 6:20 PM | Comments (2)
the heat wave broke a week ago, but it still smells like the foyer to the inferno, thanks to the more than eight hundred fires that started in a lightning storm .... a lightning storm? in california? i think of lightning as an east coast or midwest phenomenon, along with humidity and lightning bugs .... i didn't register the lightning storm, but something hit a tree down the street from me, setting it on fire, and i don't think it was osama yo mama ..... he's kicking back, with his dialysis machine, in the hyderabad hilton, driving room service crazy .....
fire and drought, fire and drought; tornadoes; typhoons; oh ... i almost forgot floods in the midwest .... let's see: we had hundred year floods ten years ago, and now we're having five hundred year floods .... our fearless leader-type guy actually kind of went and looked at some of the water and spoke to some of the folks i know he said y'all don't like to see yore house goin' down the river but sometimes ya gotta play the hand that's dealt ya and it's not the hand it's how you play it and i wonder someone who had that hand dealt to them just didn't give him the finger from that hand and isn't it odd, what with all these meteorological and hydrological occurences that are just off the fucking charts, coming down one after the other after the other, that not one single "news service" or "newspaper" or "media" while reporting on any of this makes any mention of global warming or climate change?
i'm sure their intentions are good ....
ha ha .... ha ha .....
meanwhile we get to talk about "opening up our oil reserves" and "drilling on the coast" because i don't know about you but gas in my neighborhood is tickling the butt of five bucks a gallon and what better way to fill the tank of my hummer that's what i drive don't you? than buy dipping a carabou in oil sludge or torching up a seabird or two i can just melt down a seal and stuff him in the tank christ what a fucking boondoggle offshore drilling is or drilling in alaska one of the greatest reserves of natural gas is in washington d.c. with all the senators and congresspersons and lobbyists they just keep going and going and going and i hope no one strikes a match WHOOOOOMPPPHHHHHHH it'd make the hindenburg look like a child's birthday candle .....
the peter kaukonen trio (two really nice guys and peter) played their shows last weekend; i'm told that video clips'll be up on the myspace page; i'm told that friday was a pretty nice show and i wish i'd been there .... ha ha .... no .... what i actually wish is that anyone had been there; if everyone came who said they were going to come, do you think i'd be sitting here, writing this nonsense? no ... i'd be driving my brand new metallic pink ferrari up and down highway one, not blinking at the cost of filling its insatiable tank .....
whatever .... i'm taking the family out on vacation, mercifully unhooked from the digital umbilical, away from computers and news and most things electronic ..... i'll be back in a couple of weeks; i'd suggest that you stop reading the news, jab an icepick through your left eyeball into your frontal lobes; stir vigorously; sit back and enjoy the new sense of well-being that permeates you .... now you can really appreciate the democrats sucking up the FISA feces and your government, along with its telecom and corporate henchmen, monitoring your every movement .....
it'll be nice to get away but god ..... how i hate travelling in this @!$%@#%^@#%^ country ....... i'm sure you'll hear me shrieking as i start going through "security ....."
ha ha .... security ..... oh .... ha ha ..... that's really funny!
have a great summer ........
next: dr. pete relaxes
Posted by DrKanga at 8:02 AM
dear diary:
how could i have forgotten how george bush "we'll pursue and prosecute anyone who might have violated a law [in the outing of valerie plame]" commuted scooter the pooter libby's sentence ....
i guess i repressed it so i wouldn't puke up any more esophageal blood .....
speaking of bloody chunks of puke, obama might not have to pardon anyone, not with the machinations of harry reid, nancy pelosi, and steny hoyer, all of whom continue to absolve the republicans of any wrongdoing ..... why would i say that? well, they keep voting more funds that go into the endless bottomless pit of iraq, and now hoyer is a prime mover beyind legislation that would absolve the telecoms from warrantless spying and .....
these are our democrats .... ha ha .... boy, what a robust party! and i didn't even mention joe "mr. fun" lieberman but .....
what i really wanted to say is, it's the peter kaukonen trio this friday june 20th at the mill valley golf course clubhouse! doors open 7:30! show starts at 8:00! we didn't get a liquor license so byob! but we get to play without some club owner freaking out over amplification! and you can rip your clothes off and spin madly around the room, reaching out in a claw-like rictus to grab on to the nearest warm body before you fly off into the nether realms of ecstasy!
find out more at peterkaukonen.com! or myspace.com/peterkaukonen!
hope to see you there!
Posted by DrKanga at 1:27 PM
it was really hot last week, with the temperature hitting and holding in the high 90s .... i'm not a happy hot weather person; maybe i got it out of my system, growing up in pakistan, where it rained two days a year, where water rationing had teeth, and i always marvelled at the refugee camps that stretched for endless miles across a flat and featureless plain, not a tree in sight forever and beyond, the people living in skin-covered half domes that must have been all of five feet high, and the temperature hitting 114 and up ...... the women walked miles to fetch water; they'd come and go with jugs balanced on their heads .... they were beautiful, low-caste but always dressed immaculately in brilliant saris, necklaces, bracelets; they flowed as they walked and, because they were low caste, weren't in purdah: their faces weren't covered, nor can i imagine what it would be like to be completely covered in 114 degrees .... actually there was vegetation; i now remember goats, climbing up into the thistle bushes to nibble on thistles: thy-vuh lye-vit-aye-vul gai-voats wye-vith-thy-vis-aye-vuls aye-vin thy-veir-thry-voats ....
my dad taught us california pig latin; i've transcribed it, probably for the first time, here .... fye-vor yai-voo ......
i still ride in the heat; as long as i'm moving i'm air cooled and, when i train on single track, i'm under tree cover .... still, the heat .... i hope this is but a taste of the foyer to the inferno that awaits republicans and all the cocksuckers who have made such a lucrative career out of murdering and plundering and lying and do i really have to go on? dennis kucinich has drawn up thirty-five articles of impeachment that he's trying to bring against bush et al .... good luck, dennis; he can't even bring them to the attention of the washington toast and the knee jerk crimes .... there are other movements afoot to bring charges against the gang of thieves, these mass murderers, and i wish them well .... i don't want my two front teeth for christmas; i don't even care if i get them recapped .... i've told you before and i'll tell you again: what i want to see is a packed docket in the hague, with war crimes trials being beamed around the globe, starting with bush, cheney, rumsfeldt, rice, working down through bremer, wolfowitz yada yada yada kristol yada yada yada and if they've got dogs i want to see the dogs charged, too .... this brings to mind what obama's greatest challenge is going to be, and it's not going to be who he selects as vice-president .....
it's whether or not he pardons bush and the boys .....
in the past an incoming republican administration would exonerate, pardon, excuse, and bury all evidence of malfeasance of the one they were replacing: ford did it for nixon, under the guise of "healing the country; i know, i know, i'm generally delusional, but i think that a good war crimes trial would heal this country whoosh bang zip; it'd show the world that we took the "rule of law" seriously ..... the first bush did it, and i now quote wikipedia: "as he left office he granted executive clemency to six former government employees implicated in the Iran-Contra scandal of the late 1980s, most prominently former Secretary of Defense Caspar Weinberger. Weinberger, who had been scheduled to stand trial on January 5, 1993, for charges related to Iran-Contra, was described by Bush as a "true American patriot"."
"It is speculated that Weinberger's private notes contained references to Bush's endorsement of the secret shipments to Iran, thus contradicting his assertion that he was "out of the loop". Some believe that Bush's pardon was an effort to preserve a largely positive image of the Reagan-Bush years. In addition to Weinberger, Bush pardoned Duane R. Clarridge, Clair E. George, Robert C. McFarlane, Elliott Abrams, and Alan G. Fiers Jr., all of whom had been indicted and/or convicted of charges by an Independent Counsel headed by Lawrence Walsh."
only republicans can make law-breaking and murder respectable, the cornerstone of a career of moral rectitude, and i'm thinking only of oliver north .... the circularity of all these assholes never ceases to dumbfound me, but you can never go wrong underestimating the complicity of the "media" or the ability of the american people to make critical judgements about such things as should paris hilton get a new hairdo and what about jen and who the fuck is jen anyway? i was thinking that elliot abrams is back in a bush white house and that the whirlwinds that we're reaping in afghanistan via the taliban who i thought were our allies and who we'd armed with things like stinger missiles even though congress had declared that illegal republicans thought it'd be great to help afghani freedom fighters who were poppy growing warlords grow more poppies to make more heroin to make more money to buy more weapons to kill more russians and there are several lessons to be learned here one is never get involved in a guerilla land war in asia and don't go fucking around in afghanistan it's never worked out well for anyone the brits could tell you and so could the russians it fucked them up big time and .....
now we have a democrat who might even become president, there's no shortage of criminality in the bush camp, and how will obama respond to this?
if he actually does pursue prosecution, god .... that would be a fucking change, wouldn't it?
and he's been promising us all change .....
maybe he could stand at my freeway on-ramp with a sign saying:
"will prosecute for change ...."
next: dr. pete plays music
Posted by DrKanga at 9:44 AM
barack obama is now the demoratic nominee .... yawn .... and bo diddley has died .....
i'm more affected by bo diddley's death than this denouement of the democratic diddle and piddle that's had the "media" going crazy over obama's pastors--but not the republicans' jew-hating-armageddon-loving-psychotic-delusional-fat-greasy-toupeed-suckers-of-satan's-cock-pastors; the headlines questioning obama's "patriotism" (no--gasp!--flag pin on his lapel!); opining that low bowling scores might make him an elitist, and .....
i actually saw a magazine called "celebrity hairstyles" at my drugstore checkout counter ....
i was in the seventh grade, maybe the eighth, when i bought a bunch of chess and checker records: "the best of little walter;" "the best of muddy waters;" howlin' wolf's "moanin' in the moonlight;" john lee hooker's "house of the blues" and, of course, bo diddley's eponymous "bo diddley ...." i also had "this is rock and roll" on atlantic; buddy holly on brunswick; the first two elvis albums on rca victor and nothing by pat boone but ..... the chess records were stunning in their impact, and it wasn't just that the music was killer, although you still can't beat those cuts by muddy waters, howlin' wolf, or little walter--the album art, most of it designed by don bronstein, was an integral part of the package, and a generation that's never been able to hold an album and look at artwork as an integral part, an extension of the music, up close, is impoverished and will sadly never know it .... i loved the drops of sweat rolling down muddy's side-lit profile; i wondered how the white of an eye could get so yellow; i loved the rundown shack on "house of the blues;" i loved all the chuck berry albums and their covers but .... bo diddley's wide-legged stance, holding his boxy gretsch, in a white jacket and a brazen stare, well .....
that told me what music was all about .....
i don't have to tell you how he trademarked the "shave-and-a-haircut-six-bits" rhythm and how the stones and the beatles and the who and the u-2 and the thems and the thoses and the theses and the thisses and the thats and the wombats and the cats in the hats all picked up on it and made lots of money while he didn't and that was just the nature of showbiz back then i guess it's changed because i know there's some out there that's done quite well for themselves but i'd rather listen to what bo diddley did than the pisspoor shit that clearchannel spoonfeeds the bovine masses like worms and grubs chewed into a frothy warm pulp by the momma bird who then pukes it down the open gaping shrieking beaks of her unformed empty young and i really liked bo's "say man" and so did my father, i think it was that song and the humor in it--as well as in ray charles' "it shoulda been me" that opened my dad's heart and mind up to black music in no time at all he was listening to and loving lightnin' hopkins along with his glenn gould's goldberg variations we all liked mahalia jackson too i still have all this on vinyl and i still listen to it and you know what?
it's all still so fucking great ......
i wish i could say the same about our political processes ..... okay, so i'm just a guitar player who just happened to spend way too much time in grad school, but i honestly think what with a preposterous unilateral illegal immoral invasion of a sovereign nation that never posed any threat to us, an invasion based on lies and deceptions facilitated by a compliant media; the systematic plundering of this country and others under the guise of "privatization;" the collapse of civil rights; the royal assfucking new orleans got, first by a hurricane, then by the bush administration; the politicization of all governmental functions, from the epa to the fda and beyond; the staggering fiscal debacle politely referred to as "the mortgage crisis" facilitated by the government and the fed with no accountability and halliburton and blackwater legalizing murder and assassination with no accountability not to mention institutionalizing torture for chrissake and that's the shit frosting on the republicans' poopoo pudding of bush's "legacy" don't you think there could have been some mention of these by democratic hopefuls in the runup to the nomination? don't you think our democratic presidential hopefuls might have targeted some of the republicans who have been screwing the pooch with such vim and such vigor, rather than adopting some republican talking points like "i'm going to level iran" or "there were some good things that came out of reagan's tenure" in what i can only presume to be shameless pandering to the vast sea of unlettered ignorant unwashed cocksuckers that ran blindly, like lemmings to a fucking cliff and, leaping off screaming "wendy! i can fly!" got us into this fucking mess in the first place?
let me be really clear about this: nothing good came out of reagan and his tenure .... he was a cretinous retard--like so many republican presidents--whose adminstration was characterized by illegal wars; massive theft and looting; corruption; venality, et al ..... like so many republican administrations .... reagan had a dead muskrat for a brain, howdy doody's hair, cunts for eyes, and a sphincter for a mouth .... and those were his positive attributes ....
let me go one step further here ..... you know how mccain and clinton et al keep saying how iran has got to stop its aspirations for nuclear weapons? how they pose a major threat? like they'll destabilize the region which--thank god--we're keeping stable and peaceful if it only weren't for those darned old iranians and of course that nasty old al quaeda in iraq which never was in iraq before we got there if it even is now because saddam didn't like them and you know what happened to people he didn't like about the same that happens to people we don't like and .... well, i know this may come as a surprise to you but .... they're all lying .... they're doing it again, like they did before the illegal, immoral, unilateral invasion of a sovereign nation that posed no threat to us which they "justified" by telling blatant falsehoods to an all too eager "media" that tripped over its own flaccid dick to should "wolf!" "WOLF!" "W-W-W-W-W-W-W-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-L-F!" and we had a monologue like "okay, saddam .... if you don't show us the weapons of mass distraction we're going to kick your ass ...."
"but i don't have any .... the u.n. inspectors can tell you that ...."
"liar liar pants on fire ..... if you don't produce 'em we're gonna really kick your ASS! nyaaa nyaaa nyaa nyaaaa nyaaaaaa ....."
i'm now going to paraphrase scott ritter, the ex-marine unscom inspector who was in iraq prior to the illegal immoral etc. and whom i respect and whom i tend to listen to rather than, say, judith miller, and he says that their weapons program stopped in in '03, something corroborated by u.n. inspectors; he points out that iran is a theocracy, which means that their leader is not ahmedinajad, but rather is the ayatollah khomeini, who has stated that nuclear weapons are anathema to islam (i know; i know .... it's much easier to believe a pope or ... ha ha ... pat robertson .... than an ayatollah, isn't it?); he points out that ahmedinajad is not "the decider;" it's khomeini; their nuclear program is for generating power, and he doesn't mean political power and .... on and on and on and on and on, ad nauseam, and why you should have to read this in a column writtten by a vulgar, foul-mouthed guitar player is a tragically sad commentary--in and of itself--on the state of this country and the "media" upon which so many .... ha ha ..... "deciderisions" are made .....
god fucking help us .....
now .... i could expatiate at length about the tasks facing obama as he seeks to unite a divided and embittered democratic party that you'd think should have everything sewn up in the bag but being democrats i think they'll settle down on their knees, open their mouths, and engorge the flaccid republican stalk but i won't .....
i'm going to listen to bo diddley's "i'm a man ....."
there never was any question about that, was there?
next: dr. pete drop tunes his guitar
Posted by DrKanga at 9:21 PM
our sense of humor, of what's funny, has changed drastically in a few short decades; if you're familiar with richard pryor, you'll know what i'm talking about--you'll know that there was more to the making of humor, of creating laughter against a background of insight, than providing an internet link to youtube .... do you ever get tired of people forwarding you an endless stream of shit that's supposed to be funny? do you wonder where you'll get the time to watch everything that someone else is forwarding you that got forwarded to them that was forwarded from somewhere else and on and on, back to the dawn of internet time?
as for this country, it defies irony: you have to run, just to stay in place .... there's never any shortage of onslaughts on your basice senses of decency, humility, common sense; proportion, humanity, and good taste .... here's something that should be cropping up on youtube, along with the squirrel shot out of the slingshot, or the juggling cow, but .... ha ha .... no one seems to think this is funny or, if they have, they haven't said so: here's how our idiot-in-chief observed memorial day, ostensibly dedicated to the honor of our military, many of whom are dead .....
"On this Memorial Day, I stand before you as the commander in chief and try to tell you how proud I am," Bush told an audience of military figures, veterans and their families at Arlington National Cemetery. Of the men and women buried in the hallowed cemetery, he said, "They're an awesome bunch of people and the United States is blessed to have such citizens."That provoked a standing ovation from the crowd in a marble amphitheater where Bush spoke. "Whoo-hoo!" shouted one woman, who couldn't contain her enthusiasm.
this quotation is from the new jerk crimes, but the italics are mine .... ha ha .... ha ha ha ha ... that's pretty fun, idn't it? ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!.... oh lawsey me! i can feel my duodenum knotting in massive intestinal repugnifIcation, just thinking about this cretinous retard and what he gets away with ... do i need to parse this bullshit? "try to tell you how proud i am?" try? try? if he'd stop eating his nose nuggets it might be easier to speak, but he still wouldn't make sense ..... our dead are an "awesome buncha people ....." awesome" .... awesome .... what is this? bush's bogus adventure? hangin' out with the dead? coolin' with cadavers? chillin' with corpses? they're probably the only ones left who'd like to have a beer with him .... have they now become citizens? fuck, next thing you know they'll be getting legal rights, like the iconic fetus but ... ha ha .... they're soldiers, and it doesn't matter whether they're dead or not, they're not going to get health care or scholarships or housing aid or anything but another chance to re-enlist and honest to god, i just can't stomach the kind of artificially generated enthusiasm so prevalent in america today .... woo hooo (it's "woo hoo," not "whoo hoo") my fucking ass ..... it's like dickhead stood up, scratched his butt, sniffed his finger, and said ....
hey america ... y'all raidy to rock?
and america went .....
bleeauughghghhrrrgh hhnnnngngngngngngn eeeeEEEEEEeeeeeoooooowoooooHOOOOOoooooo ......
fuck .....
i'm sick .....
speaking of being sick, aren't you sick and tired of folks who made fortunes serving as satan's lapdogs, then make another fortune writing books about what a nasty asshole satan is? i see that scott mcclellan--once employed as the cotton padding to staunch any possible flow of truth from the white house--has now joined the ranks of the "now it can be told" group, the shameless fuck-eaters in republican employ who punched satan's timecard and cashed satan's checks and now want to capitalize on "telling all," like .... maybe .... ha ha ..... there weren't any weapons of mass distraction oh my GOD what a surPRISE who could ever have THOUGHT and valerie plame oh my GOD did you know that karl rove--gasp!--didn't tell the TRUTH and pooter libby didn't tell the TRUTH and the "media" is shamelessly "discussing" mcclellan's "expose" presumably to boost sales god "media's" just there to hype product they're quoting chapter and verse from a book that has yet to be released it's like the fucking headlines on the national enquirer where everything is "shocking" i want to see bigfoot on the cover of the knee jerk crimes whore shit is a growth industry in this country as though anyone'd take it seriously, as though there's anything in it we .... okay; let me back up ..... it's hard to imagine that there's anything in it i didn't already know and it's not like i have second sight or anything like that i can't stand reading these fuckers listening to these snottering dog-wipes N[otoriously] P[retentious] R[adio] makes me power boot veinous blood into great spattering arcs i can spatterpaint my name on the ceiling when i listen these wombats intoning simpering posturing i had foetal alcohol clients who were more cogent and certainly more sincere i can't stand it i can't stand it all i want to hear is that bush and cheney and rice and powell and everyone in the congress and the senate have been hauled before the war crimes tribunal in the hague and they're standing in the docket charged with crimes against humanity that's ALL THE NEWS I FUCKING WANT TO HEAR!
and along comes vincent bugliosi to answer my prayers .....
remember the bug? he was the one who tried charlie manson and got a conviction .... he wrote "helter skelter;" he wrote about o.j. simpson getting away with murder; he's written about the betrayals perpetrated by the supreme court in gore vs. bush .... and now he's written "the prosecution of george w. bush for murder ....." did you hear me shrieking? OHMYGODOHMYGODMYPRAYERSHAVEBEENANSWEREDOHMYGODOHMYGODI'MNOTALONEI'MNOTFUCKINGALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now, i know that i'm never going to see any of these fudgesuckers and assfisters brought before a court of law in any significant way to get their rightful due their comeuppance their facial dusting with god's brass knuckles oh they'll never stand before a judge they'll never pay the price for the murder of over four thousand american soldiers a million iraqis the plundering of the treasury the trashing of the economy the deforestation of the bill of rights the violation of all civil liberties oh darn they'll never be drawn and quartered have hot coals placed inside their body cavities hung in the gibbet with crows plucking their eyes the old ways are the best that's what i'm thinking they keep talking about traditional values well i've got some traditional values for them right here let's get traditional a marriage between a man and a hot lead enema'd set 'em straight i think a guillotine in times square'd have a bracing effect on the casual disregard so many ceo's have for common sense and decency and i digress ....
but not by much .....
anyway, i'm delighted to see that vincent bugliosi, the prosecuting attorney and subsequent author who put charles manson behind bars, has written a book saying why bush should be brought up on murder charges after he's out of office .... and who better than bugliosi to bring this up? manson, bush; bush, manson .... i can't tell the difference, and neither can you ... both of them babbling incoherent sociopaths who have heard voices telling them to kill people; both surrounded by murderous zombies who unquestioningly followed orders; both created an an all-pervasive miasma of fear--among other things, they'd all come into your house and creepy-crawl it, going through your stuff; they've all "disappeared" people; both of them had this black-and-white my-way-or-the-highway attitude: i'm a-gonna free you 'r kill ya, an' the best way to free you ... is to kill you ... and ....
okay, okay--there's maybe a smidgeon of difference between 'em: charlie just scattered bodies around the west coast, whereas george's whacked out a million folk hither and yon but .... george went to harvard, so we know he's an over-achiever, okay? and charlie's taste in music, as long as he was listening to the beatles, was probably a notch higher than george's, and i'm going to presume charlie was getting more pussy but ....
i'm not sure .....
scooter libby's pretty cute, wouldn't you say?
next: dr. pete and the white album
Posted by DrKanga at 8:56 PM
it was really hot last week, the kind of heat you'd expect to find on the lowest level of the inferno, the level that's below child molesters, advertising executives, and oil company ceo's; the level that's below mass murderers, torturers; the level that's below republicans and .... oh .... ha ha .....
those are all republicans, aren't they?
but it was hot, as hot as the level of hell reserved for "media" people, those corrupt, supercilious, pompous, self-absorbed grandiose fucks who've perpetually filled the troughs, hearts, and minds of the american sheeple with drivel, swill, pap, mush, and a special blend of dust bunnies, caterpillars, banana slugs, robin regurgitant, and rat vomit that comes out under headlines like "Who The Fuck Is Jen????!!!!" and "Brittany's New Diet!!!!!!!" and "Tom Makes PiPi!!!!!!!" and "DooDoo KaKa FehFeh Doodie Mammy WaWa!!!!!!!!"
excuse me; i'm in a fuckuva mood, and i've been here much too long ..... it's not just the heat; i've been riding anyway, much of it off-road riding under a tree canopy that kept me cool while swooping and zooming .... no ..... it's outrage overload ..... i .... i'm .... well ..... i ..... i'm tired ..... i'm tired of the depredations of yet another republican administration that shows every indication of not having to reap the wild whirlwind they've sown: generals paid to make "commentaries" on why unilateral, illegal, immoral invasions of sovereign nations that have posed no threat to us are so great; i'm tired of blackwater, after gunning down twenty-seven iraqis who were on their way to market, securing yet another lucrative state department contract because "no one else can guard us" and not one of those murderers will ever be charged with anything and my dad was in the department of state for years and he never had mercenaries running interference for him and .....
then there's this insanity about cyclones in myanmar and how difficult it is to get aid into the country and how awful those darned ol' generals are and i'm sorry but .... satan's little puppets in the white house did the same shit to new orleans they blocked aid getting in they turned people and goods away they just smiled and screwed The Big Easy to the wall and it didn't seem to be a problem except for the people that had to leave but they ended up in texas and barbara bush kindly noted how good things'd worked out for them why most've 'em'd been on welfare and were used to not working and anyway it's god's will god surely knows what he's doing and it'll come out for the best you wait and see it's just like the tsunami remember the one that ate up most of asia? well that was triple-turbo-slum-clearance to the max why that wave washed away all those little shacks that belonged to all those little people on all those nice beaches and all the aid money that poured into thailand somehow ended up being channeled into building big new hotels on the newly-cleared beachfront property ....
and then there's how well we're winning in iraq and boy we're really winning in afghanistan now and we've lowered the staggeringly high qualifications needed to get into the military so now you can empty some of the prisons and let them go right into the army oh we'll fill the prisons right up again ha ha no shortage of poor people in this country there's more every day and we respect our troops so much that we keep extending their fun times over there it's so much fun that there's no diagnosis for ptsd and a lot of 'em are suiciding but you're not reading about that are you and i think it's time to have another hearing about oil companies making huge profits it's been too long like a couple of weeks and because i don't know about you but i'm paying over four bucks a gallon although that's probably because i'm across the bay from a major refinery and they have to pay a bridge toll they're just passing the cost along to the consumer i love how the market regulates itself i hear that more people are more dissatisfied with airlines now than ever before people are such fucking whiners aren't they? why i've always been happy with the way i get treated when i fly i'm heavily medicated for pain most of the time so i don't mind playing houdini and contorting up into a little ball i'll just pee myself rather than climb over the fourteen farting passengers to stand in line for the metal and toothpaste detector placed in front of the lavatory most people missed and it's all on the floor or in the sink anyway and now airlines are charging to check your baggage jesus christ america why don't you just go fuck yourself and leave me alone!
and i'm sickened by the rush of all these cocksuckers who want to capitalize on the bush fin de siecle and write all the "now it can be told!" stories it's like the fucking national enquirer for christ's fucking sake "epa made political decisions!" "va told not to diagnose with ptsd!" "there were no wmd!" "cheney's aim was off because the quayle shot first!" and meanwhile the "media" plays patty-cake pissy-hissy-fits with the "candidates ...." boy, do we have a choice, or what? it's like the table d'hote menu: you can have rectal cancer, or you can have gonorrhea, or you can have weeping oozing chancres all over your face .....
and you know what really makes me puke intestinal blood across the parquetry? it's these assholes in the "media" who keep saying "harsh interrogation techniques .... harsh techniques ...." just FUCKING SAY TORTURE! it WON'T HURT YOU, not like getting your teeth knocked out with a lead pipe and having electrodes clamped on your genitals and being packed in ice and ...... we know that everyone in our "government" was involved in sanctioning torture: powell; rice; rumsfeldt; cheney and .... yawn .....
wonder what's up with jen?
jeez, i don't know .... you know the wombatalitos--also known as the peter kaukonen trio (two real nice guys and peter) just did a show at an art gallery up in healdsburg .... it was a showing of photographs by baron wollman, one of our all-time great rock photographers .... like i needed to be forcibly reminded, yet one more time, how different a world it was back then .... for one thing, these were photographs shot on real film, that were printed on real paper, using real chemicals, with no photoshop involved! kind of like, we actually played real instruments back then; we couldn't cut-and-paste or use samples of the good stuff that real musicians had done twenty or so years before us .... why .... ha ha ..... we did it ourselves and .... guess this! some of us even .... gasp! wrote melodies!
people seemed to like what we were doing; at least a lot of them said they did, and they did so with no threatening or extortion on my part .... they also asked when and where we were playing next, and i had to say that we hardly were because we couldn't get any work .... they politely expressed disbelief and i had to explain why it was so hard for us to get work .... it took me a long time to figure it out, but i did, and i will now share these learning outcomes with you:
it's because i haven't surgically enhanced my breasts ....
no .... ha ha .... i'm serious, goddam it! i mean, here we are, in a country that dresses their six-year-old daughters up like hookers while telling their teenagers to practice abstinence, a country that seems to be obsessed with mams 'n' glands .... even the women's mags in the supermarket checkout aisles all prominently display vast creamy expanses of pectoral flesh and, maybe not all you ladies out there are dykes but .... you know how in this country we're market driven and you're only given what you want so you must be wantin' to look at other women's tits and ..... the music industry certainly doesn't rely on musical competencies these days, but i look at all the folks who are making it big, success in direct proportion to the size of their brassiere cup .....
so .... i think you know where' i'm going with this ..... and i'm thinking that i can get 'em aerodynamically designed, to maximize air flow while minimizing resistance, on those speedy downhill descents .....
next: dr. pete keeps abreast of the news .....
