Dr. Pete's Unsolicited Opinions

"i have to hand it to you, mister greenspan ... you are a comedy mastermind .... remember when you were helping to inflate the housing bubble with historically low interest rates .... and urging people to take out adjustable rate loans? what a classic! pure comedy gold .... and what a sense of timing you have .... your punchline can last for years .... like when you urged congress to stabilize social security by raising the payroll tax ... which disproportionately impacts low and mid-level earners .... two decades after american workers began paying the higher rates you asked for .... you used the surplus they created as an argument in favor of bush's tax cuts for the wealthy ... and then, after those tax cuts led to soaring deficits, your response .... and this is priceless .... was to propose cutting social security benefits ..... and to top it off now by claiming that you were actually opposed to the tax cuts all along ..... what can i even say?

i stand in awe of your evil comedic genius, sir .....

well, i'm inspired by this interminable line of two-faced fuck-suckers, so here goes .... i'm going to confess that i, too, was wrong about bush .... i, too, misunderestimated the man ..... why, i thought he was just a cretinous, retarded baboon who would choke on a pretzel, fall of a bicycle, and fuck up every business opportunity his daddy bought him, from yale to being governer or texas, to being president of the yewnited stayuts, which he said he'd "run like a bid'ness," and that should have warned everyone ....

but now i see how i wrong i was ....

he wasn't just a cretinous, retarded baboon; he's evil incarnate, the right hand man of the Dark Lord, an Agent of Evil, and a Sucker of Satan's Lollipops .....

now can i talk about music?

we're all looking forward to my show at the lark theater, in larkspur, california, this saturday, september 29 .......

you'd better buy tickets; i think it'll be sold out ......

next: dr. pete has lunch

Posted by DrKanga at 1:04 PM

September 16, 2007

in the aftermath of the petraeus-crocker dog and pony show, the American Person was asked how he "felt" about it .... you know how the "media" is always asking how people "feel;" that's because we're no longer capable of thought and, because we're so emotionally impoverished, we have to live vicariously through the feelings of others .....

but i digress .....

he replied, "the dog ate my ability to think critically and dispassionately; then the dog ate the independent media and all the independent journalists ....."

the American Person took a deep breath and, holding his hands behind his back, continued: "The dog must still have been hungry, for he ate my ability to detect bullshit, or tell a blatant liar that he was lying to me."

"He's a bad dog ..... a very bad BA-A-A-A-A-A-A-D dog ....."

"You wanna know what he did then?

He ate my homework for dessert."

enough, already ...... saturday i bicycled around lake tahoe; that's a seventy-three mile ride, at altitude, around one of the world's prettiest lakes; it was a day of flawless jade, and the lake sparkled like an emerald .... a perfect riding temperature, not too hot and not too cold--it was just right--and i was only forced off the road once, this time by a redneck driving a tanker truck .... i was so focused on staying on the road, on making it up and down the mountains, and still catching the views, that i didn't think about "the news" once .....

later i stopped---and stopped traffic--to watch three bears lumber out of the woods and amble across the roadway .....

"why did the three bears
cross the road?
so they could hear
my lungs explode ...."

speaking of loud noises, i'm thinking about my upcoming show at the lark theater, in larkspur, on september 29 ..... it's going to be a good show, and i'm very excited about it ..... through the years i've done acoustic performances and i've played amplified shows, but this is the first time i'll be able to start playing acoustic and segue into playing what we used to call "power trio" ....

this show will cover over thirty-five years of material, including selected songs from black kangaroo ..... this isn't one of those "let's cash in on geriatric nostalgia before we die off by playing songs that had significance to teenagers forty years ago but appear ludicrous and disjointed when performed badly by sexagenarians whose mental lapses could once be attributed to drug abuse but now let's chalk it up to senescence or alzheimer's because you can't abuse lisinopril or celebrex" shows ...... i'd rather eat my cheeks than perform material i can't relate to emotionally, or that maintains a modicum of integerity .....

ha ha .... no wonder i'm fucking broke ......

no .... seriously ..... some of those songs are priceless and eternal: for example--billy's tune, from "black kangaroo," is a prescient piece of work that, as a spoken word recording presaged rap, while thematically is as timeless and as bleak and as apocalyptic as ever .....

mayhem and institutionalized chaos never go out of fashion in this country, do they?

anyway, i've never really had the opportunity to showcase my my guitar talents--the diverse stylings, from acoustic finger picking to flash 'n' trash electric, all in one evening ..... and the wide range of material: from sophomoric to puerile ....

no .... ha ha ..... just kidding ....... there is some really great stuff here .....

i'm thinking about having a contest, asking the audience to answer the eternal question, "and what kind of music does peter play?"

other than loud, of course ....

i'll be playing with michael lindner (alleyonemusic.com) .... michael and i played together .... well, thirty-five years ago, on one of black kangaroo's notorious ventures into the heartland of america .... we found it to be cloggged and pre-coronary, and were grateful to escape with our lives .... you'd think that, after thirty-five years of playing together (well, not uninterrupted) that michael would be able to play the material without his copious notes .... but he can't ..... and i'm glad he's taken all those notes ....

because i can't remember the stuff, either .....

no .... ha ha ..... whenever i fuck up i make it look like it's his fault ......

in addition, i'll have backup singers ..... my old friend kenni will be singing harmonies .... she's done most of the vocal arrangements and performances on "going home" and "beyond help!" i perform with her whenever she'll let me and i'm thrilled that she'll be performing with me at this show ....

in addition, the legendary lee parvin will make an appearance ..... you can hear lee's distinctive piano stylings when you go to my myspace page (www.myspace.com/peterkaukonen); he's a wonderful player, engineered "traveller," and i've threatened him with bodily harm unless he sings backup with me ....... i won't tell you what kind of keyboard he'll be playing; i want you to be surprised ....

i'm doing a special run of "traveller" for this show; it'll finally be available on compact disc, along with "going home," "black kangaroo," and "the archives ....." and a special edition peter kaukonen t-shirt .....

it'll be a great show ..... i hope to see you there ......

next: dr. pete pumps up his tires ......

Posted by DrKanga at 8:20 PM

September 9, 2007

i'm just about back to "the real world;" i think that my oregon trip is finally finished ... oh, it's one thing to exchange single track, with nary a soul for miles, for clogged and congested freeways; for vapid twats in oversized vehicles, nattering on their phones, as they crush the life out of unwary cyclists 'neath their insatiable wheels ... but really .... i can tell i'm back because the last scabs have finally fallen off my shins ....

but anyway ..... it was great being away from "the news;" i didn't miss a thing, i knew what "the content" was going to be, just like i can tell you what "the petraeus report" will say: it'll say we're doing really well, with ... ahem .... ha ha .... a few exceptions .... and we just need to dig down deep in our pockets and pony up some more money for "the troops;" it'll say that we're doing better than ever, that eee-rock is more secure than ever and all we need is some more time--like, say, anywhere from ten to one hundred and twenty years--to really put the ribbon on the iraqi freedom package .... oh, maybe he'll suggest sending 3,000 troops back to "the homeland;" wow .... that's a little less than two per cent, and that's sure a step down from .... ha ha .... staying the course .... and i dare say our regal opposition party, those feckless democrats, will go, gosh, we sure wanna support the troops .... why stop at 200 billion dollars and ten years when we could just stop counting the money and then we can just stay there until the offer expires, sometime around midnight of 2112?

that's the kind of news i'm glad to miss .... and here's another ..... i see our peerless and fearless leader's been over to down under, where he described his iraqi debacle as "we're kickin' ass ...." jesus .... you know, when i was working county mental health i had a lot of severely compromised patients: they suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome; mental retardation; psychosis; bipolar disorder; drug abuse; wome were hiv-positive .... good thing i spent all that time in school, you know? so i could learn how to be an effective clinician .... but .... i linked some of my clients to my local regional center, which provided services to what we now politely call .... mmmmm ..... "otherly-abled" people ....

folks, you know that i'm not much for mincing words, and i'm not going to start now: some of these people were ...... really and truly and beyond belief severely fucked up the likes of which you've never seen and honest to god i hope you never do because you really don't have a clue and you can't, you can't even begin to imaginewhat it's like because it isn't even remotely pretty ....

i mean, not even playing with hot tuna prepared me for this stuff .....

but i'm thinking, golly gee winnikins, the president of the united states is way beyond shameless and hopeless and so far transcends what god hit on some of these folks who were tucked away forever and ever in secluded locked wards and i just have to fucking wonder, doesn't anyone think it utterly bizarre that a diplomat, that an official, that a high government functionary when talking about four million refugees and a million killed and devastation and chaos and how many thousands of our soldiers dead and how many tens and tens of thousands of our soldiers minus balls and titties and legs and arms and a cerebral cortex or two along with the corruption and theft and misappropriation of money and materiel and this litany of shit has gone on for six years and he wants to drag it out more and more and more so he can "secure his legacy" and you can finish off the list however you want and he says:

we're kicking ass .....

only i'll bet it sounded more like "we kickn' ay-uss ....."

this is so appalling and so utterly embarrassing .... no .... ha ha .... beyond embarrassing ..... i mean, here's a guy who's managed to run into the ground, who's managed to fuck up, to break all the toys and every little thing his daddy bought him, from his stellar career in the national guard, with the viet nam year-o-disappear-o, to arbusto, the oil company that couldn't find oil, to the texas rangers, to the presidency of the united states .....

okay, so by fucking everything up he's consistent .... and you gotta respect that in a man ....

and i'm grateful, too .... because he could'a said, "we kissin' ass".... or "we suckin' ass ...." or "we fuckin' ass ....." which is what repugnicans seem to do a lot of in their "no urinal left behind" program .... or he could have said "we lickin' butt ...." or he could have said "watch my scratch my tiny little undescended balls and then snoffle my fingers ....." but here's what else he said [excerpted from the washington toast]:

..... "Bush said yesterday at Hawaii's Hickam Air Force Base that he "came back from Iraq encouraged by what I saw. No question there's still hard work to do, but my resolve is as strong as it's ever been."

The president added: "I believe we're doing the right thing there for the security of the country and for the peace of the world."

this booger eating moron is still fixated on "hard work," as though being a mass-murderer, for whom tying his own fucking shoes is hard work, transcends punching a time clock .... in this fucking country obsessive-compulsive disorder passes for "resolve;" in this fucking country lacking the cognitive function that god gave a goose passes for "resolve;" in this fucking country howdy doody, with his reagan-esque pompadour and jaws that moved when his strings were pulled is the role model for the american statesman ....

what's even more appalling is the traditional "blame the victim" approach, so prevalent in rape trials: let's hold the iraqis accountable for not "stepping up to the plate," for not "being democratic and free," when--the last time i looked, it was us that invaded them, us that destroyed their infrastructure, us that levelled their cities, us that devastated their hospitals and schools, and it's us that wants their oil ...

oh, those gosh-darned iraqis, why don't they just enjoy the freedoms that we've brought them?

fucking ingrates ....

but wait! there's more!

speaking of freedoms, i sure am glad i can trust our corporations to police themselves, free of pesky government regulations and bureaucratic meddling ..... hey, i hear that microwaved popcorn can kill you .... hey, how about all the lead in babies' toys? what about the carcinogens in babies' toys? hey, we don't care about carcinogens in the air at ground zero, so why should this culture of life give a shit about carcinogens in formula bottles or rattles or pacifiers? .... and speaking of howdy doody, fred thompson's going to be authentic for the repugnicans: an authentic actor, an authentic asshole .... maybe he can read lines; bush sure can't and ....

there was more, there's always a lot more, but i can't do it now .... i'd better channel some of this energy into bicycling ......

i really am going to talk about music, and i'm going to do it soon ....

next: dr. pete's show at the lark theater, september 29, 2007

Posted by DrKanga at 2:52 PM | Comments (1)

September 4, 2007

here are your lessons in contemporary repulbican realities ..... you thought black was black and white was white/but that's wrong that just ain't right/you don't know what you think you know/this bullshit is from below:

i see that most americans are making less this year than they did last year and, even though prices are rising while their wages aren't, you know what that means?

that means that the economy is doing better ....

hey, only 12,358 people were killed in the last thirteen minutes and 42 seconds in iraq; thirteen were islamo-fascits, seven were islamic militants, three were insurgents, and four-hundred-eighteen were second in command of "al quaeda in iraq" .... you know what that means? .... it means that, after six years, we're finally getting control of the situation and we only need to stay there another ten years for the oil companies to secure their profits and the true fruits of democracy to drop, ripe and golden and juicy, into the lap of the one iraqi still livng .....

too bad her jaw has been shot away and she can't eat, but hey ..... stiff upper lip, bitch .....

the knee jerk crimes reports that "Over the past six weeks, the Taliban have driven government forces out of roughly half of a strategic area in southern Afghanistan that American and NATO officials declared a success story last fall in their campaign to clear out insurgents and make way for development programs, Afghan officials say."

and afghanistan now produces 97% of the world's opium, which means we have successfully defeated the taliban, whom we helped to grow better opium in the first place, and that means our development programs are working ......

also "Under the Bush administration, which promised to ease what it viewed as costly rules that placed unnecessary burdens on businesses, industry-friendly officials have been installed at agencies that oversee the nation’s workplaces, food suppliers, environment and consumer goods." that means the little foxes are watching the henhouse and you and yer chillens is pertected from .... well ..... from government efficiency in protecting you ...... and corporations are protected from the slightest shred of conscience or humanity ......

we're having a heat wave here in california, but it's not meteorological: it's theological: satan's keeping the doors of hell open for all the republican fucks who are "retiring" or getting forced out of office .... there are so many of them that satan's just keeping the door open, and some of the heat's escaping ..... think about it: gonzo, rove and ..... and it's like a revolving door, too; they go in, stay a while, and come back out ....

oh .... you thought they were going there for punishment? no .... ha ha ..... they're just going home because they wanted to spend more time with their families; they'll hang out, torment a few more souls, recharge their batteries, and head on back up to cause the rest of us more fucking grief .....

i see that larry craig, r-idaho (yo, lar' mah man ..... wheah you frum? ..... ah--de--ho ... no, bitch, ah din't ax you yo job .... i say wheah you frum? ..... ) is resigning after his little .... mmmm .... episode in a urinal ..... hey, i don't want to seem judgemental or anything ..... rooting for butt nuggets under a stranger's foreskin isn't my idea of fun 'n' games, but if nibbling ass flakes and snorting sphincter smoke--without an introduction--is something you like to do, then be my guest .....

the "media" reported craig's disclaimers: "i'm not gay ... i've never been gay .... " what most of "the media" didn't report were these sequiturs: "i'm married .... i love my wife and my family ....." jesus, does giving a blowjob mean you don't love your family? you know, i've been married a bunch and have had uncountable partners, and you know they had to be giving it up if they wanted to show their love for their family ...... the point is, this asshole isn't guilty of wanting to suck off strangers in a shitter; he's an asshole who's guilty of being a republican ...... [i see that i misunderstoodimated what "i'm resigning" means to a republican .... what it really means is "you didn't quite understand the word 'resign' because i'd qualified it by crossing my fingers behind my back when i said it plus i had a special magic buttplug in place that negates everything you think i said to something that i might possibly have been thinking about but didn't know so you didn't either and besides i was schnorggling on a monster furtenschwangler and it was yummy yummy yummy on my gums and in my tummy so everything i might have maybe said doesn't really count so fuck you anyway] ........

of course none of this means shit .... we had mark foley who was .... mmmm .... turning the page in the hallowed halls of congress and what ever happened to him? brownie of "yer doin' a heckuva job brownie" fame is now a 'consultant on disasters ...."

any fucking republican is an expert on disasters .....

the second anniversary of katrina just blew by like a leaf on a hurricane and i can't even begin to woof woof arf arf and woof woof and arf arf ....

the washington post tells me that condoleezza rice is worried about her "legacy ...." hey condi: i don't understand the preoccupation of "burnishing your legacy": you're a lying shallow sack of shit, a corporate whore, and you're utterly incompetent ..... what can you do with a legacy like that?

why don't we just look at the legacy you really are leaving: a million dead, one country devastated and in chaos, another polarized even while being plundered and strip mined ..... nice note for the history books: what's your legacy? mmmmm ..... killed a lot of people .... i mean a LOT of people ..... shilled myself out to giant corporations .... played some piano .... had a good time, you know?

national prickhead radio is telling me that bush is already thinking about cashing in on the lecture circuit after he walks out of the white house, leaving a smoldering turd on the dining room table .... the eighth horseman of the pork-a-lips needs to make some money, and talkin' (we all know what a smooth talker he is; god, life can be funny ....) seems to be the way he gonna doot .....

i wonder what he'll talk about: inspirational talks on the demands of being a mass murderer? pretzel-choking for fun and profit?

there's living proof that anything can be president of the united states ..... i think howdy doody'd be the perfect republican candidate: good lookin', authentic, and says just waht he s'posed to say, long's ya pull his strings ......

but ......

what i wanted to go into was, for a change, music .....

i've been listening to the beatles' "sergeant pepper" for the last two weeks; i had the cd in my player as i drove back from oregon .... i'm still listening to it: after forty years i'm still hearing new things in it ..... but you know what? my boys started preschool this morning (it costs more than my stanford undergraduate career--unless .... ha ha .... you include the drugs) and i've been training for a brisk bike ride around lake tahoe next week, so ..... excuse me; i think i'll go to bed ......

next: dr. pete and sergeant pooper

Posted by DrKanga at 7:57 PM

August 27, 2007

i don't watch tv or follow sports, so i don't know about and could give less than a shit about whoever it is that was (no .... hey .... i know it was michael vicks, quarterback for the atlanta falcons who, as he was being sentenced, sniffled "i need to grow up ..... i'd like to hear our politicians say that, but i'd like to see them busted first) just busted for running dog fights and killing dogs that didn't perform up to snuff .... ha ha .... snuff ..... snuff ..... oh, magic words of snuff snuff snuffles, make me throw up all my truffles .....

dress them all in shirts with ruffles
put their bodies into duffles
and throw the fuckers into the river, won't you?

i think he said something about how he loved animals and that's why he had to hang them, or throw them into a river .... i think the same logic holds true for our fearless leaders, who loudly proclaim how much they "love life," or how much they "support the troops ...." but i can dig it; you can't have the sweet without the sour, and the neat thing about loving life, or supporting the troops is, you got lots and lots of people you get to kill .....

whooooo-fucking-peeeeeeeeeee!

now .... maybe we can get an endorsement from purina puppy chow, "the dog food that tastes of blood and flesh so your dog is eatin' mean even when he ain't fightin'!"

i don't pay much attention to "news"papers either ..... why, my local paper gave extensive coverage to the death of three dogs a few weeks ago--they were poisoned by party or parties unknown, although i suspect karl rove and fredo gonzales--that saturated the masthead for days .... and then, of course, there was the china formaldehyed pet food debacle, which caused the deaths of fluffy, rex, king, spot, and cottontail .....

ooooooo, there's some fucking values for you ..... let's see ...... i don't know how many dead and dying in iraq, but who gives a shit, you know? not when muffy's in peril .... jesus ..... dog fight debacle .... right to life .... culture of life ...... you can draw the obvious, you don't need me to say, fuck all y'all; six dogs get whacked and it bunches your knickers; one million assfucked and dead in iraq and who gives a fuck?

oh .... support the troops, okay?

ha ha .... ha ha ......

i'm just thrilled that drug-taking bicyclists are going to get their comeuppance .... no, seriously--a few bad apples, spoiling the sport for everyone! thank goodness steroid or drug use or doping isn't a problem in any other sport .... why, i know those big hunks of beef who do so much fanny-patting on the football field, achieved their size through a healthy diet and lots of exercise .... and wrestlers? just clean livin' and a fondness for broccoli .... ha ha .....

jesus, if i could dope my blood to bicycle better, i would .... and the fact remains, it doesn't matter what you take: you still have to pedal up the hills .... no one and no drug'll do it for you .....

i overheard some neocon commentator on npr talking about "authenticity" in politics .... oooo, that's what americans like, all right .... and we sure are experts on being authentic .... look what kind of track record we have: ronald reagan; george bush; tom cruise; milli vanilli; the wall street journal; the iraq invasion; the hummer; budweiser ......
'
what a bunch of assholes .....

speaking of assholes, howzabout that alberto v05, king george's cumrag? last week rove, this week gonzo .... i can't say that the rats are leaving a sinking ship; all rats of conscience killed themselves a while back, eating double-sized portions of warfarin before committing seppuku with a chain saw ..... and it's hard to believe "the press" on this one: n(ational) p(rickhead) r(abid) featured two commentators: one was a nazi, the other a neo-nazi .... both seemed to indicate that gonzales was a great guy, just doing his job, slammed by history and unconscionable left-wing-radical-liberals-who-hate-life-unlike-republicans-who-love-life-especially-if-it-has-a-collar-on-it-so-it-can-be-dragged-behind-a-large-fuel-inefficient-car-and especially-if-it's-life-that-god-turned-into-a-major-corporation-before-he-rested-on-the-seventh-day-and-fetuses-are-really-likeable-too-because-you-don't-have-to-do-anything-for-them-or-with-them-just-keep-your-bitch-on-a-leash .......

why i just heard another n(0) p(enis) r(adio) reporter ask a southern republican, what kind of person should bush appoint to the justic department now?

oh, he replahd, somewun thayut got some essperiense with justayus depahtments and big organizayshuns 'n' somewun who cayun bring bayuck some craydibilitee to the depahtment and i thought::

hey, asshole: how about someone who's competent?

oh ..... silly me ..... bush doesn't know anyone who's competent .....

jesus h. fuck ......

but wait!

there's more!

here's a quote from the knee jerk crimes:

"When Rep. Jan Schakowsky made her first trip to Iraq this month, the outspoken antiwar liberal resolved to keep her opinions to herself. "I would listen and learn," she decided.
At times that proved a challenge, as when Deputy Prime Minister Barham Salih told her congressional delegation, "There's not going to be political reconciliation by this September; there's not going to be political reconciliation by next September." Schakowsky gulped -- wasn't that the whole idea of President Bush's troop increase, to buy time for that political progress?

But the real test came over a lunch with Gen. David H. Petraeus, who used charts and a laser pointer to show how security conditions were gradually improving -- evidence, he argued, that the troop increase is doing some good. [ooooooo ..... i can feel that aerated blood rushin' to mah thorax ..... a laser pointer! fuck! we're so high tech those fuckin' terrorists don't stand a chayunce, do they? look out, you islamo-fascist rughead reprobates: i'm takin' this laser 'n' these charts 'n' i'm gonna show you some fucking shock and AWE!}

Still, the U.S. commander cautioned, it could take another decade [emphasis mine .... ha ha .... mine mine mine mine mine ......] before real stability [emphasis mine, goddam it; mine mine mine mine mine] is at hand. Schakowsky gasped. "I come from an environment where people talk nine to 10 months," she said, referring to the time frame for withdrawal that many Democrats are advocating. "And there he was, talking nine to 10 years."

where do these people come from, i just don't know .... look, i'm not privy to "state secrets," but somehow, in some mysterious fashion, i knew that all the pre-and sub-texts for our unilateral illegal invasion of a sovereign nation were confabulated out of gossamer horse-doodie, and you did, too ..... there were lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of us who had that sussed out, but somehow our media and our press and our politicians and our strategists and planners and highly paid fuckheads didn't know this? i don't get debriefed by the high fucky-fucks at the pentagon .... but ..... i know that we're not leaving iraq, not for years and years and years and years and years and years and years ..... haven't i been saying that?

i don't want to say, hey JAN ..... why aren't you reading dr. pete? he'll set you straight!

so ...... why is jan shitkowsky surprised? what planet does she live on?

why am i asking you these questions?

this is the very sort of puppy pule i thought i'd cured myself of while clenching my sphincter in fear, high above the umpqua river ..... i don't need to read this disingenuous garbage; i don't need to read about our naif politicians; i know "what it is" and you should too ..... i'm not sure where to take this, or where to go with it ..... i wanted to talk about music; perhaps i will, an editorial inspired by driving three hundred miles while listening to the beatles' "sergeant pepper ....."

and a few paragraphs about my upcoming show, with michael lindner and more, at the lark theater on september 29th .......

next: dr. pete's lonely hearts club band

Posted by DrKanga at 7:47 PM | Comments (1)

August 22, 2007

Posted by DrKanga at 7:53 AM

August 21, 2007

so .... i'm back ..... back from my bicycle vacation, back in black-and-blue .... here's what i did: i rode 100 miles of singletrack in five days, with 10,000 feet of climbing at a median altitude of 5600 feet, and i lived to tell; i didn't break any bones; i didn't trash my bike; i didn't get any of the poison oak that proliferated along the trail--except where it dropped precipitously, 300 feet, to the umpqua river that frothed and foamed below, but i got my share of shins bloodied and scraped, and i did fly off the trail on one of those sheer drops: i can't remember quite what happened, but i went over the edge and thought i was fucking going to die, or worse, and jesus, thank fucking jesus, i was stopped by scrub vegetation (i was going to say "bush," but we know that prick has never done anything worthwhile), and my bike was upside down, on top of me, and i'm surprised you didn't hear me shrieking .... or my asshole snapping shut like the knell of fucking doom ..... i didn't look down, but dragged myself up and over the lipi of the trail, dragged my bike back on the trail, and rode on ..... what else can you do? below me was the umpqua, a lovely, lovely, river, a balmy 44 degrees, a welcome relief from the 90 degree weather, but believe me: i wanted to go into it gradually, wearing a bathing suit rather than a cowl of blood, shrieking "brisk! bracing! inVIGorating! FUCKING COLD!," rather than plummet one hundred and fifty feet straight down ....

and i did, full immersion in the umpqua, and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ..... .it was really good!

i rode with a superb and congenial group, made up of seasoned, aggressive, skilled and repugnantly young riders who disappeared quickly, not to be seen again until it was time to sit down and do some serious beer drinikng ..... actually, some of them carried their beers with them, putting beers in their packs for the day's ride .... i never saw anyone put ice in their pack .....someone figured that the group went through 272 beers in four days, but i think this is inaccurate and under-reporting; our campsites looked like kosovo at the end of a united nations bombing run--if the u.n. had been dropping cans of budweiser .....

all things considered, it was a great trip, even if i had to confront further evidence of time's inroads; five years ago i could have kept up with these !@%#$^@#^ kids .... five years ago i was keeping up with x-terra racers--at least on downhill runs ..... perpetually humiliated, i thought of flinging myself over the edge .... or impaling myself on my tire pump .... or overdosing on geritol ..... no ..... ha ha ..... just kidding ...... it was great, but it sure wasn't effortless, like it used to be .....

is anything effortless? you tell me ......

it was nice to be away from computers and news and phones and electricity and the shrill and hystrionic pipings of america's fear brigades .... you'd think that the amerikan peeple'd all over-amp on adrenaline, the fight and flight response that's constantly stimulated, like a prostate under a probing finger; hey, you get to a conditioned pavlovian response when hear the snap, crackle and pop of the rubber glove and immediately drop into the positio of anticipatory fear .... and trembling .... you girls out there, i'm sure there's something that's similar, a procedure that leaves you feeling vulnerable and violated and penetrated, that happens regularly, that's for your own good, and i'm not just referring to paying taxes ..... but i don't know what that might be, and you can write and tell me ......

anyway, i came off the trail eight pounds lighter than when i'd started and dazed by how quickly it all had passed and, at the bed and breakfast where i decompressed, caught a headline: "anxiety and fear over ....." i didn't want to know what i had to be afraid of now, not when i'd been focused on keeping my tires from straying off an eleven-inch wide trail ..... oh, that ride held my attention, all right .....

and what happened while i was gone? while i was isolated? i'm thinking, not a lot ...... oh, did the utah miners die? let me guess: some corporate spokesperson gave a speech, absolving them of any culpability; family members are upset because .... because rescue efforts took too long; were mismanaged; because they were misinformed .... there'll be an investigation, chaired by the bureau of mines which is run by industry people ..... but hey .... i'm just guessing; tell me if i'm wrong ......

say, is anything up with brad 'n' jen? tom 'n' what's-her-name? ..... are they okay? me, i came back to find that kalevi and daniel were no longer toddlers: they'd become little boys in one short week .... that's too bad: they were much easier to care for when they couldn't get out of their cribs, when they slept all the time; pity they couldn't just be frozen in a block of lucite to preserve, for all time, the cuteness of their youth .... ha ha .... no ..... just kidding, of course ..... ha ha ...... i'm glad they're growing up so swiftly ..... because, at this rate, they're going to be taking care of me, sooner rather than later ......what they did do in my absence was, they started riding tricycles, and now everyone in the family rides ..... i've got some great pictures of the boys cutting donuts in the front driveway; if i ever figure out how to do it, i'll put 'em up for y'all to see; you'll like them: they're fine boys .......

was there something else? oh .... i remember now ..... the other thing i missed was karl rove's resignation ..... did he time it to happen while i was away? did he fear that my shrieking and hooting would trigger seismic events? that hollering and bellowing might cause more mine cave ins? that would cause hurricanes? poor airline service and delayed flights?

i just heard how this was the worst year that airlines had ever had in terms of cancelled flights, delayed flights; missed connections; airplanes stranded on runways without food, water, toilets, or air; people imprisoned on runways for endless hours, denied egress, held incommunicado .... just like gauntanamo ...... i heard that this was because 911 had caused fear and trembling amongst the airlines because people were reluctant to fly and the government came in and helped a free market economy find its own level by throwing away billions of your taxed dollars .... ha ha ..... surprise! surprise! ..... but now the airlines are profitable because they fired thirty percent of their workforce and they're flying smaller planes which are always full they clutter up the traffic lanes and it's all because of, or so i'm told by an industry spokesperson, it's all because they're giving "the people" what "the people" want, and i guess what the peeple wont is shit flights with no space and no food; the peepole want to arrive late and miss their connections; what the peephole want is delayed flights; is overbooked flights; is lost luggage; is to be treated with contempt and like shit and that's what i want when i get on a plane, especially with young boys, and i'm bettin' you feel the same way and are glad that the industry knows what it is you want so much and has gone to such great pains to give it to you ....