Posted by DrKanga at 9:15 PM
i took the boys to school this mother's day week .... their mother had commitments on the day the preschool observed mother's day, so i filled in .... not that there's anything unusual about my taking the boys to school; i've been doing it since they started their preschool last september ... did i tell you that one year of preschool, for one boy, costs more than my entire stanford undergraduate career? oh, it's likely that they're learning more at preschool than i did at stanford, but still ....
let's see .... september, october, november; december, january, february; march, april ... may .... eight months i've been showing up .... i'm reasonably gregarious, and my medications have usually kicked in by the time i get them to school, so i'm smiling and happy and i say "good morning" to people and .... some of the mothers have yet to acknowledge my presence ....
ten years ago my mother was in my living room, on her dying bed .... it was thirteen months after her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, when she was given six months to live .... my mother was never compliant with anyone's regimen, and we know that doctors are always practising medicine, in the hopes that someday they'll get it right: she went another another seven months, most likely because she could .... three days before she went completely comatose she was transitioning between worlds, sometimes in this one, most often somewhere else .... i sat by her bed, holding her hand, when suddenly i felt her return even before i looked at her .... she gripped my hand in hers and, with a fierce and tender fire, said, "i love you ...."
the boys are in different classes at school, and each class had prepared a presentation for the attending mothers .... i have yet to master multiple personality disorder, or temporal fugue, so i sat in kalevi's classroom .... i introduced myself to the woman sitting next to me: hi, i said; i'm kalevi's mom ..... the teacher had orchestrated a song and dance number, to james taylor .... kalevi refused to participate, and i don't think it was a commentary on sweet baby james .... neither would he come near me; he sat on a chair, by himself, and held a stuffed monkey .... did you hear my heart breaking?
shortly after that my mother lapsed into the coma from which she did not emerge .... i asked one of the hospice workers when she thought it would happen.... it's close, she said; it's very close .... aside from the obvious, i said, how can you tell? ..... tell me what she was seeing and responding to .... look at the nails, she said; they're turning blue .... that means the blood is leaving the extremities and is pooling in the internal organs.... i'd already noticed that her skin, which had been angry and inflamed and bruised, marred by flea bites and cat scratches (she had two kittens), was now smooth and clear .....
the boys may be twins, but they're so different that i never think of them as twins .... daniel is amiable and cheerful, and takes everything in stride; i imagine that the world will come to him easily, and that people will want his company .... he left his classroom and joined us; kalevi seemed reassured by his brother's presence, and they went to the food table together, loading up on grapes and strawberries .... i slipped out when it was time to go; i sat in the car until i felt i could drive without crying ..... jesus, caretaking's caretaking, but there's a difference between caretaking a dying parent and young children: you know that your role with the parent will come to an end, while there is never an end to being a parent .... oh, i know: all you have to do is be a "good enough" parent; oh, i know: it's a child's duty to overcome their upbringing ..... but still ....
ten years ago it was mother's day .... on that mother's day i went out to run errands and, when they were done, i bought a big bouquet of flowers for my mother ..... when i came back to the house she was dead .... i had to touch her to make sure--there'd sometimes been questions in my mind, what with the cheyne-stokes breathing but .... there's never any doubt when you touch flesh that cold ... she seemed so much more peaceful in her death than she had in her dying; her eyes were closed, not angry, and all the tension, all the struggling, had gone out of her with her last breath ....
kalevi was fine when i picked them up that afternoon, neither did his teacher seem concerned .... there were other kids who didn't participate, she said; sometimes the younger ones in the class just stand back and let the older ones do things ..... he chattered happily on the drive home, holding a large plastic bonehead dinosaur i'd given him .... i'd also bought little glider bicycles for them, and they'd arrived that afternoon .... this is new technology for kids, learning to balance on a bike without having to contend with pedals ..... they're designed to look like little mountain bikes, although i probably think they look neater than the boys do .... both boys have tricycles and scooters, and love them, and i was pleased to see how quickly kalevi took to his new bike ..... they're both fascinated by guitars and music but, given the choice, i'd rather they went with bicycles ....
i had candles burning for my mother through the day and the night .... ten years; my god .... ten years ...... there's a hole there, left by her passing, that will never be filled, neither would i want it to be ..... how do you measure love? if having children and having parents and having family is any indicator, pain is one way ..... but there are, of course, others .... most of the time i remember how special that last year with my mother was; i feel fortunate, i feel blessed, to have had it: it was a special time and a precious gift ..... and i'm not saying that the kids are getting any easier; i don't think that it ever gets easier, the nature of the challenges just change: as soon as you've acclimated yourself to one set of situations, well ..... it's time to learn a new set of rules ..... still, they're now peeing standing up, in the big toilet; their aim's generally good and believe me when i say i was getting tired of sterilizing potties before i brushed my teeth .... and there's more and more for a dad to do, the older they get .... today they wanted to ride bicycles with daddy, so i got on my mountain bike and we looped the driveway, went out onto the sidewalk and up the hill, and then we came back down again .....
and did it all over .....
i used to take my mother out for a mother's day brunch ..... tomorrow, for mother's day, i'll let robin sleep in, then make brunch for her ..... eggs benedict, that's pretty traditional, wouldn't you say? and flowers, of course, only i'll make a bouquet of roses from my garden rather than going to a florist .....
oh my god! i forgot the champagne .... and chocolate!
i hope you have a very special day ......
Posted by DrKanga at 4:55 PM
good morning .....
how's things in your neighborhood?
it's an overcast day here, one that would be perfect for long medicational--i mean "meditational"--bike rides up and over mountains, bagging views of forever and beyond--but i'm .... well ..... i'm in the doldrums, suffering from chronic outrage overload ......
i have an editorial series in the works, as well as my standard vituperations ready to roll, but .... i'm just feeling a little overhwelmed by the barrage of bullshit that's disseminated by a corrupt and diseased media ....
i'm ..... tired ..... so ........ tired ...........
plus i'll be playing a show at the stencho grotesque-o this afternoon, so ..... i'm loading up the rocket car with guitars and amplifiers and i'd much rather be out biking .....
in the old days we played the "reefer circuit ....." all the venues were clouded in the heady aroma of that good old wacky tabacky, and audiences were appropriately receptive ....
that turned into the "urinal circuit," where all the stages seemed to be positioned right next to the lavatories .... as the night progessed--and as people's need for access was inversely proportionate to the deterioration of their coordination and aim--the smell of urine and pee cakes wafted across the stage .....
now i seem to be playing the grease circuit, where i get exciting close-ups of people shovelling grease soaked foods into their gaping maws, while the heady bouquet of antique deep fried shit hangs in an oleaginous miasma in the turgid air .....
it's like being in a feed lot: a vista of grinding, chewing, ruminating, salivating, drooling, slobbering, foaming, masticating blank faces .....
god, there are a lot of masticators in the world!
excuse me ..... gotta run ......
to the bathroom .......
next: dr. pete bellies up to the trough
Posted by DrKanga at 8:05 AM | Comments (1)
i went to a seder last weekend; it's been too long since i've participated, and many thoughts and feelings arose which i will mercifully spare you ..... but it reminded me of any number of things, not the least of which is slavery .... seders observe the jews' escape from pharaoh's slavery .... it's a reminder that slavery--in spite of abraham lincoln--still exists; it should remind us that slavery is ubiquitous, and it reminded me that one of the real abominations of slavery is when the slaves become accustomed to it, and accept it ....
those of you who actually read these columns can intuit where i might go with this, but it's gratuitous to talk about the enslavement of americans, how they've been enslaved by fear--whether it's fear of bad breath; fear of ring-around-the-collar; fear of not being sexually compelling; fear of armpits; fear of dark-complected others; fear of muslim fundamentalists; fear of lib'rals; fear of homosexuals .... we're way past having nothing to fear but fear itself, because fear is the mainstay of our economy, and we're not in business to go out of business ....
synchronously enough, we'd just taken some books out of the library for the boys ..... we do this regularly; the boys have to read because .... ha ha .... we don't have a television and, while they now have an inkling as to who spiderman might be, they've never seen him do his spider thing ..... and no, they can't name the three hundred corporate logos that most americans can identify by the time they're two-and-a-half ....
but then, neither can i ....
we grab books at random, then read them when we get home .... and one of them was a real zinger, nor did i know what it was about until i was halfway through it .... beautifully illustrated, "the cats in krasinski square" is about the warsaw ghetto, about smuggling food over the walls that surrounded it; about avoiding the gestapo .... and about survival and the will to survive ..... it's a stunning work, one i will add to the permanent collection .... the boys are a little too young to grasp this now, but they will know this .... they will know this story because they will know their history and they will know about heroism and gallantry ..... and they will know about evil .....
and their mother's father was an auschwitz survivor ......
now i hear that the israelis have interrupted the food shipments that the palestinians depend upon for survival; they'll now have no food; no power; no medicines ...... and i'm struck at the turnabout here, a turnabout that once again defibrillates irony ..... hungry people are desparate people; they have nothing left to lose .... we talk about instabilities in the region, as though only political factions create movements, but hunger is a motivating force, a drive, that far exceeds the dissatisfaction of having to pay four dollars a gallon to fill your suv .... and all you have to do is wait for john mcstain to get into office so's he can make permanent the tax cuts that have been so successful for so many happy americans ....
now, i may be talking out my ass here--it won't be the first, neither will it be the last, time--but you can't dismiss me or my comments as "anti-semitic ...." the last time i looked, israel was a nation, not a religion; i wish we'd realize the same thing about america .... i've just scanned my nominal media sources for more on this, and can find no mention of it whatsoever; i'll stop here and allow you to draw your own conclusions ..... i'm sure our "media's" intentions are good, and i know they're doing the best to keep us all well informed .....
meanwhile, in the grand tradition of an informative media, n[ational] p[entagon] r[adio] had an insightful discussion of petraeus' promotion to commander of centcom, the whole kit'n'kaboodle-clusterfuck out there .... he'll be replacing admiral fallon, who "retired" over "disagreements" with the bush "policy" in "iraq ....." it was an enlightening discussion, in the grand tradition of our impartial and dispassionate "media" ..... it was a discussion between a general from the army and a general from the marines .... the army general thought it was a really really really great thing, while the marine thought it was just a really really great thing ......
i''m very grateful for differing points of view; they're so .... so ..... thought provoking .....
i apologize for this drivel .... i shouldn't even be writing this; i should be practising for my appearance at the earth day festival in placerville, this saturday, april 26th ..... while i'll be performing solo, i've got to say that the peter kaukonen trio is playing alarmingly well, something that i can attribute to drugs ..... no .... ha ha .... i don't mean like that, silly .... i mean, i had a cortisone injection in my arthritic fretting hand, and it's pain-free! pain free! free, i tell you! free at last!
i still play like shit, but at least it doesn't hurt any more .....
next: dr. pete gets a cortisone high colonic
Posted by DrKanga at 9:03 PM
i'll apologize in advance for a disjointed scattered dispirited chickenfeed commentary; i just got overwhelmed--not by the demands of young children or recording or bicycling long distances; i got overwhelmed by the non-stop barrage of bullshit that you'd think would have the hoi poloi running to the barricades, brandishing pitchforks and shit shovels ..... but no .... it's just business as usual in this great land of ours ...... i mean, these are just some of the turd sprinkles on the shit frosting of america's poo-poo cake of life:
co-payments soar for drugs with high prices that, oddly enough, are necessary to save or prolong life .... people can no longer .... ha ha .... afford essential medications .... that's today's insurance company .... why would they ever provide a service other than make unhinging profits by denying services?
retail chains are caught in a wave of bankruptcies .... long-established businesses fold under the weight of the credit crunch and the sub-prime meltdown ....
oklahoma has a bad record for foster care; where is there a decent fucking record? god, i started having flashbacks to my county mental health days, and my apocalyptic encounters with child protective services .....
mccain's budget plan is to not balance the budget but to provide more tax cuts .... jesus ....
"The drug maker Merck drafted dozens of research studies for a best-selling drug, then lined up prestigious doctors to put their names on the reports before publication, according to an article to be published Wednesday in a leading medical journal."
"Consumer groups say the housing relief bill is adding up to a bailout for big businesses, as automakers and airlines stand to gain billions of dollars in tax relief. Critics say the housing relief bill is adding up to a bailout for businesses, as the legislation includes billions of dollars in tax breaks for automakers and airlines."
a recent washington post had hollywood celeb gossip on the front page but, oddly enough, the word "iraq" did not appear on the front page ....
the supreme court rules that a "three drug protocol" to kill someone does not constitute "cruel and unusual punishment;" the supreme court's ruling coincides with a papal visit, with bush stating his unity with the papacy on abortion, stem cell research, and homosexuality ....
the pope visited, giving bush a chance to talk about life affirming values; life is replete with ironies, isn't it?..... is this the pope that was the concentration camp guard? or just hitler youth? lots of coverage about his stance on priestly "abuse ...." one abuse victim talked to the pope and said, "there's a cancer in your church, mr. pope .... and you've got to cut it out ...." he knelt down in front of the pope ...."the pope held out his hand to me .... i thought he was going to ask me to kiss his ring while i genuflected but ... he fumbled underneath his robes, and the next thing i knew, he was holding his penis in his hand .... he held my head with his other hand .... i couldn't believe what a grip he had for an old man! he forced my head toward his penis and .... and .... he kept calling out "oh jesus! oh jesus!" ..... and ....."
and here the interview ends .....
ha ha .... no .... just kidding, of course .... i'm sure their intentions are good .....
bill hicks said, "don't you just love some guy bouncing around in the popemobile? four feet of bulletproof glass? there's faith in action .... don't you feel that that's the real spokesperson for god?"
lots of negative coverage about that filthy osama i mean obama who was in elitist san francisco where they don't eat out of troughs and his horrifying comments about americans who cling to religion and guns after the factories have pulled out, their children have been slaughtered in illegal, immoral unilateral invasions of sovereign nations that pose no threat other than their reluctance to be anal submissive to major corporations which is something this country will never be; their pensions have evaporated; they've been evicted because they couldn't meet their mortgage payments but bankruptcy is no longer an option thanks to bankruptcy laws that were written by banking and credit card lobbyists; they can't afford medications and have no health coverage even though all their elected representives in congress and the senate are afforded superlative health coverage without cost in what one might almost .... ha ha .... think of as .... get this .... socialized medicine; and how dare that f*cking ni**er suggest that there are inequalities or any kind of dissatisfaction in this the best of all possible countries that g*d has ch*sen as h*s most personal favorite i wonder who g*d's putting money on to win the w*rld s*ries g*d definitely plays f*vorites j*s*s f*cking chr*st let me think is bush an elitist went to harvard his father sure was couldn't even tell you what a gallon of milk cost did you hear me shrieking when i paid $5.25 for a gallon yesterday? why don't we just drink fucking gasoline it'd be a whole lot cheaper i've got two boys and they drink a fuck of a lot of milk you know what that comes to every week i should just buy a fucking cow i've got enough space for it in my backyard does that make me an elitist? i could be a cowboy america reveres and idolizes people who are dirty, illiterate, bereft of social graces--george bush comes to mind and so does ronald reagan--and hip deep in the excreta of barnyard animals if they weren't indeed dick-deep in them .....
makes ya proud to be a murkin boy where's ya lapel pin?
the new jerk's climes reports that "military experts," former military personnel, promulgate pentagon pro-war and anti-life views on television networks, presented to the bovine populace as "experts ...." gee, that sure is a surprise, isn't it? i'm sure they're impartial and would never exhibit any kind of bias let alone get a woody when advocating undertaking military action or lobbying for more money above and beyond the sixty four percent of america's gross national product that the pentagon already gets, not to mention the black bag sources of funding that aren't reported or the unilateral illegal and immoral invasion of a sovereign nation that never posed any threat to us whatsoever the three trillion dollars that we're dropping there doesn't show up on any budget whatsoever although king george likes to ask for more money regularly can i have my allowance now i want more money i need lighter fluid so i can set fire to the cat and the democrats trip over their tiny little dicks how do they do that when their dicks are so small? to give him more money to kill people and that's why i like him meeting with the pope and affirming the values of morality and life and good stuff like that we now know even though you knew it a long time ago that rice and cheney and rumsfeldt and powell and tenet and ashcroft all got together and said let's torture people and they told george we want to torture people and george said "cool!" but that's not an issue for us the media wno't touch that and now we're worried about obama's bowling score can someone who's a shit bowler torture people i mean be commander in chief who better to discuss the values of torture with than the pope the church has a long and hallowed tradition of torturing people i bet we could learn a lot from them why don't we move everyone from gitmo over to the vatican and we'd be done with the whole fucking kit'n'kaboodle ....
why, now the new york times has a general telling us that "By about 2011 there is going to be some pretty good capacity in the Afghan National Army,” he said in an interview in the Kabul headquarters of the International Security Assistance Force.
“It will take them a few more years to get their air transport and air support platforms online, but they should be covering a lot of battle space by some time in 2011, in my view,” he said.
By then, barring any cataclysm, the countries contributing troops to the international force could look at whether such a large international force was still desirable, General McNeill said. “I think you begin to get to a juncture and say, ‘Probably not, maybe we should be starting to change the way this force works,’ ” he said.
you know, this all makes me tired .... by 2011 it'll have been what? ten years since we dropped into afghanistan to say hello? how long were the russians there? how much more success can a body stand, that's what i'm wondering .... i seriously can't stand to sit down and write this shit non-stop; the abominations are incessant, they keep coming in, you have to embrace irony so hard you can't even breathe and i finally came up with the answer to "how is it that the "media" betrays us by spreading a patina of horsehit and lies over or moribund faces of the glassy-eyed masses sleeping through life staring at the teevee" and the answer is .....
because they're incredibly corrupt ....
next: dr. pete lies down .....
Posted by DrKanga at 9:04 AM
it's a beautiful day here in the neighborhood, still cool enough to turn my breath into little puffs of steam but you can tell by the sun's low golden light that it'll be warm soon enough .... not hot, mind you, but that kind of invigorating exhiliarating day that spring'll bring you, and not just in the san francisco bay area .... jeez, i don't want to be writing this shit .... i should be out, riding my bicycle, or writing a song or working in the yard but no ..... here i am, pissing away my time and precious bodily fluids, and don't you have anything better to do than to read this nonsense? couldn't you be out there somewhere, manning the barricades, toppling a brutal repressive theocratic hegemonic kleptocracy that, despite all protestations of adherence to basic heterosexuality and preference for the military--i mean, missionary--position, with male dominant, really hardly ... ha ha .... repressives its homoeroticism, as witnessed by the recent posturings in the "hearings" we had about the status of our occupation of a country that we illegally, immorally, and unilaterally invaded without any provocation whatsoever .....
other than their reluctance to "bottom" for exxon mobil ......
yes, it's that time again! we just never get tired of our bread and circuses, do we? we stack our "hearings" about oil prices--and yes, it's well over four bucks a gallon in my neck of the woods, probably because i'm so close to a major chevron refinery and the cost of transporting oil across one bridge is really prohibitive plus you've got to factor in the costs of developing alternative energy sources like paying lobbyists and sending politicians welfare checks and way back when i lived in the midwest and this was a long time ago i'd go to clocktower square in des moines because there was a seafood restaurant there with fresh fish right in the middle of iowa which is known for its oysters only they're praire oysters but i dearly love oysters just like the walrus and the carpenter and i could shovel those blobs of glup down my ravening gullet until my eyeballs turned pearlescent just because i could do it all day and never get tired and i've never quite understood this obviously i'm not smart enough to understand high finance they were cheaper by the dozen in des moines iowa than they were in point reyes or tomales bay which is where the fuckers came from in the first place but i''m guessing the same mysterious principle is at work here i'd call it fucking greed although i don't think ersters are greedy creatures not like our oil execs or ceo's but they're always out of season and you should never eat one, not unless you're a congressperson and now .....
we've had our annual report card on iraq and i honestly don't want to go on at any length about this you already know what i'm going to say which is excuse me i think i'm going to vomit gastrointetinal blood onto this here hardwood floor oh lordy it'll splatter and how in the world can we do any more winning over there than we've already done we're just about the winnin'-est buncha folks ever and there certainly weren't any surprises were there you could always tell when a republican was speaking with the prefatory comment "oh jinral i shore dew wanna thank yew fer all yore se'fless service to this kuntry lordy lordy lordy i shore feel sayfer knowin' that gawd has blessed this kuntry with a manly man like yorese'f i ayum jus' so AWE-struck bein' in the praysunce of sumwun whooz so responsibul risponsibul fer the deths of so many mayuns 'n' mah goo'ness i jus' LUV all the littul dangly doodleybugs you got on yore yewniform well ha ha i get hot 'n' wet when i see a uniferm i like meeter mayds too" honest to god years ago touring i'd expect a little oral gratification before after and during a show but this shamelessly debased crawling was outright fucking embarrasing and then there were the quotidien questions like "general should we kill all the democrats or put them in camps because they have stood between us and victory in iraq?" and i always like the generic "how can we ask the soldiers that have died to have died in vain if we were to not let any more of them die," like the the dead get lonely and want company and the only thing that gives death meaning is more death, and i mean a shitload more, i guess we define "patriotism" as "we need more people to die, theirs and ours" you're not a patriot unless you're a caterpillar operator digging mass graves one thing you can count on with republicans is more death it's just like the spanish fascists who strutted around shrieking "viva la muerta! viva la muerta!" and i shouldn't have to translate that for you let alone explain it to you but the one question i wanted to have asked petraeus and crocker, well .... no one asked it, and that question is:
what is it like to be such a lying fucking asshole?
because i'd really like to know ....
honest to god, our occupation of iraq is like old people fucking: it's horrible to watch and there's no positive outcome in sight .... and, like old people fucking, if things are going badly you don't want to pull out and .... if things are going well you don't want to pull out ......
either way you're stuck in a stinking fuckhole until everything's wrinkled and chafed and rubbed red and raw and it's all oozing clear lymphatic fluids but you never get to come ....
out .....
then of course there's the olympic torch .... now i don't want to politicize an event that's ... ha ha .... never had any political implications whatsoever .... ha ha ..... but i find it interesting that the "protesters" who object to the eradification of a culture that's had a boot up its ass for over fifty years got more coverage now than the three quarters of a million folk who took to the streets just prior to the launching of an illegal immoral unilateral genocidal invasion of a sovereign nation without provocation that's resulted in the dislocation of four million people, a trillion dollar price tag and rising; 4,032 soldiers dead and rising; 750,000 iraqis dead and rising; 30,000 americans wounded and rising ....
but i'm sure the 'media's' intentions are good ....
meanwhile, i keep hearing about today's new bogeymen we should be very very very afraid of--because what would life be like if we didn't have a bogeyman to make us live in fear--and they include eee-ran, which we're told--and i know "they" wouldn't lie to us .... ha ha ..... is making the missiles that have killed guys inside our impregnable green zone probably because they couldn't get served at the mcdonald's there and then there's the radical cleric muktada el sadr who just thumped the poopoo out of government forces which proves that the iraqis are standing up while we stand down and taking charge along with the thousand or so that just said "fuck it i'm outta here" and left that shows what autonomy they have now thanks to us and i don't know why he's always the "radical cleric" instead of just being "the cleric ...." what makes him radical? i've never been told, but it seems like he's a power player who doesn't always do what we want which, i guess, is pretty radical when you're used to having people's noses wedged firmly between your butt cheeks huffing the crude exhalations of your musty sphincter, the stench of your rectal air ....
boy, do i have an excremental vision, or what?
it isn't like we don't have radical clerics of our own: pat robertson, he's a radical cleric, but no one ever calls him that; james hagee, mccain's good bud, he's a very very radical cleric, but no one ever calls him that and if they do they disappear, real quick; falwell was a radical cleric; dobson's way beyond being a radical cleric; jim bakker was a radical cleric, but a fun kinda guy, and i always did like tammy faye's radical eye makeup; there's no shortage of 'em in this country, and they're all satan's jizz stains on the satin sheets of compassion and humanity, but ... ha ha .... no one in this country ever calls them radical ....
still, it's important to count your blessings and to find things to be thankful for .... i'm grateful that i'm not flying this week .... well, any week i don't fly is a good week, fitting the terrorist profile as i do: white male, sixty-two years old; long hair; comprehensively tattooed; carrying guitars and twin boys .... if that doesn't ring the profiles, i don't know what does .... oh, i forgot: titanium shoulder ..... that gets 'em goin' every time but ... i've learned something .... i tell 'em i'm a drug lord and that i work for the cia, and they just wave me on my way ....
still, 3,400 cancelled american airlines flights and 270,000 .... mmmm .... disgruntled passengers because the f.a.a. wants to inspect planes that should have been inspected a long time ago and it just goes to prove one thing, and that thing is .....
how government interferes with commerce and people's lives when it gets involved in regulation or oversight; best we just let the marketplace regulate itself .....
excuse me ..... the nta wants to inspect my mountain bike, and i don't want 'em to ......
next: dr. pete gets inspected
Posted by DrKanga at 7:26 AM | Comments (2)
reading the "news" is always character building .... way way back i used to read marvel comics, about imaginary fictional characters with special powers but all-too-human failings .... there was spiderman, teenage angst and glandularity, fighting criminals and blue balls; the fantastic four with the thing; bruce banner who became the hulk, the republican governor prototype; dr. strange--i liked him a lot, and you can figure out why .... now the new york times just runs fictional pieces about imagined characters .... like this one from a couple days ago:
"For a man who came into office as the nation’s first M.B.A. president, Mr. Bush has sometimes seemed invisible during the housing and credit crunch. As the economy eclipses Iraq as the top issue on voters’ minds, even some Republican allies of the president say Mr. Bush is being eclipsed and is in danger of looking out of touch.