i think that my little sabbatical has about cured me of having to "stay abreast of the 'news'" ....... because--and i'm not claiming to be nostradamus or anything--i know exactly what kind of contaminated unpalatable indigestible toxic turd kibble's going to appear on my plate ..... jesus, n(ational) p(entagon) r(atshit) came on today with 'news' that "american troops and afghan police are cracking down on the taliban ...." i'm sorry, you wilted fucksticks: it's now six years after we invaded afghanistan, after we let osama yo mama slip-slide away, after we freed their veiled women, emancipated their goats, brought democratic elections to the livestock, taught them how to maximize their opium crops .... no, sorry: that was in the 80s, when the russians were the occupiers, when the russians were getting their butts kicked ..... just like the brits before them .... and we're still "cracking down" on the group that we so assiduously created ......

i heard about jenrill petraeus and the report that's to come out on september 15th to tell you how the surge is going although i'll bet you think you know how it's going but i think you'd be wrong because it's doing really really well and the iraqis are feeling a whole lot better about themselves and about us because of the surge and because it's so successful we would never even think of pulling out our troops just like after you've been doing some assfucking and you're all limp and stinky and strange juices are clogging your crotch and matting your hairs and you don't quite want to get your hands down there or your fingers in it unless you've got some latex surgical gloves and a vat of clorox but you don't want to pull out because everything's working really really well and you want to support the troops who'll be there at least until the next election at which point it'll become the democrats hot potato and that's the way karl rove'd want it and i know he says he wants to spend more time with his family but i can't imagine what kind of woman'd spread for that fucking carcinogenic clump of poorly congregated cells and i didn't know that reptiles or insects ever felt that way about family and i can't see cockroaches sitting around the pool getting warm and fuzzy with each other and brown recluse spiders don't do group hugs and i can't believe that our "press" is so accepting of patent fucking horseshit and blatant lies even though i know that's their job because that's what they're paid to do and how about you mr. and mrs. america perhaps you should go watch some more tv i think we're up to an average of eight hours per day per person and when september 15th finally rolls around and it's only three weeks away then petraeus 'n' bush'll tell us all to go fuck ourselves it's classified but it's working well so enjoy your fucking hair and i think i'm going to go for a bike ride ....

and this time i'll ride right off the edge ......

no .... ha ha .... actually i'll be sitting down to practice for the upcoming "peter kaukonen, michael lindner and friends" concert at the lark theater in larkspur, california, on september 29th ..... we'll have some very special guests and a very interesting show; come on down if you're around ......

next: dr. pete changes his mind ......

Posted by DrKanga at 9:06 PM | Comments (5)

August 10, 2007

PETER PATTER ...... OF A TINY MIND

it's peter patter peter patter and the random scatter of a tiny mind while i gear up to head out of town for a week of back country off-road bicycling in the oregon wilderness .... timing is everything, you know; i'm heading off to ride off-road when i've just taken delivery of a custom-built road bike: steel frame, carbon stays, front fork, seat post, handlebars and stem; paul taylor (http://www.taylorbicycles.com) tells me it'll ride plush and decrease the impact on arthritic and artificial shoulders (dr. pete rides serotta and taylor on the road, santa cruz off-road) .......

speaking of money well spent, i see that the u.s. is going to pony up lots of money to fight opium production in afghanistan because it funds the taliban, the same opium production that we ramped up with USAID money in the late 80s to grow the opium/that would bring in the bucks/that would fund the taliban/that we created/to fight the russians/to bring freedom to afganimerastan/so they could topple the buddhas/because we're christians/that swallowed the spider/to catch the fly/i wonder why/i wonder why ....

another article tells me that bored or frightened soldiers (are there other kinds?) in afghanistan find it rilly easy to cop skag ..... who'da thunk it?!?!?!?!?!?!? shades of vietnam and the iron triangle! and the cia's air america!

you think they'd just say no, wouldn't you?

this was just after we were told that 190,000 ak-47's had gone astray in eeee-rock, well ... the pentagon was sayin' how them iranis was givin' the eeee-rockees some new kinda bomb that had killt a sodjer or two an' i thought, that's just a fucking drop in the piss bucket to what 190,000 ak's'd do, let alone the 360 tons of high explosives that somehow we couldn't guard because it wasn't related to oil which we protected diligently although antiquities didn't count for shit and neither did universities and all those tons of h.e. went missin' and i'm thinkin' that if we were really gonna go after those durty raskels that wuz risponsibul fer killin' our troops 'n' i allus wanna support the troops then we'd bomb the pentagon and the white house and the army beecoz thare the wunz that rilly supplied the turrsts with the stuff that's killin' our boyz we shud declar war on the pentagon and the kongrass and ......

i see the bush don't wanna raise gasoleen takses to pay for bridge repair 'n' it's the dummerkatz fawlt because they don't have "priorities" which i'm thinkin' is givn mor taks brakes to oil kumpanies 'n' i think gawd should repare the bridges 'coz god he sees every drop of rane and every sparrow that falls so fix the fuckin' bridges you lazy shit .....

and then of corse there's the mine in utah that collapsed after all the structural warnings but it wasn't structurally defishent it was god again, this time that bipolar asswipe sent an irthkwake to rattle the mine down but i no there'll be a meerakul 'n' even tho they've been down thare for ten dayz without food or water they'll come up singin' goawd's prazes when the reskew workers finally poke throo the wall prayze jeeezuz why all those mine kave ins in west virjinya that was godz doings not greedy cocksucking corporations who couldn't spare a dime for fucking mine safety and i'm glad bush is going to give more taks cuts to korporations because they need them especially .....

shit, you know all that ......

well, this's just random chatter; i'm gearing up for a week of off-road bike riding along oregon's umpqua river and don't want to spoil the anticipation by reality-based thought .... so i'm not even thinking about mitt romney's five sons rolling around iowa in the mitt-mobile, extolling the virtues of killing dune coons, while sucking up the benzina your tax dollars are paying for .... oh, you're getting taxed, all right, because .... ha ha .....

you're not a corporation!

and i'm not going to think about that nosferatu look-alike jewelly annie saying shit like, well, we can decrease abortion by adopting more ....

hey smegma breath ..... against abortion? good ..... don't fucking have one ..... your kids wish you'd put them up for adoption .....

and then there's the knee jerk crimes that just ran a puff piece on .... christ, i can't even bring myself to say this: how distressed king george the first is at how king george the second is being misunderestimerated and .....

excuse me i must #@Q#$^#^% BLLLEEAUUUGHHHHH HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA ..... dribble dribble dribble ....... splat! .........

i'd rather read about fucking brad 'n' jen 'n' tom 'n' mopsy 'n' flopsy 'n' cottontail and the whole fucking bunny family ..... hippity hop, hippity hop, hippity hop .....

supermarket tabloids and the secret fucking anguish of the network stars my #@Q#$^#^% BLLLEEAUUUGHHHHH HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA HURFA ..... dribble dribble dribble ....... plink .........

oh, it's time for me to get outta here ..... i'm going to go ride my bike ..... i'll be back in ten days .... listen up: buy my music! topple a brutal repressive theocratic hegemony that seeks to stifle informed dissent by a corporate controlled "media" that disseminates mis- and dis-information to a placid and bovine populace ......

and JERI LYNN! ARE YOU OUT THERE? AVA .... CAN YOU HEAR ME? hotmail disappeared your letter before i could save your address or reply .... WRITE me .....
drop me a postcard!
send me a line!
pictures of pastures!
and people bo-vine!

next: dr. pete plays his guitar

Posted by DrKanga at 9:37 AM | Comments (3)

August 6, 2007

every now and then i indulge in a total fantasy world, one in which the "main stream llib'ral media" comes out of the closet and does it just like the nashinul inkwirer, and we'd see the knee jerk times with headlines like "dems to bush: fuck you, bitch!"

but ... ha ha .... that's just a fantasy .... oh, not about the quality of the "mayne streem meedya," or its "orientation," so to speak .... the fantasy is that democrats would "get tough;" would "stand up" to the weakest and most despised president we've ever had; would "do their jobs" as their "constituencies wanted them to," but .... ha ha ..... they just "caved in" to george on warrantless spying .... again .... because he might've made 'em stay in washington where they'd have to pretend to be "working" on "affairs of state," when they could be going out on their month-long vacation ....

or .... gasp! bush might say that democrats were "soft on terror!"

oooooooo ...... eeeeeeee ....... eeeeeeeeeekkkkkk! please, mr. bush! please! pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! don't do that! i'll do anything you want, like i've been doing for the last six years just so's you don't say ..... gasp! i'm weak on terror!

now can i go on my vacation and get my kickbacks from the energy consortium and the arms manufacturers?

at least things are getting better in iraq .... ha ha .... no .... i mean it .... i'm deadly serious ..... why, iraq and the united states are about neck and neck in the freedom and quality of life free-for-all right now ..... the iraqi government's gone out for a two month vacation while our politicians are going out for a month .... well, okay .... they've got the edge on us there, but ..... we've known for years that americans don't take as much vacation time as europeans and others do ..... maybe we'll catch up to 'em some day .....

still we're right up there with 'em, infrastructure-wise ..... see, iraqis no longer have electricity or running water unless it's the sewage or blood that runs down the streets and they don't have health care because hospitals need electricity and all the doctors have left the country and the schools are shut down but hey our schools suck and we don't fund them any more and we don't provide health care to a lot of amurkans and as for our infrastructure like schools and dams and highways and bridges .... ha ha ..... it's collapsing, isn't it?

were our bridges privatized and turned over to halliburton? did i miss that somehow? at least it proves one of the favorite conservative talking points, the one that's right up there with "lib'ral women just love to have sex so they can pregnant and then kill the fetus" and that favorite talking point is:

government doesn't work ......

now i know you're thinking shit, they're right about that as far as the bush administration goes and you might just have a point there: the reason we know that is because the bridge up there in minnesota collapsed and the reason it collapsed is because funding for repairs was shut down by bush and his cohorts when they were told that there were structural problems with the bridge like they were told "bin laden determined to strike in the united states" and you know how they responded to that which just goes to show you that big government doesn't work and it should all be shut down and privatized because as we can tell by how effective the "hunt for bin laden's been" and how effective the rebuilding in iraq has been, well, corporations'd do a great job and ..... it's just shocking and awesome, you know? i mean, how effective it's been?

and then i saw that bush went up there to pray 'n' sympathate 'n' compassionize with the pore peeple up there and i wondered, which god would he be praying to? the one that knocked the bridge down in the first place? and if that's so, what is he praying for?

that gawd knocks down other bridges too? so halliburton, that grand old american company, can come out of dubai to rebuild 'em? so senator stevens (r. alaska) can earmark 254 million dollars to build a bridge that'll link up an island with 32 people on it?

yessir, no dollar left behind .....

one thing is sure: it's the democrats who let that bridge fall down, and they did it because they're soft on terrrer 'n' they won't give bush all the money he needs to be tough on terror and i sure would like to have a beer with ol' george, he sure is a nice guy ....

and honest, too ......

meanwhile, the washington pest says that "The Pentagon has lost track of about 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols given to Iraqi security forces in 2004 and 2005 ....." i think i've got an idea where they might be .... ha ha ..... but thank god for responsible people in our government and military ..... oh, i know; this ain't nuthin' compared to the eight billion dollars, shrink wrapped on pallets, that came up missing a while back ..... or the 360 tons of high explosives that disappeared but are now swimming back into ken via the iud's .... i mean .... ied's ..... but they might as well be iud's because if you've had your nuts or pussy blown off by high explosive you're not having any children, are you?

ha ha ..... bad joke, dr. pete; bad joke!

ha ha .......

today's knee jerk times has an article by a proponent of illegally amorally unilaterally invading a soverign nation who says things like gee, if only we'd known then what we know now things woulda been different and boy, maybe things aren't turning out so really good over there and maybe those darned iraqis better step up to the plate like barry bonds who's just extra large and cleans his plate before he eats his dessert, that's why his arms are so big i sure love baseball it's such an honest game, like football and those darned french in the tour de frantz they take a lot of drugs for bicycling don't they they're so dishonest it's just shameful, being french .....

and you know what i thought?

i thought that i'd sure like some of those drugs that they're taking in the tour de france; i've been hill climbing all last week, getting ready for a week-long off-road bicycle trip, and my legs sure are tired and i almost couldn't make it up the last eight hundred foot climb over scree ......

scree ..... that's what i say every time i read the knee jerk times: screeee! screeee! SCREEEEEEEEE! fuckin' SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now don't you go thinking that i'm just being negative, because i'm not: i have located the silver lining on the storm clouds of shit and found the hershey's kisses in the cat box .... and it has to do with religion and morality, and i'm glad to say that the bush administration is bringing us back to some of the fundamental morality that a deep and abiding faith can bring, because the bush administration is goin' back to the sacred principles of the spanish inquisition ..... yes, faith based policies that are based on imprisonment and torture and mass murder and .....

oh, i just can't go on .... write me a letter if you need clarification here .....

the other positive outcome is, this new spy-on-america stuff that the democrats went along with because it's only for six months .... ha ha .... and you just wait and see, in six months thanks to cloning they'll all have grown balls including nancy pelosi and hillary clinton and they can tell everyone how tough they are and in the upcoming debates they'll show you how tough they are they'll all bring their own puppies and they'll throttle them live on camera and suck puppy brains out puppy asshole and i don't want to tell you what they'll do to the kittens they bring to show how tough they are and it's just a taste of what they'd do to al quaeda but the new spy program has to be cleared by the attorney general and that's fredo gonzales and it doesn't matter what he hears you say .....

he won't be able to remember it ......

next: musical updates

Posted by DrKanga at 3:37 PM

July 29, 2007

so there we we're, back east in rural areas that see some farming and some lovely black, rich soil .... we're not talking agribidness, the ten corporations that control eighty percent of what you see in your supermarket now, but real farms with real people doing real people things growing real people crops and then .... and then i'm not sure what happens .... i'd go to produce stands only to find produce from california, from chile, with very little of it coming from the adjacent fields; what did show up wasn't cheap ....

on the other hand, gasoline was far cheaper than it is in california, which only stands to reason .... san francisco, which is right across the bay from the tosco refineries that regularly spill into the bay or blow noxious fumes into the adjoining black community, has some of the most expensive gas in the country, whereas there aren't any refineries in upstate new york, so the gas is considerably cheaper .....

i know, i know .... by now you're wondering, golly gee whinnikins, doctor pete ..... what the fuck is the point?

other than a zen lesson in economics?

well, i could make the point that food isn't cheap anywhere, not anymore ..... i still shop about every day, looking for fresh produce and good meat, not to mention the gallons of milk and pounds of dairy products that the boys go through, and each and every time i drop fifty bucks or so .... honest to god, how do people live in this country? it makes you wonder; my local safeway is right across the street from a retirement community; pets aren't allowed in the community, but honest to god, they sell a shitload of dog food ......

coincidence?

i wonder .......

anyway, we had a houseguest back east who went shopping and brought back something called "country creamer ...." oh yeh, country creamer, all right ..... sure, you betcha ..... whatever, guys ..... the list of ingredients was in a microscopic print, like they'd be ashamed for you to read it, and it went on for a couple of inches ..... there wasn't anything that remotely came from a cow; most of it came from new jersey's chemical alley, just an endless chain of unpronounceable and unrecognizable ingredients .... it might as well have come from chernobyl: the shit probably glowed in the dark and had a half-life of 97,000 years, but i wouldn't know; i poured it down the drain ....