The good news for Bush is he’s got Paulson, who’s got some real credibility on these issues,” said John Feehery, a Republican strategist. “Paulson is doing a pretty good job of looking like he’s doing something.”
out of the mouths of retarded sociopathic twats .... what are we doing here? reading the exciting adventures of the invisible man? .... the nation's first m.b.a. president ... gosh ... he's in ... ha ha ... danger of looking out of touch! ..... oh my! oh me! when did he ever look like he was in touch? i must have missed that five second interlude ..... ha ha ... excuse me, but let's think about how dipshit got into harvard in the first place, and it wasn't based on academic achievements or intellectual merits .... like so many of our understaffed, underfunded, ass-fucked schools in impoverished inner cities, the ones that just give kids a pass so's they can get 'em out of the system whether or not they can read or write or do fundamental math like if you spend three trillion dollars on an illegal immoral unilateral invasion of a sovereign nation that poses no threat to you except by their unwillingness to hand over their oil to your corporate masters, don't tax those corporations or wealthy invididuals meaning you have no income but lots of outgo you're going to be seriously fiscally fucked but they still get a diploma, it doesn't surprise me and i know you're not surprised either that boy george was ejected from harvard with his .... ha ha .... excuse me while i spit alveolar blood into my espresso ... m.b.a. ......
that must stand for "my bleeding ass;" is that where he got the wisdom to tell america to fight terrorism by going shopping?
we all know people with degrees who can't scratch their crotch with a grapefruit spoon, and as for america's first m.b.a. president, maybe that means "mung biting asshole;" if anyone had taken note of his .... ha ha ... achievements as a .... ha ha .... businessman, they'd have seen that every single business he touched .... well, let me back up here a minute and say that midas had the golden touch, but boy george has the fecal touch, and everything he's touched has turned to shit ....
it's not that bush's ineptitude, greed, amorality, incompetence, cretinous retardation, and sociopathic cruelty were any secret: everything was there on the record, as the murderous governor of texas or the oil executive who couldn't even find oil in his salad dressing to the coke-head college drunk to the awol flyboy but ..... he was a reg'lar guy and we all wanted ta have a beer with him because that's our criterion for executive excellence sociopaths are always charming they have to be otherwise they wouldn't survive to be predators and afflictions and that's the way he was presented just a reg'lar guy not like his democrat opponent that egghead gore unthinkably capable of thought and that's the way his turd of an image was polished and when you polish a turd you've got to do it under water so you don't breathe the dust it's not good for children or other living things at least wear a mask you don't even want to get turd dust into your eyes it's really hard to get out and .....
and so we now have a republican strategist extolling secretary of the treasury paulson's virtues by saying "he's doing a pretty good job of looking like he's doing something" (italics mine) ..... jesus .... they have no shame, do they? at least he's being honest; republicans have never made a virtue of substance or competency, but looking like something is critical to them, witness ronald "this is what happens when howdy doody gets alzheimer's" reagan but amurka loved him 'cause that's what a president looks like jesus if that's what a president looks like then i've got a pail full of rectal blood and vomit i'm going to nominate for a republican presidential candidate that man was so fucking stupid he couldn't find his nose with his finger unless he'd stuck it up his ass and used the scent of shit to guide it in for a landing .......
and paulson's telling us that we can't use the word "recession" because it's a technical term .... oh, okay; hemorrhoidal tissue is a technical term, too, but i feel perfectly qualified to apply it to assholes ..... notice they're saying we're having the worst economic crisis since world war II .... ha ha ..... they don't dare say since the great depression--which it is--because then even the american sheeple might stop chewing their cud long enough to put two and two together and realize how badly they're being fucked ......
speaking of assholes, we've had our annual "let's ask but be real polite while we do it although we may bluster a little just to make people think we're not on the pad and have our noses so far up the oil companies' asses that our eyes and ears are as brown as the oil sludge in prudhoe bay after the exxon valdez ran aground but i think exxon's paid enough don't you" "investigation" of oil company "profits" and you'll be glad to hear that exxon needs that money to explore alternative sources of energy like opening up the continental shelf to drilling for oil which is an alternative energy source because it hasn't been drilled yet and another alternative source is the hot air that comes out of everyone's mouth as they testify to their good intentions and find new ways to explain appalling greed just like their fuckbuddys in congress talk about spinmesiters they're all running around like a squirrel hit in the head by an eighteen-wheeler just gyrating madly in a diaphanous cloud of spittle tail fluffed out honest to god it's spring so it's time to have another hearing and i've just seen an ad for a mercedes and its copy is "longer lower leaner .... meaner" and fucking god did you hear my shrieking what the fuck is WRONG with us this is our design breakthrough the selling point for the affluent it has to be bigger and take up more space and it has to be meaner because that's how we want to be seen we're mean don't mess with me motherfucker that's my parking place i need to get my nails done and shop i'm fighting terrorism by shopping and paying $4.05 per gallon for my mean mean mercedes it's a lovely day here in the neighborhood i'm taking my glock to my local high school i want to be a teenage gunman i want to be mean and fearsome and make it seem like my meaningless inconsequential trivial superflous existence has some meaning you know if this shit happens in the 'hood it isn't news at all is it who cares i'm going to ride my bike up the fucking coast but i'm taking my grenade launcher with me just to clear the cocksuckers out of the way don't fuck with me i'm mean and walk with god's infinite love have a nice day .......
next: dr. pete hugs a wombat
Posted by DrKanga at 8:40 AM
i heard john mcstain giving a speech the other day, something about government not being "sensitive to the needs or demands of its citizens ...." mcstain's the least likely candidate for sensitivity training i can imagine, other than boy george, and i don't mean the singer ..... it occurred to me that he actually had a point: our government is not sensitive to the needs or demands of the seventy percent of its citizens who would like to see an end to our illegal and immoral unilateral invasion of a sovereign nation that posed no threat to us whatsoever, but that wasn't his point .... i think he was talking about home schooling, and how if you wanted to teach your kids why god hates jews, made the world in six days with no quality control and kicked back on the seventh and planted dinosaur fossils to test your faith you should be able to do so ..... i could give a shit about home schooling; you want your kids to be fourth class citizens in a fifth rate country, fine; you're already more than halfway there; go ahead and finish the fucking job .... if i believed in a deity that was obsessed with my genitalia and what i did with it, i'd probably want to take my kids out of school, too ..... last night i was watching videos about the cosmos: as irritating as carl sagan was, i still was slack-jawed, trying to terms with infinity: trillions and trillions of galaxies, uncountable suns, uncountable planets, strewn like diamonds on rusty black velvet .....
and down here on little old earth we have a god who is obsessed with genitalia ...... and who takes sides in football games and wars ....
speaking of dickheads, boy george is asking nato to pick up some of the tab for afghanistan .... what fucking nerve; i think he must be hung like a steroidal hamster, but still ..... what balls ..... let's see ..... invaded countries without forming a coalition; unilateral invasions against the will of the global community .... mishandled ..... well, let me back up here a minute: actually they did what they set out to do: funnel a shitload of money into bechtel and halliburton and kbr et al but ..... now he wants someone else to pay for it ....
regressed, infantile, narcissistic, sociopathic little dweeb ..... spoiled little brat, whiny little bitch; someone's always bailed him out, picked up after him and the first thing that comes to my mind is ....
why don't they do it for me?
no .... ha ha ...... clearly just being lovable isn't enough in a case like this, so i guess i'll have to keep on keepin' on .....
and, of course, playing lyrically magical guitar in incredibly lucrative shows as i tour some of the bay area's finer urinals ....
speaking of assholes, our media's at it again, spit shining republican shit, this time with their coverage of how tough the fed's going to be in fixing up our financial system .... you know, the one that boy george and his dedicated crew of little fuck elves let run wild like a pack of foaming fucking weasels tearing through a henhouse where all the hens were whacked out on quaaludes and IT'S PARTY TIME! FUKIN A ITS PARTY TIME ..... like i'm so sure that this "government," which has dedicated itself to proving that government doesn't work--and done a crack-up job of it, i dare say; which has painstaking dissolved, destroyed, dismantled any form of significant regulation over any fucking thing, like they're really going to start monitoring and regulating their constituency .... ha ha .... i believe that one allright, and i'll bet .... ha ha .... you do, too ..... paul krugman, of whom i think the absolute world, has written about this better than i ever could dream of, and you can check it out here: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/31/opinion/31krugman.html?hp .......
i see the iraqis are going to spend six billion dollars buying a fleet of airplanes from boeing because .... ha ha .... all their planes were destroyed by .... ha ha ..... us ..... don't you think we could have saved a lot of time and bother and unpleasantness if we'd just forked over six billion bucks to boeing? kind of cut out the middleman? in one of our traditional no-bid contract deals? and i see that ford motor company, descendants of henry ford who created the automobile industry in the first place, whose very first cars got better gas mileage than the ones they make now, is going to sell ..... well .... let me put it in reverse here for a moment, and back up .... a while back ford had to buy some english motorcar companies because .... well ..... because they were bitchin' and it sounded neat and it would give them panache and a cachet because holy fucking god the pinto sucked rocks and the mustang got hoof and mouth and was sent off to the knackers .... so ford bought jaguar and landrover but .... ha ha .... they're not making enough money on them, although i think they're selling enough right here in marin county to keep 'em afloat i think it's great you can get a safari-bred vehicle like a landrover you never know when you're going to encounter hostile natives when you want to park in front of your spa and someone's taken your place in front of the spa, you know the one that has the little blue placard on it with the white wheel it's there just for you and usually you can slide right in without spilling your bottled water or interrupting your telephone conversation four wheel drive sure comes in handy on the rugged roads of mill valley it's always an adventure driving here and i'm not making that up i carry a can of mace with me when i ride bicycle on the road i think of it as "yuppie off" or "beemer scat" or just basically as asshole repellent although it doesn't go through a car's windshield as neatly as a .44 magnum does still you should see their faces when i pull alongside of them and spray that red juice down the driver's window i've got to dance in and out quickly because they tend to swerve but what i wanted to say was .....
ford's selling jaguar and landrover to india's tata motor comopany .....
nice tatas, that's what i'm thinkin'; nice tatas ......
and i can't help but think, boy, it's about time our ceo's got another raise or more stock options because they're doing a bang-up job, all right when the market regulates itself and companies give the people what they want like a good anal fisting rectal penetration with large angular unlubricated objects and whole cities go belly up and industries have to move over to dubai where slave labor is so convenient just don't let those chile-chokin' taco-twistin' folks come in here to pick lettuce or fruit those'r jobs us good native americans want to do native americans whose mammys and pappys came over from germany or ireland or italy or england or scotland or other foreign places like iowa or new jersey or west virginia those'r all people who want to pick some lettuce or some strawberries they grow real nice strawberries in iowa it's a great place to grow except for the groundwater kind of sullied with all the hawg farm runoff that nitrate stuff it's pretty stinky but archer daniel midlands is a green business they make a lot of green and .....
you get the idea .....
meanwhile, we've finally turned the corner in iraq and those iraqis are handling their own security except for the aerial sorties we made on their behalf that'll all change of course when they buy their own planes and we've taken back baghdad for the well i've just lost track of how many times we've won the war you know? and then of course there was the shelling inside the "heavily fortified" green zone which is where you can buy mcdonald's and you can say "hold the shrapnel on that please"and honest to god, the first thing that came to me was .....
doesn't anyone remember the tet offensive?
next: dr. pete masticates
Posted by DrKanga at 7:11 AM | Comments (2)
i had the radio on this easter morning while i was fixing breakfast for the kids; i told them the easter rabbi was coming, and i was cooking up some bacon for him, when i actually heard what was on the radio .... did you hear me shrieking? did you have to duck when i flung it out the window? (N)ationally(P)retentious(R)egurgitation had two pieces juxtaposed that had me slack-jawed with disbelief, until i realized that ... ha ha .... i was in america, where good taste and common sense are scattered as sparsely as teeth in a platypus ..... anyway, one was a ha ha delightfully ducksy-wucksy fuzzy-bunny cutesy piece about how much fun the army can be, featuring .... elvis presley!
the other was about saddened parents, shocked that their high school son enlisted in the army ... and got killed ....
thank god for high school kids .... they don't teach much about death in high school .... they don't have courses on how to stuff your intestines back in your body cavity only your hands got blown off and anyway your head's fifty feet down the road, in a pool of burning gasoline .... great stuff to hear on easter morning, and the only thing i could think of was ....
the king is risen! long live the king!
but ....
jesus has left the building .....
i see that five years after our unilateral illegal amoral invasion of a sovereign nation that posed no threat to us whatsoever except that it had nationalized oil and wouldn't just hand it over to exxon, bp, chevron, and royal dutch shell, we've now officially topped 4,000 dead soldiers (but who gives a shit about the six hundred thousand ir*qis killed in the last five years not to even think about mentioning the ones who died during the sanction years for lack of medicines yada yada yada yada shut up you l*beral bleeding heart whiner fuck you) who won't be rising again but, if i'm to believe cheney--and you know i do, you know i do--it's all worth it and the 70% of the american peeple who are no longer wildly enthusiastic about whatever it is that's going on over there only i'm not quite sure what it might be because we don't get to see any of our guys getting hurt any more not like veet nam where lots of people got hurt and we saw it happening, right while we were hunkered over our tv dinners exept i didn't have a tv not even back then those people are just a focus group and who pays attention to focus groups at least that's what cheney says and there's a man who has to be taken seriously ....
speaking of taking people seriously .....
i think i might have to take obama seriously ..... you know i don't do television but .... i watched and listened to obama's speech, the one in which he sought to address america's concerns that he might have some connection to a religious figure espousing radical and inflammatory views which you know we don't tolerate in this country, certainly not from our religious figureheads, because we're so tolerant of religious freedoms and i'm wondering if the storms in the midwest are a result of god's being angry with john mccain for getting confused about shia and sunni especially now that all hell's breaking loose once again over there and rockets are landing in the green zone and it looks like the cease fire with the mahdi army might be over although i know the splurge is working because security is so much better since most of the people who could cause trouble have been killed and there's nothing as peaceful as a dead man they never give nobody no trouble ha ha but i'm thinking whatever happens in the midwest with those forty displaced wh*te p*ople'll be rectified much more swiftly than the rectumification that didn't happen for the thousands of bl*ck folk down in n'orleans and ....
oh .... sorry .... i was digressing .....
obama's speech was really impressive, and i'm not making this up .... it was impressive because it had content: it was thoughtful, sequential, and deliberate; it was measured, adult, and literate; it didn't insult my intelligence, which is saying a lot because i take offense just watching politicians open their mouths; it didn't pimp, patronize, or pander; it was serious and it had a serious message. and i'm thinking ... that boy's fucked .... because that all constitutes strikes against him because it'll slide right by the american sheeple, conditioned as they are into frenetic pavlovian slobber and stultified oblivion by fox news and madison avenue and the national enquirer and the white house press corpse ..... and it was impressive because it forcibly reminded me that obama is from a different generation, and that--stuck as i am in my own generational amber--i overlook the changes that have happened because i focus on the changes that still need to be made ....
but it was impressive as a performance piece as well, and by that i mean .... the man spoke for thirty-six minutes without obviously referring to notes .... teleprompter? perhaps, but ..... his eyes never flickered to a prompter, not that i could see, while his tone, inflection, and timbre were consistent with his message and .....
i couldn't believe that this man was running for a major political office, not in this country .....
you know, in my psych days i'd look for mood being congruent with affect, which means .... if someone is talking about death, murder, and mayhem, but they're laughing and carefree, mood and affect aren't congruent, so you start to look for pathology .... just like .... ha ha .... our current president, who finds endless shits and giggles in genocide, mass murder, and global economic catastrophes but ..... not with obama .... my musician's ear--the one that still kind of works--and my psych background were pretty impressed .....
there's a downside to this, of course ..... we are continually betrayed by our "media ...." you know, i really don't give much of a scabrous rat's ass about whether or not our politicians are having affairs or chipping on their wives or fucking their dogs .... no, call me callow, but ... i really don't ..... and ever columnar inch of space given to a politician's putative infidelities is attention diverted from catastrophes in tibet or in baghdad or on wall street or on main street ..... ms. clinton seems to be conflating her bona fides, her experience with foreign policy--like that ever meant shit for a republican candidate--and the democratic squabbling over square inches of sandbox turf deflect attention from the idiocies, inconsistencies, and gross misqualifications of that cyborg, mccain .... although that straight-talkin' lobbyist-humpin' payoff-takin' maverick-y septuagenarian kinda fun guy is gonna get a pass from our press, regardless of what he does ..... he could assfuck puppies while joe liebermann held 'em still but squealin', and he'd become the spca poster boy of the month ....
so .... what's the point, dr. pete? whatever is the point?
i guess the point is, i'm feeling some sense of urgency to stop dicking around and get things under way ..... i don't know about you, but i'm really tired of decades of the living dead in office and .....
etc. etc. etc. .... yada yada yada .......
next: dr. pete puts on the rubber gloves .....
Posted by DrKanga at 10:04 AM
this is already a horrific week, it's only just begun, and i've got random scattered thoughts because i'm a random scattered kinda guy .... here are just a few .....
what can you say about the bear stearns bail-out? .... profit is privatized, failure is socialized ..... but being a republican means never having to say you're sorry ....
tibet .... olympic chairman says why punish athletes by boycotting the games .... he's right, of course; what is the institutionalized ass-fucking of a country and a culture when you can be merchandising running shoes and sweat shirts? which'd be made in china, of course .... and the one-hundred plus tibetans just killed would surely go along with that, because i know they enjoy buying inexpensive shoddily made chinese goods at their local wal-mart ..... and i know those tibetans are big into aerobics, jogging, and spinning .... gosh, you think they'd settle down, wouldn't you? i mean, get over it, guys .... china invaded you and tore down your temples over fifty years ago .... it's like rape, okay? just relax and enjoy it! and we're dedicated, of course, to upholding democratic movements the world over, unless they happen to interfere with our realpolitik and our realekonomy and i can't even find anything to buy that isn't made in fucking china any more i wonder what do they think about us over there judging by our insatiable appetites for plastic shit what's really happening and you'd better watch out for it is chinese corporations coming over here to manufacture over here and if you think our manufacturing base is in bad trouble right now and it is watch what happens when you can get egg rolls with your plastic shit .....
and the fortune cookie says "you're fucked; eat me ...."
then of course there's obama, selling out his pastor .... you know, being a republican means never having to say you're sorry ..... sociopathic televangelicals say that america's behavior calls down the wrath of god on new orleans because of those f*gs, 9/11 because of l*zbi*ans i guess, and they have dinner with the pr*sid*ent at the wh*te h**se; john mccain has his slobbering yapping chihuahua preacher buddy hagee, but if a s*m*b*dy should dare to say that america's treated bl*ck pe*ple like n*gg*rs ooooo that's inflammatory and provocative and divisive and hey barack you really want to stop divisiveness in this country i'd suggest you haul before a court of law all the c*cks*ckers from all the republican administrations who have lied cheated robbed stolen and engaged in genocide and mass murder i think that'd be a little reaching out across the aisle to slap some fucking handcuffs on these shit-nibblers .....
and we're coming up to tax time .... have you seen hillary clinton's tax returns? no, you haven't, have you .... and you've heard a lot about it from all the crapmunchers in the m*dia .... john mccain, that straight shootin' mavericky kinda guy, though, he don't have to show you no steenkin' tass returns .... he hain't dun it and he haint' a gonna do it and ain't no one talkin' 'bout it 'coz he's john mccain a straight tokker plus heez a whore hero not like that chickenshit kerry but mor to the point heez a krischun and also a republicrap and that means ....
getting away with saying "f-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-ck you!"
because being a republican means never having to say you're sorry ....
and now it's five years since the unilateral illegal amoral invasion of iraq ... we're really winning now; let's see ... it's taken five years to win this much and do this well so, at this rate, we'll be there another hundred years, just like mccain says ..... well .... ha ha ..... all our permanent bases were no indication that we ever had any intention of leaving, especially when we're getting so far ahead of the game why quit now do we have a tally on how many of our sodjers have dide and how many are woonded and what it'll cost us bush says it's expensive but it's worth it because soddom who's sane was a bad man and gittin' him was and will alwayz be the rite thing to do oh the economy's bad but not that bad maybe we should go shopping like we did after 9/11 i'd like to find something not made in china that i could buy to support the troops but .... ha ha ....
i can't .....
honest to god it gets harder and harder to write anything anymore; i'd rather be riding my bike back country, far away from the madding crowds and the lying cocksuckers and fucking idiots that so abound .... let's see .... where did i just see a picture of the bombardment of baghdad, captioned "mesmerizing shock and awe!" ..... what an assmunch .... it wasn't mesmerizing: it was horrific and terrifying and murderous and why don't we call nagasaki "scintillating" or dresden "lyrical" .....
oh .... of course ..... for the placid bovine multitudes, sucking down their x-treem x-tra lite lo-carb all-natural beer while shovelling high-fructose heavily salted snacky chips into their corpulent insatiable maws, or masticating shugger fuckies, glazed and dazed by "reality" television there's a concept ha ha reality television ha ha i think i'm going to go for a bike ride and get some reality bike riding in but if you're an asshole then you believe all this stuff i guess and aren't we coming up to easter, celebrating the death and resurrection of christ?
by telling our children that a giant rabbit left chocolate eggs?
no wonder people think we're "winning the war ....."
thank you bill hicks; we sure miss you .....
i'm really pressed to write anything coherent; it's a shameful fucking time and i can't stand it .....
i'm going riding .... and then i'm going hiding .....
next: dr. pete sleeps with the dust bunnies
Posted by DrKanga at 10:11 AM | Comments (1)
have we had fun with elliot spitzer? boy, did that bring out the beast in people, or what? republicans and capitalist scumfucks feasted on schadenfreude, while others trotted out their little agendae, looking for a predetermined learning outcome in a moral fable .... for some it was the koan: why do the rich and powerful do stupid and dangerous things? for others it was to rehash prostitution as a perpetuation of female victimization, and on and on and on ....
i guess the rich and powerful have been doing stupid, dangerous things for a long, long time, but i needn't belabor the lack of attention given to stupid george bush and the dangers his stupid actions, inactions, and ineptitudes posed--and continue to pose--to the world ....
i think the real point is not just that vaginas are .... well .... really fascinating .....
it's that we go ga-ga over gash .....
maybe we should just say it over and over and over again, until the words loses all meaning, and we get tired of it: vagina .... vagina .... box .... muff ..... cunt .... cooze .... coochie snorter ..... fur bearing cock holster .... twat ..... snatch .... minge .... poontang .... go-go .... slobbering eye of the body .... holiest of holies .... wombat .....
wombat? where did that come from?
the antipodes, of course ....
the point is that guys need to control the pussy: horndogs want to control it and put it to use, while repressed perverted republicans want to control it so it doesn't get used .... well, at least not by anyone else ....
either way, it's a power trip for the guys, but it's like oil .... it's a commodity, and whoever has it can put it up for sale .....
you could extrapolate .... pussy rules the world, although it doesn't get paid accordingly ..... still, why is it always a "high priced prostitute?" they just smell better? because they can bathe between tricks? they're not doing it behind dumpsters? or in parked cars?
okay, i'm naive, but .... i marvel how our government will not and cannot--on philosophical and moral grounds--monitor or regulate industries that pollute our air and our water; cannot and will not monitor or regulate industries making a killing .... ha ha ..... off of pharmaceuticals (with the price of health care and health insurance these days, it's a darn good thing all the pharmaceuticals have ended up in our ground water; that's healthcare delivery at its finest!); cannot and will not regulate industries that mishandle finance; industries that sell insurance; industries that .....
but our government wants to know what's going into and out of your pussy .....
yes, george bush wants to privatize your pussy .....
don't you think it's interesting that insurance pays for viagra? but not for abortion? an abortion is way cheaper than preschool these days; my stanford undergraduate career cost a fraction of what just one of my kid's preschool costs .... okay, so they're learning far more in preschool than i did at stanford, but still .....
it's not a justifiable assumption that every sex worker was abused; some of my very good friends were sex workers, and they weren't abused .... why, they were very much like an investment banker friend: worked really hard, made a lot of money ....
and retired ....
i'm told that there have been over a million hits on what's-her-name's myspace page .... i figure she'll do well in the music industry ....
tha'ts where it really helps to be a whore ....
it's an asset in politics, too .....
but ... ha ha ..... being a hooker and a musician, it's about the same, only just a little different ..... first you do it because you like it ..... then you start doing it for your friends .... then you figure, hey, i wanna get paid for this .....
the fearless reporters of our intrepid media will now follow what's-her-name far beyond her allotted fifteen minutes of fame ..... eeeeeeeeee! is it shaved? eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ........ for that kind of money it better be ..... but ......
we're missing some really important events ..... like we don't usually .... but ..... have you been following the resignation of admiral fallon? kind of missed that, didn't you? anyone in the bay area catching "winter soldier" on kpfa? y'all can go to kpfa.org and check it out .... and how about wall street and the fed? let's see .... i'm told that the market dropped 1500 points, came back 140, so we're recovering ..... now the fed is scrambling to cover bear stearns ..... which means that the 'murkin taxpayers are going to do another massive bailout, the likes of which we haven't seen since neil bush looted the silverado savings and loan, john mccain was part of the keating five, ronald reagan was drooling on his desk, george h. w. bush had stepped from the cia to being vice-president my god it's the same old fucking cast of predatory corrupt evil fucks then as it is now what do you fucking have to do drive a fucking stake through their evil black hearts shove garlic into the chest cavities and surround them with mirrors and i can't remember how many billions of dollars that cost us to let the free market regulate itself ....
you think the iraq debacle is going to bleed us all dry? well, you're right, but when you add the mortgage and credit crises, the results of the market ..... ha ha .... ho ho .... regulating itself we're all going to be bled so dry that a vampire with anemia is going to look like george hamilton coming off his tanning bed compared to the rest of us .....
excuse me ..... someone's knocking at my door ..... i think it's either annette, from the gentleman's nanny service ....
or count dracula, with a sun lamp .....
next: dr. pete gets waxed
Posted by DrKanga at 8:36 PM | Comments (2)
this is a shameful time in american history, and there's no shortage of shameful times ..... christ, we're only three months into the new year and we're peaking on shameful .... the media has reduced--and obama and clinton are complicit--the democratic presidential candidate's selection process to a cat fight, far beneath the dignity of a high school's student office campaign, although i'm not surprised that seventeen-year-old high school students are more dignified than our political candidates ..... while those two go hiss hiss meow meow at one another, that shit-handling mccain gets a free ride from the press .... keating five? yawn ..... on the take from lobbyists? snore .....
meanwhile, our fearless press still throws around shit words like "harsh interrogation techniques" or "tough interrogation techniques ....."
i'm sorry .... were you .... ha ha .... talking about americans torturing people?
jesus .....
excuse me .... i must go puke arterial blood into the potty ......
so today he actually vetoed the bill that would ... ha ha .... outlaw waterboarding .... our "news" "reporters" on "[N]ationally [P]uking [R]evolting" said that bush did it because he "didn't want to compromise his ability to fight terror ...."
that's such fucking horseshit .... why don't they just come out and say it? he wants to be able to pull the wings off of flies and set fire to kittens .... why, this is the compassionately conservative cocksucker that never met a n*g**r or sp*k or r*tar*d wh*te tr*sh that he wouldn't send to the chair or line up for a lethal injection ....
come out and say it, you chickenshit fucks: we executed n*ps after the second world war because they .... mmmm .... used 'harsh' techniques on us ..... we strung up a bunch of kra*ts too, and, just for the record, waterboarding isn't "simulated drowning:" it's a near death experience, without the white light and the heavenly choir and the crapture .....
the knee jerk crimes says: "President Bush shut down a Congressional effort to limit harsh interrogation techniques, cementing a legacy of fighting for strong executive powers."
gee, guys .... maybe you'd get more oxygen to your brain and think more clearly if you didn't have your collective heads so far up a republican's ass .... this doesn't cement his "legacy of fighting for strong executive powers:" this just reaffirms what so many of us have known for so long: he's a monstrous cretinous retarded sadistic fuck who's really put this country in touch with its roots: mass murder, genocide, greed, corruption, warmongering, saber rattling, and rampant assholism ....
legacy my fucking ass .....
but here's another puker fer ya:
the democrats will grant amnesty to the telecoms ....
gee .... who could ever have seen that one comin' down the pike?
thank god our economy's doing really well, and fortunately we've allowed the banks and credit card companies to rewrite bankruptcy laws so that .... ha ha ..... no one will ever go bankrupt, ever again!
next: dr. pete eschews sophomoric sarcasm
Posted by DrKanga at 10:44 AM
the republicraps have theyse'ves a candidate, pretty much in the tradition of republicrap candidates for the last too many years .... we've heard a lot about how "experience" is going to be important for our president .... i'm not sure what's meant by this: experience kissing corporate ass? following orders from halliburton? experience sucking up to the pharmaceutical or insurance lobbies?
when we got "w" -- and now we know that "w" stands for "worst fucking republican tool ever in a long line of disastrous fucking assholes", boy, we sure tanked out on experience, and it shore has payd off, fer us 'n' thayum .... why, dubbel-ewe was experienced in bankrupting and crashing all his business ventures, and that's experience that's stood him in good stead as he's bankrupted the country .... as governor of texas he got experience sending more people to the chair than anyone before him and you know texas ain't no shrinkin' violet when it comes to killing uneducated psychotic people of a darker complexion .... and boy oh boy, have we ever got our money's worth on that one!
but the republicraps have a role model of a higher ordure ....i mean, order ..... and that's when they run a seventy-year-old cretinous howdy doody lookalike who made alzheimer's a virtue and now they've gone and got theyse'ves another septuagenarian who's now saying that whoever gets into that oval office is going to have to figure out how to get out of eye-rak even though last week he was saying he din't care if we were there for ten years no make that one hundred years shit he wouldn't be alive to see it so why should he give a fuck?
fortunately we're building a fence to keep the nannies and gardeners from driving old pickup trucks with lawnmowers and leaf blowers into federal office buildings .... or, at the very least, stuffing old diapers into the air vents of the department of justice ....
honest to god, folks .... i just can't write this crap any more .... i really can't .... i can't make it up, it's more oppressive every fucking day, and we don't seem to get any fucking smarter .... oh, and don't get up on your fucking high horse and say, oooooooooooooo, doctor pete .... can't you just .... not say "fuck" so much?
fuck that ..... you've got to SHRIEK fuck ALL these fucking fucks when you read shit like this in the knee jerk crimes:
"President Bush said Monday that telecommunications companies should be thanked, not sued, for helping the government conduct warrantless wiretapping in the U.S. after the Sept. 11 attacks.
Telecom companies face around 40 lawsuits for their alleged role in wiretapping their American customers.
"Should these lawsuits be allowed to proceed, or should any company that may have helped save American lives be thanked for performing a patriotic service?" Bush said after meeting at the White House with the National Association of Attorneys General.
"Should those who stepped forward to say we're going to help defend America have to go to the courthouse to defend themselves, or should the Congress and the president say thank you for doing your patriotic duty? I believe we ought to say thank you," he said.
"I urge the full House to pass this legislation as soon as possible," Bush said. "I know we need to have the private carriers available to provide information."
"There's a lot of legal complexities on the FISA renewal debate, but the real issue comes down to this: To defend the country, we need to be able to monitor communications of terrorists quickly and be able to do it effectively," Bush said.
no, i can't make up stuff like this, and why there's not rioting in the streets blows my mind, and i'd be out there but .... i'm sixty-two years old and i'm so fucking arthritic i can't walk or scratch my ass without whimpering and weeping in the morning let alone pick my kids up out of their beds and get them ready to school they're not small boys and goddamn they're gittin' bigger ever' day and even tho' i'm so medicated for pain i'm slobbering on my guitars i'm about ready to shoot that shit into my eyeballs because whoever does get into the white house is going to have to clean out the fucking augean stables and that's not just your tired old historical literary metaphor because "worst" and his cronies have crapped up everything these busy little termites don't they ever fucking sleep? i hear he likes to go to bed early at the same time every night how does this fecal smear get the time to fuck up things so badly i guess he learned how to delegate when he was at harvard bidness skool good thing his edjimacation warn't completely wasted even though he mighta been mosta the time he never inhaled just packed his nostrils and sfinkter with peruvian marching powder and columbian instant breakfast and wouldn't it be nice to hear some discussion about how we're going to get all our paper back from china instead of pissing on folks who don't want to hammer a flag pin into the center of their foreheads and ......
hillary? barrack? what can i say about them? that you haven't already heard? hillary's able to piss people off, and i respect that in a woman, but .... barrack .... i wish, i just wish that he hadn't incorporated so many republicrap talking points into his speeches, and call me vindictive, call me shallow, call me vengeful but ..... how can he seriously think that he's going to be the one that will effect a reconciliation in this polarized country, a country that's been polarized deliberately and callously and with great deliberations by republicans who have turned hatred to their own ends, who have made an endgame out of being assholes and bigotry a virtue ....
and besides, i want to see them all hauled up on war crimes charges in the hague ......
next: dr. pete stops dreaming
Posted by DrKanga at 7:40 AM | Comments (2)
we've been out of town for a few days ..... we thought we'd get some skiing in, and we did, but .... that's another story, for another time ..... still, it was great to be away: a very remote ski area; a great room at the foot of the lifts; great conditions and .....
no news ......
i can hardly tell you how nice it was, not being bombarded by the little turdballs that comprise today's "news," nor can i really tell you what it was like to check my net news sources when i returned and go ..... oh fucking jesus .... nothing's changed; they're still at it ...... mccain, clinton, obama; bush; iraq .... yada yada yada ......
at least that's what i pick up on .....
i don't think that's what amurka and amurkans get .....
a couple of weeks ago we took the boys to a birthday party thrown for some of their young friends ..... do you know what the cornerstone of a three-year-old's nutritional regimen is?
sugar .... lots and lots of sugar .....
every fucking holiday, every fucking party we take them to, they end up with by honest-to-fucking-god-i-weigh-this-shit-out-on-a-gram-scale-and-don't-ask-me-why-i-have-a-gram-scale-i-use-it-to-measure-out-spices-in-the-kitchen a minimum of two ounces of sugar .....
i've said it before: my kids don't eat sugar and they don't eat fast food and they don't watch television because we don't ..... oh, there's no doubt that they start acting like fruit flies with cocaine suppositories up their butts when they eat sugar, and that's about what was offered at this party .... jesus, i thought; why don't they just strap on a fucking feedbag and fill it up with cuba's finest?
oh .... ha ha ..... i forgot; that's why we've had an embargo on cuba for the last forty-two years; united fruit was pissed off when fidel came out of the sierra maestra, and then --like now--government was an enforcement arm of major corporations .....
anyway .... the other thing that struck me about the kids' party was ..... the biggest fucking tv screen i've ever seen, taking up an entire corner of the living room ... and of course all the kids are mesmerized by it, as they shovel processed foods into their tiny busy little mouths and their bodies start to twitch ..... gee, that's great, i thought: now you can watch badly done animation pushing corporate icons bigger than ever before .....
anyway ......
the big weather came in the night before we left to come back to the bay area: high winds, lots of snow, and i mean lots of snow .... but i had chains, and the passes were open, so we started inching our way down from 8,600 feet ..... we made a potty stop at a little outpost and ..... the bartender and clerk were watching the weather channel .... did you know there's a tv channel where you can watch other people's weather round-the-clock? i mean, pornography .... watching other people fuck? for a change? i can hang with that but ..... the fucking weather? i could hardly get their attention, they were so focused on the snowscape in new jersey; tennessee; missouri; nebraska; michigan ...... finally i said, yo .... you wanna see some snow? why don't you just ....
look out your window? and you'll see a shitload of snow .... and the string of emergency vehicles with the four cop cars and the five fire trucks and the two paramedics and god knows what else that went screaming up the mountain side because something godawful happened up there and i know you redneck fucks thrive on schadenfreude so tear your eyes of the twat who's making like she gets hot and wet when she talks about rain and writhes and wriggles when she talks about snow .... and give me the fucking keys to the restroom .....
ha ha .... they knew what i meant, all right .... ha ha .....
and .....
today i stopped to put in some gasoline which just by looking at the price i know that we're both winning the whore of tear-air as well as stimmulatin' the 'conomy because jesus fucking christ exxon must be having another barn-burnin' quarter and ....
there's a fucking tv atop each and every fucking gas pump!
what a country .... what a nation of fucking whores .... you just can't et away from the fucking television, can you .... and it's all advertising, you know? or starshit about angelina or jen and i'm waiting for y'all to tell me why i should give a fuck about jen let alone angelina's fucking pussy and what goes into it or comes out of it and these fucking things are loud, too, they just shriek at you while exxon is sucking the lifeblood out of your wallet and cars whiz by on the freeway and it's the mindless shrilling of snakeoil hawkers and an endless string of lying fucks and yesterday i went to the gym because it was raining too hard to bicycle i'll ride in the rain but i won't start out in a heavy rainstorm and there's that fucking tv again there's a whole fucking bunch of 'em they're strung all across the aerobics section and everyone in the gym with a few exceptions is staring like like a mouse looking into the mouth of an anaconda and the stuff that comes out of television it's like the stuff that comes out of my youngest kid's ass when he's got diarrhea like he does right now and when was the last time you drove out of the mountains with two three-year-olds preoccupied with bodily functions and the dynamics of elimination and one of them is perseverating on the word "poopy" it gives him a huge charge he likes it a lot and the other one's singing "rubby dubby rubby dubby" non-stop for one hundred and twenty miles they're like george bush aren't they small minds entertained by even smaller things saying the same meaningless things over and over and over but it means a lot to the one that's saying it "rubby dubby freedom democracy poopy poopy terror poopy freedom god poopy poopy poopy god ....."
democracy .... ha ha .... ha ha .....
i can see why bush stumbles over that word; lots of sibilants, and young children have a hard time with siblilance .....
now, right about now you're wondering, what's the FUCKING POINT, dr. pete, WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?
well, darlin', i'm not sure there is one but ..... one might be, don't head into the mountains thinking you're going to have a vacation and get a lot of kick-ass skiing done when you've got three-year-old twin boys .....
the other might be, god, television has got to be the death knell of intelligence ..... turn on a tv and people tune out .... why is it that you can't get a moment by yourself in this fucking country? with your own fucking thoughts? without big brother spraying black paint over your third fucking eye? because it makes you stupid and you don't think and the next thing you know, you're believing everything you're told and you think that things are great and that the system is working and ....
gee ......
maybe i just answered my own question .....
ha ha .....
you're poopy! you're poopy!
next: dr. pete wipes himself
Posted by DrKanga at 7:53 PM
robert m. gates, sometimes referred to as "george's gerbil," tell us that our european allies, the ones that didn't approve of our unilateral, illegal invasion of iraq, the ones who support their troops by not sending them off to be exxon mobil's private army, "confuse iraq and afghanistan because they opposed the "war" in iraq ...." gee, how could you confuse them? we haven't been able to find osama bin laden in either place, and we seem to be .... mmmm .... okay, let's just pretend we're not getting our butts kicked, not like we did in vietnam; let's pretend that, after six years of constantly winning the "war" we're still "winning the war," but .... we'd just like someone else to pay for it, and howzabout gettin' someone else's kids to die for it, too?
moving right along, now .....
thank god mitten romney's withdrawn from "the race ...." he did so for our own good because, had he stayed in "the race," terrorists would have attacked us .... this is the same stretched logic that had him telling a reporter that his five sons were serving their country better by campaigning for their dad than going overseas to get their tiny nuts shot off in the "wars" he so vociferously supports .... besides, aren't the terrorists already in the white house?
the navy, sonar, whales, and the afghani navy ... the navy wants to make lots of noise underwater which although it seriously fucks up what lives there things like whales and dolphins and porpoises and it's like tossing an m-80 into the toilet bowl where you've put all the goldfish they're not going to fare real well but we need to do it because the taliban has one fuckuva navy, they set sale from afghanistan and the next think you no thare big boats are floating off of san diego and they're having a fire sale on opium and heroin and they're undercutting the cia's price and we need to have a level playing field so fuck the whales they're too big to hug anyway and .....
the bush budget ha ha talk about being bushed that's enough to make you laugh isn't it he's given the military more money than everyone else's military budget in the world combined which isn't like those democrats they sure like to spend money that they've raised by taxes and bush he just likes to spend money and it's a good thing too because he won't spend any money on health care or edjimacashun and it doesn't include the money he's just giving to the military and what it costs to kill people i mean spread freedom and demokrasy over there wherever it is and i don't budget myhousehold expenses like that here's how much money comes in and here's what goes out but i'm not going to include what i spend on tequila or single malt scotch or oxycontin and .....
i see that there were tornadoes down in tennessee that kilt some folk .... was this god's way of expressin' his displaysure they been votin' for huckabee? mccain? or just votin'? is gawd pissed that they set their chickuns free? why haven't i read about gawd bein' pissed at people who vote? ever' tahm there's a daysaster sum asshole preecher comes out ta say it's god doon it cuz he hayts the fags or the daymocrats or the lezbikans or rational secularism or suthin' but i ain' heerd nuthin' bout this one 'n' i think it's an opportunity god wouldn't let pass by anytime you can level a trailer park is a good time and i'll bet fema's gonna get right down there because most of 'em are whaht peeple and hower things down in n'orleens haven't herd too much about it lately although the mardi gras was a real good party time they stacked up dead bodies on the floats ha ha get it the floats and .....
i hear philip zelikow, head of the 9/11 commission, spent a lot of time chit-chattin' with karl rove while the commission was been transpayrent and finding out the truth about the truth on 9/11 .... now i'm not suggesting that there were any improprieties here, not in an investigation of a pivotal occurrence in the history of america and the world .... no, i don't think any self-serving ass-kissing lying fuckheads would ever be allowed on a commission like that, and certainly they wouldn't be allowed to chair it ... why, the next thing you know, you'd be getting a bunch of illiterate superstitious ass-eaters on the supreme court who'd be fucking with the bill of rights, the constitution, and women's rights everywhere .... ha ha .... that could never happen here but ....
i'ts been almost fiffty years since the cia i hit .... i mean, since jfk was assassinated and ..... don't you think that's enough time passing before you finally let the american sheeple in on the nitty gritty?
every week i hear that the afghanis are growing more opium than ever before and it's funding the taliban ... how many times does this need to be said? they've always grown opium, but it was our tax dollars, through USAID, that taught them how to grow opium more efficiently, that taught them how to market it more efficiently, that taught them how to hit global markets so they could take their money and buy the arms that we made so that we could sell arms to the taliban a group that was initially funded by the united states for the sole purpose of killing invaders and occupiers excuse me i meant to say "russians" and when we went in there in the first place i said oh my god i don't think we want to do that there's never been a successful occupation of afghanistan the brits tried it plenty and got their tea drinking asses whupped and then the russkis went in and 15,000 russians were killed mostly in ways too unpleasant to think about and that was a major factor in the "fall of the evil empire" they spent so much money on a futile occupation just like we're doing right now that they couldn't afford to fucking breathe and just gave up and now everything in russia's privatized and there are three trillionaires there while everyone else in the country eats bed lint, dust bunnies, and dirt and ......
hey! it's now legal for members of the baath party to work in iraq's well-oiled ... ha ha ... ha ha .... infrastructure .... you know, those guys that were thrown out of office by paul "now can i have the oil and go home seeing as i'm bringing you dusky rugheads freedom which means freedom for oil companies and other multinational corporation to take their profits out of this devastated country without paying any taxes or putting any money back into it" bremer during his forty-five incredibly effective days in office as the satrap of iraq and yes i said satrap i didn't mean jockstrap but god that man was a fucking buttwipe no wonder he rose to positions of such prominence in a regime of total buttwipes does anyone in the media see the irony of this do they even point out why the baath party was outlawed in the first place one of the incredibly great moves that secured freedom and peace and endless profits for halliburton along with the disbanding of the standing iraqi army and .....
jesus i need a fucking drink!
honey! won't you bring me that barrel of costco tequila? the one that i .... ha ha .... budgeted for?
still, we're going to be safe from terrorist mexicans who might sneak across the border with a trowel or a garden rake or leaf blower clenched in their rotting brown mexican teeth thanks to the great wall of tijuana which will be built for a massive length of thirty-five miles watch out you heathen chinese so much for the great wall of china this one'll put y'all to shame and it'l be forteen feet high and it'll be built by mexicans who'll have to go back to nuevo laredo each and every night because we don't want them beeners in this country they might vote for hillary clinton and anyway they're taking jobs away from whaht mayun i have lots of whaht mayuns who wanna babysit my chilluns and rake leefs in my yard and trim the hedj oh i forgot about fiksin my ruf which lost some tiles in the windstorm god braught down on us to show us his displasure with there even been demokrats in this kuntry and .....
what about the economic stimulus? every time i hear that i can see myself taking a cattle prod and ramming it up some banker's ass: here, you bitch .... let's stimulate your economic prostate with a couple thousand volts and .....
boy it sure is a surprise how a french trader pissed away seven billion dollars why who ever would've thought there'd ever be any malfeasance or breach of fiduciary trust in the banking world and those frogs they sure are pikers only seven billion dollars that's just nothing why americans can lose eight billion dollars in one week just leaving it on pallets in the streets of baghdad who knows where it went oh who cares who's counting anyway that's fiscal responsibility when you're a republican but not a penny for education or healthcare and you know the problem with the homeless it's that they don't have homes why don't they get a job and buy theyselves a fucking house it's the amerikan dreem why when banks compeet you win ha ha and you know banks are always compeeting they'd never rig rates would they and now more than ever is a good time to get an adjustable rate loan and buy yourself a house will re-fi for food .....
how did it happen that 19 guys, most of 'em our saudi allies, managed to fly some big planes into some big buildings but there was no warning and no indication even though the fbi had a bunch of 'em under surveillance and there'd been a presidential briefing entitled "bin laden determined to strike in the united states" which must have been some kind of code for "hold the mayo on my filafel but extra cranberry sauce please" and all of a sudden every american citizen has become a suspect of something or other i know we're all guilty of something that's because that bitch eve had to eat the apple why are we still paying for that but does that mean at&t gets to watch me perform cunilingus you thought i was a performer on guitar ha ha and now they go through your mail and listen to your phone calls and know what you take out of the library and what your porn preferences are when you surf the web because what else is the internet for other than to watch other people do it for a change and of course smell your feet when you get on a plane oh i forgot toothpaste there's a weapon of mass distraction for you that and shampoo my god how prostate and gamble's profits have gone up what with manufacturing small tubes of toothpaste and itty bitty bottles of shampoo that yew'll try and turn into nukular bombs when you slip into the lavatory to have a smoke which is really against the law and there's no toilet paper in there anyway and someone pissed on the floor or maybe in the sink any airline lavatory is a biohazard and superfund site these days because airlines aren't making enough money i think we need to level the playing field again and give 'em more money like a stimulus package bend over here it comes zap zap zap zap zap and ......
forty five billion dollars profit for exxon mobil which is 1600 dolars every second i don't think they're making enough i know they pay less in taxes than i do i think they need a superstimulus package and a rebate and ......
now can i wake up?
because there is no intelligent life here ......
next: dr. pete gets obtunded .....
Posted by DrKanga at 10:36 AM
i'm much too tired to be shrieking, what with the final victory of potty training looming on the horizon; yes, we're rounding the corner; we're in the throes of victory; we've turned the tide; we're winning now; we're close to victory; we don't want our sacrifices to be in vain; we can't turn our back on others less fortunate; we've won the hearts and minds, the bowels and bladders, the gusher and the dribble ....
add whatever other trite meaningless phrases that signify nothing other than the perpetuation of futility and insanity, and i'll continue ....
i didn't pay too much attention to the "run up to the primaries" because there were too many runs here --having small children in preschool is like opening your door to a plague vector, what goes around comes around, and what's been going around the last couple of weeks ain't bin purty .... waitaminnit! isn't that a terrorist? ain't bin purdy? no .... ha ha .... just kidding, of course ....
but what wasn't a joke was the amount of bodily fluids and toxic waste materials coming out of my three-year-olds, their mother, and myself .... actually, i'm dumbfounded at the amount of shit that fits into such a small body, although why i'm surprised surprises me .... bush isn't that big, but he's an endlessly renewable source of shit, a fecal fountain that never stops .... in fact, i'm all for adding some new words to our lexicon, like:
-- bush league (n.): a cabal of the corrupt, the venal, and the inept, dedicated to self-aggrandizement, perpetuation of power, and global sodomy .....
-- to bush it (v.): to handle badly; to fail; to fuck up royally .... "jack got the lowest grade on the test; he sure bushed it!;" "i don't think we're winning the war on [poverty] [drugs] [terror]; i think we're bushin' it ...."
lord, how they're all nattering and chattering and just blowin' shit out their mouths about the primaries .... oh, i guess it gives 'em all somethin' to talk about but, you know .... when i hear 'em saying how black people voted for obama .... and women voted for hillary .... what i'm really hearin' 'em say is:
black people!?!?!?!? in this country?!?!?!?! VOTING????!!!!!??????!!! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH ....... sure, we told 'em they could vote one-hundred-and-forty-four years ago but ..... THEY SHOULDN'T BE SO GODDAMN PUSHY! CAI'NT THEY JIS' WAIT? 'til they REDDY? and WIMMIN? jeeeeziz, what's this country comin' to? wimmin VOTIN? does this mean we'll have to take 'em seriously?
next thin' ya know, they'll be wantin' ta git on top .....
funny, how some of our allies have had women leaders: israel had golda meir, britain, margraret thatcher, and germany has angela merkel--yes, the one george snuck up on to rub on her shoulders ha ha there's some diplomacy fer ya ..... i'm not saying that they were great leaders because they were women; i think a syphilitic poodle would've done better than thatcher ..... mmmmm ...... hey, maybe she was a syphilitic poodle ..... but you know, for years and years and years and years, white guys voted for white guys and nobody said dick .... and now voila! suddenly major portions of the sheeple are trying to make their bleating herd .... i mean, heard ......
but hey .... if voting really worked, it'd be illegal .....
no ... ha ha .... just kidding, of course .....
the catchphrase of the day seems to be "change," to the point that even republican hopefuls are mouthing it .... huckabee wants to change the united states into the theocracy that the founding fathers pictured, with a fetus under every pillow, voting .... i never thought that was what the founding fathers had in mind, nor do i know who the founding mothers might be, but what's life without a little mystery? mccain wants to change into slim pickens, riding the h-bomb out of the b-52 in doctor strangelove, while romney?
he probably wishes he could change his mind .....
for one taken from a syphilitic poodle ....
you know me: i'm old and tired and crotchety and embittered but pretty darned cute when you get right down to it, and i just don't think that whosome-ever's gonna dance into the white house, wave a magic wand, and a-la-ka-BAM! we'll be out of recession and there'll be a cure for cancer especially 'cause all the superfund sites'll finally be cleaned up 'n' we'll set all the chickens free 'n' the lion'n' the lamb'll lie down together peaceably and snoogle up and .....
then i woke up!
no .... ha ha .... i haven't gone to bed yet .....
but maybe there is just an energizing, a shift in energies, the dawning of a new age of hope, a breath of fresh air, like opening a window in the abattoir, like hosing down my diaper pail, like ..... because .... at the very least ....
we're reaching the end of eight bushed-up years .......
now, i know the democrats can snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory, i know they can really bush things up, but .....
i'm not going there .....
not yet .....
i'm going to bed ........
next: dr. pete rolls over
Posted by DrKanga at 9:03 PM
i've got a couple of good reasons why i've not been writing .... one is that it's hard for me to keep up with the level of distaste i feel when i read about our lunar electoral landscape: it's heavily populated, but there is no intelligent life to be seen ..... i'd be more invested in the process if i felt that i had a choice .... oh, i guess i do: it's kind of like making the choice between injecting radioactive waste into your left eyeball or amputating your left hand with a dull butter knife .... how do you want to be fucked up in the future? a little of this? or a little of that ....
and a little goes a long way .....
i have many concerns about all the hopefuls and wannabes; the ones that i gave a shit about were never .... mmmm .... serious contenders, or were forced to drop out after being ignored by the "media ....." it's true that if you get no coverage, if no one writes about you, you don't exist .... but i'm tired of these fucking inbred political dynasties, like the bush dynasty that litters the landscape with mutant termites that just chew their way through all that's decent .... or the romney dynasty, which goes to show you that anyone in america can run for president, as long as he's got a pisspot full of money, an unbridled ego, no shame whatsoever, and a lacquered hairdo ..... i swear to god, don't these people have a place they can fucking call home? they're like dandelions, or the clouds of sperm that fish release in the ocean: they just blow and drift from one state to the other .....
i've got a lot to say about obama, too, but i'll settle for .... i remember jack kennedy, and obama's no jack kennedy .... i don't think jack would ever have picked up republican talking points like "social security's going to go broke," when we all know it's not--and if you don't know that, you ought to, because if you believe it is you've been duped by evil lying republican fucks .... as though there were any other kind ..... but the real thing that has me barking with shock and horror, like you would if you saw an eighteen wheeler barrelling down on the little pod of kindergarteners, caught in the middle of the crosswalk, is to hear obama talk about change and then say that he'll usher in a new era of bipartisanship .....
gee, o'bummer .... i'm sorry but .... maybe you've not noticed how republicans have behaved for the last ..... mmmmm ..... three-thousand-seven-hundred-forty-two years eight months fourteen days six hours twenty-seven-and-a-half minutes ..... but who's counting .....
they're like fucking weasels on angel dust only without the good table manners or social grace, they have absolutely no shame, they're scum incarnate who are so toxic they shouldn't even be used for landfill they've never shown any inclination to "extend a hand across the aisle" to work "together with the other party" to "go along to get along" am i the only one who sees this?
i didn't think so .....
this evening i was coming back from a meeting of the city planning commission, the one that's kind of opened the door to development that'll bring my town "into the new millennium" which i think means opening it up to developers who will fill it with more boutiques and spas and coffee stores and you can't even buy a fucking lightbulb downtown any more i break out in hives every time i have to go down there i mean how many more lovely little frocks can i buy?i have all the nice a-line blouses a body could use and four hundred dollar belts and i do my nails eight times a day jesus how can four thousand nail places stay in business are there that many fucking busted nails in this fucking town and why is everyone on their phone? what is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT please i NEED MY MEDICATIONS i'm GETTING EXCITED AGAIN but i had the misfortune to hear the stayt of the onion address and you prob'ly heard me skreeming i had to rip the raydio out of the dashbord and i flung it out the window it hit an ol' lady but there are too meny old peeple here awlreddy and thare were no surprizes george sed weer dooing reel well and weer strong and free and weer also wieners or is it weiners? whutever weer winning the whore of terror and eerockis luv us weeve brawt them freedum and those other peeple? in alabamastan or whutever thay luv us tew eksept for al kayda din't we beet him up six yeers ago? and how did he ever get buy us so fast but remember just make my taks kuts permanent thank you and gawd bless amurka .....
gee, there sure were a lot of surprises in that speech, weren't there ...... ha ha ..... but .....
the real reason i've not been writing is that i'm in the final throes of potty training .... oh .... .ha ha .... no .... not me ..... ha ha .... the boys are winning the battle of the sphincters, and it's not been pretty .... all of you singletons out there, don't ever tell me about how hard it is with one child; you don't know what it's like until you've had two young 'uns running around the house with bodily waste issuing from every part of their body .... it's almost as bad as listening to our president speak; the amount of shit and vile fluid that can come out of such a seemingly inconsequential body is alarming .... but .... ha ha .... we're winning the war on terror here, that's for sure .... my boys are potty animals now, yes they are .... they can potty hotty! oh, dear what are they gonna do/number one or number two ..... oh baby, baby hold on .... baby hold on .....
by the time they're outta diapers i'll be in 'em .....
but let's at least diaper our president's face .....
we'd all be so much better off ......
next: dr. pete loses control
Posted by DrKanga at 9:26 PM | Comments (1)
it's a tradition that you gain weight through the holidays, what with thanksgiving dinners followed by christmas parties culminating in new years drinking, all occurring during a cold and wet season that makes it harder to get outdoors and exercise ..... but i'm way down on my weight right now ..... would you like to know why? .... it's because of our bleak political landscape, which has taken away my appetite, while all the cock-asses and primary posturing has me vomiting intestinal blood into the diaper pail which, i dare say, will soon go the way of our bill of rights, what with the boys becoming potty animals ..... the dialogues i have with my three-year-olds, exhorting them in the mastery of sphincter control and the processes of elimination, couched in the rather simplistic phrases that are cognitively appropriate, are infinitely more complex than the campaign speeches one hears falling from the mouths of the republican wannabes, summarizing complex and pressing issues like why spending money on social programs is .... well ..... spending money and therefore is fiscally irresponsible, while just forking over shitloads of money to kbr and halliburton and lockheed and martin marietta et al isn't spending money .....
it's a gift, from you to them, and every day is christmas if you're a corporation and it's the morning of terror in america .....
speaking of terror, we made it through the recent storms unscathed, although we did have fifteen hours without electricity .... mill valley is notorious for power outages; decades ago the citizens were given the choice as to whether or not power and telephone lines would be run underground, but they balked at the heady cost of five cents a household and voted no, resulting in no view of mount tamalpais unbarred by poles and wires, and regular power outages from trees crashing through power lines .....
okay, so it might have been a little more than a nickel a pop, but you get the idea ....
i'm always storm ready; i have candles and coleman lanterns and camping stoves, so i could make espresso, and you know -- this fifteen hour span was pretty nice .... i could make and receive telephone calls on my rotary dial telephone, and god, it was great, not having a computer .... there was no way i was going to sally forth in eighty mile an hour winds to take the boys to school, so we all stayed toasty warm at home, and they helped me work on guitars ....
i'd like them to master these fundamental skills reallly quickly; i hate stringing guitars, but acoustic guitars work whether you have power or not .....
still, this was a meditational period and, as i turned pegs and snipped strings in candlelight, i thought, jeez, mill valley in a big storm is like the american sheeple: totally fucking powerless, if you know what i mean, and i think you do .... i can't listen to much radio now; it's too shrill and oppressive, but when i do check into n[o] p[rick] r[adio], all the pundits make me think of pigeons, strutting back and forth with their little pigeon breasts puffed up, their irridescent little neck feathers refracting light like an oil slick on a cesspool, their little heads jerking back and forth, back and forth, their little beaks making incessant sounds, without substance ....
but they don't have pigeon eyes; pigeon eyes are wide and innocuous, while in my mind's eye these assholes have the eyes of a doberman pinscher that's having his hemmorrhoids trimmed with a blunt corkscrew .....
timing is everything, isn't it? funny how, just as we go into primaries, where voters need to be motivated to vote because otherwise they'd stay home and gorge on deep fried foods while guzzling down gallons of extreme lo-carb new and improved fuckass beer, and when republicans have always counted on and used fear as a prime motivator, whether it's fear of women or fear of dark-complected people or fear of well let's just say interspecies love and fear of fear itself and all of a sudden we're told that some iranian motorboats made "threatening gestures" at american warships that were camped out in the straits of hormuz which is kind of like what is an iranian motorboat were they out there waterskiing and having a party drinking lots of arak and dropping trou' and showing some browneye to the boys on board and browneye is always a threat make no mistake and i can see them in their little twelve foot fiberglass dinghies with a nice yamaha 25 horsepower motor zooming around one of our nuclear frigates and i just said, frig it, you fuckers ....
doesn't anyone remember the gulf of tonkin?
and then i realized, yet again, that .....
we don't do history ....
we just do hysteria .....
next: dr. pete recharges his batteries
Posted by DrKanga at 8:25 PM | Comments (3)
there's something about christmas that brings .....
plumbing crises .....
years ago i was preparing the usual big christmas dinner for my mother and others, and the kitchen sink got blocked; nothing would go down, not a thing, which left, well .... stuff ..... lots and lots of stuff, leering and winking and progressively stinking .... you don't even try to get repair people in on christmas; you just work with what you've got .... i don't remember what we did or didn't do with the sink, but whatever it was, we survived ....
a few years have passed without incident, but this year one of the toilets started to run and run and run, so i turned off the input valve ... as a disaster it's not been much, but the timing is never good, especially when--as we did--you've got house guests staying with you .....
in addition to plumbing crises, christmas is always a time for reflection, and i did my share of reflecting as i hunkered down and angled an arm around the toilet to get at the input valve .... i'd fill the tank, flush the toilet, then turn the valve off and .... i'd reflect ....
most people probably don't give this much thought, nor is there any reason that they should, but .... flushing the toilet doesn't carry the doodoo far away from the house; the shit moves a couple of inches, gets out of sight, out of mind and, one can only hope, out of smell .... the next flush carries it a little further, the next a little further, until it finally makes its way to the main drain .... from there i guess it goes to the white house cafeteria ....
no .... ha ha .... i'm kidding, of course ..... why, those people eat plenty of shit without any help from you or me .....
but seriously .... here's what occurred to me:
the electoral process is like flushing shit down the toilet; just one election, just one flush, and the shit doesn't go very far at all; you've got to flush and keep on flushing before you get a clean, new bunch into office ..... i'm serious, i really am: think about the '06 elections; why, you'd have thought we roto-rooted the clogging old shit out of offices around the country, but nothing's changed, has it? same old assholes, same old shit ..... and now we're coming up to .... ha ha ..... new national elections, and it just seems like the electoral toilet is badly blocked; following the 'news' is like watching turds circling slowly in the bowl; you've pulled on the handle, you've heard the swoosh, whoosh, and gurgle, and ....
they're still there, just bobbing around in a reeking brown stew ......
same old assholes .....
same old shit .....
what else?
well, the boys turned three .... their birthdays are three days before christmas, and we observe hannukah, too .... that's a problem, because if you do all the gifting you're "supposed" to do, that'd be a lot of gifting .... i don't feel any pressure to buy the boys stuff; they're still at an age where they're as happy playing with the box that something comes in as with the thing itself .... but it brings up all kinds of control issues for me, because people like to give the boys things, and they're generally things i don't want the boys to have, or they're things i wouldn't let in my house, let alone into my boys hands ....
i'm not talking about firearms; i'm talking about spiderman toothbrushes and sugar candies and anything from walt disney .... we came back from one kiddy christmas party with bags of stuff that the boys had been given; i weighed up all the candy in each bag and figured that santa brought the kids an ounce and a half of pure sugar each .... you do the math: that's forty-two grams of sugar per each thirty-two pound kid .... believe me when i say that sugar causes extravagant behavioral changes, and they're behaviors i don't want to deal with in my children: cocaine's for horses, not for men, and the same goes for sugar ....
people look at me as though they were dogs i'd just shown a card trick to when i start shrieking about how i don't want my kids eating the kind of shit that bovine americans graze on, and the same thing happens when i drag my boys away from the twelve foot plasma screen that's showing the latest pixar epic tied up to some product that's just been launched on the pre-and post-potty population ..... i'd rather they read hustler magazine than be exposed to that fucking homunculus mutant winnie-the-fucking-pooh or ........
no .... hey .... i'll stop now .....
but i'll just say that they were given so much shit that they didn't play with any one thing; they'd rip the paper, open the box, drag out whatever, then look for the next package that they could shred ....
you know what i'm saying: just like every shallow, greedy, mean-spirited, spoiled, spiritually impoverished cocksucker in my neighborhood ......
but at least my boys'll fit in .....
something i've never quite been able to do .....
excuse me now .... i need to push the shit
just a little further
just a little further
just a little bit further .....
gonna flush the shit
just a little further
just a little further
down the line .......
have a happy new year ......
next: dr. pete wipes .....