i just hope it didn't empty into the sea .....

but they were all "natural" ingredients, i'm sure .... i don't know what an unnatural ingredient might be: george bush? karl rove? dick cheney? anything naturally occuring in a factory is a natural ingredient, up to and including yellow number nine ....

which is that old coasters' song: "yellow food dye number nye-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi- yi-yi-yine ......

meanwhile, my little rocket car has one of those computers that tells you, among other things, what your average speed is .... this is a four-cylinder car that is alarmingly fast, yet still gets over thirty miles to the gallon and'll carry five guitars along with the goods from my weekly costco run: a case of pellegrino water; a big box of diapers; a box of this, a box of that, a box of the other ..... i stop at costco as i drive to and from healdsburg, where i rehearse with michael; that's a one-hundred-and-twenty mile round trip and i drive pretty fast but .... that's the only fast driving i do; the rest of it is little errands around town and .... my average speed ends up something like twenty-six miles per hour .....

i'd dare say that yours is something similar .....

meanwhile, the greatest selling point for cars now is horsepower: the new four hundred horsepower sphincter! unleash the three-hundred-and-seventy horses in your new xjp-z-1 chancre! here's your plymouth prepuce, with 450 horsepower! new! improved! duodenum, with five hundred horsies! yada yada yada yada yada fuckin' yada ..... i don't know about you, but gas out here is around $3.30 a gallon, and i don't think a car with twelve cylinders and five hundred horsepower is ..... mmmmmm ..... economical, if you know what i'm saying and i think you do .....

and where the fuck can you drive it? sure, it'll go a hundred and eighty, but most of the highways out here are gridlocked, and i have to drive an hour before i can open my motorcycle up .....

here's the point, because i can sense that you're getting restless ......

the point is, god, we're fucking stupid ..... the point is, horseshit (which is a petroleum-based product) sells fabulously .... the point is that anyone who buys country creamer'll believe that george bush is "resolute" and "firm in his resolve" and "compassionate" and "intelligent" and "fun to drink beer with" and "not an asshole" and "doesn't suck satan's cock" and ......

you know, i just bought an excellent bottle of tequila and .......

that's got real ingredients in it ......

genuine artificial ingredients .....

no ... ha ha .... it's the real thing ..... but i wonder about the new design of cars, the ones with the footprint of a diplodocus, the ones that are designed to appear threatening, as though a medieval castle somehow got on wheels and started rolling down the highways, the highways that are rutted and potholed because .... ha ha ..... we don't pay taxes anymore and don't maintain our infrastructure .... because .... ha ha .... we're told that "responsible fiscal conservatism" is synonymous for creating new government bureaucracies to spy on you, that being "fiscally responsible" means not collecting money from people who have it to pay for the blank checks that are given to the pentagon and war contractors, while not funding schools and health care and lunches for school children i mean why would you when you can have coca cola and mcdonald's and other fine corporations who enjoy a level playing field and who will gladly provide healthy quality products to our bovine bloated obtunded obese moribund children and the reason johnny kant reed is beekoz his eyebollz are imbedded in the rolls of fat in his fucking face just like rayzins in sue-it .....ha ha ......

oh, there goes my attenshun deffyshit disordure because i was talking about those huge fucking automoobeels ... these fucking things: you can't even see out of 'em, the windows are so small and poorly angled; now they have to have .... ha ha .... cameras in 'em so you can pop it into reverse, so you can have more non-functional idiotic technology that'll cost you a pretty penny when it fails, about three days after the warranty runs out .....

we rented a car back east that had, honest to goodness, a device called "never lost" in it .... it fucked us badly, each and every time we turned it on; if i'd've followed it i'd probably've ended up somewhere on the left bank of the matto grosso, down in brazil, with piranhas chewing on my ring finger and the candiru .... well, you should know about the candiru and, if you don't, research it via william burroughs; that's where steely dan got its name .... anyway, i still carry maps, i did that while touring for years and i always got to where i needed to be .....

as for navigating the trackless wastes, let's talk about toxic waste .... i mean, the media .... some more .... brad 'n' jen 'n' angie 'n' paris 'n' lindsay 'n' the amerikan government are still at it .... and why not? this is a country that has magazines devoted to soap operas, weekly publications that pose breathless burning questions about fictional characters in imaginary situations: will clint marry boopsy? will wombatina divorce melvin? and what will happen when the u.s. leaves iraq? (current time magazine) .....

not a fucking thing, folks, because the u.s. is never going to leave iraq ..... time magazine is right next to soap opera weekly next to peepul magazine next to the crumpled plastic bags i hemmhoraged in ...... there's not much to differentiate time or newsweek from soap opera digest ....

and .... ha ha ........ leave iraq my ass ......

ha ha ......

it's the same mindset that has puppies and kitties and keane-eyed babies decorating toilet paper ..... for shit's sake, why would you wipe your ass with a puppy? okay, republicans'd do that, but i don't want to .... "a bear and a bunny were sitting, side by side, in the woods, having a bowel movement .... the bear turned to the bunny and said, "does the shit stick to your fur?" "oh, no, no it doesn't," replied the bunny .... so the bear reached down, scooped the bunny up in his paw, and used the bunny to wipe his ass ....." ha ha .... ha ha .....

hey, did you know that poe-nog-ruphuh earns more money than hollywood, major league baseball, the nba and the nfl combined; it doesn't hold a limp candle to the unhinging amount of money armaments manufacturers make, witness the just-announced sales of $42 billion worth of arms to .... ha ha .... saudi arabia ..... fuckin' 'n' killin', fuckin' 'n' killin', it's all just like that good book, the bah-bul, say .... 'coz they be a lot o' smitin' goin' on an' then, when they done wiv the smitin? that's when they gits down to some serious knowin' o' one 'tother .... that's pretty much what the bahbul is, you know: a shopping list of who was killed, who knew whom, and what they done begat ......

sex and death, sex and death ..... i guess freud had something right .....

well .... i've rambled on long enough ...... i'm going to enjoy my country creamer along with the freedom to choose whether my orange juice with "natural flavorings" (catshit is a natural flavor, and so is slug butter) has "no pulp," "some pulp;" "a little more pulp than that but not as much as the next one which has" "almost a lot of pulp," and "lots and lots and lots and lots of plup ....

plup plup .... plup plup ....... plup plup ..... plup plup ......

you can figure out for yourself what that's the sound of ........

next:

dr. pete enjoys his freedom

Posted by DrKanga at 8:11 PM | Comments (4)

July 20, 2007

we're actually back from the east coast .... we came back late on a saturday, after a twenty hour coast-to-coast death march ..... travel in this country is not something i enjoy; i'd rather squat in a bathtub filled with shards of glass and lemon jello and eat my flesh, and i say this as someone who started flying intercontinental and internationally when he was six years old; i flew on lockheed tri-stars, where multi-course meals were served on china; on dc-3's, dc-4's, dc-6's'; i flew across the pacific on double-decker pan am boeings, the kind with a nice spiral staircase that took you to a lounge where you could sit comfortably and have stewardesses bring you drinks in crystal stemware, and there were pullman bunk beds that'd fold down for your sleeping comfort .....those planes'd go two hundred and forty miles an hour, at what? ten thousand feet?

i flew through typhoons and monsoons; i had engines catch fire, i watched an engine fall off the plane and, in all the years of travel and touring, i think i've missed one flight .....

it was all preferable to corporate travel in the homeland in the wawr on terrah years ...... did you know that corporation airlines no longer place family members together? we had to scramble on each and every flight to get seated next to our two-and-a-half year old sons ..... and we didn't get a lot of help or sympathy from our fellow travellers: eeeee, i can't move, i've GOT TO SIT NEXT TO THE WINDOW/THE AISLE/THE BATHROOM .......

it's a lot to ask of any organism, to sit motionless and be deprived of food and water and personal hygiene (remember now; you can't take toothpaste on a plane because it's a terrah taktik), but to ask that of a two-year-old, well ..... it's like asking a christian to be logical, intelligent, humane, yada yada yada yada ..... nor do airlines carry milk and, while i'm not sure that what they used to serve qualified as food, they don't even make the pretense of serving food any more .... oh, they'll sell you sandwiches, just like they sell you water in the terminals, water from fucking coca cola that's got a focus group name like "fragrant waters" or "totally pure and natural" or "fish fuck deluxe" or "did you know that fish pee in your water?" and they'll shill that they're the "official airline" of the so-and-so bank and you can get your wombat air credit card and get thousands of miles for just applying and you can shop while you're on the plane and you can accumulate miles and the overhead tv screens never stop and they play the stupidest fucking movies ever made and i'd rather drive red hot knitting needles into my fucking eyeballs than endure the patronizing and insulting shit they inflict on you and you can't get away and people snarl at you if you want to read a book with actual light from a window and when that shit and drivel winds down it's time for promos and commercials and reminders that you can shop on the plane even though you can't move while you're breathing recycled farts and and the stink of stale crotches and festering armpits and all kinds of wonderful bacteria are doing triathlons through your immune system and meanwhile the kids are getting really antsy and kalevi didn't want to go to sleep and fended sleep off until he was quite psychotic and then he blinked out like a light but what i'm saying is there's no rest while travelling with young'uns especially if they're not sleeping and so we were up for over twenty hours straight and it wasn't great plus we were really really without television and "newspapers" and "news" and radio for two weeks and it was wonderful because nothing every changes anyway and then, BANG! fucking jesus there are tv screens every ten feet in the airports even though there aren't any places to sit down and they're all cranked to the fucking max and they play the same litany of garbage, horseshit and lies, over and over and over and over, and one of the "stories" was "head of homeland security says al quaeda attack imminent; details at eight" and it was one o'clock iin the afternoon and you'd think that if there was really to be an attack they wouldn't wait another seven hours but then i remembered,hey, this is america, they knew all about the 9/11 attack "bin laden determined to attack the u.s. and they didn't do a thing about it except allow bin laden's brother and other family members to get on their private jets and leave the country right after the attacks, the brother who'd been sitting with george bush the first when the first plane hit the first building, and i remembered that i used to carry earplugs when i was touring but i didn't have them this time around so i ripped up paper napkins and shoved them into my ears and i watched as people stared, slack-jawed and drooling at the tv screens, even though it was the same shit, over and over and over and over and .....

there's no difference between supermarket tabloids and "mainstream media;" they all are a tribute to press flacks and publicity whores: they present the same cast of characters, week after week, in the national enquirer et al: brad 'n' jen 'n' tom 'n' suri 'n' angela 'n' wombatina and i don't know who the fuck these people are or why they're there ...... hey, who the fuck is jen anyway? what does she do? i'm sorry, but she wouldn't have gotten backstage at any of my concerts, if you know what i'm saying and i think you do .....

it's the same thing with the "news:" it's hillary 'n' barak 'n' george 'n' mitt 'n' rudy 'n' john and it's the same set of values: there were no reports about anybody's policies on heatlh care or education or drinking safe water or breathing clean air or eating safe food or not getting your nuts shot off in an illegal, immoral, unjustified and unjustifiable pre-emptive occupation of a once-soveriegn nation that just happens to have a shitload of oil: what all the papers report on is:

how much money the candidates have ....

great bleeding wombats in fucking heat! i'd ask the rhetorical question, is this what qualiifies you to be "leader" of this "great country?" having lots and lots of money? which kind of pre-determines who's going to get into the whitehouse as the latest corporate spokesperson? like you can buy your way in, just like you could (and probably still can) purchase papal indulgences after you'd fucked a goat in the ass or killed thirty-two school children or had hamsters running around up your butt ..... but the answer is so patently "yes," i won't insult your intelligence by asking it ......

we're coming down to the same kind of hyperbolic headlines: george to john: you suck! laura to george: please eat me? pentagon's shocking call to hillary: fuck you, bitch! george tells america, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

i didn't miss the "news;" i mean, who would? you already know what it's going to be: death, mayhem, confusion, graft, corruption, war profiteering in iraq, where things are going really really well and if you question it you'll give aid and comfort to that dirty enemy and ha ha, we said that we'd re-evaluate the "surge" in "september" but we had our fingers crossed when we said it, so fuck you, we're staying over there until we've milked the treasury some more and remember to give the troops what they need like a hot lead enema and scooter the pooter-dooter libby got commuted but that isn't news, that's just business as usual, perpetrated by a cretinous asshole who refused to review the 154 executions of retarded, misrepresented, falsely accused mostly dark-complected folk in texas although there were some whities who rode the chemical rocket into never-never-land and i don't even know why that got print although all the shrieking fucks who chased, panting, after clinton's cum spot for four years were exultant because finally we could put a partisan-induced trial behind us and get on with the business at hand which seems to be staying psychotic and delusional while ass-fucking the country because that was then and this is now and the business at hand is being as large an asshole as you possibly can and ..... no, george bush saying everything's going great 'n' give it chance and can i have some more money? doesn't qualify as news, so why even print it or report on it?

silly question, right?

the east coast was wonderful, unseasonable cool, rather than the heat and humidity i abhor ...... wonderfully black nights, unnervingly silent, impenetrably dark while, during the days, the cumulus clouds would pile high into glowing white and shaded glory; thunder would resound through the rip van winkle mountains, and the big fat drops would spatter down while the air burst out in ozoned freshness; the rain keeps the hills lush and green, unlike mediterranean california, where the once verdant hills have turned sere and brown ...... this is a spectacular area for young boys: rocks to clamber up on, creekbeds to explore; flowers, frogs, and fish; caterpillars are endlessly fascinating, and there is no shortage of small defenseless creatures that can be eviscerated, dismembered, impaled, why ..... it's all on-the-job training for a future as a prison guard or service in the military or a contractor at one of the black hole prisons we don't really operate although we do and it's not as though we enjoy ripping out someone's nails or ramming red hot rebar up their rectum because we don't but hey, you gotta take the gloves off when you're fighting an implacable enemy, which is, i think, america's reluctant liberals .....

when not descending into the macro world of caterpillars and ants, the boys would accompany us on walks .... they picked fistfuls of wildflowers for us, a charming gesture, even though all the flowers were, so to speak, nipped in the bud, without any stem that might help them stand upright in a vase .... this is bear territory and there are regular bear alerts ....we encountered an adolescent bear on one of our walks, but the boys have read too many books about bears and weren't really as excited and upbeat about the bear as we were ..... the bear kind of rolled along with us, then melted into the woods; like so many of america's homeless or poor, he was probably looking for a dumpster or a garbage can, all part of our food chain here in the land of the free, the home of the slaves .....

jesus, pete; it sounds like you need a vacation ..... you're ..... you're ....... you're kind of peckish, aren't you?

yes, little caterpillar ..... i am ..... i am because we came back ....

earlier this week i drove north to rehearse with my bass player: we have a television show in a week ..... someone dogged my tail, while i was driving eighty, then cut in front of me ..... he stuck his middle finger out the driver's window when i honked my horn, so i pulled along side and showed him my spiderco blade, the one with the serrated edge that's so sharp it won't even stain with blood when you slice through a femoral artery ......

this excited him a lot, and he drove after me for the next thirty miles, gesturing as though he would cut his throat or or my throat something to that effect ..... i yawned, tipped my hat to him, and waved .... and thought about dialling 911 on my cell phone, but he gradually disappeared behind me ......

gee, it's great to be back! and that was some vacation, eh?

but it may have cured me of reading the news ......

next: dr. pete relaxes

Posted by DrKanga at 11:13 AM | Comments (2)

June 27, 2007

dear diary:

let's be quick and dirty .... i see where psychiatrists are making a shitload of money from pharmaceutical manufacturers to push drugs ..... gosh, that shocks me ..... doctors? suborned by commercial interests? dancing like little fuckpuppets to the tune of the pharmaceutical industry? gee ........ when arthritis pain was first starting to push me around the bend and make me whimper so high that only the neighborhood dogs could hear me i'd go to doctors and i could tell that what they were seeing was "a long haired musician, with tattoos, asking for drugs ...."

needless to say, i didn't get anything ......

the converse holds true; i've been so heavily over-medicated for blood pressure (as to why, that's a story i just don't have the strength to go into right now ..... that'd be a year-long topic called "health care in america and why it doesn't exist and why people with white coats are fucking you in the ass under the guise of taking your temperature rectally and oh my god! it's the pharmaceutical industry carrying off billions of dollars in extortionate profits hi congress and senate, thank you so much! for making robbery legal! and moral! can we have more please? and let's not forget the insurance companies that are shrieking but we need more profits! more profits! more profits! more profits! less service! less service! less service! oh go fuck yourself america, you snivelling little whiners take two and go fuck yourself in the morning" .....

and that's just the title .....

getting off medications, once you're on them, is like pursuing the holy fucking grail, and i won't bore you with these details, either ..... i'm still too tired, and that's because i've had a bronchial infection for the last month (thanks, boys! my boys are just like herpes: they're the gifts that keep on giving .....) but i couldn't get antibiotics and i've never been able to get antibiotics for recurring pulmonary infections and that's because i love to trip on penicillin, you bet i do i just jam it right into my left fucking eyeball with a corroded old spike and lapse into reveries of world peace and harmony and other seditious drug-induced fantasies and .......

it really fucked me up but i'm coming back, just in time to go out of town for a couple of weeks; the family and i'll head back east and romp around upstate new york in an area that's perfect for bicycling; due to republican economies no one can live there any more so the roads are spectacularly paved, undulate delightfully and..... there are no cars ......

let's just consider, albeit briefly, the bush legacy ..... other than the complete collection of richie rich, the poor little rich boy, comics that he'll leave in his presidential library, and his well-worn foldout of miss deuteronomy, this prolapsed rectum'll leave us with his "supreme" court ..... oh, these dildoes are supreme, all right, and before i go any further let me just say, thank you you fucking gutless worm-sucking spineless democratic paramecium ..... you just let roberts and alito slide right through, didn't you? oooooooooo, we don't wanna appear to be tuff ..... oooooooo, let's be buy partisan .....

these fucksnorters; it was like watching "what's my line?" that's what they kept asking each other: what's my line? what do i do? what's my job?

other than being a scabrous cockholster for george bush and a dollar spittoon for corporations and their lobbyists ......

i'm not an attorney, thank god, but there are three questions other than "how does stare decisis apply to roe v. wade" that come to mind, questions like ..... why do you hate women? why do you hate people? and .....

why do you hate our freedoms?

now our "media" is starting to write shit like "the supreme court's turn to the right ....." bleaaauuugggghhhhhhhhhhh ...... is this a surprise? am i the only one who noticed this, even before it happened? like i'm the only one who thought, hmmmmmmmmmm ........ perhaps the "iraq war" is whorseshit and we're going to be really really really really really sorry and i don't think we should oughta go and do this 'n' ........

welcome to corporate america, dick and jane ..... let's talk about all the rights you enjoy: you have the right to remain silent ..... now shut the fuck up and enjoy your hair .... if a doctor cuts off your dick and shoves it in your mouth, although you'd gone in for a tonsillectomy, you can't sue because that'd be a frivolous lawsuit .... there's no bankruptcy protection any more, so enjoy the unsolicited credit cards you were showered with, along with their usurious 42.756% apr and buy more shit to fight terrsssmmm ...... enjoy the mercury in your water, fuck science in the schools; all you ever needed to know is in yore bahbul, 'n' yore tass dollers're payin' fer 'em ...... yo, bitch; your pussy belongs to us, 'n' so does yer yewterus ..... but just try gettin' us to change a diaper fer ya .... ha ha ha ha ha ......

on and on and on and on and on ......

these ambulatory tumours are going to be sitting there and fucking with america for the next two generations ..... it doesn't matter whether a democrat gets into office in a year-and-a-half .... it doesn't matter because who can tell the difference? but ..... it doesn't matter because there won't be any openings for court appointments for decades, and we'll be stuck with the bush legacy of ..... of ...... of ........

and i so wanted to be positive this golden california morning!

i'm gone for a couple of weeks: no news, no net .... just pure mountain air and the sound of nothingness from an economically devasted countryside .... mmmm, mmmmm good!

i have one show, on july 6th, with john sheehan at the warwick valley winery, in warwick, new york ......

the august 4 show at the larkspur dinner cafe theatre has been cancelled; the sweetwater snagged the lease and ......

gee, it'd be nice to be able to play in my own backyard ......

oh well ...... have a happy fourth of july; use a rolled-up copy of the constitution as punk, for lighting all your consumer-safe fireworks .......

next: dr. pete comes home

Posted by DrKanga at 8:41 AM | Comments (3)

June 16, 2007

it's an interesting time we live in, but then .... i guess it always has been ..... still, there's a point out there somewhere that i'd like to make and, being as disorganized and circumlocuitous and fragmented as i am these days, bear with me: it may take me a while ......

"interesting," is it? ...... if i were still in a clinical setting, and a client told me that something was "interesting," my response would be that "interesting" told me absolutely nothing, and was there an elaboration waiting for me? it's interesting, the responses that my last "editorial" got, with people responding strongly to mention of my children .... what: everyone out there tired of me castigating bushies, of saying #$%#Q$^% and #Q$%Q#$% and Q#$%^#Q^%$$ and #Q$%Q#$%, a pgymy throwing pebbles at an elephant?

it's interesting, that i've been thinking of some of my clinical sessions, where emdr (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing; go google it .... unlike so much in psychology, this can really work) brought up instances of betrayal and violation of trust, by adults, on my clients when they were children .....

isn't that interesting? parents, or authority figures, or adults in positions of responsibility, who did not protect the child; who put the child at risk; who abused the child; who fucked the child; who let bad things happen to the child; who caused bad things to happen to the child .... yada yada yada yada ..... isn't that interesting? because we hear so much, and i mean so much, about how america values its children, especially if they're unborn ...... is it that they're easier to wax unctuous about when they're in utero?at least for men, who don't have to carry that additional weight; who don't have to go through hormonal changes; who don't have to endure the back aches and the headaches and the nausea, who don't have to greet each and every day by hunkering over the porcelain bowl, every morning ...... guys don't become quite so .... mmmm ..... dedicated once there's an organism that needs attention, that needs care, that needs milk, that needs to be cleaned, that needs to be burped, that needs to be changed, that won't sleep through the night ...... whatever it is, something happens to children to make them not quite as sparkling once they come popping out of the pussy and into this world, and it isn't the afterbirth overcoat, nor am i--as you may well imagine--a subscriber to the notion of original sin, so i don't believe that a newborn becomes an asshole and a sinner or a republican-devil-child once the umbilicus is cut and the butt smacked ......

isn't it interesting how such stances are at variance with practice? when i worked in a rural california county i dealt with a lot of child abuse, physical, mental, sexual, most of it perpetrated by men who had their dick in one hand, the bible in the other ......

you don't have to have a degree to figure out that such betrayals take their toll; you don't have to rub your chin and say, "tell me about ..... your muzzer!" to know that such violations have an enduring impact, that children may become adults who have difficult with intimacy; who are untrusting; who are guarded, isolated, disconnected, who may have post traumatic stress disorder .....

you know what's interesting?

i hate to generalize; i hate making sweeping statements like "a nation that _________________" is a nation that _____________ ......" but i have a point, and the point goes something like this:

we generally figure that our government is more cynical than it is benevolent, that it hasn't and doesn't always work for the benefit of its electorate, but ...... there have been times in american history, through some administrations, where programs were implemented that did have far reaching benefits ...... we like to cite the new deal, civil rights, and the brief period in american history when it actually was acceptable to belong to a labor union; god knows, workers in this country fought long enough and hard enough for the right to organize .......

by the same token, we know that newspapers have agendae of their own, that media has its own agenda, but ..... there have been periods of muckraking, of yellow journalism, of reportage that catalyzed awareness and ignited change and improvement; there were times when the media told "truth to power," when the media gave truth to the people ..... we balance william randolph hearst and the "spanish-american war" with the new york times and the pentagon papers, or the washington post and watergate ...... we remember people like upton sinclair and ida tarbell; what do we have today? katie fucking couric? robert novak?

you know, government, media ...... these are positions, these are functions of responsibility...... i won't say "authority," because i could give a shit about authority, although i'm all in favor of competence, but still ..... these are institutions that should be protecting and nurturing; should be educating and advancing the interests of; should ......

but you know, they don't ..... they don't at all ...... don't just dismiss me, out of hand, as someone who has such a rich fantasy life that he finds a pony every time he reads a headline; believe me, i don't ..... i'm at the point where i can't read the "news," nor can i listen to "national pentagon radio" any more ..... they've violated my trust as they've violated yours; they don't protect me and they don't protect you; the catechism of bush imperial incompetence, venality, and corruption, the litany of their cynicism is endless and blatant, neither is there any relief in the fifth estate ...... let's just run the litany, albeit briefly: failed to heed the warnings of an al quaeda attack; lied the country into a bogus and debilitating war; let osama get away; torture memo; abu ghraib; katrina; billions lost in iraq; jack abramoff and the k street project; jeff gannon, male prostitute as white house reporter; phone jamming, voter disenfranchisement, electoral theft; protect our troops: walter reed; warrantless wire-tapping of americans; pat tillman, jessica lynch; the air at ground zero; disclosing the identity of a cia agent; support our troops: no body armor, unarmored vehicles, no food; halliburton, no-bid contracts; firing federal prosecutors; and "smiley-face" cheney, of course, meeting with energy magnates before shooting his old friend in the face (thanks to lloyd dangle, "troubletown; the handly clip-out guide to the bush scandals) ........

to that fecal froth we can add judith miller and the new york times; ahmed chalabi and the inc; every ass-kissing, smirking, hystrionic, shrilling, snake-fucking "media personality" that rolled the drums for bush; that blew their pipes against gore; that thought "going to war" was the greatest, niftiest, neatest, peachy-keenest, coolest, spiffiest, bitchin'-est thing we could ever do and maybe they'd get higher ratings, better commercial rates, and a fucking raise .......

as if they weren't making enough money for sitting cheek by jowl with the whores in the white house, and parroting their birdshit ........

now, i'm in my sixties, my father was a career diplomat, and i grew up in asia .... i've stepped over plenty of bodies, seen them stacked up on the streets, seen them floating in manila bay; we knew way back when that the cia had assassinated ramon magsaysay, the president of the philippines, because he was just a little too ..... mmmmm ..... democratic? and we had to protect our military interests in clark field, sangley, subic bay, et al ...... so i think i have an understanding of realpolitik but ..... and this is a big fucking but .......

i've never seen anything like these fucking bushies, these fucking republicans .... nixon was a beaut, wasn't he? thieving, psychotoic, paranoid, delusional, alcoholic, but we had a media that gave the pretence that it was looking out for us .....

that didn't last, because we got into ronald "pull-my-fucking-strings-and-watch-my-jaw-flap-there'll-never-be-an-energy-crisis-because-you-can-always-wring-the-oil-out-of-my-fucking-hair" reagan, along with iran/contra and death squads, and then we got king george the first and the bcci scandal and death squads (oh .... you don't know about bcci? ha ha .... just kidding .... who does, these days?) and rumsfeldt and saddam and yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada ....

and no one says "boo ....."

here's what it's like: it's like a mother whoring out her child so she can buy drugs, then watching her five-year-old pull a train while she settles back and gets high (i've worked with families like this); it's like a father making his eight-year-old son blow him--after fucking him in the ass, then punching him in the face and saying, "don't tell your mother .... this is our little secret ....." it's like having child protective services (some day, when i write my memoirs, i'll tell you about child protective services, little wombat; now .... go to sleep) hold the child down, forcing the legs apart, while the police stuff old socks into the child's mouth so the screams won't disturb anyone (i have nothing but great things to say about the police and the sheriffs; they were always there when i called for 'em) ......

need i go on?

and there's nowhere to turn, is there? democrats? ha ha .... no .... ha ha ..... gosh, that's the funniest thing i've said in this whole bitter fucking diatribe ......

now, as we jerk ourselves off over our "candidates" for an election that'll be held two years from now, we have to contend with all the yammer about "bush and his legacy ...." fuck, what a concept: the bush legacy ..... stealing marbles? putting dogshit in a brown paper bag and setting fire to it? richie rich comics in the presidential library? killing a million people? talking about "the bush legacy" makes about as much sense as talking about "the richard speck legacy," or "the jeffrey dahmer legacy, " or "the ted bundy legacy ....."

i mean, in the grand scheme of things, they didn't kill a lot of people, but ..... they still get talked about ......

georgie-porgie's leaving us with more than a shattered china shop, which we probably'll be too fucking tired to even start cleaning up, and he's leaving us with more than 3,512 (more next week) dead military personnel and a million dead iraqis, along with two million refugues, 72 of whom we've allowed into the land of the free and the home ... ha ha ....excuse me .... of the brave .....

what we're left with is the sense of disconnect, disillusionment, and depression; the sense of hopelessness and helplessness; the sense of powerlessness, of disbelief, of utter futility .... because those who should care .....

don't ......

next: dr. pete's lobotomy

Posted by DrKanga at 3:07 PM | Comments (2)

June 12, 2007

so i'm at the supermarket checkout aisle, holding onto my two gallons of 1% milk for the boys ... what better way to meet america than to read the toilet paper racks: newsweek; time; star; wombat shit weekly; brain dead!; peeple; ovine digest; zombie digest! n-digest-ibble! extreme nuthin'! butt lint! hirschey skwirts! fun with feces! smegma life! prepuce journal! ..... and more ......

and there it was, the headline we've all been waiting for: paris' life in prison!

jeeziz h. fuck in an echidna's sphincter, i thought; this brainless skunt hasn't been in the slams for thirty-six hours and it's already her fucking life in prison .... i guess if you're that vapid, that genetically bland due to inbreeding, every moment is as eternity to a fruitfly, your cognitive equal, so in a way it makes sense ......

i guess it makes sense on a grander scale, as well ..... this preoccupation with the sociopathic defective scion of a wealthy family whose claim to fame is .... mmmm ..... that she had herself filmed while fucking? the parallel that comes to my overly tired mind is "sociopathic defective scion of a wealthy family, with no competencies, no skills, an abuser of drugs, alcohol, small animals, who can fuck up a wet dream with no thought--which is the status quo--and who's been known to say, while holding a restaurant menu, "reading bores me .... won't someone tell me what's on this?" and .....

i immediately think of george bush, who doesn't even ask what's on the intelligence menu, "bin laden determined to strike in the u.s." ......

because reading--and thinking--is so taxing ......

and who's been filmed, fucking us ....... and everyone else in the world ......

well ..... i could go on and on and on about the same old same old, but why would i? we've now reached new levels of buy partisanship, in which all pretense of an electoral mandate, vis a vis popular disapproval of unpopular imperial manouevres in the eternal pursuit of energy consortium profits, or the suborning of the .... ha ha .... excuse me .... ha ha ... the ..... ha ha ..... justice department ..... ha ha ...... have not even a marginal effect on the holy texas empEROR and his minions ......

hey, america: is this still the kind of hail-fellow-well-met-mass-murdering-jen-yoo-wine-good-ol'-boy-who-just-happens-to-be-richer'n-midas-although-ever'thang-he-touches-turn-to-sheeee-it-y'all wanna have a djen-yew-wahn-lo-carb-lo-cal-no-flavor-beer wif?