Posted by DrKanga at 7:24 PM | Comments (3)
so .... what was it i was talking about last? torture? jeez .... just reading the fucking "news" is torture .... it's scattershot and scattered shit, but it's not really scattershit: it's focused and it fucks us and my outrage meter pegged and broke a long time ago .... how does an intelligent person respond to bush saying--with as straight a face as that shar-pei-poop-eating prick is capable of; his expressions are as tormented and grotesque as his attempts at articulation--how proud he is that congress in their budjit din't vote to inkrees spendin' 'n' he got seventy billyun dollers fer his wars 'n' therrs no stringz attachd ..... to me that's a schizophrenogenic statement, but what the fuck do i know? i have the same kind of visceral response when i read that the new orlins shitty counsel authorized the demolition of public housing ... ha ha .... finally god got 'round to urbin renewl, thank you god, thank you god ....
in fact, i think it's marvellous that the city council voted unanimously to demolish 4500 units of public housing, many of which were untouched by flooding; i think it spectacular that the ensuing demonstrations, in which demonstrators were pounded and tasered by police, got absolutely no media coverage whatsoever--or at least, none as far as i could tell .... merry christmas, new orleans; y'all are illegal aliens now .... don't try crossin' the borders ..... and i'm talkin' 'bout the borders book stores that are gonna go up in the fancy new shoppin' malls adjoining those luxury condos that'll go up where you poor ol' darkies once lived .....
i see that the cia destroyed some tapes that they were told not to .... wasn't that kind of where i left off, because i had to go vomit intestinal blood into the diaper pail, last week? i see that our new atturny jinral, mikal mucousy, doesn't want enywun to investigate the cia because he's thinking about investigation and any other investigations might predjudis his investigaton and we surtinly dont wont anything prejudicial to a department of justis investigayshun you know their rilly good at investinn' i meen investigaytin 'n' i'm stil waitin' to know what happened to jfk way back when and if i liv until twentyeighty theyll tell me because we liv in a transpayrent sosiety and there are no sekrits kept from the sheeple and i rilly like investigating things its like when arnold schwarzynegger was running for guverner and there were all thees alligayshuns about how he abyewsed wimmin and he said that he'd investigate himself as soon as he was elected and i never red that he found out anything bad when he investigayted himself in fact i never red anything where he did investigayt himself did you and the cia is going to investigate itself about tayp destruckshun just like the military investigated itself about abu ghraib and found those seven nasty soljers who did bad things to theyr prisonurs boy that was sum investigayshun thank god no wun els was invawlved like rumsfeld or chaynee or bush and wusn't it like when boosh sed he'd investigayt anywun who might hav leeked infurmayshun to any payper about valerie playm the inquiring mind is a wonderful thing ....
and much too precious to waste .....
shit; the three-year-olds in my kids' preschool wouldn't believe a fucking word of any of that .....
then, of course, i could go on and on about whoreshit like "states rights," which means that states can roll back any laws that have been on the books for up to fifty years, laws that might let, well ..... knee-grows have their on drinking fountains, or go to schools, or that dirty ol' roe vee wade, boy there's your stare decisis for you, there's the rule of law but if any state like california wants to .... gasp! ..... pass legislation that would demand higher levels of fuel efficiency and lower greenhouse gas emissions than the much-touted energy bill that, after thirty fucking years, might bring fuel efficiency up to where the model t was lo, those many years ago, then .....
the epa--jesus! i think i'm going to hurt myself laughing! environmental! protection! .... oh, please! ... .ha ha .... ha ha .... agency ....
shuts them down .....
jeeeziz .... i don't know .... i listened to john conyers the other day--and thank you, john, you've successfully removed the burden of any respect i might ever have had for you--as you mouthed endless bullshit as to why you wouldn't authorize or instigate impeachment proceedings against cheney and/or bush .... i've listened to democrats express dismay and astonishment that michael mukasey isn't .... well .... impartial as they'd hoped he'd be as he continues to reinforce "executive privilege," and i think, what the fuck is it with you people? how can you even say that shit while you're tripping over your tiny little johnsons to grant immunity to the telecom giants that were illegally spying on all of us, long before 9/11?
my boys' just turned three, and they know a lying scumbag fuckpuppet when they see one; don't you think that someone who's spent the last forty years sucking fish dick in government should know a lying scumpig fuckbunny when they see and hear one?
because they look in the mirror each and every day?
you know, i could go on and on and on, but let's spare us all the onus of my posturing on my ivory soapbox: just go out and read naomi klein's "the shock doctrine;" that'll set you right up for the new year, and it'll explain everything i've known and i'm sure you do, too, but never researched in this kind of detail; it's helped me understand why there are so many of satan's little fuck elves, running around and being so busy on such a global scale; not one disaster left alone, not one corporation left without a tax break, and .....
i don't want to go on ..... it's not the season for it .....
i'd rather talk a little bit about music before i drift off to dreamland, where rudolph the red-nosed reindeer gets a sam missile up his butt, shot down by the air national guard, while santa's hauled off for "harsh" interrogation measures by blackwater employees, puffed up on steroids .... and oh please: spare me the sanctimony about steroids and baseball .... what is it with the football players: they just eat extra helpings of broccoli?
enough ..... i'd rather say that michael and i are playing really really really well, and that i'm looking forward to our show at the rancho nicasio on sunday, january 6th ...... it's an afternoon matinee, a decent hour, for a change .... we'll be playing our psycho-acoustic-electric-experience music: some things old, some things new, some things borrowed, and a few old blues ..... if you're around, why don't you come on out? it'll be an intimate show, the food and drinks are good, and it's a lovely drive ....
in the meantime, best wishes for the holiday season and the new year to come .....
this last one absolutely sucked fish dick ......
next: dr. pete changes his strings
Posted by DrKanga at 9:29 PM | Comments (1)
many thanks to all who have written, offering their condolences ..... it's gracious and thoughtful and kind of you, plus .... it's seasonally and taxonomically appropriate: i've written in the past how animals understand death and honor the departed; i'd say that we are less separated from the animal kingdom than we'd like to think, and that's not such a bad thing ....
honoring others of our species separates us from republicans .... clearly they are creatures without honor that fall outside the human/animal categories, and we can only construe their existence on the planet as some kind of alien blight, an extraterrestrial virus that's filtered down through the atmosphere to suck out our brains and stretch our buttholes with their depredations and incursions .... this "black-is-white-the-sky-is-red" insistence that they are moral beings who embody the "culture of life" is so absurd that i can no longer shriek "HA! fuck YOU you lying FUCKS burn in HELL demon SPAWN eat hot molten FUCK and DIE!" when i read about them denying health care to children even as they give more tax breaks to billionaires and more subsidies to multinational conglomerates and oil companies who are, of course, their true constituency and who hold their only and sole allegiance .....
the patent nonsense about whether or not the united states tortures people, let alone what constitutes torture, is as incongruous as a quadriplegic hippo dressed in a pink tutu going en pointe: please .... this is something no one needs to see: we shouldn't even need to talk about it, and please don't even try to fuck with my similes by construing this as selling the "otherly abled" short .... the fact is the united states has been torturing people for centuries, and i'm not referring to the kind of psychophysiological distress that precipitates the decompensation one experiences while listening to bush trying to pronounce "nuclear," let alone string two coherent thoughts together before they derail totally, in a cognitive train wreck of catastrophic proportions ....
the cia has long subsidized the kind of bizarre experiments nazi "doctors" once did, only instead of putting people in ice water to see how long it would take them to die, the cia's pet psychologists would administer massive dosives of psychotomimetics, or leave people in sensory deprived environments for weeks on end, and i won't even begin to talk about their liberal administration of electric shocks: this was started in the 50s and has become the cornerstone of residential stays in gauntanamo, abu ghraib, and the numerous "black sites" your tax dollars have paid for, dotted around the world .... why, we're so good at torturing people that we teach death squad leaders how to do it, providing them with scholarships to the school of the americas, now euphemistically called the "western hemisphere institute for security cooperation," in fort benning, georgia .... the dirty wars in south america, the dirty wars in central america, and corrupt and repressive regimes around the world have been bought and paid for by the cia, with your tax dollars ....
it makes me proud to be an american, part the culture of life ....
i remember when anecdotal accounts of the cia and their "experiments" with lsd, pcp, et al surfaced in the counterculture world of the sixties .... gosh, we'd say; wouldn't that be great! the government would stone us .... but it wasn't like that at all, it wasn't fun, it wasn't trippy, and it wasn't groovy: it was as brutal and as sadistic and as bizarre as anything out of heironymous bosch via tomas torquemada, and it was underwritten by the good citizens of omaha and des moines and lansing and baton rouge and biloxi, their tax dollars at work, building a better world for tomorrow ....
tomorrow is here today: now the cia, repository of honor and selfless service to american corporations around the world, says that it's destroyed videotapes of .... mmmmm ..... "severe interrogations," but i know their intentions were good and they only did it to protect their operatives, like what's-her-name ..... mmmmm ..... uhnnnnhhhh ...... nnnrggggghhhnnn .... AHA! valerie plame wilson ....
fortunately, our democracy is in good hands under our its democratic leadership, and jay rockefeller, chairman of the senate intelligence committe (god, that's oxymoronic) will most assuredly write a another severely demanding letter, this time without the words "pretty please pretty please pretty please with sugar sprinkled all over on top and here are some little gummy bears too" included in his request for release of documents that would further clarify how much we need another investigation as well as the formation of yet another oversight committee that can do so much oversighting they don't see the nose on their fucking faces and it's time to take a recess anyway because elections are coming up and a body's gotta campaign and you can't campaign without raising money and campaigns are now so expensive you don't make a dime by kissing babies, you've got to be kissin' up to the big boys, the corporations, and if felching and gargling what you get is what it takes to pull in the big bucks, than a body's gotta do what a body's gotta do, and while you're up there won't you investigate these rectal polyps with your tongue and your left nostril ....
now, america: savor the flavor ....
i've said it before and i've said it again: that we're even having a discussion as to what constitutes torture tells more about us as a people and as a nation than i'd care to say, it tells it to the world, and they don't like what they're hearing .... that we have seemingly intelligent and supposedly educated people bandying about phrases like "extreme questioning," as though it were a television show funded by right guard, the x-treme deodorant that keeps you dry while you slobber in your torpor, drooling into your miller light (the x-treem-ist of beers), is yet another foothold cut out of the crumbling wall of our moral pretense: america, land of the free; america, home of the brave; america: opening the golden gate to the tired, the hungry, the poor, yearning to be free .....
unless they're iraqi refugees, in which case only 79 out of four million displaced made it in last year ....
it's not much of a stretch to add "religion" to the mix of pretentious poseurs who must have spent a fulfilling childhood setting fire to kittens and disemboweling cats, popping puppies into burlap sacks and dropping them into shallow water, and impaling tadpoles--on blunt sticks ..... the prince of peace wouldn't stand a snowflake's chance in hell if he were to show up right now: pinhead minions of homeland security would bag his swarthy--middle america, i hate to disillusion you, but jesus was a dark kinda person, not a blue-eyed blond--berobed ass and ship him right off to gitmo where he'd immediately be deprived of his fingernails, smeared with menstrual blood, and challenged to walk on a water board .... you know it and i know it: christians are more antithetical to carbon based life forms than typhus, but now they willingly plunge into the sin of pride, shouting their barbarism from any television pulpit that offers them a chance to "debate" .......
i wonder: were they born assholes? or did they set being an asshole as a goal? an entire aspiring presidential coterie composed of those whose sole qualification for office is being an asshole; republican "presidential debates" remind me of the old mr. olympia competitions, when body builders would come out and hit poses, oiled and gleaming and ripped, in the lights .... but now it's a proctological pageant, where the conscienceless, the amoral, the vapid and the venal parade before the cameras and, like some cloacal closeup from assholesforever.com, display their empty psyches to the public by turning around, shoving their fists up their butts and, spreading their sphincters wide for the world to see, shout:
i'm a bigger asshole than my opponent! i'm a bigger asshole than my opponent! i'm the biggest asshole of them all!
it's appalling that carrying a bible substitutes for discussing foreign policy, or health care, or schooling, or global warming, or a rapidly decaying infrastucture in an ever more fragile world .... if all you need to demand respect is a belief, then i'm throwing my hat in the ring:
i believe these fuckwits are all assholes ....
now .....
vote for me ......
next: dr. pete goes to new hampsters
Posted by DrKanga at 7:07 PM | Comments (2)
i've been absent of late ... the fact is, i can't think of what to write that would be even remotely humorous; in the continuing perpetual motion machine of republican depredations, idiocies, and lies; theft, corruption, and deceit; mass murder, mayhem, and thuggery, well .... it's about reduced me to shrieking, FUCK THEM THEY'RE LIARS AND MURDERERS AND PIGFUCKERS AND THEY ALL GO UNREPRIMANDED LET ALONE PUNISHED .....
so just cut and past that into a page for yourself, each and every day, and that'll spare me the onus of having to sit down and be creative ....
but there was something i wanted to say .....
it's been unseasonably dry here in california; by now we should have had inches and inches of rain, but .... we've had nothing; mountain bike rides into the hills, past creek beds that should be foaming brown, show nothing but bare rock ..... so, after thanksgiving, i decided it was time to get some plants in before everything would presumably turn to mud and i wouldn't be able to .... i've been adding a border of flowering shrubs: mexican marigolds, nice yellow blooms with a remarkable fragrance and ..... robin called me to the phone ....
you know these phone calls: you get them and you know what's coming down the line even before the caller says hello; you just don't know who they're calling about .....
this time it was carol kramer, a not-all-that-long-ago girlfriend .... we never were a couple but we certainly were an item .... she was probably the goodest person i've ever known; she wasn't naive or delusional, she was just .... well, good and cheerful and unconditional in her love and she was so positive and upbeat enthusiastic and generous and loving that she absolutely drove me crazy .... it was difficult being with someone that good and that positive and that upbeat; i'm not any of those, nor do i aspire; i'm reasonably content with being embittered and twisted and venomous and cynical and mordant .... but i do like to laugh, and so did she, and we laughed a lot .....
anyway ..... the caller said carol was in marin general, that she was no longer responsive, and that i should get on down there, quick .... and it rocked me, hard; i hadn't realized that she was sick, let alone how sick she was .... the last i'd seen her, a little over a year ago, she'd volunteered to babysit; that's the kind of person she was; it's not like there's a line outside my door, of people volunteering to babysit but ..... but carol did, and she was fine, or so it seemed, and it was a pleasure to be with her again
i did get a chance to sit with her, when she was in the final phases of cheyne-stokes breathing .... that's the stertorous in-out breath, punctuated by a lull, that long hiatus, where you find yourself hanging on, wondering if the lull is going to go on ... and on .... and on .... and on ...... forever ..... i sat like this with my mother; i'd breathe with her, then i'd breathe for her, but that was before she became unreachable, at least in this world ..... and .....
i said goodby, sat outside in the hallway, and she died shortly thereafter .....
carol became part of my life when i was finishing up a psych degree and wondering if i was finished with music .... at one time we flew back east so she could pick up a car for her daughter; we drove back cross country together, visiting some of the places that were part of my not-so-distant past .... we drove through iowa, after stopping in des moines, and i got stopped twice for speeding in an hour's time; that's iowa for you: you want to get out of it as quickly as you can .... we took hot sulfur baths in thermopolis, wyoming; marvelled at the grand tetons, and sped madly across the utah salt flats .....
she also knew my mother and father, something my children will never do ....
she was also a great motorcycle passenger; riding with her behind me was like dancing, effortless and smooth and graceful .... there's more, of course, but it'd take far too long .... i'm struck again how i'm diminished with every loss .... there, after all, goes someone who knew me when and knew me where, who was part of my life in a different time and place; when i lose them i lose another piece of myself, for i've lost someone who could bear witness to those times and those places and those experiences that are a part of me, which you probably don't know about, and which i now tend lose track of if i'm not reminded ....
knowing that, i've been flooded with memories this last week, and not necessarily of carol, just other people and other places, other times and other spaces .... it's been precious: time travel is possible ....
after my mother's death, while cleaning up, i came across a piece of paper she'd put in her olivetti lettera 22 ... she'd written: "i'd like to go back to the house where i was born, where i watched the farmhands bring in the tobacco; the place where we all ate and slept, where grandmother brought me into this world .... "
that became "this old house," from "going home:"
this old house
the place where i was born
i would sit and watch the farmhands bring in the tobacco and the corn
up on the roof on an eastern summer’s day
i would sit and watch the clouds as they would slowly drift away ................
this old house
i’d love to see you once again
if only time and health would allow me
i would surely hop a plane
for this old house
before my eyes grow dim
i’d like to back and see the house where i was born
the place where we all ate and slept
where grandma brought me into this world
it seems like it’s so long ago
my friends were still alive
there were people
who knew me
as a girl ........
she was eighty-eight when she died, and there was no one left who knew her as a girl ......
well .....
death is about as common as catshit, but i still hope to find some meaning or some kind of learning outcome from each one .... well, i do, you know; i really do .... and then the world of the living draws me back in and the lessons become ever smaller, like objects viewed through the wrong end of a telescope ....
still, i think about all the things people write songs about: love of this and love of that; boyfriends and girlfriends and love unrequited; loss and sadness; joy and happiness and booty shaking and an infinite spectrum of topics ....
but breath?
i can't think of anyone who's written a song about breathing ....
and oh!
to be without it ......
Posted by DrKanga at 8:35 PM | Comments (2)
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
next: dr. pete waddles on
Posted by DrKanga at 9:59 AM
i'm having a real hard time here and, if i were you, i wouldn't bother with this shit; i'd go watch oprah .... or have a miller lite .... or rub bacon grease in my hair .... or figure out who the fuck jen is ..... no, this one's been really hard to write, and it's all about cognitive dissonance ... i've got cognitive dissonance in a big way, and i can't resolve it ....
it's pounding my ass so bad that it almost makes me feel empathy for joe sixfuck; he's got to deal with cognitive dissonance on a day-to-day, and he's not as sophisticated as i am .... oh, don't give me that fucking "gee, pete ... you're such an elitist snob" bullshit ..... not all people are created equal; most aren't even created interesting ..... and what about little ms. america? worrying about the size of her tits and whether her pussy smells and she's feeling sorry for jen, whoever that is, and consumed with the minutiae of celebrity and the secret anguish of the network stars and how will oprah lose that fucking weight? and how will she ever firm up her abs and learn the eighteen ways to please a man the things he wants you to know but won't tell you because he's too busy jerking off to internet porn and how is she ever going to come to terms with her trivialized existence and not decompensate utterly?
oh ... you can't tell the difference, can you .....
i'm sure that, by now, you're wondering, what's the point, doctor pete? what's the fucking point?
the point is cognitive dissonance: how does one balance what one's told with one's lying fucking eyes?
the point is that an american's gotta go through the day with oil approaching one hundred dollars a barrel, while looking at ads for cars that only emphasize that they now have more horsepower than ever before ...
the point is that an american's got to balance the mythos of being compassionate and friendly and caring about strangers all the while knowing that they practise torture and condone mass murder ....
the point is that an american's got to abide the charade of "illegal aliens" and how they fuck up the country, when everyone here who's not an american indian is an illegal alien who fucked up the country by killing all the legal residents ....
the point is that americans have to come to terms with their military fighting "wars" to protect the interests of oil companies, while mercenaries run amok in the streets of baghdad and new orleans, killing civilians ....
the point is that americans know that the fastest way to become a "terrorist" is to get shot by an american ..... that's how three-year-olds and their stuffed dolls become terrorists .... or detergents ....
ha ha .... i meant, "insurgents ....."
jesus, this is difficult to write: it's veterans day and i have a hard time when i see pictures of that fucking bush, taken with some poor schlumpf who has no face left, or who is missing limbs .... for being a neutered squirrel he's sure got some nuts, doesn't he? i'd rather slit my belly and bleed out than be the photographer that takes those shots, or the fucking editor that puts them into print ....
actually, we should see a lot more of those shots; we should have them blown up into huge posters, put them on subway walls and tenement halls and listen to the sound of fucking silence: thanks, george, for being such a compassionate conservative .... that's about the only thing we learned from vietnam: don't show pictures of what war does to our guys .... just turn war into a pyrotechnic light show and you'll do fine in selling it to the masses ....
so .... i'm told that one out of four homeless is a veteran .... now: does having a "support the troops" magnetic ribbon on your suv get you free parking at walter reed?
i'm having a hard time ....
i have a hard time when i hear george bush "sending a message" to musharaff: "take off your uniform ....." what's that supposed to mean? that bush is always in costume? or that he's going to loan pervie a used codpiece? and why are these assholes always "sending messages?" wouldn't a singing candy gram do just as well?
i have a hard with our "foreign policy" anyway, and pakistan anyway: they harbor terrorists, they give bin laden room service; they sell nukilar sekrets to everyone; they suspend elekshuns; they dissolve their supreem kort --- jeez, wish we would; that's why i have such cognitive dissonance here ... they're doing what we should be doing --- and they get ten billion fucking dollars for doing so, while bush doesn't even have the decency to go into a nice private bathroom stall to orally pleasure musharraf .... i mean, provide lip service to him .....
i have a hard time with democrats; they were once the party of the people;" now they're little more than a corporate strap-on ..... the difference between being a democrat corporate strap-on and a republican corporate strap-on is that the democratic strap-on is flaccid; the republican strap-on is rigid, but it's only four inches long .... and they're both very white .....
i have a hard time when national prickhead radio plays "america the beautiful" as part of their soundscape for veterans' day, especially when they're in a cemetery; hey, if you're going to sing that song, go to the grand canyon .....
i have a hard time thinking about the right to privacy, unless, of course, a corporation wants information about you, or the government wants information about you, in which case they can do whatever they want, whenever they want to, however long they want to, without recrimination or recourse to the courts ....
i have a hard time with that fuck-wrinkle feinstein; she's never done what she was elected to do; she's never represented her constituency ... can she be recalled? like a chinese date-rape toy? because she's fucking us all witless and we're not doing a fucking thing about it ....
i have a hard time reading that "cheney honors veterans .... "
i have a hard time seeing pictures of bush, doing anything ..... i've worked with enough fetal alcohol syndrome kids to know neurological and cognitive impairment when i see it .... maybe you want to have a beer with something that slobbers snot down its shirtfront before eating its boogers, but i don't .... and i don't want something like that as my president, either, although that's what we end up getting from the republicans: homunculus mongoloids, cretinous retards, mutant droolers ....
i have a hard time with the crop of "presidential hopefuls ...." i have a hard time with democrats who have picked up the neo-con lede of "problems with social security ....." the only problem with social security is that it works; any government program that benefits people runs contrary to the republican agenda, and any fiscal difficulties with social security might have something to do with bush and his crew raiding and depleting the surplus .....
and what are the "issues" for the republicans? ooooooooooooooooo .......... "i'm tuff on terror ..." no I'M tuff on terror .... well, i'm so tuff on terror i'm going to suck the eyeballs out of this kitty cat's head .... well, you think you're tuff on terror; i'm so tuff on terror i'm going to assfuck this puppy to death and turn him into a cockholster ....oh, you think you're tuff on terror? i'm so tuff on terror i'm going to put five hundred people into an illegal prison illegally and hold them there without charges for years and i'm going to use "enhanced interrogation techniques" because i'm tuff on terror and i'm going to fuck them in the ass, too, and urinate on their backs and then i'm going to smear menstrual blood on my lips and tongue no i mean on them because they don't like it and then i'm going to slip into a bathroom stall and suck off strangers and turn my mouth into a cumbucket and smear sticky splooge all over my gums and rub it into my armpits because i'm tuff on terror and the democrats aren't they're soft on terror and you don't want that do you because they just tax and spend but we just spend and we'd never spend any money on n*****rs or anyone else who is poor we just give money to rich people and rich big corporations and thta's because we're tuff on terror ....
and we're agin' a borshun ..... but we all fer killin' as many peeple as we kan ..... s'long as they not white .... unless they in yew-niform 'n' then they kin die too ....
jeeziz ....
you can tell i'm having a hard time .... i'm having a hard time with a bovine complacent populace that's as flaccid as a republican's cock, that cheers weakly for more depredations and violations as they're continually sodomized by corporations and the "government" that's been installed to protect corporate interests and perpetuate a populace as a renewable resource for corporate harvest ....
i ..... i ..... MY FUCKING HEART! IT'S ..... IT'S ...... ARGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG ....................................................................
hey .... happy holidays, okay?
next: dr. pete takes his thorazine and settles down
Posted by DrKanga at 10:08 AM | Comments (3)
what a week;, dear diary .... did you hear me shrieking? like when that fuckwad senator diane "call me a republican because that's the way i've been voting for years and there's nothing you can do about it because i won't be running for any office any more because i've made so much money as a war profiteer and i know things that you don't know like why i voted to authorize an illegal invasion of a sovereign nation but i'm not going to tell you and you can't make me" feinstein, who's on the judiciary committee, and after waving through such stalwarts as samuel alito; john roberts; antonin scalia, now will give a passing grade to michael mucousy as attorney general because "he's not alberto gonzales ...."
boy, there's some incisive thinking there, you know? he's not an illiterate, fawning, banal, trite, incompetent, venal, typical toadying republican posted to the highest legal office in the land; he's smarter than a toaster and has the morals of a stoat and the intellect of a badger that's been run over by an eighteen wheeler .... sheeeee-it, that's what i wan' as my attorney jinral ..... someone who's smarter than a bag of dog shit, someone who can tell all the milling, whining, snivelling, whimpering democrats who are peeing themselves with fear to just go fuck themselves, to take their fucking questions about torture because ha ha mucousy doesn't know what it is but he'll find out .... and he'll get back to you .....
with pincers and pliers and red hot needles and electrodes ......
it makes me fucking despair, you know? we're still having a discussion about whether or not torture is good for you ..... it reminds me of some of the conversations that went on during the spanish inquisition, that fun, proud period in christian history, that high watermark of western civilization ......
-- hey, juan ..... do you think you should be pulling that woman's fingernails out with those pliers?
-- oh, it's quite all right; she doesn't mind; why, she's been much too vain, you know how prideful and filled with sin women are ..... but now she won't have to worry about what color to paint them .... ha ha ..... and now listen to her! she's calling out to god .....
-- hey juan, do you think ramming red hot rebar up that rabbi's rectum is going to facilitate the process of .... mmmm .....
-- oh, don't worry; if he trusted god, if he believed in christ, then the glowing steel would be as an emollient lotion, smoothing out his hemorrhoidal tissues ..... and he'll truly sing god's praises when we pour the molten lead down his throat ....
-- juan, is that a good idea? i mean, lead's toxic and he might be harmed .....
-- oh, you silly liberal; this is for the good of us all; remember, we're in a war on ... mmmm .... on .... mmmmnnnn ..... oh ...... .....
anyway, they wouldn't be here if they weren't guilty of something ...... everybody's guily of something .....
i guess there are some conclusions one can draw from this utterly most degradingly shameful period in american history except for the others .... one is that there's the religious right and there's the religious wrong, and all of them can kiss my ass ..... and then there's this war shit, it's really big business .... thirty years later we're still engaged in "the war on drugs," which means people taking drugs have kicked the shit out of the american military ..... wouldn't you think that would give us a larger complex than "the vietnam syndrome?" which we had to expiate by invading those monstrously threatening and dangerous countries like .... panama .... and ..... granada .....
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ..... how did we ever sleep soundly at night until we'd subjugated those horrid granadans?
oh, i see we're giving our mexican neighbors, the ones whose people we won't let into our country because they'll take all the jobs that americans want like picking lettuce and strawberries and changing diapers and gardening and construction even though the construction market is down because no one can afford houses what with the crash of the mortage market that was unregulated which is a good thing because you don't want the government interfering with a few people making money although you do want the government reading your mail and listening to your phone calls and not letting you get on a plane if you've demonstrated against the war or voted democrat although why you'd want to waste your time and votes doing something as stupid as that beats the shit out of me one billion dollars and some more armaments because the best way to fight drugs is to fly over where peasants might want to farm their own land and spray their crops with agent orange and them with .50 caliber machine guns just like we're doing in colombia where we're helping them enjoy their freedoms there's nothing as enjoyably free as someone who isn't fettered by having land or owning a home when running for his life from those big helicopters and the freest of them all is a dead man because he never give nobody no trouble and the best way to liberate people and free them and fight drugs is with the military i know you remember how successful the cia was fighting drugs in vietnam why they'd round up all the heroin and fly it out on their own air america airplanes that's how dedicated they were to fighting drugs just like ronald reagan fought drugs back in.those old iran contra days when he ....
ha ha .... i do go on, don't i?
ha ha .................................
what i should be talking about is how michael lindner, tim gahagan and i played sedge thompson's "west coast live!" saturday morning .... it's a beautiful time of year in california, and just about everywhere else, too, i dare say: by the time i was rolling into the san geronimo valley the sun was up, but low, and the california hills were chiarascuroed in purples and golds, in wrinkles and folds, while wisps of fog filled the crevasses and frost glittered on the fields ..... thirty eight degrees when i arrived, seventy eight degrees when i left ...... a spectacular day for bicycling but .... duty called .....
did you hear the show? if you did, did you hear the boys shrieking? this was the first time the boys went to see daddy play live .... it's not because we won't take them to a show; it's because i can't get any shows, and i think i finally figured out why: it's because i haven't surgically enhanced my tits, plus i don't dance around like a crab on a hotplate with my midriff bare .... also i'm not a twenty-something who writes poignantly about shit he knows nothing about because he has yet to experience anything ..... jeez, i don't wish to be condescending to twenty-somethings who have yet to experience a lot of stuff; being a naif lends legitimacy to one's perspectives and opinions, wouldn't you say? take our president ..... please ..... ha ha ..... he's never let facts interfere with his opinions ...... but anyway .... the boys went and were as good as boys could be; we took them outside when their raw energy became too much to contain, and we let them run free, free-range animals if ever there were ......
daniel now says "daddy play radio .... daddy play radio ...."
next: dr. pete washes his hair
Posted by DrKanga at 7:49 PM
i'll be doing a live radio broadcast with michael lindner on bass and tim gahagan on drums on saturday, november 3 ..... we'll be doing West Coast Live!, where they've misspelled my name .... i've seen worse, though ....
you can check to see if there's a radio station that broadasts in your area by checking here: http://www.wcl.org/affiliates.html
broadcast starts at 10 am, live from rancho nicasio .....
if you get a chance to tune in, i'd say you should; we're playing really well ..... and ..... i'll go an entire show without saying "fuck ....."
next: dr. pete says "fuck"
Posted by DrKanga at 8:12 PM
it's not that i've taken a sabbatical; i just had to take some time to deliberate over something i obviously need to say ... and what i've got to say isn't going to be easy .... because it's become so apparent to me that i've been, well .... it's really difficult for me to say this, but .... i clearly haven't been doing something right, my statements haven't been clear .... somehow, in some way, i've erred .... recent communications from readers have disturbed me because .... well .... because .....
what do i mean? well, i'm referring to my editorials ..... there's something about them that, as i think about what i've written through the years, troubles me greatly ....
i guess you want me to be specific, to stop .... well ..... the shilly-shallying and hemming and hawing and the hoo-ing and ha-ing and just say it, dr. pete, like .... what's the fucking point?
well .... the point is, clearly i've been misguided and i've been doing something wrong, and i'll tell you how i know it, because i have incontrovertible proof of it .... and i'l cite the evidence ....
first, someone recently wrote to me at my myspace page and said that he'd heard i "played christian music ...."
fucking christ, could you hear me fucking shrieking? i wrote and told him i'd rather eat my flesh and rim my butt with a broken bottle than even think about "christian music," as if something like that could ever exist in a world where our president is the pre-eminent sucker of satan's cock ....
and then someone wrote and told me that i was "misguided" and that it would really be great if we could just get together so he could point out "the error of my ways" and that that "imbecile president," when history wuz ritten, would be the wun hoo had "saved Western Civilization" and ....
and then i realized that .... there are assholes out there who THINK I'M A FUCKING LIBERAL! like, after spending years working with fetal alcohol syndrome clients, with crack baby schizophrenics, with neurologically hammered bipolor NOS clients, who all make more sense than fucking george bush does, i really would give a fuck about what these fuckheads think? like i'd really want to .... oooooo ..... have a fucking dialogue? eeeeee ..... build bridges? ...... aaaaaaaaaaaa ........ reach ..... non-partisan concensus?
just fucking blow me ....
where have i gone wrong, dear sweet god ..... where have i gone so wrong that SOMEBODY THINKS I'M A FUCKING LIBERAL!
i have never .... never .... FUCKING NEVER .... been SO INSULTED IN MY FUCKING LIFE!
fortunately, compassionate conservatism and tuff-talkin'-hip-shootin'-shit-smearin'-diplomessy is still workin' fer us .... thanks to that pinhead cretin who'll save Western Civilization (mohatma ghandi, when asked what he thought of western civilization, replied: "i think it would be a good idea ...." i think it'd be a good idea, too .... i'm not sure which part of Western Civilization we should save first: the genocidal part? the colonial part? the imperial part? the corporate-cock-sucking part?) excuse my digression let me pick up the thread: that pinhead fuck, he's dee-sided to veto legislashun that'd inshure childrun for theyr helth because any child what gets sik does so becoz hees a commernist or a homersessal or both so they dont need no inshurans and those bold democrats have decided to retroactively pardon any telecommunications company that brok the lawz and turned over records to our spying government because that's what freedom is all about, the freedom of corporations to be unbeholden to any court of law and the government under republicans to do what it wants to the citizens of this grate kuntry because war is big bisness and weer not in bizness to go out of bidness and weer a soverain nashun because we would never let the turkeys tell us what to do in congress or in the senate so we would never say the word "genocide" about the millyun and a haf armeenians who were slottered back in 1914 hey thayt was a long tayum ago why donchew get over it and if we called anyone genocidal then maybe someone would take a look at what we done did to those injuns ha ha ha here's your wild west you fucking savages and the chinese communists thank god we're still fiting kommyewnism it's not the comyewnists who are putting led paynt in childruns toys it's the chinese capitalists we like them they buy our cars and so when they say not to talk to the dolly llama well who are we going to listen to just because you're holding all our payper and our bonds 'n stuff doesn't meen you can tell us what to do weer white peeple and weer krischuns and i i think you know the answer to that and it all makes me proud to be an american because i feel like shooting peeple maybe i should joyn blackwater and then i could shoot anyone anytime anywhere and i could get paid for it and know that i was protecting peeple who were important peeople and defending our freedoms which is too shoot anyone anywhere any fucking time and get paid lots of money for it ee-rock is the reel wild west i love this country and its freedoms ....
because i'm not a fucking liberal, okay?
fuck .....
no wonder i don't write shit any more ..... somehow people think i play christian music, as if there ever might be such a thing; we all know the devil's got the best sounds going .... and somehow people think i'm a liberal and give a fuck about how they want to insult my intelligence and abuse my sensibilities with their psychotic fucking delusions ..... and don't call me out for not wanting to "dialogue ...." pretend i'm one of your authoritarian father-figure idols, just like that pinhead fuck in the white house who has assiduously ignored the majority of american citizens who want an end to the american occupation of iraq; who ignores his "allies" who want an end to the american occupation of iraq; who ignores the majority of citizens who'd like to insure their children, who is not so much a pathological liar as a puppet with a corporate hand up his ass so he can mouth froth-words like "terror" and "nine-'leven" and "tuff" and "make desiszhuns" while his corporate masters go about their plundering .....
and they call this leadership ......
now can i shoot some heroin? just to take the edge off?
next: dr. pete has actually been playing good music lately and he might even tell you about it ..... just don't call him a liberal .....
Posted by DrKanga at 9:11 PM | Comments (1)
i recently finished a rock wall that i've been working on; it's drywall construction, built up out of lava rocks .... the rocks limn a slope and, when the rocks had settled in place i filled the declivity behind them with potting soil, soil amendment to break up the clay underneath it, and compost from my compost heap .... oh, don't go thinking that i'm some kind of organo freak; i spray my roses: the only reason i compost now is that the compost container was a wedding present ....
think about that: a compost heap for a wedding present!
still, i've been composting for years; it takes all the coffee grounds that come out of my kitchen, as well as all the vegetable scraps and other orts and bits .... worms love coffee grounds, and i've got the peppiest fucking worms you've ever seen: pop the top of the composter and it's like tanned spaghetti on speed ..... robin, my wife, doesn't go near it, and the boys haven't discovered it yet, but when they do, they'll go nuts .... boys and worms, it's a marriage made in heaven ....
i planted a border of chrysanthemums along the rock wall, a palette of nice fall colors, a nice border to look at while i plan out the rest of the bed and .... the next morning i walked out and the flowers were all gone: the deer had come in during the night and smorgasborded their fucking brains out .... to add insult to injury, there was a fresh pile of bambi bullets right next to the clipped tops of the chrysanthemums: those flowers had gone right in one end and out the other ....
and i'm sorry to say that the first thing i thought was .....
those fucking deer, they're just like republicans, aren't they? they have no respect for boundaries or private property; they see something they want and they go after it .... it doesn't matter what it might be: oil, kiss it goodbye; coal, adios motherfucker; your dog, gone in a georgia minute; your wife or significant other? asshole stretched so wide a 747 could turn around inside it and never touch a wingtip to a cloacal wall .... and, just like the deer, after privatizing whatever it is, they shit all over; they just go and make a fucking mess out of it ....
think i'm making this up? do the words "oil" and "iraq" mean anything to you? coal? right now they're out in west virginia, ripping the tops off of mountains and shovelling the debris into the streambeds below .... oh, no, that won't block the flow or put heavy metals into the ground water or cause any problems, and anyway we wouldn't want the government to interfere or monitor companies that are perfectly capable of policing themselves, just like all the little foxies in the henhouse do .....
oh, those repugnicans, they're a beautiful bunch, all right, and they're hittin' their stride as they grease their way toward the end of king george's rule .... the rule of law, is what i mean .... did you know that if you're a republican you can plead guilty to something and then, in spite of years in congress, of what we must assume to be years of exposure to legal natter and chit-chat, say you didn't know what that meant? or that you had someone's dick in your mouth while you ... mmmpphhh .... nnngggghhhh ..... schlorpurggggllle .... mmmmpppphhhhh .... plead naughty and so it doesn't count ha ha, it doesn't count, it doesn't count, just foolin', just foolin'!
i've said it before: these people aren't hypocrites because, well .... because hypocrites are people, and these creatures are spawn of the dark lord who heed neither the laws of god nor man, neither do they honor the beasts of the field nor the fowl of the air, nor are the fish of the sea safe from their depredations and evil ..... please don't say that king george is a hypocrite for exercising his fourth veto .... ooooooooooo ..... he's made FOUR DECISIONS while he been workin' at de orifice! and it's hard work! yes, when you're simpleminded, making decisions is hard work--on SCHIP, the insurance program for children because it would ..... ooooooo .... bring us closer to ..... eeeeeeeeeeee ...... socialized health care ......
like that's a bad thing .....
insuring children .....
in this culture of life, right terry?
and it costs so much .....
now can i have another 200 billion for this week's fun and games in eye-rak and doncha say no to me you dummercats or i'll tell the murkin peeple that you sof' on terrrssm .....
a friend recently sent me graphic proof of how abysmally ignorant the american sheeple are: "can you name a country that starts with the letter "u" ...."
"mmmmmmm ...... u-goslavia?"
there was also a frenzied defense of the flat world and i can't even go on, it was so .... so ..... republicanifying .....
so i'm not surprised that people still think saddam hussein personally piloted a 747 into rudy giuliani's hip pocket on september 11; nothing fucking surprises me in this country any more, not where stupidity, greed, avarice, psychotic narcissism, and surgically enhanced breasts are concerned .... and, hey: why doesn't jen surgically enhance her face? it'd give her a better chance with brad, you know what i mean?
will someone tell me who jen is? and why she lives in my supermarket? doesn't she have a fucking home?
what else has been in "the news" lately? well, it's open season on rugheads if you work for blackwater .... but there'll be an investigation .... oooooooo .... an investigation ...... and rush limbaugh called some soldiers "phony soldiers;" i'm sure their parents will be glad to know that their sons who became phony soldiers died phony deaths and their grief at their phony loss is phony grief but .... there won't be any censure of rush, and why would there be? we only have democrats censuring move-on.org for their inane play on words a few weeks back .....
and i see torcher's back in the news again .... fucking gautama buddha help us! these fuck-sniffs are still equivocating about torturing people and it's all okay because it makes america safer and you know i can't argue with that i guess i'm safer because i haven't had a 747 fly into my house lately and certainly not one piloted by saddam hussein oh he's dead is he? he's a bad man, a bad man, and when they're that bad they'll fuck with you even after they're dead and then i heard one of my favorite ass-munchers, david brooks from the knee jerk crimes, talking about how it isn't really torcher it's just some guys in the government who are so dedicated to protecting us from terror that they're tougher guys than most guys and tough guys do what it takes to do tough things and wouldn't it be neat to be a tough guy and ....
about this time is when i threw the radio out the window, hoping to hit the fucking deer that have bedded down underneath the guava tree in my front yard ....
you know what these fuck-licks are like? fuck-licks like david brooks are like the toadies on the schoolyard, sucking up to the school bully: ooooo, biff, you're so neat, can i carry your books and watch you spatter the teeth out of that little jewish boy just don't hit me but i don't care if you get some blood on me, a little blood on me is really masculine and the girls'll think i'm tough and i think you're really neat and it'd be neat to be as tough as you and i love that bulge in your pants ooooooooooo oooooooo oooooooooo being tough is so .... so ..... tough!
oh, believe me: the whole republican thing is beyond hypocrite: they're like sociopathic children, just doing whatever it is they want, saying whatever comes to mind to justify their doing whatever it is they want, whenever it is they want to, but still trying to maintain a pretence of belonging to the human race, even though their eyes are vertical slits that never blink in the sunlight, the hair on their head an unreal plasticine coif, like the plastic sculptured hair topping on the head of a ken doll, only it's a silvery color, shit, if my hair were that color i'd spatter it with shoe polish or catshit just so i wouldn't look like newt gingrich the most artificial looking fuck i've ever seen, with an obsidian basilisk stare opening into the void of their soulless inhuman being, while they lay their eggs inside humans, living humans, and the eggs hatch and feed, the larvae feed on the entrails of human beings and .....
no wonder the democrats won't say "boo" to 'em, even if we are coming up on halloween ....
i wish we could spread some democracy in north america, you know? because right now we've got 80% of the people wanting us to get out of iraq one way or another, and the response of our selected--and they weren't selected by we the people--officials is to say, fuck you, i'm cutting taxes and funding this war by not insuring your children and if they get sick it's because they wanted to and they didn't take care of themselves and they've got health care just go to the emergency room so you can lose your house when the healthcare corporation comes after you with its big guns and attorneys and you've maxed out the credit card you didn't apply for the one that's got an annual rate of 35% compounded daily and you can't refinance your house because you had one of those adjustable rate mortgages that just hit 14% and now we're going to further cut taxes on the upper .000001235% because when they let you clean their yards it stimulates the economy and their prostates and that's what constitutes leadership in this fucking country .....
the democrats can suck my dick, too .... oooooo ..... let's have another investigation of something, and another non-binding resolution about how resolute we've resolved to be .......
jesus ....... what a bunch of hemorrhoidal tissue ......
and then of course there was national prickhead radio doing it's "war toy of the week" program, the announcer getting an audible woodie, asking "is the osprey ready for service in iraq?" fucking god what is it with these fucking people it's just another "we're the best we've got the greatest technology it's so good that's why people with boxcutters took our airplanes and why most of our soldiers are being killed by homemade bombs made out of explosives we didn't guard so anyone would walk in and take whatever they wanted and shit we did that because we're not in business to go out of business if you know what i mean i mean what good is a defense industry if there's nothing to defend against?" and it's not like the insurgents and why aren't they freedom fighters like they were in afghanistan when the afghanis were fighting the russian invaders have airplanes that you can get into dogfights with the osprey only kills civilians on the ground and ......
now .... on to more germane things ..... did you know that "kaukonen" is spelled "music show?" at least that's how it was spelled on the marquee of the lark theater last week, when i played with michael (not jeff, no matter what they say) lindner on bass and tim gahagan on drums ..... i celebrated forty years of musical anonymity in an hour-and-a-half; we played acoustic blues; acoustic originals; we took songs off of "traveller" (now available on cd! it's a beautiful recording! great artwork! go to the music page! buy it! NOW!); we took songs off of Black Kangaroo .... we ended up playing three piece, rocking and rolling with a hendrix cover, with heavy metal from kangaroo, and with good time pieces from the annals of rock ......
everyone had a great time; i'm sorry you weren't there .....
next time, perhaps?
next: dr. pete doesn't say "fuck" .....
Posted by DrKanga at 3:07 PM | Comments (1)
now that i'm in loco parentis--and i do mean "loco" parent-ass--my whole schedule has changed, as have my energy levels .... the time that i used to enjoy, pulling myself together, waiting for my meds to kick in; reading e-mails; eliminating spam; erasing all the "humorous" forwarded e-mails from the legion of avid and enthusiastic readers; laboriously pursuing links that you readers have provided that were of vital importance to my psychophysiological well-being and, of course, writing incisive, insightful, and mordant editorials ..... well .....
that time is now spent crawling out of bed and across the floor, at six in the morning, bleeding and whining; trying to lift very heavy wet little boys out of their cribs; trying to pick very heavy wet little boys up to the changing table; having severely arthritic fingers fumble at very wet diapers; fuming and fumbling at my inability to dress very active little boys; make breakfast for very active little boys; feeding very active little boys; plowing through the litter and debris little boys leave as they actively strew breakfast around the dining room; herding very active little boys to the car; driving through morning assfuck traffic, brandishing a six-inch sawtooth blade at fuckheads who want to cut in front of me at the last moment; herding very active little boys across a parking lot; being actively ignored by cunt-hair perfect mothers who are dropping their stylishly dressed children off at school; stopping at the grocery store to shop for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; coming home and doing the laundry; finding the cure for cancer; rectifying global warming; attending to global worming, wherein massive doses of boticides remove all republicans from this world, bringing on the rapture, which is what we all experience when they're fucking gone and .....
oh ..... my train of thought ...... derailed .....
wooooooooooo wooooooooooooo wooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ..........
speaking of woooo woooo wooooo, this is a time in american history that will live in infamy ..... i won't waste my time or breath on the catechism of local and global depredations ..... here we are, in the new millenium, and it's just like the old boss, only fucking worse .... let's see .... we've had congress vote to censure move-on.org for running an advertisement that dared to impugn the integrity of petraeus and his "report ...." we've got a congress that won't do shit about a million dead in iraq .... we've got bush ready to veto a bill that would .... oh my god! .... tax cigarettes to provide health care for children!
well, if that isn't government interfering with the rights of children to fucking die, then what is? and perish the thought that we ...... gasp! ..... would slap a tax on cigarettes, which we know to be healthful and benificent .....
but wait! there's more .....
we've got a spate of authors and books comiing out, saying, gee .... oh golly gee winnikins .... maybe we were wrong about bush, his agenda, and his administration ..... maybe this is a creature and a junta that .... mmmm .... might not have our best interests in mind ..... well ..... actually, i knew that six years ago, they're writing, but i couldn't tell it to you then because i was making too much money out of my connection to the bush administration and now it's time to make money from my tell-all publishing ......
greenspan is the latest in the line of amoral, unscrupulous, deviant, lying, cocksucking crack whores; he takes his place right behind tenent and ......
i'm going to quote sparky the penguin, from tom tomorrow, and then we'll move on .....
"i have to hand it to you, mister greenspan ... you are a comedy mastermind .... remember when you were helping to inflate the housing bubble with historically low interest rates .... and urging people to take out adjustable rate loans? what a classic! pure comedy gold .... and what a sense of timing you have .... your punchline can last for years .... like when you urged congress to stabilize social security by raising the payroll tax ... which disproportionately impacts low and mid-level earners .... two decades after american workers began paying the higher rates you asked for .... you used the surplus they created as an argument in favor of bush's tax cuts for the wealthy ... and then, after those tax cuts led to soaring deficits, your response .... and this is priceless .... was to propose cutting social security benefits ..... and to top it off now by claiming that you were actually opposed to the tax cuts all along ..... what can i even say?
i stand in awe of your evil comedic genius, sir .....
well, i'm inspired by this interminable line of two-faced fuck-suckers, so here goes .... i'm going to confess that i, too, was wrong about bush .... i, too, misunderestimated the man ..... why, i thought he was just a cretinous, retarded baboon who would choke on a pretzel, fall of a bicycle, and fuck up every business opportunity his daddy bought him, from yale to being governer or texas, to being president of the yewnited stayuts, which he said he'd "run like a bid'ness," and that should have warned everyone ....
but now i see how i wrong i was ....
he wasn't just a cretinous, retarded baboon; he's evil incarnate, the right hand man of the Dark Lord, an Agent of Evil, and a Sucker of Satan's Lollipops .....
now can i talk about music?
we're all looking forward to my show at the lark theater, in larkspur, california, this saturday, september 29 .......
you'd better buy tickets; i think it'll be sold out ......
next: dr. pete has lunch
Posted by DrKanga at 1:04 PM
in the aftermath of the petraeus-crocker dog and pony show, the American Person was asked how he "felt" about it .... you know how the "media" is always asking how people "feel;" that's because we're no longer capable of thought and, because we're so emotionally impoverished, we have to live vicariously through the feelings of others .....
but i digress .....
he replied, "the dog ate my ability to think critically and dispassionately; then the dog ate the independent media and all the independent journalists ....."
the American Person took a deep breath and, holding his hands behind his back, continued: "The dog must still have been hungry, for he ate my ability to detect bullshit, or tell a blatant liar that he was lying to me."
"He's a bad dog ..... a very bad BA-A-A-A-A-A-A-D dog ....."
"You wanna know what he did then?
He ate my homework for dessert."
enough, already ...... saturday i bicycled around lake tahoe; that's a seventy-three mile ride, at altitude, around one of the world's prettiest lakes; it was a day of flawless jade, and the lake sparkled like an emerald .... a perfect riding temperature, not too hot and not too cold--it was just right--and i was only forced off the road once, this time by a redneck driving a tanker truck .... i was so focused on staying on the road, on making it up and down the mountains, and still catching the views, that i didn't think about "the news" once .....
later i stopped---and stopped traffic--to watch three bears lumber out of the woods and amble across the roadway .....
"why did the three bears
cross the road?
so they could hear
my lungs explode ...."
speaking of loud noises, i'm thinking about my upcoming show at the lark theater, in larkspur, on september 29 ..... it's going to be a good show, and i'm very excited about it ..... through the years i've done acoustic performances and i've played amplified shows, but this is the first time i'll be able to start playing acoustic and segue into playing what we used to call "power trio" ....
this show will cover over thirty-five years of material, including selected songs from black kangaroo ..... this isn't one of those "let's cash in on geriatric nostalgia before we die off by playing songs that had significance to teenagers forty years ago but appear ludicrous and disjointed when performed badly by sexagenarians whose mental lapses could once be attributed to drug abuse but now let's chalk it up to senescence or alzheimer's because you can't abuse lisinopril or celebrex" shows ...... i'd rather eat my cheeks than perform material i can't relate to emotionally, or that maintains a modicum of integerity .....
ha ha .... no wonder i'm fucking broke ......
no .... seriously ..... some of those songs are priceless and eternal: for example--billy's tune, from "black kangaroo," is a prescient piece of work that, as a spoken word recording presaged rap, while thematically is as timeless and as bleak and as apocalyptic as ever .....
mayhem and institutionalized chaos never go out of fashion in this country, do they?
anyway, i've never really had the opportunity to showcase my my guitar talents--the diverse stylings, from acoustic finger picking to flash 'n' trash electric, all in one evening ..... and the wide range of material: from sophomoric to puerile ....
no .... ha ha ..... just kidding ....... there is some really great stuff here .....
i'm thinking about having a contest, asking the audience to answer the eternal question, "and what kind of music does peter play?"
other than loud, of course ....
i'll be playing with michael lindner (alleyonemusic.com) .... michael and i played together .... well, thirty-five years ago, on one of black kangaroo's notorious ventures into the heartland of america .... we found it to be cloggged and pre-coronary, and were grateful to escape with our lives .... you'd think that, after thirty-five years of playing together (well, not uninterrupted) that michael would be able to play the material without his copious notes .... but he can't ..... and i'm glad he's taken all those notes ....
because i can't remember the stuff, either .....
no .... ha ha ..... whenever i fuck up i make it look like it's his fault ......
in addition, i'll have backup singers ..... my old friend kenni will be singing harmonies .... she's done most of the vocal arrangements and performances on "going home" and "beyond help!" i perform with her whenever she'll let me and i'm thrilled that she'll be performing with me at this show ....
in addition, the legendary lee parvin will make an appearance ..... you can hear lee's distinctive piano stylings when you go to my myspace page (www.myspace.com/peterkaukonen); he's a wonderful player, engineered "traveller," and i've threatened him with bodily harm unless he sings backup with me ....... i won't tell you what kind of keyboard he'll be playing; i want you to be surprised ....
i'm doing a special run of "traveller" for this show; it'll finally be available on compact disc, along with "going home," "black kangaroo," and "the archives ....." and a special edition peter kaukonen t-shirt .....
it'll be a great show ..... i hope to see you there ......
next: dr. pete pumps up his tires ......
Posted by DrKanga at 8:20 PM
i'm just about back to "the real world;" i think that my oregon trip is finally finished ... oh, it's one thing to exchange single track, with nary a soul for miles, for clogged and congested freeways; for vapid twats in oversized vehicles, nattering on their phones, as they crush the life out of unwary cyclists 'neath their insatiable wheels ... but really .... i can tell i'm back because the last scabs have finally fallen off my shins ....
but anyway ..... it was great being away from "the news;" i didn't miss a thing, i knew what "the content" was going to be, just like i can tell you what "the petraeus report" will say: it'll say we're doing really well, with ... ahem .... ha ha .... a few exceptions .... and we just need to dig down deep in our pockets and pony up some more money for "the troops;" it'll say that we're doing better than ever, that eee-rock is more secure than ever and all we need is some more time--like, say, anywhere from ten to one hundred and twenty years--to really put the ribbon on the iraqi freedom package .... oh, maybe he'll suggest sending 3,000 troops back to "the homeland;" wow .... that's a little less than two per cent, and that's sure a step down from .... ha ha .... staying the course .... and i dare say our regal opposition party, those feckless democrats, will go, gosh, we sure wanna support the troops .... why stop at 200 billion dollars and ten years when we could just stop counting the money and then we can just stay there until the offer expires, sometime around midnight of 2112?
that's the kind of news i'm glad to miss .... and here's another ..... i see our peerless and fearless leader's been over to down under, where he described his iraqi debacle as "we're kickin' ass ...." jesus .... you know, when i was working county mental health i had a lot of severely compromised patients: they suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome; mental retardation; psychosis; bipolar disorder; drug abuse; wome were hiv-positive .... good thing i spent all that time in school, you know? so i could learn how to be an effective clinician .... but .... i linked some of my clients to my local regional center, which provided services to what we now politely call .... mmmmm ..... "otherly-abled" people ....
folks, you know that i'm not much for mincing words, and i'm not going to start now: some of these people were ...... really and truly and beyond belief severely fucked up the likes of which you've never seen and honest to god i hope you never do because you really don't have a clue and you can't, you can't even begin to imaginewhat it's like because it isn't even remotely pretty ....
i mean, not even playing with hot tuna prepared me for this stuff .....
but i'm thinking, golly gee winnikins, the president of the united states is way beyond shameless and hopeless and so far transcends what god hit on some of these folks who were tucked away forever and ever in secluded locked wards and i just have to fucking wonder, doesn't anyone think it utterly bizarre that a diplomat, that an official, that a high government functionary when talking about four million refugees and a million killed and devastation and chaos and how many thousands of our soldiers dead and how many tens and tens of thousands of our soldiers minus balls and titties and legs and arms and a cerebral cortex or two along with the corruption and theft and misappropriation of money and materiel and this litany of shit has gone on for six years and he wants to drag it out more and more and more so he can "secure his legacy" and you can finish off the list however you want and he says:
we're kicking ass .....
only i'll bet it sounded more like "we kickn' ay-uss ....."
this is so appalling and so utterly embarrassing .... no .... ha ha .... beyond embarrassing ..... i mean, here's a guy who's managed to run into the ground, who's managed to fuck up, to break all the toys and every little thing his daddy bought him, from his stellar career in the national guard, with the viet nam year-o-disappear-o, to arbusto, the oil company that couldn't find oil, to the texas rangers, to the presidency of the united states .....
okay, so by fucking everything up he's consistent .... and you gotta respect that in a man ....
and i'm grateful, too .... because he could'a said, "we kissin' ass".... or "we suckin' ass ...." or "we fuckin' ass ....." which is what repugnicans seem to do a lot of in their "no urinal left behind" program .... or he could have said "we lickin' butt ...." or he could have said "watch my scratch my tiny little undescended balls and then snoffle my fingers ....." but here's what else he said [excerpted from the washington toast]:
..... "Bush said yesterday at Hawaii's Hickam Air Force Base that he "came back from Iraq encouraged by what I saw. No question there's still hard work to do, but my resolve is as strong as it's ever been."