'cos if'n he touch yore glayus it gonna turn to sheee-it too?

so ........

my boys are now two-and-a-half, tip the scales at 32 pounds a pop, and are both evil twins ..... no .... ha ha ..... they're good boys .......

kalevi is lanky and tall, while daniel is .... mmmmm ..... not necessarily lumpy, but rounded and more ..... mmmmmm ...... dense ...... they are now quite gregarious, quite chatty, and quite engaging, and it goes without saying that they are far more interesting to listen to than anyone in government or the "media ....." today, as we returned home from our evening walk, kalevi held on to my hand as we walked up the hill towards home ...... it was very nice ..... and this week daniel kept saying, "daddy .... look ..... daddy ...... look ...... daddy ..... looooook!"

this shit can drive you crazy really fast ......

no .... ha ha ..... it's rilllly cute ......

meanwhile, my studio is nearing the completion of its refurbishment ..... that's where you put fur all over the bishment, only i live in a single level ranch house, and there ain't no bishment, and there ain't no attic, neither; just a crawl space ..... ha ha ......

i am seriously excited about this ..... the most exciting thing is the room treatment we just did yesterday, sound diffusors behind the console, rippling panelling on the walls, and bass traps in the corners .... i still don't know what to do with the basses when they've been trapped: do i turn them loose, late at night, in the neighbors yard? do i let them roam freely on my property? would free range basses have prevented the fucking deer from coming in last night and smorgasbording up my roses?

it's waiting for answers like this that get me out of bed, each and every morning ......

last week ruthann friedmann carlysle, who wrote "windy" and with whom i rocked out as "petrus" for a&m records, did some recordings up here ...... i think they're great recordings of a great talent, and i'm doing production touches on them now ..... no, no guitar; she plays much too well for my noodling, but i'm very excited about working with her again, and thrilled with how good it all sounds ...... stay tuned; you'll know when it's done .......

next: dr. pete is funny papi ........

Posted by DrKanga at 9:39 PM | Comments (3)

June 7, 2007

i don't think i'm going to last two more years of electoral frenzy; it's like the hoopla announcing a new product, something like an "extreme razor" or an "extreme tampon" or a "new improved glycerine suppository ......" advertising and television make razor blades "extreme;" hey, america, let's do some reality shaving! let's mop up some virtual menstrual blood! let's .... let's ..... let's ....

mostly i think of the current crop of wannabes as "extreme assholes" who are "extremely stupid" .....

i'm spared a lot of this shit because i don't have a television; if i did i still think that i'd rather hunker down in the bathtub and eat my flesh rather than subject myself to the kind of moronic exploration of ersatz "issues ....." what did republicans do the other night? i'm told they talked about god and how much they loved god and how much god loved them and who loved god more; i didn't know god was running for president .... whatever .... god's not getting my vote ..... god's made such a fucking mess of everything to date, nor does god show signs of having any kind of intelligent designs to get us out of the messes h/she has made ......

speaking of fish stories, last week we took the boys to the monterey bay aquarium ..... they loved it; what's not to love? i go crazy for it, and wish i were diving again .... they recognized sharks (tiburon! tiburon!) and started screeching at the sea turtles ('tuga! 'tuga!) ..... they loved the otters, too; who doesn't? but what had me goggling with amazement was the ocean sunfish (mola mola; http://www.oceanlight.com/html/mola_mola.html) ..... when this fish swam into view a whole other world swam into ken, and i thought, holy fuck! a world with hummingbirds and ocean sunfish and wombats and republicans .... it shows no sense of intelligence whatsoever, but it does show a certain sense of irony and whimsy .....)

i'd much rather watch the mola mola, all fifteen hundred pounds of it, wobble around a large tank than read the new york times or the wall street journal ...... or listen to yet another aspiring republican asshole claim the mantle of god's eternal and unquestioning love while picking up red hot pincers to "get tough" on "terrorists" who have never had legal charges brought, who were probably herding goats or growing poppies with AID money when they got picked up in a sweep or sold to the cia by a pissed-off neighbor ......

it makes you wonder, doesn't it ..... rudy "phantom of the opera" drooley-annie says shit like, the best way to raise money is by cutting taxes ..... i .... i ..... i can't even dignify this buffoon with a crash course in economics ..... i think god was enron's bookkeeper, and look what happened .....

i think we'll move on to more sanguine topics ......

i'll be playing with michael lindner on august 4th at the larkspur dinner theater, in larkspur, california (http://www.larkspurcafetheatre.com/html/cafe.htm) .... i know this is an early call, but i wanted to actually talk about music ....

for a change .....

in addition, i'll be making select appearances on the east coast in july; stay tuned .......

next: dr. pete changes strings ......

Posted by DrKanga at 8:22 AM | Comments (1)

May 31, 2007

i've been travelling the last week, but i didn't miss anything, did i? still the same old, same old: same old faces, same old flanks, same old holes, same old inanity ..... travelling with two two-and-a-half year olds, for seven non-stop hours in a car, well .... it's about the same as reading the new york times or the washington post or the wall street journal or any of the other non-perforated rolls of toilet paper that pass for newspapers these days ....

gee, doctor pete; why would you say that? are you constipated? you seem .... i don't know .... kind of ..... tight and pinched and squeaky ....

well ..... i'm glad you asked, because here's what i'm talking about .....

last time i looked we were still engaged in an illegal and immoral occupation of a sovereign nation that seems to be kicking our butts and bleeding us dry, literally and figuratively ..... i seem to recall--albeit remotely--that we had .... ha ha .... i've got to laugh, i really do .... ha ha .... an election, in which the "american people" seemed to "send a message" that it was time to "get our asses" out of "iraq ......" and it seems that the response of our "government" was to .... ha ha ...... send more cannon fodder over ..... and .... ha ha ...... spend more money that we don't have but that the chinese are only to happy to lend to us .....

ha ha ......

boy, are we havin' fun yet?

ha ha .......

the level of "discourse" is actually lower than badwater, in death valley, which is--at 282 feet below sea level--the lowest point in the continental united states .... why would i say that? well, we've had a "republican presidential candidate debate" which consisted of deluded poseurs vying for the mantle of thomas torquemada rather than thomas jefferson; a new aspiring republican candidate's primary qualification for the presidency is that he is yet another actor, in a string of bad republican actors, who has played "authority figures" on television; our attorney general is another "bad actor," we've had a series of "scandals" which typify republican "presidencies," and the new york times today has an editorial that says it's okay to "believe in god" and "question evolution ....."

jesus h. fuck .....

and i'm not done yet .....

while questioning evolution and shimmying up to a loving god who will consign us all the flames of hell if we don't accept his unconditional love, we've got to "support the troops ...." i don't understand this at all .... perhaps one of the three people reading this can help me understand what this means, other than it greases george bush's asshole so's democrats can more easily clean the foul fecal folds of that festering poop-chute? with their tongues?

this is such a bizarre fuck-button that has amer'cans runnin' 'round like pavlov's poodles, poopin' theyselves 'n' slobb'rin ..... at the risk of repeating myself, "supporting the troops" has meant sending them off to a very hostile environment where they get killed or, worse, badly wounded and sent to walter reed; getting "the treatment" at walter reed; getting denied benefits; not getting body armor; not getting equipment; not getting training; halliburton giving them tainted food and water at exorbitant prices; teaching them how to kill civilians and torture people so they can enter a robust prison guard economy on their return to the states; extending their tours of duty; ignoring psychological and environmental hazards ..... yada yada yada yada ..... yada yada yada yada .....

giving king george more funding, giving our rosy red rat-pecker president more money doesn't mean "the troops" get more supplies or not; it just means that halliburton and boeing and raytheon and lockheed get more money ..... because they don't have enough ......

you want to "suport the troops?"

bring 'em home .....

on top of that we're doing the "illegal alien" thing .... jeez, my degrees are in psychology, so don't count on me to do the math and economics of having the labor force that makes your sizzler's salad bar a possibility ask for health care or education, but honest to god, i find the whole argument spurious and offensive, yet another barbed metal butt plug in lady liberty's ass, and just another way to legitimize america's traditional penchant for racism ......

so much for "give me your tired, your hungry, your poor ....." how 'bout givin' them the finger 'n' the tip of a cowby boot up their butt, while rupert murdoch cuts to the head of the line?

all the prisons we're building? why don't we cut to the end of the chase and "crack down" on criminals, and incarcerate our "press corpse" and all our "politicians ......"

oh ..... lobbyists, too ......

next: dr. pete still makes no sense

Posted by DrKanga at 8:52 AM | Comments (4)

May 18, 2007

another down, but there's more to go ..... that fuckhead wolfowitz is out of the world bank .... gee, how did he ever end up there, after handling iraq so well? oh ..... george giveth, george taketh away ..... i'd started a whole editorial about what a slobbering cock holster wolfowitz is, but there's hardly any point, now that he's out ..... some pundits are commenting that "he got what he wanted .... he got cleared of wrongdoing ..... " but you know, if i were in the world bank, i'd say, here's your halo, you little bitch; take it .... take it ..... just get the fuck out of here ..... say what you want, believe what you need to, but ...... GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

and it's not like people are deluded as to who or what wolfobitz is: a whiny, self-serving, egocentric, lying, narcissistic booger-biter who scoops poodle poop off the sidewalk and munches on it, like brown m&m's .......

still, there are some object lessons in asshole-ism 101 to be learned from wolfowitz, as witnessed by these epic quotations below, which i've culled from my favorite, the new york times .....

"Declaring that he had been "held up to public ridicule" and "caricatured as a 'boyfriend' who used his position of power to help his 'girlfriend,' " Mr. Wolfowitz said that "for the sake of the bank, and for your sake, this process has to be fair.""I implore each of you to be fair in making your decision, because your decision will not only affect my life, it will affect how this institution is viewed in the United States and the world," he said. This was an apparent reference to criticism of the bank among American conservatives and fears of Congress cutting off financing for the bank. [italics mine]

none of the new york times quotations note that wolfy actually said, "fuck with me and i'll fuck you ... i've got plenty on you to fuck you if you fuck with me ....."

always high class, these people .......

kind of like al pacino, in scarface, shrieking, "when joo fokkin' wi' me, joo fokkin' wi' de best!"

here's more: ""Mr. Wolfowitz was said to be adamant that he be cleared of wrongdoing before he resigned, according to people familiar with his thinking." [you just can't italicize this asshole enough, can you?]

yes, being a republican and an asswipe means never having to say you're sorry .... i'm familiar with his thinking; i worked with psychotic, retarded, drug-addled, neurologically impaired people for years, and i'm not referring just to hot tuna ........ for years i worked with narcissistic, delusional, vindictive, explosive, psychotic, devious, manipulative people, and those were just my supervisors and administrators .....

actually, i had a supervisor tell me once that "if yo' clients gon' respon' to ther'py, they gon' be too well to be yo' clients ...."

shit, that was reassuring, you know? all those years studying, and it'd just be like playing with jefferson airplane, all over again .....

but the point, dr. pete, the point is ...... there are no medications that'll impact republicans .....

riza--who always could get a rize outta paul--is quoted as saying "I simply do not know how to blow my own trumpet," she says." i'm sure she knew how to blow paul's, although that's a repugnificatin' thought .....

there was another article i read some place that said riza had a bad temper, and paul gave her all that money just so's she wouldn't get angry at him ..... paul 'pussy-whipped' wolfowitz, that's what it should read on his resume .......

meanwhile:

Attorneys for Vice President Cheney and top White House officials told a federal judge today they cannot be held liable for anything they disclosed to reporters about covert CIA officer Valerie Plame or her husband, former Ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV.

Attorneys for Cheney and the other officials said any conversations they had about Plame with each other and reporters were part of their normal job duties because they were discussing foreign policy and engaging in an appropriate "policy dispute." Cheney's attorney went farther, arguing that Cheney is legally akin to the president because of his unique government role, and has absolute immunity from any lawsuit.

they're beauties, aren't they? the rule of law ..... like i've said [in the doctor's dictionary] the "rule of law" means that those who rule are the law, and these fecal fingerpaints are no exception ..... my boys are two-and-a-half years old, but they know when they've done something wrong, and act accordingly: they head for the hills ..... now the new "rule of law" means, "fuck you, america ..... just fuck off, you little pissants ..... if you're fokkin' wi' me, joo fokkin' wi' de bes' ...... you be nize to me or i get mr. fredo here to take you out to da dumpsters ......"

it's hard to summon up the contempt these little lingam lickers really deserve, they're so ..... so ...... banal .........

jeez, did i wanna talk about music ......

next: dr. pete hibernates

Posted by DrKanga at 9:03 PM

May 11, 2007

it's hard to maintain the sense of outrage one needs to navigate the news and our lunar political landscape; it's tiring, it takes a lot of energy, and it's not for lack of trying ..... there's no shortage of the outrageous in our "news," but there's little outrage expressed by our "media," unless it's focused its glassy obtunded eye on something like john edward's haircut ..... i don't know shit about edward's haircut, and why would i? i don't do tv .... but hey, you shallow fuck-eating assholes: if you want to trip on haircuts, there's no shortage of strange on our politicians' heads, and certainly no shortage of strange inside them ..... really, what is up with the silvery poufy bouffant-kind of comb-with-a-rake hair-do that looks like it's shellacked into place and has nothing to do with anything i've ever seen in the real world and, if i did, i'd fucking shoot it .....

do you have to be a puppet and a howdy doody lookalike to be a politician?

or is it just enough to be an asshole?

it's tiring, it's depressing, and it must be part of a concerted effort of a brutal, repressive theocratic kleptocracy to use operant conditioning to desensitize me into the state of learned helplessness that martin seligman wrote about, way back when .... oh, marty; what a fun-lovin' guy he was ..... he'd take dogs and chuck 'em onto an electric grid, where they were subjected to random shocks, kind of like the poor fucks in guantanamo, abu ghraib, bhagram, and the other one-hundred-and-nineteen black holes we have for dumping the people we kidnap and then don't know what to do with, other than just keep 'em there for years, or until we just kill them ... as for the dogs, there was no correlation between behaviors and shocking incidences, so there was nothing the dogs could do to predict or prevent their asshairs getting singed ......

shocking incidences .... it's like a fucking headline in the national enquirer .......