The president added: "I believe we're doing the right thing there for the security of the country and for the peace of the world."
this booger eating moron is still fixated on "hard work," as though being a mass-murderer, for whom tying his own fucking shoes is hard work, transcends punching a time clock .... in this fucking country obsessive-compulsive disorder passes for "resolve;" in this fucking country lacking the cognitive function that god gave a goose passes for "resolve;" in this fucking country howdy doody, with his reagan-esque pompadour and jaws that moved when his strings were pulled is the role model for the american statesman ....
what's even more appalling is the traditional "blame the victim" approach, so prevalent in rape trials: let's hold the iraqis accountable for not "stepping up to the plate," for not "being democratic and free," when--the last time i looked, it was us that invaded them, us that destroyed their infrastructure, us that levelled their cities, us that devastated their hospitals and schools, and it's us that wants their oil ...
oh, those gosh-darned iraqis, why don't they just enjoy the freedoms that we've brought them?
fucking ingrates ....
but wait! there's more!
speaking of freedoms, i sure am glad i can trust our corporations to police themselves, free of pesky government regulations and bureaucratic meddling ..... hey, i hear that microwaved popcorn can kill you .... hey, how about all the lead in babies' toys? what about the carcinogens in babies' toys? hey, we don't care about carcinogens in the air at ground zero, so why should this culture of life give a shit about carcinogens in formula bottles or rattles or pacifiers? .... and speaking of howdy doody, fred thompson's going to be authentic for the repugnicans: an authentic actor, an authentic asshole .... maybe he can read lines; bush sure can't and ....
there was more, there's always a lot more, but i can't do it now .... i'd better channel some of this energy into bicycling ......
i really am going to talk about music, and i'm going to do it soon ....
next: dr. pete's show at the lark theater, september 29, 2007
Posted by DrKanga at 2:52 PM | Comments (1)
here are your lessons in contemporary repulbican realities ..... you thought black was black and white was white/but that's wrong that just ain't right/you don't know what you think you know/this bullshit is from below:
i see that most americans are making less this year than they did last year and, even though prices are rising while their wages aren't, you know what that means?
that means that the economy is doing better ....
hey, only 12,358 people were killed in the last thirteen minutes and 42 seconds in iraq; thirteen were islamo-fascits, seven were islamic militants, three were insurgents, and four-hundred-eighteen were second in command of "al quaeda in iraq" .... you know what that means? .... it means that, after six years, we're finally getting control of the situation and we only need to stay there another ten years for the oil companies to secure their profits and the true fruits of democracy to drop, ripe and golden and juicy, into the lap of the one iraqi still livng .....
too bad her jaw has been shot away and she can't eat, but hey ..... stiff upper lip, bitch .....
the knee jerk crimes reports that "Over the past six weeks, the Taliban have driven government forces out of roughly half of a strategic area in southern Afghanistan that American and NATO officials declared a success story last fall in their campaign to clear out insurgents and make way for development programs, Afghan officials say."
and afghanistan now produces 97% of the world's opium, which means we have successfully defeated the taliban, whom we helped to grow better opium in the first place, and that means our development programs are working ......
also "Under the Bush administration, which promised to ease what it viewed as costly rules that placed unnecessary burdens on businesses, industry-friendly officials have been installed at agencies that oversee the nation’s workplaces, food suppliers, environment and consumer goods." that means the little foxes are watching the henhouse and you and yer chillens is pertected from .... well ..... from government efficiency in protecting you ...... and corporations are protected from the slightest shred of conscience or humanity ......
we're having a heat wave here in california, but it's not meteorological: it's theological: satan's keeping the doors of hell open for all the republican fucks who are "retiring" or getting forced out of office .... there are so many of them that satan's just keeping the door open, and some of the heat's escaping ..... think about it: gonzo, rove and ..... and it's like a revolving door, too; they go in, stay a while, and come back out ....
oh .... you thought they were going there for punishment? no .... ha ha ..... they're just going home because they wanted to spend more time with their families; they'll hang out, torment a few more souls, recharge their batteries, and head on back up to cause the rest of us more fucking grief .....
i see that larry craig, r-idaho (yo, lar' mah man ..... wheah you frum? ..... ah--de--ho ... no, bitch, ah din't ax you yo job .... i say wheah you frum? ..... ) is resigning after his little .... mmmm .... episode in a urinal ..... hey, i don't want to seem judgemental or anything ..... rooting for butt nuggets under a stranger's foreskin isn't my idea of fun 'n' games, but if nibbling ass flakes and snorting sphincter smoke--without an introduction--is something you like to do, then be my guest .....
the "media" reported craig's disclaimers: "i'm not gay ... i've never been gay .... " what most of "the media" didn't report were these sequiturs: "i'm married .... i love my wife and my family ....." jesus, does giving a blowjob mean you don't love your family? you know, i've been married a bunch and have had uncountable partners, and you know they had to be giving it up if they wanted to show their love for their family ...... the point is, this asshole isn't guilty of wanting to suck off strangers in a shitter; he's an asshole who's guilty of being a republican ...... [i see that i misunderstoodimated what "i'm resigning" means to a republican .... what it really means is "you didn't quite understand the word 'resign' because i'd qualified it by crossing my fingers behind my back when i said it plus i had a special magic buttplug in place that negates everything you think i said to something that i might possibly have been thinking about but didn't know so you didn't either and besides i was schnorggling on a monster furtenschwangler and it was yummy yummy yummy on my gums and in my tummy so everything i might have maybe said doesn't really count so fuck you anyway] ........
of course none of this means shit .... we had mark foley who was .... mmmm .... turning the page in the hallowed halls of congress and what ever happened to him? brownie of "yer doin' a heckuva job brownie" fame is now a 'consultant on disasters ...."
any fucking republican is an expert on disasters .....
the second anniversary of katrina just blew by like a leaf on a hurricane and i can't even begin to woof woof arf arf and woof woof and arf arf ....
the washington post tells me that condoleezza rice is worried about her "legacy ...." hey condi: i don't understand the preoccupation of "burnishing your legacy": you're a lying shallow sack of shit, a corporate whore, and you're utterly incompetent ..... what can you do with a legacy like that?
why don't we just look at the legacy you really are leaving: a million dead, one country devastated and in chaos, another polarized even while being plundered and strip mined ..... nice note for the history books: what's your legacy? mmmmm ..... killed a lot of people .... i mean a LOT of people ..... shilled myself out to giant corporations .... played some piano .... had a good time, you know?
national prickhead radio is telling me that bush is already thinking about cashing in on the lecture circuit after he walks out of the white house, leaving a smoldering turd on the dining room table .... the eighth horseman of the pork-a-lips needs to make some money, and talkin' (we all know what a smooth talker he is; god, life can be funny ....) seems to be the way he gonna doot .....
i wonder what he'll talk about: inspirational talks on the demands of being a mass murderer? pretzel-choking for fun and profit?
there's living proof that anything can be president of the united states ..... i think howdy doody'd be the perfect republican candidate: good lookin', authentic, and says just waht he s'posed to say, long's ya pull his strings ......
but ......
what i wanted to go into was, for a change, music .....
i've been listening to the beatles' "sergeant pepper" for the last two weeks; i had the cd in my player as i drove back from oregon .... i'm still listening to it: after forty years i'm still hearing new things in it ..... but you know what? my boys started preschool this morning (it costs more than my stanford undergraduate career--unless .... ha ha .... you include the drugs) and i've been training for a brisk bike ride around lake tahoe next week, so ..... excuse me; i think i'll go to bed ......
next: dr. pete and sergeant pooper
Posted by DrKanga at 7:57 PM
i don't watch tv or follow sports, so i don't know about and could give less than a shit about whoever it is that was (no .... hey .... i know it was michael vicks, quarterback for the atlanta falcons who, as he was being sentenced, sniffled "i need to grow up ..... i'd like to hear our politicians say that, but i'd like to see them busted first) just busted for running dog fights and killing dogs that didn't perform up to snuff .... ha ha .... snuff ..... snuff ..... oh, magic words of snuff snuff snuffles, make me throw up all my truffles .....
dress them all in shirts with ruffles
put their bodies into duffles
and throw the fuckers into the river, won't you?
i think he said something about how he loved animals and that's why he had to hang them, or throw them into a river .... i think the same logic holds true for our fearless leaders, who loudly proclaim how much they "love life," or how much they "support the troops ...." but i can dig it; you can't have the sweet without the sour, and the neat thing about loving life, or supporting the troops is, you got lots and lots of people you get to kill .....
whooooo-fucking-peeeeeeeeeee!
now .... maybe we can get an endorsement from purina puppy chow, "the dog food that tastes of blood and flesh so your dog is eatin' mean even when he ain't fightin'!"
i don't pay much attention to "news"papers either ..... why, my local paper gave extensive coverage to the death of three dogs a few weeks ago--they were poisoned by party or parties unknown, although i suspect karl rove and fredo gonzales--that saturated the masthead for days .... and then, of course, there was the china formaldehyed pet food debacle, which caused the deaths of fluffy, rex, king, spot, and cottontail .....
ooooooo, there's some fucking values for you ..... let's see ...... i don't know how many dead and dying in iraq, but who gives a shit, you know? not when muffy's in peril .... jesus ..... dog fight debacle .... right to life .... culture of life ...... you can draw the obvious, you don't need me to say, fuck all y'all; six dogs get whacked and it bunches your knickers; one million assfucked and dead in iraq and who gives a fuck?
oh .... support the troops, okay?
ha ha .... ha ha ......
i'm just thrilled that drug-taking bicyclists are going to get their comeuppance .... no, seriously--a few bad apples, spoiling the sport for everyone! thank goodness steroid or drug use or doping isn't a problem in any other sport .... why, i know those big hunks of beef who do so much fanny-patting on the football field, achieved their size through a healthy diet and lots of exercise .... and wrestlers? just clean livin' and a fondness for broccoli .... ha ha .....
jesus, if i could dope my blood to bicycle better, i would .... and the fact remains, it doesn't matter what you take: you still have to pedal up the hills .... no one and no drug'll do it for you .....
i overheard some neocon commentator on npr talking about "authenticity" in politics .... oooo, that's what americans like, all right .... and we sure are experts on being authentic .... look what kind of track record we have: ronald reagan; george bush; tom cruise; milli vanilli; the wall street journal; the iraq invasion; the hummer; budweiser ......
'
what a bunch of assholes .....
speaking of assholes, howzabout that alberto v05, king george's cumrag? last week rove, this week gonzo .... i can't say that the rats are leaving a sinking ship; all rats of conscience killed themselves a while back, eating double-sized portions of warfarin before committing seppuku with a chain saw ..... and it's hard to believe "the press" on this one: n(ational) p(rickhead) r(abid) featured two commentators: one was a nazi, the other a neo-nazi .... both seemed to indicate that gonzales was a great guy, just doing his job, slammed by history and unconscionable left-wing-radical-liberals-who-hate-life-unlike-republicans-who-love-life-especially-if-it-has-a-collar-on-it-so-it-can-be-dragged-behind-a-large-fuel-inefficient-car-and especially-if-it's-life-that-god-turned-into-a-major-corporation-before-he-rested-on-the-seventh-day-and-fetuses-are-really-likeable-too-because-you-don't-have-to-do-anything-for-them-or-with-them-just-keep-your-bitch-on-a-leash .......
why i just heard another n(0) p(enis) r(adio) reporter ask a southern republican, what kind of person should bush appoint to the justic department now?
oh, he replahd, somewun thayut got some essperiense with justayus depahtments and big organizayshuns 'n' somewun who cayun bring bayuck some craydibilitee to the depahtment and i thought::
hey, asshole: how about someone who's competent?
oh ..... silly me ..... bush doesn't know anyone who's competent .....
jesus h. fuck ......
but wait!
there's more!
here's a quote from the knee jerk crimes:
"When Rep. Jan Schakowsky made her first trip to Iraq this month, the outspoken antiwar liberal resolved to keep her opinions to herself. "I would listen and learn," she decided.
At times that proved a challenge, as when Deputy Prime Minister Barham Salih told her congressional delegation, "There's not going to be political reconciliation by this September; there's not going to be political reconciliation by next September." Schakowsky gulped -- wasn't that the whole idea of President Bush's troop increase, to buy time for that political progress?
But the real test came over a lunch with Gen. David H. Petraeus, who used charts and a laser pointer to show how security conditions were gradually improving -- evidence, he argued, that the troop increase is doing some good. [ooooooo ..... i can feel that aerated blood rushin' to mah thorax ..... a laser pointer! fuck! we're so high tech those fuckin' terrorists don't stand a chayunce, do they? look out, you islamo-fascist rughead reprobates: i'm takin' this laser 'n' these charts 'n' i'm gonna show you some fucking shock and AWE!}
Still, the U.S. commander cautioned, it could take another decade [emphasis mine .... ha ha .... mine mine mine mine mine ......] before real stability [emphasis mine, goddam it; mine mine mine mine mine] is at hand. Schakowsky gasped. "I come from an environment where people talk nine to 10 months," she said, referring to the time frame for withdrawal that many Democrats are advocating. "And there he was, talking nine to 10 years."
where do these people come from, i just don't know .... look, i'm not privy to "state secrets," but somehow, in some mysterious fashion, i knew that all the pre-and sub-texts for our unilateral illegal invasion of a sovereign nation were confabulated out of gossamer horse-doodie, and you did, too ..... there were lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of us who had that sussed out, but somehow our media and our press and our politicians and our strategists and planners and highly paid fuckheads didn't know this? i don't get debriefed by the high fucky-fucks at the pentagon .... but ..... i know that we're not leaving iraq, not for years and years and years and years and years and years and years ..... haven't i been saying that?
i don't want to say, hey JAN ..... why aren't you reading dr. pete? he'll set you straight!
so ...... why is jan shitkowsky surprised? what planet does she live on?
why am i asking you these questions?
this is the very sort of puppy pule i thought i'd cured myself of while clenching my sphincter in fear, high above the umpqua river ..... i don't need to read this disingenuous garbage; i don't need to read about our naif politicians; i know "what it is" and you should too ..... i'm not sure where to take this, or where to go with it ..... i wanted to talk about music; perhaps i will, an editorial inspired by driving three hundred miles while listening to the beatles' "sergeant pepper ....."
and a few paragraphs about my upcoming show, with michael lindner and more, at the lark theater on september 29th .......
next: dr. pete's lonely hearts club band
Posted by DrKanga at 7:47 PM | Comments (1)
Posted by DrKanga at 7:53 AM
so .... i'm back ..... back from my bicycle vacation, back in black-and-blue .... here's what i did: i rode 100 miles of singletrack in five days, with 10,000 feet of climbing at a median altitude of 5600 feet, and i lived to tell; i didn't break any bones; i didn't trash my bike; i didn't get any of the poison oak that proliferated along the trail--except where it dropped precipitously, 300 feet, to the umpqua river that frothed and foamed below, but i got my share of shins bloodied and scraped, and i did fly off the trail on one of those sheer drops: i can't remember quite what happened, but i went over the edge and thought i was fucking going to die, or worse, and jesus, thank fucking jesus, i was stopped by scrub vegetation (i was going to say "bush," but we know that prick has never done anything worthwhile), and my bike was upside down, on top of me, and i'm surprised you didn't hear me shrieking .... or my asshole snapping shut like the knell of fucking doom ..... i didn't look down, but dragged myself up and over the lipi of the trail, dragged my bike back on the trail, and rode on ..... what else can you do? below me was the umpqua, a lovely, lovely, river, a balmy 44 degrees, a welcome relief from the 90 degree weather, but believe me: i wanted to go into it gradually, wearing a bathing suit rather than a cowl of blood, shrieking "brisk! bracing! inVIGorating! FUCKING COLD!," rather than plummet one hundred and fifty feet straight down ....
and i did, full immersion in the umpqua, and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ..... .it was really good!
i rode with a superb and congenial group, made up of seasoned, aggressive, skilled and repugnantly young riders who disappeared quickly, not to be seen again until it was time to sit down and do some serious beer drinikng ..... actually, some of them carried their beers with them, putting beers in their packs for the day's ride .... i never saw anyone put ice in their pack .....someone figured that the group went through 272 beers in four days, but i think this is inaccurate and under-reporting; our campsites looked like kosovo at the end of a united nations bombing run--if the u.n. had been dropping cans of budweiser .....
all things considered, it was a great trip, even if i had to confront further evidence of time's inroads; five years ago i could have kept up with these !@%#$^@#^ kids .... five years ago i was keeping up with x-terra racers--at least on downhill runs ..... perpetually humiliated, i thought of flinging myself over the edge .... or impaling myself on my tire pump .... or overdosing on geritol ..... no ..... ha ha ..... just kidding ...... it was great, but it sure wasn't effortless, like it used to be .....
is anything effortless? you tell me ......
it was nice to be away from computers and news and phones and electricity and the shrill and hystrionic pipings of america's fear brigades .... you'd think that the amerikan peeple'd all over-amp on adrenaline, the fight and flight response that's constantly stimulated, like a prostate under a probing finger; hey, you get to a conditioned pavlovian response when hear the snap, crackle and pop of the rubber glove and immediately drop into the positio of anticipatory fear .... and trembling .... you girls out there, i'm sure there's something that's similar, a procedure that leaves you feeling vulnerable and violated and penetrated, that happens regularly, that's for your own good, and i'm not just referring to paying taxes ..... but i don't know what that might be, and you can write and tell me ......
anyway, i came off the trail eight pounds lighter than when i'd started and dazed by how quickly it all had passed and, at the bed and breakfast where i decompressed, caught a headline: "anxiety and fear over ....." i didn't want to know what i had to be afraid of now, not when i'd been focused on keeping my tires from straying off an eleven-inch wide trail ..... oh, that ride held my attention, all right .....
and what happened while i was gone? while i was isolated? i'm thinking, not a lot ...... oh, did the utah miners die? let me guess: some corporate spokesperson gave a speech, absolving them of any culpability; family members are upset because .... because rescue efforts took too long; were mismanaged; because they were misinformed .... there'll be an investigation, chaired by the bureau of mines which is run by industry people ..... but hey .... i'm just guessing; tell me if i'm wrong ......
say, is anything up with brad 'n' jen? tom 'n' what's-her-name? ..... are they okay? me, i came back to find that kalevi and daniel were no longer toddlers: they'd become little boys in one short week .... that's too bad: they were much easier to care for when they couldn't get out of their cribs, when they slept all the time; pity they couldn't just be frozen in a block of lucite to preserve, for all time, the cuteness of their youth .... ha ha .... no ..... just kidding, of course ..... ha ha ...... i'm glad they're growing up so swiftly ..... because, at this rate, they're going to be taking care of me, sooner rather than later ......what they did do in my absence was, they started riding tricycles, and now everyone in the family rides ..... i've got some great pictures of the boys cutting donuts in the front driveway; if i ever figure out how to do it, i'll put 'em up for y'all to see; you'll like them: they're fine boys .......
was there something else? oh .... i remember now ..... the other thing i missed was karl rove's resignation ..... did he time it to happen while i was away? did he fear that my shrieking and hooting would trigger seismic events? that hollering and bellowing might cause more mine cave ins? that would cause hurricanes? poor airline service and delayed flights?
i just heard how this was the worst year that airlines had ever had in terms of cancelled flights, delayed flights; missed connections; airplanes stranded on runways without food, water, toilets, or air; people imprisoned on runways for endless hours, denied egress, held incommunicado .... just like gauntanamo ...... i heard that this was because 911 had caused fear and trembling amongst the airlines because people were reluctant to fly and the government came in and helped a free market economy find its own level by throwing away billions of your taxed dollars .... ha ha ..... surprise! surprise! ..... but now the airlines are profitable because they fired thirty percent of their workforce and they're flying smaller planes which are always full they clutter up the traffic lanes and it's all because of, or so i'm told by an industry spokesperson, it's all because they're giving "the people" what "the people" want, and i guess what the peeple wont is shit flights with no space and no food; the peepole want to arrive late and miss their connections; what the peephole want is delayed flights; is overbooked flights; is lost luggage; is to be treated with contempt and like shit and that's what i want when i get on a plane, especially with young boys, and i'm bettin' you feel the same way and are glad that the industry knows what it is you want so much and has gone to such great pains to give it to you ....
i think that my little sabbatical has about cured me of having to "stay abreast of the 'news'" ....... because--and i'm not claiming to be nostradamus or anything--i know exactly what kind of contaminated unpalatable indigestible toxic turd kibble's going to appear on my plate ..... jesus, n(ational) p(entagon) r(atshit) came on today with 'news' that "american troops and afghan police are cracking down on the taliban ...." i'm sorry, you wilted fucksticks: it's now six years after we invaded afghanistan, after we let osama yo mama slip-slide away, after we freed their veiled women, emancipated their goats, brought democratic elections to the livestock, taught them how to maximize their opium crops .... no, sorry: that was in the 80s, when the russians were the occupiers, when the russians were getting their butts kicked ..... just like the brits before them .... and we're still "cracking down" on the group that we so assiduously created ......
i heard about jenrill petraeus and the report that's to come out on september 15th to tell you how the surge is going although i'll bet you think you know how it's going but i think you'd be wrong because it's doing really really well and the iraqis are feeling a whole lot better about themselves and about us because of the surge and because it's so successful we would never even think of pulling out our troops just like after you've been doing some assfucking and you're all limp and stinky and strange juices are clogging your crotch and matting your hairs and you don't quite want to get your hands down there or your fingers in it unless you've got some latex surgical gloves and a vat of clorox but you don't want to pull out because everything's working really really well and you want to support the troops who'll be there at least until the next election at which point it'll become the democrats hot potato and that's the way karl rove'd want it and i know he says he wants to spend more time with his family but i can't imagine what kind of woman'd spread for that fucking carcinogenic clump of poorly congregated cells and i didn't know that reptiles or insects ever felt that way about family and i can't see cockroaches sitting around the pool getting warm and fuzzy with each other and brown recluse spiders don't do group hugs and i can't believe that our "press" is so accepting of patent fucking horseshit and blatant lies even though i know that's their job because that's what they're paid to do and how about you mr. and mrs. america perhaps you should go watch some more tv i think we're up to an average of eight hours per day per person and when september 15th finally rolls around and it's only three weeks away then petraeus 'n' bush'll tell us all to go fuck ourselves it's classified but it's working well so enjoy your fucking hair and i think i'm going to go for a bike ride ....
and this time i'll ride right off the edge ......
no .... ha ha .... actually i'll be sitting down to practice for the upcoming "peter kaukonen, michael lindner and friends" concert at the lark theater in larkspur, california, on september 29th ..... we'll have some very special guests and a very interesting show; come on down if you're around ......
next: dr. pete changes his mind ......
Posted by DrKanga at 9:06 PM | Comments (5)
PETER PATTER ...... OF A TINY MIND
it's peter patter peter patter and the random scatter of a tiny mind while i gear up to head out of town for a week of back country off-road bicycling in the oregon wilderness .... timing is everything, you know; i'm heading off to ride off-road when i've just taken delivery of a custom-built road bike: steel frame, carbon stays, front fork, seat post, handlebars and stem; paul taylor (http://www.taylorbicycles.com) tells me it'll ride plush and decrease the impact on arthritic and artificial shoulders (dr. pete rides serotta and taylor on the road, santa cruz off-road) .......
speaking of money well spent, i see that the u.s. is going to pony up lots of money to fight opium production in afghanistan because it funds the taliban, the same opium production that we ramped up with USAID money in the late 80s to grow the opium/that would bring in the bucks/that would fund the taliban/that we created/to fight the russians/to bring freedom to afganimerastan/so they could topple the buddhas/because we're christians/that swallowed the spider/to catch the fly/i wonder why/i wonder why ....
another article tells me that bored or frightened soldiers (are there other kinds?) in afghanistan find it rilly easy to cop skag ..... who'da thunk it?!?!?!?!?!?!? shades of vietnam and the iron triangle! and the cia's air america!
you think they'd just say no, wouldn't you?
this was just after we were told that 190,000 ak-47's had gone astray in eeee-rock, well ... the pentagon was sayin' how them iranis was givin' the eeee-rockees some new kinda bomb that had killt a sodjer or two an' i thought, that's just a fucking drop in the piss bucket to what 190,000 ak's'd do, let alone the 360 tons of high explosives that somehow we couldn't guard because it wasn't related to oil which we protected diligently although antiquities didn't count for shit and neither did universities and all those tons of h.e. went missin' and i'm thinkin' that if we were really gonna go after those durty raskels that wuz risponsibul fer killin' our troops 'n' i allus wanna support the troops then we'd bomb the pentagon and the white house and the army beecoz thare the wunz that rilly supplied the turrsts with the stuff that's killin' our boyz we shud declar war on the pentagon and the kongrass and ......
i see the bush don't wanna raise gasoleen takses to pay for bridge repair 'n' it's the dummerkatz fawlt because they don't have "priorities" which i'm thinkin' is givn mor taks brakes to oil kumpanies 'n' i think gawd should repare the bridges 'coz god he sees every drop of rane and every sparrow that falls so fix the fuckin' bridges you lazy shit .....
and then of corse there's the mine in utah that collapsed after all the structural warnings but it wasn't structurally defishent it was god again, this time that bipolar asswipe sent an irthkwake to rattle the mine down but i no there'll be a meerakul 'n' even tho they've been down thare for ten dayz without food or water they'll come up singin' goawd's prazes when the reskew workers finally poke throo the wall prayze jeeezuz why all those mine kave ins in west virjinya that was godz doings not greedy cocksucking corporations who couldn't spare a dime for fucking mine safety and i'm glad bush is going to give more taks cuts to korporations because they need them especially .....
shit, you know all that ......
well, this's just random chatter; i'm gearing up for a week of off-road bike riding along oregon's umpqua river and don't want to spoil the anticipation by reality-based thought .... so i'm not even thinking about mitt romney's five sons rolling around iowa in the mitt-mobile, extolling the virtues of killing dune coons, while sucking up the benzina your tax dollars are paying for .... oh, you're getting taxed, all right, because .... ha ha .....
you're not a corporation!
and i'm not going to think about that nosferatu look-alike jewelly annie saying shit like, well, we can decrease abortion by adopting more ....
hey smegma breath ..... against abortion? good ..... don't fucking have one ..... your kids wish you'd put them up for adoption .....
and then there's the knee jerk crimes that just ran a puff piece on .... christ, i can't even bring myself to say this: how distressed king george the first is at how king george the second is being misunderestimerated and .....
excuse me i must #@Q#$^#^% BLLLEEAUUUGHHHHH HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA ..... dribble dribble dribble ....... splat! .........
i'd rather read about fucking brad 'n' jen 'n' tom 'n' mopsy 'n' flopsy 'n' cottontail and the whole fucking bunny family ..... hippity hop, hippity hop, hippity hop .....
supermarket tabloids and the secret fucking anguish of the network stars my #@Q#$^#^% BLLLEEAUUUGHHHHH HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA ..... dribble dribble dribble ....... plink .........
oh, it's time for me to get outta here ..... i'm going to go ride my bike ..... i'll be back in ten days .... listen up: buy my music! topple a brutal repressive theocratic hegemony that seeks to stifle informed dissent by a corporate controlled "media" that disseminates mis- and dis-information to a placid and bovine populace ......
and JERI LYNN! ARE YOU OUT THERE? AVA .... CAN YOU HEAR ME? hotmail disappeared your letter before i could save your address or reply .... WRITE me .....
drop me a postcard!
send me a line!
pictures of pastures!
and people bo-vine!
next: dr. pete plays his guitar
Posted by DrKanga at 9:37 AM | Comments (3)
every now and then i indulge in a total fantasy world, one in which the "main stream llib'ral media" comes out of the closet and does it just like the nashinul inkwirer, and we'd see the knee jerk times with headlines like "dems to bush: fuck you, bitch!"
but ... ha ha .... that's just a fantasy .... oh, not about the quality of the "mayne streem meedya," or its "orientation," so to speak .... the fantasy is that democrats would "get tough;" would "stand up" to the weakest and most despised president we've ever had; would "do their jobs" as their "constituencies wanted them to," but .... ha ha ..... they just "caved in" to george on warrantless spying .... again .... because he might've made 'em stay in washington where they'd have to pretend to be "working" on "affairs of state," when they could be going out on their month-long vacation ....
or .... gasp! bush might say that democrats were "soft on terror!"
oooooooo ...... eeeeeeee ....... eeeeeeeeeekkkkkk! please, mr. bush! please! pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! don't do that! i'll do anything you want, like i've been doing for the last six years just so's you don't say ..... gasp! i'm weak on terror!
now can i go on my vacation and get my kickbacks from the energy consortium and the arms manufacturers?
at least things are getting better in iraq .... ha ha .... no .... i mean it .... i'm deadly serious ..... why, iraq and the united states are about neck and neck in the freedom and quality of life free-for-all right now ..... the iraqi government's gone out for a two month vacation while our politicians are going out for a month .... well, okay .... they've got the edge on us there, but ..... we've known for years that americans don't take as much vacation time as europeans and others do ..... maybe we'll catch up to 'em some day .....
still we're right up there with 'em, infrastructure-wise ..... see, iraqis no longer have electricity or running water unless it's the sewage or blood that runs down the streets and they don't have health care because hospitals need electricity and all the doctors have left the country and the schools are shut down but hey our schools suck and we don't fund them any more and we don't provide health care to a lot of amurkans and as for our infrastructure like schools and dams and highways and bridges .... ha ha ..... it's collapsing, isn't it?