anyway, the dogs ..... they ended up by giving up, lying down in the center of the enclosure, curled up, listeless, drooping, eyes rheumy and runny, fur matted with feces, peeing and shitting and cringing and shivering and moaning ever so gently ..... just like i do every time i think of george tush and how 64% of the american sheeple think his aphasia is charming ..... hey! our president babbles incoherently, is completely tangential, circumlocuitous, prone to word salad, and is a total dipshit ..... makes me proud, alright .... sure, guys; there's nothing i find more delightful than to toss back a few carb-free shit-lite beers with the downs syndrome cohort of the republican party, as though there were any other .... yeah, baby; that's what i want as the figurehead of my gummint, a thought-disordered, amoral, sociopathic cretinous retarded homunculus fuck who can't even stay on script, not even when the teleprompters are glaring and flashing at him ..... it's no wonder republicans like to have actors as their primary candidates; they just need someone to play the part of president, reciting garbage, drivel, and trash calculated to resonate deeply within the fibrillating heart of america ....

honest to fuck, i just can't get it up any more, not when i continue to see the smirking, vapid face of fredo, our attorney general ..... what a fucking tool: "i'm sorry senator .... i ..... i can't remember ..... " there's another primary qualifier for republican office: alzheimer's ..... reagan was the poster child for alzheimer's and senescence, and how many times did the coyote wannabes invoke his name at the "republican debate" held at the "reagan library" as part of their bona fides? what the fuck is in the reagan library, anyway? the complete collection of casper the friendly ghost comics? the original manuscript of "bedtime for bonzo?"

it just blows my fucking mind, that there's this much corpsefucking going on as part of "the runup to the war ...." i mean, "the runup to the 2008 lottery ...." no! no! i mean, the erection .... no! no! sure, there are a lot of dicks, but they're all limp and flaccid and shrivelled and i meant the election, goddam it ..... "oh, we've got to return to the golden days of ronald reagan" ...... oh, you mean more illegal arms deals? invasions of helpless countries? is there still a savings and loan industry that a bush can loot and destroy? is there a plague we can turn a blind eye to, like ronnie did for AIDS? or is it just enough to ignore the genocide in darfur as well as what we're perpetrating in iraq and new orleans ..... the "debate" rhetoric was staggering and vacuous ..... policy was reduced to "we gotta stand tall 'n' stan' together ' and stand united ...." i think the point of too much too soon is to so stultify the marginally thinking electorate that they just die of fucking ennui before their votes are ever suborned by the republican party .....

these creatures, these night crawlers ..... they cornhole cadavers ..... richard perle has yet another front page article on today's washington post ..... at least he's consistent: this mass-murdering asshole has never gotten anything right, but hey, he's calling the tune, and i don't know why ...... oh .... it's the american way: being republican means never having to say you're sorry .... all the apologists and mouthpieces are, in essence, stating that four years of inept, corrupt, incompetent, and failed polices need to be tolerated for just a few more months so we can evaluate whether they're working or not ..... and then they'll need a few more months, then a few more months, then a few more months, then a few more months ..... and then, they'll steal another election, halliburton's already moved to dubya .... i meant, dubai ..... and who gives a fuck?

mission accomplished: gas, $3.50 a pop .....

mission accomplished: demolished habeus corpus

mission accomplished: privatized the iraqi oil fields

mission accomplished: god's so antagonized He unleashed His Righteous Fury on Kansas with An Elemental Storm; is this because two guys were kissin' someplace? ......

i know it seems like a long time ago, america, but ..... in november of 2006, which is all of six months, all of one-half-year ago, there was an election ..... and in that election 67% of the electorate indicated their .... mmmmm ..... dissatisfaction with the bush regime and its handling of the invasion and occupation; please note that this abbatoir cannot be dignified with the term "war ......" if my memory serves me well, the american people spoke, and they said, "cut it the fuck out ..... and get the fuck out of iraq ..... stop wasting our money, stop killing our children ..... stop killing their children ....." and the republican response has been as autocratic, as psychotic, as contemptuous, and as insulting as adolf's meat tenderizer could come up with ..... the response has been, ha ha, assholes ..... okay, you've told us you're not satisfied with how things're goin' .... shucks, we ain't too happy, neither ..... tell ya what; we'll change tactics 'n' stratumgies 'n' say we'll put in 25,000 more lightbulbs ..... we mean, "troops ....." but ha ha ...... we're really gonna put in at least 50,000 more 'coz we do enron accountin' 'n' we've extended ever'one's time over there 'n' if you're gonna get hurt, make sure you get killed, 'coz ya shore don' wanna come back here wit' one o' they haid woondz 'n' yada yada yada yada ......

ha ha ha ...... ha ha ha .......

remember, now: if'n we were to withdraw from eye-rak, it'd dissolve into chaos ..... nosirree, shore woun't want that, 'n' how couldja tell the difference?

jesus christ; you'd think any self respecting electorate would take to the streets and start burning cars .......

those iraqis, they sure have things in perspective .... i see that the goverment's going on a two-month long vacation ...... boy, there's democracy in action for you; they must have learned this from bush and the republican congress ...... too bad there's no brush fer 'em to clear out on them thar sand dunes ..... maybe they could clear some of the rubble from the streets?

fuck ..... just put howdy doody in office; i'd have a beer with him any old day ......

next: dr. pete meets buffalo bob

Posted by DrKanga at 3:12 PM | Comments (2)

May 3, 2007

you want some advice? advice is like shit on butthair; every asshole has some, and this asshole is no exception .... but hey, you want some advice? here goes, then, without further a doo:

"Let me offer some advice.

Let's say you're a Republican appointed to an important job in Washington. You'll probably find that 90 percent of the people who work in your agency are Democrats, as are 90 percent of the media types who cover you and 90 percent of the academics who comment on your work.

But here's the thing to remember: There are Democrats, and then there are Democrats. A quarter of the Democrats you'll work with are partisans. They believe the rantings of the agitprop pundits, and they'll never be open-minded toward you. But the other three-quarters are honorable, intelligent people. If you treat these people with respect, and find places where you can work together, they will teach you things and make you more effective. If you treat them the way you treat the partisans, they’ll turn into partisans and destroy you.

The choice seems pretty obvious, yet Republican after Republican mucks this up. Which brings us to the case of Paul Wolfowitz at the World Bank.

Wolfowitz came to the bank with the heavy baggage of Iraq. Nonetheless, most of the (left-leaning) employees were open to him, and even saw ways his background could help him solve the bank's problems. Furthermore, you have to remember that the bank is staffed by people who are criticized from all directions and are desperate for approval and support.

Wolfowitz had an opportunity to be their champion, but he forfeited that opportunity by being aloof. As David E. Sanger and Steven R. Weisman of The Times have detailed, he entered a treacherous swirl of political, institutional and personal currents and navigated them poorly. Having failed to woo the open-minded people at the bank, it was inevitable they'd be out to get him.

In most scandals, people adjust their standards of rectitude, depending on whether they support or oppose the person at issue. The subject's enemies whip themselves into a fever of theatrical outrage, and the subject's defenders summon up fits of indignation at the lies of the accusers. Scandals are playgrounds for partisans, and everybody else gets to play the role of the junior high school bully, ganging up on whoever seems weakest and most alone.

The Wolfowitz scandal is no exception. People who never called for Kofi Annan to resign amid the $12.8 billion oil-for-food scandal are calling for Wolfowitz's head over a $60,000 raise. Employees at an institution that, according to one report, wasted $300 million last year, and where roughly 1,000 people make $175,000 to $200,000 a year, are suddenly outraged at lavish spending. Editorials and statements by critics around the world are carefully crafted to avoid mentioning any of the exculpatory evidence on Wolfowitz's side."

wow! gosharootie .... no, really ... i mean, golly gee winnikins! that's some great advice, isn't it? gosh, it's like miss manners, or emily post, or dear abby ..... why, this man gets paid--and paid a lot--to write great stuff like this .... no, i mean it .... a lot ....... and then he gets paid even more to talk stuff like that on television .... or on the radyo .... and people think he's rilly rilly smart!

that's from my man david brooks, at the left-leaning new york times, today (may 3, 2007) ..... no, i mean it: david, thanks for telling me all that; i never woulda knowed it if'n ya hadn't'a tolme .....

what does it take to be such an asshole? is there a product on the market that i'm missing, called "one-a-day-retarded-scumfuck-completely-deluded-sucks-ass-lips-moronicallly stupid pills?" does he write copy for them, when he isn't writing for the times? did this no-battery dildo get a free lifetime supply? i took drugs for years, but nothing i ever took put me this far out of touch with any kind of reality, and it wasn't for lack of trying .....

hey david .... let me give you some advice ..... first of all, republicans are never appointed to unimportant positions in washington; they go in and out of the revolving doors between the k street lobbies and karl rove's personal bathroom ..... second of all, david, you fucking dimwit, i guess you're too busy jerking off over donald duck comics to have read about the attorney purge, or how other titular heads of governmental agencies have been replaced by lobbyists: the democrats have long since been purged from any reasonable position of import, unless it's janitorial .... oh .... ha ha .... silly me ..... that's been outsourced to the darker complected .....

meanwhile, media types are mostly like yourself, david: shameless, conscienceless suck machines whose lips are fastened to the spigots of power and whose sphincters warble the company's mantras--in other words, mindless vacuums who suck and swallow, suck and swallow, before spitting a little bit back out onto the printed page, where it passes as wisdom and insight .... garbage like edward's haircut, or gore's suits, or what a b***tch hillary is .......

as for academics being democrats, you're probably right there; most republicans can't make it through a two-year college course, unless it's pat robertson university, where the only text required is the illustrated bible, and that'll catapult you into the justice department .....

jesus, what an asshole ...... "the rantings of agitprop pundits ...." yada yada yada .... takes one to know one, takes one to know one ....... yada yada yada ...... god spare me this petty psychobabble bulshit: "the bank is staffed by people who are criticized from all directions and are desperate for approval and support ...." ooooooooooo ....... i've just privatized the utilities in a third world country and now no native can afford electricity and their water is full of schistosomiasis ..... pleeeeze, mr wooofybits, yore my champeen ..... mister woofybitch, wonchoo pleeeze approoove of whut i've dun? i rilly need the 'proval of someone whooze a lying sociopath who fucked up eerak and killed hundreds of thousands of pipple wont yoo approove me pleeze i think yore gurlfrends very pritty too ....... 'n' then i kin go and privatize the air do yoo approov of that i think its a rill good idea please please please massa woollybutt please please say you like me please pleeze plizzzz ......

excuse me i must go and evert my lower colon into the basura .......

i'm not sure what exculpatory evidence dave's referring to here .... but maybe he means they couldn't find a blue dress .... with--ha ha--white polka dots on it ..... ha ha ..... ha ha .......

i guess there's a lot of needy mass murderers out there who need .... sniff sniff boo hoo ..... approval ...... george tenet comes to mind ..... boy, there's a real champ for you .... a man of courage and conviction, who had the courage to hold out for four years, for a four million dollar book deal ..... there's no shortage of assholes in this country, is there? you know what i'd like? i'd like to see all these people of conviction getting convicted ..... wouldn't you? wouldn't you like to see these scumfuckers hauled up before the court in the hague on war crimes? and crimes against humanity? wouldn't that be a great chistmas present to give your children? all the world's children? huh ? you'd like that? well, goddam it: call your senators and congresspersons now and demand impeachment ...... do it now .....DO IT NOW! I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MUSIC! I NEED TO TALK ABOUT MUSIC! I'VE GOT MUSIC I WANT TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT!

meanwhile, it's a good thing we have our "i'm the commander guy" who won't let those intrusive pesky dummokrats micromanage "the war ....." well, actually i don't mean "the war ....." what i really mean is our illegal invasion and occupation of a non-threatening sovereign nation ..... why would our commander-guy-in-chief need any help? why, him 'n' his buddies, other than doin' it in the first place? they're the ones that didn't think it worthwhile, guarding the 380 tons of munitions and explosions that whose disappearance appeared back in october of '04 .... well, i don't mean "disappeared," not really, because it keeps popping up in the darndest places, like the green zone ..... or under people's feet ..... or their vehicles ..... help me do the math ..... 380 tons of high explosive into 3,487 soldiers and whaddaya get?

a fucking mess; someone get a sponge ......

next: dr. pete gets a sponge

Posted by DrKanga at 9:42 PM | Comments (3)

April 29, 2007

ahura mazda help us: our political landscape is bleaker'n that of the moon .... airless, lifeless, without signs of intelligence ..... i wanted to say, jesus, we're fucked .... but it's sunday and i didn't want to start making christian references right off, and so i defer to ahura mazda ..... you know him: the zoroastrian figurehead, the parsi's main man ..... he also builds cars in japan ..... they're nice cars; i have one .....

john mccain, mr. liver spots, came out for the presidency the other day ...... his soundbite in his alloted thirty seconds with which to lay his claim before the american peeple was, " i know i'm the oldest .... but i'm not afraid ..... "

did you hear me shrieking? this is what we've devolved to? john's qualification for the republican presidency of the united states--other than being a whore (all due apologies to sex trade workers; i have nothing but the greatest respect for you) and an asswipe, is that he's "not afraid?"
ahura mazda, what an asshole .....

feeling statements and catch phrases are big in advertising, brainwashing, and politics .... as though there were a difference .... now we're told that the intelligence basis for our invading and occupying eye-rak was that it would be a "slam dunk ....." oh, okay ..... sounds good to me ..... let's go to war! cool! bitchin'! not a prollem! fuck yeah! iraq 'n' roll! iraq 'n' roll! slam dunk, y-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y! high five, motherfucker, high five!

employment figures are skewed because there's a new industry in the united states: writing books denouncing bush, his policies, his coterie, etc. ..... everyone that had their nose wedged up george's crotch for years is now hawking a book that decries the invasion of iraq; the corruption of the bush regime; the cronyism of the bush regime; the lying of the bush regime; the manipulation of "intelligence," mostly the lack of intelligence in the press and the american people; katrina; sodomizing small animals; using the skins of young children for toilet tissue, you name it, there's a rush to surf the shifting waves of public opinion, and what better way to cash in on a new trend than by writing a book ..... george tenet, who parroted so much administration horseshit while "director" of the central intelligence agency, is now hawking his new book, "at the center of the storm" ..... which storm, george? the desert storm? or the storm of bullshit that was flung at all of us to justify decisions made back when noah was flogging the animals onto the ark, getting ready for the shitstorm that inundated new orleans ....

sorry, mixed metaphors and references; that's what happens when i get upset .... tenet's thirty-second soundbyte was "at the end of the day all you have is your reputation, [presumably for "integrity"] ..... and they took mine ......"

this is a man who never had integrity, in an organization that's been involved in assassination, deception, murder, the toppling of democratically elected governments, and other administrative peccadiloes for the last sixty years ......

but then, after bullshit ...... war is our biggest business ......

meanwhile, today's sunday new york times (4.29./07) has these fruity little quotes on the front page:

"In a troubling sign for the American-financed rebuilding program in Iraq, inspectors for a federal oversight agency have found that in a sampling of eight projects that the United States had declared successes, seven were no longer operating as designed because of plumbing and electrical failures, lack of proper maintenance, apparent looting and expensive equipment that lay idle.