were our bridges privatized and turned over to halliburton? did i miss that somehow? at least it proves one of the favorite conservative talking points, the one that's right up there with "lib'ral women just love to have sex so they can pregnant and then kill the fetus" and that favorite talking point is:
government doesn't work ......
now i know you're thinking shit, they're right about that as far as the bush administration goes and you might just have a point there: the reason we know that is because the bridge up there in minnesota collapsed and the reason it collapsed is because funding for repairs was shut down by bush and his cohorts when they were told that there were structural problems with the bridge like they were told "bin laden determined to strike in the united states" and you know how they responded to that which just goes to show you that big government doesn't work and it should all be shut down and privatized because as we can tell by how effective the "hunt for bin laden's been" and how effective the rebuilding in iraq has been, well, corporations'd do a great job and ..... it's just shocking and awesome, you know? i mean, how effective it's been?
and then i saw that bush went up there to pray 'n' sympathate 'n' compassionize with the pore peeple up there and i wondered, which god would he be praying to? the one that knocked the bridge down in the first place? and if that's so, what is he praying for?
that gawd knocks down other bridges too? so halliburton, that grand old american company, can come out of dubai to rebuild 'em? so senator stevens (r. alaska) can earmark 254 million dollars to build a bridge that'll link up an island with 32 people on it?
yessir, no dollar left behind .....
one thing is sure: it's the democrats who let that bridge fall down, and they did it because they're soft on terrrer 'n' they won't give bush all the money he needs to be tough on terror and i sure would like to have a beer with ol' george, he sure is a nice guy ....
and honest, too ......
meanwhile, the washington pest says that "The Pentagon has lost track of about 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols given to Iraqi security forces in 2004 and 2005 ....." i think i've got an idea where they might be .... ha ha ..... but thank god for responsible people in our government and military ..... oh, i know; this ain't nuthin' compared to the eight billion dollars, shrink wrapped on pallets, that came up missing a while back ..... or the 360 tons of high explosives that disappeared but are now swimming back into ken via the iud's .... i mean .... ied's ..... but they might as well be iud's because if you've had your nuts or pussy blown off by high explosive you're not having any children, are you?
ha ha ..... bad joke, dr. pete; bad joke!
ha ha .......
today's knee jerk times has an article by a proponent of illegally amorally unilaterally invading a soverign nation who says things like gee, if only we'd known then what we know now things woulda been different and boy, maybe things aren't turning out so really good over there and maybe those darned iraqis better step up to the plate like barry bonds who's just extra large and cleans his plate before he eats his dessert, that's why his arms are so big i sure love baseball it's such an honest game, like football and those darned french in the tour de frantz they take a lot of drugs for bicycling don't they they're so dishonest it's just shameful, being french .....
and you know what i thought?
i thought that i'd sure like some of those drugs that they're taking in the tour de france; i've been hill climbing all last week, getting ready for a week-long off-road bicycle trip, and my legs sure are tired and i almost couldn't make it up the last eight hundred foot climb over scree ......
scree ..... that's what i say every time i read the knee jerk times: screeee! screeee! SCREEEEEEEEE! fuckin' SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now don't you go thinking that i'm just being negative, because i'm not: i have located the silver lining on the storm clouds of shit and found the hershey's kisses in the cat box .... and it has to do with religion and morality, and i'm glad to say that the bush administration is bringing us back to some of the fundamental morality that a deep and abiding faith can bring, because the bush administration is goin' back to the sacred principles of the spanish inquisition ..... yes, faith based policies that are based on imprisonment and torture and mass murder and .....
oh, i just can't go on .... write me a letter if you need clarification here .....
the other positive outcome is, this new spy-on-america stuff that the democrats went along with because it's only for six months .... ha ha .... and you just wait and see, in six months thanks to cloning they'll all have grown balls including nancy pelosi and hillary clinton and they can tell everyone how tough they are and in the upcoming debates they'll show you how tough they are they'll all bring their own puppies and they'll throttle them live on camera and suck puppy brains out puppy asshole and i don't want to tell you what they'll do to the kittens they bring to show how tough they are and it's just a taste of what they'd do to al quaeda but the new spy program has to be cleared by the attorney general and that's fredo gonzales and it doesn't matter what he hears you say .....
he won't be able to remember it ......
next: musical updates
Posted by DrKanga at 3:37 PM
so there we we're, back east in rural areas that see some farming and some lovely black, rich soil .... we're not talking agribidness, the ten corporations that control eighty percent of what you see in your supermarket now, but real farms with real people doing real people things growing real people crops and then .... and then i'm not sure what happens .... i'd go to produce stands only to find produce from california, from chile, with very little of it coming from the adjacent fields; what did show up wasn't cheap ....
on the other hand, gasoline was far cheaper than it is in california, which only stands to reason .... san francisco, which is right across the bay from the tosco refineries that regularly spill into the bay or blow noxious fumes into the adjoining black community, has some of the most expensive gas in the country, whereas there aren't any refineries in upstate new york, so the gas is considerably cheaper .....
i know, i know .... by now you're wondering, golly gee whinnikins, doctor pete ..... what the fuck is the point?
other than a zen lesson in economics?
well, i could make the point that food isn't cheap anywhere, not anymore ..... i still shop about every day, looking for fresh produce and good meat, not to mention the gallons of milk and pounds of dairy products that the boys go through, and each and every time i drop fifty bucks or so .... honest to god, how do people live in this country? it makes you wonder; my local safeway is right across the street from a retirement community; pets aren't allowed in the community, but honest to god, they sell a shitload of dog food ......
coincidence?
i wonder .......
anyway, we had a houseguest back east who went shopping and brought back something called "country creamer ...." oh yeh, country creamer, all right ..... sure, you betcha ..... whatever, guys ..... the list of ingredients was in a microscopic print, like they'd be ashamed for you to read it, and it went on for a couple of inches ..... there wasn't anything that remotely came from a cow; most of it came from new jersey's chemical alley, just an endless chain of unpronounceable and unrecognizable ingredients .... it might as well have come from chernobyl: the shit probably glowed in the dark and had a half-life of 97,000 years, but i wouldn't know; i poured it down the drain ....
i just hope it didn't empty into the sea .....
but they were all "natural" ingredients, i'm sure .... i don't know what an unnatural ingredient might be: george bush? karl rove? dick cheney? anything naturally occuring in a factory is a natural ingredient, up to and including yellow number nine ....
which is that old coasters' song: "yellow food dye number nye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi- yi-yi-yine ......
meanwhile, my little rocket car has one of those computers that tells you, among other things, what your average speed is .... this is a four-cylinder car that is alarmingly fast, yet still gets over thirty miles to the gallon and'll carry five guitars along with the goods from my weekly costco run: a case of pellegrino water; a big box of diapers; a box of this, a box of that, a box of the other ..... i stop at costco as i drive to and from healdsburg, where i rehearse with michael; that's a one-hundred-and-twenty mile round trip and i drive pretty fast but .... that's the only fast driving i do; the rest of it is little errands around town and .... my average speed ends up something like twenty-six miles per hour .....
i'd dare say that yours is something similar .....
meanwhile, the greatest selling point for cars now is horsepower: the new four hundred horsepower sphincter! unleash the three-hundred-and-seventy horses in your new xjp-z-1 chancre! here's your plymouth prepuce, with 450 horsepower! new! improved! duodenum, with five hundred horsies! yada yada yada yada yada fuckin' yada ..... i don't know about you, but gas out here is around $3.30 a gallon, and i don't think a car with twelve cylinders and five hundred horsepower is ..... mmmmmm ..... economical, if you know what i'm saying and i think you do .....
and where the fuck can you drive it? sure, it'll go a hundred and eighty, but most of the highways out here are gridlocked, and i have to drive an hour before i can open my motorcycle up .....
here's the point, because i can sense that you're getting restless ......
the point is, god, we're fucking stupid ..... the point is, horseshit (which is a petroleum-based product) sells fabulously .... the point is that anyone who buys country creamer'll believe that george bush is "resolute" and "firm in his resolve" and "compassionate" and "intelligent" and "fun to drink beer with" and "not an asshole" and "doesn't suck satan's cock" and ......
you know, i just bought an excellent bottle of tequila and .......
that's got real ingredients in it ......
genuine artificial ingredients .....
no ... ha ha .... it's the real thing ..... but i wonder about the new design of cars, the ones with the footprint of a diplodocus, the ones that are designed to appear threatening, as though a medieval castle somehow got on wheels and started rolling down the highways, the highways that are rutted and potholed because .... ha ha ..... we don't pay taxes anymore and don't maintain our infrastructure .... because .... ha ha .... we're told that "responsible fiscal conservatism" is synonymous for creating new government bureaucracies to spy on you, that being "fiscally responsible" means not collecting money from people who have it to pay for the blank checks that are given to the pentagon and war contractors, while not funding schools and health care and lunches for school children i mean why would you when you can have coca cola and mcdonald's and other fine corporations who enjoy a level playing field and who will gladly provide healthy quality products to our bovine bloated obtunded obese moribund children and the reason johnny kant reed is beekoz his eyebollz are imbedded in the rolls of fat in his fucking face just like rayzins in sue-it .....ha ha ......
oh, there goes my attenshun deffyshit disordure because i was talking about those huge fucking automoobeels ... these fucking things: you can't even see out of 'em, the windows are so small and poorly angled; now they have to have .... ha ha .... cameras in 'em so you can pop it into reverse, so you can have more non-functional idiotic technology that'll cost you a pretty penny when it fails, about three days after the warranty runs out .....
we rented a car back east that had, honest to goodness, a device called "never lost" in it .... it fucked us badly, each and every time we turned it on; if i'd've followed it i'd probably've ended up somewhere on the left bank of the matto grosso, down in brazil, with piranhas chewing on my ring finger and the candiru .... well, you should know about the candiru and, if you don't, research it via william burroughs; that's where steely dan got its name .... anyway, i still carry maps, i did that while touring for years and i always got to where i needed to be .....
as for navigating the trackless wastes, let's talk about toxic waste .... i mean, the media .... some more .... brad 'n' jen 'n' angie 'n' paris 'n' lindsay 'n' the amerikan government are still at it .... and why not? this is a country that has magazines devoted to soap operas, weekly publications that pose breathless burning questions about fictional characters in imaginary situations: will clint marry boopsy? will wombatina divorce melvin? and what will happen when the u.s. leaves iraq? (current time magazine) .....
not a fucking thing, folks, because the u.s. is never going to leave iraq ..... time magazine is right next to soap opera weekly next to peepul magazine next to the crumpled plastic bags i hemmhoraged in ...... there's not much to differentiate time or newsweek from soap opera digest ....
and .... ha ha ........ leave iraq my ass ......
ha ha ......
it's the same mindset that has puppies and kitties and keane-eyed babies decorating toilet paper ..... for shit's sake, why would you wipe your ass with a puppy? okay, republicans'd do that, but i don't want to .... "a bear and a bunny were sitting, side by side, in the woods, having a bowel movement .... the bear turned to the bunny and said, "does the shit stick to your fur?" "oh, no, no it doesn't," replied the bunny .... so the bear reached down, scooped the bunny up in his paw, and used the bunny to wipe his ass ....." ha ha .... ha ha .....
hey, did you know that poe-nog-ruphuh earns more money than hollywood, major league baseball, the nba and the nfl combined; it doesn't hold a limp candle to the unhinging amount of money armaments manufacturers make, witness the just-announced sales of $42 billion worth of arms to .... ha ha .... saudi arabia ..... fuckin' 'n' killin', fuckin' 'n' killin', it's all just like that good book, the bah-bul, say .... 'coz they be a lot o' smitin' goin' on an' then, when they done wiv the smitin? that's when they gits down to some serious knowin' o' one 'tother .... that's pretty much what the bahbul is, you know: a shopping list of who was killed, who knew whom, and what they done begat ......
sex and death, sex and death ..... i guess freud had something right .....
well .... i've rambled on long enough ...... i'm going to enjoy my country creamer along with the freedom to choose whether my orange juice with "natural flavorings" (catshit is a natural flavor, and so is slug butter) has "no pulp," "some pulp;" "a little more pulp than that but not as much as the next one which has" "almost a lot of pulp," and "lots and lots and lots and lots of plup ....
plup plup .... plup plup ....... plup plup ..... plup plup ......
you can figure out for yourself what that's the sound of ........
next:
dr. pete enjoys his freedom
Posted by DrKanga at 8:11 PM | Comments (4)
we're actually back from the east coast .... we came back late on a saturday, after a twenty hour coast-to-coast death march ..... travel in this country is not something i enjoy; i'd rather squat in a bathtub filled with shards of glass and lemon jello and eat my flesh, and i say this as someone who started flying intercontinental and internationally when he was six years old; i flew on lockheed tri-stars, where multi-course meals were served on china; on dc-3's, dc-4's, dc-6's'; i flew across the pacific on double-decker pan am boeings, the kind with a nice spiral staircase that took you to a lounge where you could sit comfortably and have stewardesses bring you drinks in crystal stemware, and there were pullman bunk beds that'd fold down for your sleeping comfort .....those planes'd go two hundred and forty miles an hour, at what? ten thousand feet?
i flew through typhoons and monsoons; i had engines catch fire, i watched an engine fall off the plane and, in all the years of travel and touring, i think i've missed one flight .....
it was all preferable to corporate travel in the homeland in the wawr on terrah years ...... did you know that corporation airlines no longer place family members together? we had to scramble on each and every flight to get seated next to our two-and-a-half year old sons ..... and we didn't get a lot of help or sympathy from our fellow travellers: eeeee, i can't move, i've GOT TO SIT NEXT TO THE WINDOW/THE AISLE/THE BATHROOM .......
it's a lot to ask of any organism, to sit motionless and be deprived of food and water and personal hygiene (remember now; you can't take toothpaste on a plane because it's a terrah taktik), but to ask that of a two-year-old, well ..... it's like asking a christian to be logical, intelligent, humane, yada yada yada yada ..... nor do airlines carry milk and, while i'm not sure that what they used to serve qualified as food, they don't even make the pretense of serving food any more .... oh, they'll sell you sandwiches, just like they sell you water in the terminals, water from fucking coca cola that's got a focus group name like "fragrant waters" or "totally pure and natural" or "fish fuck deluxe" or "did you know that fish pee in your water?" and they'll shill that they're the "official airline" of the so-and-so bank and you can get your wombat air credit card and get thousands of miles for just applying and you can shop while you're on the plane and you can accumulate miles and the overhead tv screens never stop and they play the stupidest fucking movies ever made and i'd rather drive red hot knitting needles into my fucking eyeballs than endure the patronizing and insulting shit they inflict on you and you can't get away and people snarl at you if you want to read a book with actual light from a window and when that shit and drivel winds down it's time for promos and commercials and reminders that you can shop on the plane even though you can't move while you're breathing recycled farts and and the stink of stale crotches and festering armpits and all kinds of wonderful bacteria are doing triathlons through your immune system and meanwhile the kids are getting really antsy and kalevi didn't want to go to sleep and fended sleep off until he was quite psychotic and then he blinked out like a light but what i'm saying is there's no rest while travelling with young'uns especially if they're not sleeping and so we were up for over twenty hours straight and it wasn't great plus we were really really without television and "newspapers" and "news" and radio for two weeks and it was wonderful because nothing every changes anyway and then, BANG! fucking jesus there are tv screens every ten feet in the airports even though there aren't any places to sit down and they're all cranked to the fucking max and they play the same litany of garbage, horseshit and lies, over and over and over and over, and one of the "stories" was "head of homeland security says al quaeda attack imminent; details at eight" and it was one o'clock iin the afternoon and you'd think that if there was really to be an attack they wouldn't wait another seven hours but then i remembered,hey, this is america, they knew all about the 9/11 attack "bin laden determined to attack the u.s. and they didn't do a thing about it except allow bin laden's brother and other family members to get on their private jets and leave the country right after the attacks, the brother who'd been sitting with george bush the first when the first plane hit the first building, and i remembered that i used to carry earplugs when i was touring but i didn't have them this time around so i ripped up paper napkins and shoved them into my ears and i watched as people stared, slack-jawed and drooling at the tv screens, even though it was the same shit, over and over and over and over and .....
there's no difference between supermarket tabloids and "mainstream media;" they all are a tribute to press flacks and publicity whores: they present the same cast of characters, week after week, in the national enquirer et al: brad 'n' jen 'n' tom 'n' suri 'n' angela 'n' wombatina and i don't know who the fuck these people are or why they're there ...... hey, who the fuck is jen anyway? what does she do? i'm sorry, but she wouldn't have gotten backstage at any of my concerts, if you know what i'm saying and i think you do .....
it's the same thing with the "news:" it's hillary 'n' barak 'n' george 'n' mitt 'n' rudy 'n' john and it's the same set of values: there were no reports about anybody's policies on heatlh care or education or drinking safe water or breathing clean air or eating safe food or not getting your nuts shot off in an illegal, immoral, unjustified and unjustifiable pre-emptive occupation of a once-soveriegn nation that just happens to have a shitload of oil: what all the papers report on is:
how much money the candidates have ....
great bleeding wombats in fucking heat! i'd ask the rhetorical question, is this what qualiifies you to be "leader" of this "great country?" having lots and lots of money? which kind of pre-determines who's going to get into the whitehouse as the latest corporate spokesperson? like you can buy your way in, just like you could (and probably still can) purchase papal indulgences after you'd fucked a goat in the ass or killed thirty-two school children or had hamsters running around up your butt ..... but the answer is so patently "yes," i won't insult your intelligence by asking it ......
we're coming down to the same kind of hyperbolic headlines: george to john: you suck! laura to george: please eat me? pentagon's shocking call to hillary: fuck you, bitch! george tells america, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
i didn't miss the "news;" i mean, who would? you already know what it's going to be: death, mayhem, confusion, graft, corruption, war profiteering in iraq, where things are going really really well and if you question it you'll give aid and comfort to that dirty enemy and ha ha, we said that we'd re-evaluate the "surge" in "september" but we had our fingers crossed when we said it, so fuck you, we're staying over there until we've milked the treasury some more and remember to give the troops what they need like a hot lead enema and scooter the pooter-dooter libby got commuted but that isn't news, that's just business as usual, perpetrated by a cretinous asshole who refused to review the 154 executions of retarded, misrepresented, falsely accused mostly dark-complected folk in texas although there were some whities who rode the chemical rocket into never-never-land and i don't even know why that got print although all the shrieking fucks who chased, panting, after clinton's cum spot for four years were exultant because finally we could put a partisan-induced trial behind us and get on with the business at hand which seems to be staying psychotic and delusional while ass-fucking the country because that was then and this is now and the business at hand is being as large an asshole as you possibly can and ..... no, george bush saying everything's going great 'n' give it chance and can i have some more money? doesn't qualify as news, so why even print it or report on it?
silly question, right?
the east coast was wonderful, unseasonable cool, rather than the heat and humidity i abhor ...... wonderfully black nights, unnervingly silent, impenetrably dark while, during the days, the cumulus clouds would pile high into glowing white and shaded glory; thunder would resound through the rip van winkle mountains, and the big fat drops would spatter down while the air burst out in ozoned freshness; the rain keeps the hills lush and green, unlike mediterranean california, where the once verdant hills have turned sere and brown ...... this is a spectacular area for young boys: rocks to clamber up on, creekbeds to explore; flowers, frogs, and fish; caterpillars are endlessly fascinating, and there is no shortage of small defenseless creatures that can be eviscerated, dismembered, impaled, why ..... it's all on-the-job training for a future as a prison guard or service in the military or a contractor at one of the black hole prisons we don't really operate although we do and it's not as though we enjoy ripping out someone's nails or ramming red hot rebar up their rectum because we don't but hey, you gotta take the gloves off when you're fighting an implacable enemy, which is, i think, america's reluctant liberals .....
when not descending into the macro world of caterpillars and ants, the boys would accompany us on walks .... they picked fistfuls of wildflowers for us, a charming gesture, even though all the flowers were, so to speak, nipped in the bud, without any stem that might help them stand upright in a vase .... this is bear territory and there are regular bear alerts ....we encountered an adolescent bear on one of our walks, but the boys have read too many books about bears and weren't really as excited and upbeat about the bear as we were ..... the bear kind of rolled along with us, then melted into the woods; like so many of america's homeless or poor, he was probably looking for a dumpster or a garbage can, all part of our food chain here in the land of the free, the home of the slaves .....
jesus, pete; it sounds like you need a vacation ..... you're ..... you're ....... you're kind of peckish, aren't you?
yes, little caterpillar ..... i am ..... i am because we came back ....
earlier this week i drove north to rehearse with my bass player: we have a television show in a week ..... someone dogged my tail, while i was driving eighty, then cut in front of me ..... he stuck his middle finger out the driver's window when i honked my horn, so i pulled along side and showed him my spiderco blade, the one with the serrated edge that's so sharp it won't even stain with blood when you slice through a femoral artery ......
this excited him a lot, and he drove after me for the next thirty miles, gesturing as though he would cut his throat or or my throat something to that effect ..... i yawned, tipped my hat to him, and waved .... and thought about dialling 911 on my cell phone, but he gradually disappeared behind me ......
gee, it's great to be back! and that was some vacation, eh?
but it may have cured me of reading the news ......
next: dr. pete relaxes
Posted by DrKanga at 11:13 AM | Comments (2)
dear diary:
let's be quick and dirty .... i see where psychiatrists are making a shitload of money from pharmaceutical manufacturers to push drugs ..... gosh, that shocks me ..... doctors? suborned by commercial interests? dancing like little fuckpuppets to the tune of the pharmaceutical industry? gee ........ when arthritis pain was first starting to push me around the bend and make me whimper so high that only the neighborhood dogs could hear me i'd go to doctors and i could tell that what they were seeing was "a long haired musician, with tattoos, asking for drugs ...."
needless to say, i didn't get anything ......
the converse holds true; i've been so heavily over-medicated for blood pressure (as to why, that's a story i just don't have the strength to go into right now ..... that'd be a year-long topic called "health care in america and why it doesn't exist and why people with white coats are fucking you in the ass under the guise of taking your temperature rectally and oh my god! it's the pharmaceutical industry carrying off billions of dollars in extortionate profits hi congress and senate, thank you so much! for making robbery legal! and moral! can we have more please? and let's not forget the insurance companies that are shrieking but we need more profits! more profits! more profits! more profits! less service! less service! less service! oh go fuck yourself america, you snivelling little whiners take two and go fuck yourself in the morning" .....
and that's just the title .....
getting off medications, once you're on them, is like pursuing the holy fucking grail, and i won't bore you with these details, either ..... i'm still too tired, and that's because i've had a bronchial infection for the last month (thanks, boys! my boys are just like herpes: they're the gifts that keep on giving .....) but i couldn't get antibiotics and i've never been able to get antibiotics for recurring pulmonary infections and that's because i love to trip on penicillin, you bet i do i just jam it right into my left fucking eyeball with a corroded old spike and lapse into reveries of world peace and harmony and other seditious drug-induced fantasies and .......
it really fucked me up but i'm coming back, just in time to go out of town for a couple of weeks; the family and i'll head back east and romp around upstate new york in an area that's perfect for bicycling; due to republican economies no one can live there any more so the roads are spectacularly paved, undulate delightfully and..... there are no cars ......
let's just consider, albeit briefly, the bush legacy ..... other than the complete collection of richie rich, the poor little rich boy, comics that he'll leave in his presidential library, and his well-worn foldout of miss deuteronomy, this prolapsed rectum'll leave us with his "supreme" court ..... oh, these dildoes are supreme, all right, and before i go any further let me just say, thank you you fucking gutless worm-sucking spineless democratic paramecium ..... you just let roberts and alito slide right through, didn't you? oooooooooo, we don't wanna appear to be tuff ..... oooooooo, let's be buy partisan .....
these fucksnorters; it was like watching "what's my line?" that's what they kept asking each other: what's my line? what do i do? what's my job?
other than being a scabrous cockholster for george bush and a dollar spittoon for corporations and their lobbyists ......
i'm not an attorney, thank god, but there are three questions other than "how does stare decisis apply to roe v. wade" that come to mind, questions like ..... why do you hate women? why do you hate people? and .....
why do you hate our freedoms?
now our "media" is starting to write shit like "the supreme court's turn to the right ....." bleaaauuugggghhhhhhhhhhh ...... is this a surprise? am i the only one who noticed this, even before it happened? like i'm the only one who thought, hmmmmmmmmmm ........ perhaps the "iraq war" is whorseshit and we're going to be really really really really really sorry and i don't think we should oughta go and do this 'n' ........
welcome to corporate america, dick and jane ..... let's talk about all the rights you enjoy: you have the right to remain silent ..... now shut the fuck up and enjoy your hair .... if a doctor cuts off your dick and shoves it in your mouth, although you'd gone in for a tonsillectomy, you can't sue because that'd be a frivolous lawsuit .... there's no bankruptcy protection any more, so enjoy the unsolicited credit cards you were showered with, along with their usurious 42.756% apr and buy more shit to fight terrsssmmm ...... enjoy the mercury in your water, fuck science in the schools; all you ever needed to know is in yore bahbul, 'n' yore tass dollers're payin' fer 'em ...... yo, bitch; your pussy belongs to us, 'n' so does yer yewterus ..... but just try gettin' us to change a diaper fer ya .... ha ha ha ha ha ......
on and on and on and on and on ......
these ambulatory tumours are going to be sitting there and fucking with america for the next two generations ..... it doesn't matter whether a democrat gets into office in a year-and-a-half .... it doesn't matter because who can tell the difference? but ..... it doesn't matter because there won't be any openings for court appointments for decades, and we'll be stuck with the bush legacy of ..... of ...... of ........
and i so wanted to be positive this golden california morning!
i'm gone for a couple of weeks: no news, no net .... just pure mountain air and the sound of nothingness from an economically devasted countryside .... mmmm, mmmmm good!
i have one show, on july 6th, with john sheehan at the warwick valley winery, in warwick, new york ......
the august 4 show at the larkspur dinner cafe theatre has been cancelled; the sweetwater snagged the lease and ......
gee, it'd be nice to be able to play in my own backyard ......
oh well ...... have a happy fourth of july; use a rolled-up copy of the constitution as punk, for lighting all your consumer-safe fireworks .......
next: dr. pete comes home
Posted by DrKanga at 8:41 AM | Comments (3)
it's an interesting time we live in, but then .... i guess it always has been ..... still, there's a point out there somewhere that i'd like to make and, being as disorganized and circumlocuitous and fragmented as i am these days, bear with me: it may take me a while ......
"interesting," is it? ...... if i were still in a clinical setting, and a client told me that something was "interesting," my response would be that "interesting" told me absolutely nothing, and was there an elaboration waiting for me? it's interesting, the responses that my last "editorial" got, with people responding strongly to mention of my children .... what: everyone out there tired of me castigating bushies, of saying #$%#Q$^% and #Q$%Q#$% and Q#$%^#Q^%$$ and #Q$%Q#$%, a pgymy throwing pebbles at an elephant?
it's interesting, that i've been thinking of some of my clinical sessions, where emdr (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing; go google it .... unlike so much in psychology, this can really work) brought up instances of betrayal and violation of trust, by adults, on my clients when they were children .....
isn't that interesting? parents, or authority figures, or adults in positions of responsibility, who did not protect the child; who put the child at risk; who abused the child; who fucked the child; who let bad things happen to the child; who caused bad things to happen to the child .... yada yada yada yada ..... isn't that interesting? because we hear so much, and i mean so much, about how america values its children, especially if they're unborn ...... is it that they're easier to wax unctuous about when they're in utero?at least for men, who don't have to carry that additional weight; who don't have to go through hormonal changes; who don't have to endure the back aches and the headaches and the nausea, who don't have to greet each and every day by hunkering over the porcelain bowl, every morning ...... guys don't become quite so .... mmmm ..... dedicated once there's an organism that needs attention, that needs care, that needs milk, that needs to be cleaned, that needs to be burped, that needs to be changed, that won't sleep through the night ...... whatever it is, something happens to children to make them not quite as sparkling once they come popping out of the pussy and into this world, and it isn't the afterbirth overcoat, nor am i--as you may well imagine--a subscriber to the notion of original sin, so i don't believe that a newborn becomes an asshole and a sinner or a republican-devil-child once the umbilicus is cut and the butt smacked ......
isn't it interesting how such stances are at variance with practice? when i worked in a rural california county i dealt with a lot of child abuse, physical, mental, sexual, most of it perpetrated by men who had their dick in one hand, the bible in the other ......
you don't have to have a degree to figure out that such betrayals take their toll; you don't have to rub your chin and say, "tell me about ..... your muzzer!" to know that such violations have an enduring impact, that children may become adults who have difficult with intimacy; who are untrusting; who are guarded, isolated, disconnected, who may have post traumatic stress disorder .....
you know what's interesting?
i hate to generalize; i hate making sweeping statements like "a nation that _________________" is a nation that _____________ ......" but i have a point, and the point goes something like this:
we generally figure that our government is more cynical than it is benevolent, that it hasn't and doesn't always work for the benefit of its electorate, but ...... there have been times in american history, through some administrations, where programs were implemented that did have far reaching benefits ...... we like to cite the new deal, civil rights, and the brief period in american history when it actually was acceptable to belong to a labor union; god knows, workers in this country fought long enough and hard enough for the right to organize .......
by the same token, we know that newspapers have agendae of their own