Officials at the oversight agency, the Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction, said they had made an effort to sample different regions and various types of projects, but that they were constrained from taking a true random sample in part because many projects were in areas too unsafe to visit [italics mine]. So, they said, the initial set of eight projects — which cost a total of about $150 million — cannot be seen as a true statistical measure of the thousands of projects in the roughly $30 billion American rebuilding program."

wow .... really?

okay, if you say so, but guys .... why do you hate our freedoms? like the freedom of halliburton to make lots of money, along with all the other defense contractors who subsidize the republican party, along with the pharmaceutical industry and big oil, as though there were something like "small oil ....."

then last week i heard some republikan, whose name i've mercifully repressed, responding to the appearance of industrial waste in pet food, say, "if we're not careful al kayda'd dew it agayn 'n' kill all our pets ...."

i had this vision of the amerkin sheeple, sittin' in front o' they teevee ...... honey, i cain't git outta mah chair coz i'm too fat 'n' stewpid ...... woncha bring me wan o' they new 'n' improved carb free turbo lite super frosty sugar-xtreme beerz 'n' a bucket o' deep fried pig snowts ..... 650000 eeerakis daid 'n' 3400 murkin sojers .... yawn ...... says here country's goin' bankrupt ..... yawn ..... new orleenz gone 'n' dissapeerd ..... yawn ..... hey, looks lahk ah cain git a deel on a hummer .... hmmmmm ..... fluffy, come on'a ovah hyere so's i kin petcha .... fluffy ..... fluffy? honey, where's fluffy ..... oh mah GAWD! they done gone 'n' kill'd flufffy! you BASTARDS! you KILD FLUFFY! lordy how coud they do that they jis animalz they KILLLD FLUFFY!

next: dr. pete buries fluffy

Posted by DrKanga at 8:44 PM | Comments (1)

April 20, 2007

the gonzales dog-and-pony show tends to be distracting; i almost .... i said "almost" ..... i almost felt sorry for this cretinous sack of shit ..... he was like a mouse that had had its legs broken, then found itself tossed into a turd-filled sandbox with a bunch of kittens who were just learning how to puff themselves up, hiss, hop sideways, and punch anything that was smaller, weaker, and more helpless than they are ..... like a dustball ..... or a shoelace ...... or an old tampon ...... yeah .... our politicians ... pretending that they had balls, "actin' tuff 'n' crackin' down ....."

little bitches ......

but i don't feel sorry for him .... you know who i feel sorry for? i feel sorry for us ..... this is our attorney general, for chrissake; what a limp dicked moron; what an ineffectual buffoon .... and he's our president's trusted man, enforcing the laws of the land .... oh, god ..... the republicans have been dumping their evil minions on us for years, like john mitchell, who left office in handcuffs; all truly qualified personnel have left the house, they've been forced out and replaced by the stepford bushies, and this is what we get: some homunculus dirtball who doesn't have the decency, the honesty, or the integrity to know what a scumbag he is and slash his wrists in a tub full of cherry jello ...... photographs show someone so clearly out of his depths that it's like watching a two-year-old, festooned with chains and lead ballast, tossed into the septic tank ...... and you shout, "swim, you bitch ..... swim!"

then you think, this smarmy little fuckeater had how much time to prepare for predictable questions? and this is what we get for our tax dollar?

gosh, is this any kind of reflection on the kind of thought and preparation republicans put into other .... mmmmm ...... important things? like unilateral pre-emptive invasions? and occupations of sovereign nations?

no ... i feel sorry for us ..... because while our democrats 'n' progressives might start to puff theyse'ves up 'n feel feisty and go mew mew mew mew mew and walk in the bowl of milk 'n' get little bitty droplets of milk on their whiskers, we're still being assfucked, and it's going to last a long, long time ...... gonzales is just a distraction from other "legal" shenanigans and inroads and incursions and abrogations and violations and depredations and rectal penetrations and let me quote from today's (april 20, 2007) new york times:

"Regulating abortion for the sake of a woman's health has been part of the court's consideration since Roe v. Wade in 1973; Justice Harry A. Blackmun wrote for the court then that "the state does have an important and legitimate interest in preserving and protecting the health of the pregnant woman."

In his majority opinion, Justice Anthony M. Kennedy suggested that a pregnant woman who chooses abortion falls away from true womanhood.

"Respect for human life finds an ultimate expression in the bond of love the mother has for her child," he said.

Justice Kennedy conceded that "we find no reliable data" on whether abortion in general, or the procedure prohibited by the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act, causes women emotional harm. But he said it was nonetheless "self-evident" and "unexceptional to conclude" that "some women" who choose to terminate their pregnancies suffer "regret," "severe depression," "loss of esteem" and other ills.

Consequently, he said, the government has a legitimate interest in banning a particularly problematic abortion procedure to prevent women from casually or ill-advisedly making "so grave a choice."

well, girls 'n' guys: it's good to know that the state has an important and legitimate interest in preserving and protecting the health of the pregnant woman ...." that doesn't mean prenatal care, and it certainly doesn't mean day care, nor does it seem to extend to single payer health care .... it most assuredly doesn't mean that republicans will allow medicare to negotiate any medication pricing; why, all the republicans just voted down legislation that would once again allow medicare to use its clout, for the benefit of its constituency, to get them lower prices for better health .... but shit, they're not pregnant, and they're not the insurance and pharmaceutical industries that have ponied up contributions to the republican party .... and the democrats are joining them, dancing right along to the jingling of the cash register .....

this makes me sick; hey, kennedy, you fucking bitch .... won't you legislate something so i can stop puking blood on my recording console?

i'm appalled that this cretin thinks women .... no, let me back up here ..... people .... let's say "people" ..... casually make "so grave a choice ....." you senescent old asswipe; you think that abortions are how n****ers practice birth control? that poor people do this because they never finished school because our government doesn't fund schools any more and can't count well enough to .... ha ha ..... do the rhythm method? let's see; i'm in my sixties now; most of my partners through the years--at one time or another--had an abortion .... they didn't do it because it was fun; they didn't do it casually or lightly or with the kind of absurd reasoning our republicans who value life so much used as they invaded iraq; they felt bad before, during, and after .... and they would have felt worse and been worse off had they carried to term .....

there are a myriad reasons why a human being would have an abortion .... one that comes to mind is, if you bring a child into this world, you'd want to give it the best care you can .... if you're too young or too poor or too single or too without resources or ..... yada yada yada yada yada yada yada .....

or is the government's interest that they need a shitload of poor stupid people who have no options but to join the military? so we can continue global police policies for chevron and bechtel?

i'm always dumbfounded by arrogant men who don't have to carry a child to term, who have never given birth, who don't have to feed one or change diapers or have their teats chewed off by one and who start telling women what to do with their bodies and how to do it .....

isn't it interesting that, when you talk about abortions, you talk about the bushie supreme court?

next: dr. pete gets really pissed

Posted by DrKanga at 5:43 PM

April 18, 2007

the media's been having a field day with ..... well, let's define it by what's not being covered: wolfowitz getting his girlfriend access to secure locations without a security clearance, working for elizabeth cheney; gonzales and the fired attorneys; how about a stacked supreme court dancing all over the law of the land and legal precedents, starting to gnaw away at a woman's right to her own health decisions, turning you bitches back into cattle and chattel .....

mmmmm .... oh .... did i somehow forget to mention the 3,302 dead american military personnel in eye-rak? or the 157 eye-rakis just killed in baghdad today? what about the estimated 650,000 iraqis killed in the last four years? or the million that were killed or died through embargos after our first bold foray into the land of sand and oil?

yawn ......

my balls itch ......

my ass itches ......

what's on tv?

oh ..... what's-his-face sent a tape to what? nbc? and they played it, of course .....

jesus, this guy gets more publicity than i do .......

my wife wanted to hear excerpts from it, but i'd already thrown the radio across the room and out the kitchen window .... remember that i don't have a tv?

i asked her why would she want to hear the ramblings of a disturbed mind; remember, i was a clinician for years, and i heard this shit every fucking day, and that was just from my supervisors and administrators .... and she said that she was curious about what a disturbed murderer had to say ......

and i said, shit, you can hear george bush speak all the time .... here's a guy who's part of a dynasty that's responsible for the deaths of over a million people, and you can hear him talk any old day .... dick cheney, you can hear him, too ...... you want to hear sociopathic, murderous, disordered individuals speak, why .... no shortage of them in this country, or in the republican party, or in the white house ......

i guess the difference between the white house crew and a school shooter is, well .... first of all, scale .... you gotta think big if you're going to make it in politics ..... and you get other people to do it for you ..... you don't have to wash the brains and bits of skull and blood spatters and muscle tissue and spleens off your jim-jams; you can just watch the movies while you jerk off .....

i don't have time or energy to pick at the non-topics of "gun control" or "second amendment rights," which aren't quite what the nra tells us they are, nor do i want to dignify all the republicans who somehow managed to drag 9/11 onto the campus and smear it around, while fantasizing armed students turning the cafeteria into the o.k. corral, but let me just mention that selling guns is big business, that the gun companies rely on pipelines to distribute their product, and that george bush signed legislation exempting gun manufacturers from any lawsuits or liabilities from the use of their products ..... you can read more here: http://gregpalast.com/index.php
gosh, dr. pete's in a mood again ....

he's going to go inject some vodka into his left eye ....

here's lookin' atcha!

next: dr. pete shoots gin .........

Posted by DrKanga at 8:54 PM | Comments (1)

April 17, 2007

i see that paul wolfowitz, the "father of the iraq occupation," has been having a little trouble at the world bank, where he went to "help the unfortunate" and "fight corruption ...." when i hear that he's the father of the invasion and occupation, i wonder--who the fuck is the mother? what kind of silly ho would spread for this scumsucking pig? oh .... kosher pig, for sure, but pig nonetheless ..... anyway, i know that he's doing a good job, just like he did over in eye-rak .... what better way to help poor people than by putting your punch on your payroll? bill clinton didn't, he was gettin' it for free, and look where that got him ...... that kind of republican integrity's always reassuring; just when you think that our politicos aren't quite up to the job, well .... you read about a man who puts it all on the line, gets his ho promoted, and just stands by his gal .....

and i wouldn't call her a "nappy headed ho," neither, 'cause her hair is straight .....

paul "shock and awe" wolfybitz, unleashing his heat seeking missile in the boudoir ..... i've seen pictures of both of them; the thought of them coupling, sweating, heaving, panting; thrusting, gasping, moaning; sucking, licking, nibbling; mounging, squooshing, poking and palping; gargling juices, swallowing and spitting ..... and tumbling into the rapture and paroxysms of ecstasy, well .....

it's not pretty ......

ooooo, riza ...... let's foreclose on tanzania and privatize their utilities .... uhn ohn ohnnn ooooooo ....... ooooo paul, you're just shocking and awing me with your hot monkey thrusts ....... stand by riza; i'm going to fire pink torpedo number one! ..... eeeeee, paul ...... i love the way you invade and occupy me! oooooooooooooooooooo! restructure my debt, you bad boy!

and nobody gives me a raise like you do, paul .........

speaking of not pretty, i'm devastated by reports of the lastest school shooting, this one in virginia ..... i don't know what this guy was using, but i'd sure like to ..... because it's way better than what i've got .... i mean, i know that i could take down fifteen or twenty students in a classroom, while pausing to reload, but .... jeeez ..... over thirty? i'm just not competitive on today's playing field or in today's classroom, and that's not a great feeling, not in this country, where we can shoot anyone, anytime, anywhere, as long as king george suggests we obey the law which, i guess, means looking both ways before putting it on full auto ..... i see he was a young man whose ethnic group is generally stereotyped as being bookish and over-achieving; i'm glad to see that they've finally acculturated to the values of this great country of ours and learned to shoot .... i started to write a song; "way down in old virginia/where you can feel the bullets go inya ......." i was working my way 'round to george bush prayin' fer ever'one, but then i had to change diapers ..... and the puke pail; it got full, mighty quick .....

mccain, that fecal smear, is right up front with "gee that's too bad about thirty-three more people out of thirty-three thousand a year who get shot to death in this country, but you know i support our second amendment rights to have weppuns and shoot ever'thang so vote for me murka hey god now less prey for the soles of the deerly deeparted" ...... what an asshole ..... gee, john: how could you miss such a photo op? why didn't you visit to offer condolences? along with the hundred troops, the kevlar body armor, and the four apache attack helicopters overhead; maybe you could have gotten some deals at the book store .......

bush did it too--condolences, platitudes, and nra slogans ..... hand out the ammunition 'n' the prayer book, we're number one, god loves us best, here's why our god luvs us bess why 'coz we killin' so many foke 'n' god's lonely he wants kumpany .......

i know that there will be investigations, but i think i can save us all the trouble by suggesting that we just outlaw schools .... if there aren't any schools then, sheee-it, there wouln't be no skool shootin's now, would theyre?

and then, when i heard that the gonzales hearings had been postponed, the thought came to me that maybe alberto gonzales orchestrated this whole thing because his handlers hadn't quite taught him how to say "i can't remember ..... i can't recall .... senator, i just don't know ..... but i'll find out .... and get back to you on that ......"

gee, dr. pete .... yore in a mood today; yore meds, ain't they wurkin' rite?

well, ritter glasshopple; there's nothing i can take that's strong enough to counteract the distaste a man feels when he comes in contact with the "media" and it's "content ...."

i'm going back to bed; my nap was interrupted ........

next: dr. pete hibernates

Posted by DrKanga at 2:47 PM

April 9, 2007

my sons are now two years and four months old .... it's an interesting time to have children, not just because i'm so old and fucked up, but because this is when people who don't have children this age, who aren't arthritic, who don't have to care for twins, think that children are fun and when it's exciting to be around them ...

they may not be wrong, although i'm probably the wrong one to ask .... still, they're good boys, and they learn new and astonishing things every day .... why, just the other day kalevi, the first born, came up to me and said, "gee, dad .... what is it that a body must do to overthrow a brutal and repressive theocratic hegemony that seeks to stifle informed dissent through control of a corporate and compliant media that spreads horseshit in the mind of a placid and bovine population like dung on a field?"

no ... ha ha .... i'm just kidding .... he didn't say it, but i could tell that he was thinking it .....

actually, they're learning to hit a tee ball but--more important--they're learning to take turns while doing so ..... now, people say that children are clean slates, but we know that people are about as stupid as a bag full of fucking hammers, so we can't take that seriously .... for a while i thought my children had inherited a recessive gene and were all republicans or christians or both, because the first words they learned were "me!" and mine!" so learning to take turns is signficant; it's something most americans don't learn, and graciousness, manners, and that sense of sharing is something that republicans and christians never learn: they stay infantile, regressed, and anal all their lives .....

gosh, how nice it'd be to speed them all to their heavenly reward, where they could sit at the right hand of their lord, who would probably reach out, tear 'em off a square at a time, and use 'em as toilet paper ....

children also know when they've done something wrong: you can see it in their face, in their postures, and the way they start to leave the room when they hear that certain tone ..... this is also something that republicans and christians haven't managed: to own up to having done something wrong ..... now, it's sad but true that we expect a certain amount of deception from our politicians; ..... but we shouldn't accept psychosis from them, neither should we condone or reward congenital fucking idiocy, yet that's what we seem to be doing .... or at least that's what our "media" perpetuates .....

by now we've all heard and had an uneasy laugh about john mccain, that ol' straight-talkin', straight-shootin', dung-eatin' fuckhead .... ooops ..... there goes my langwidge again, gittin' in the way of the codjincy of my argewmints ..... on his shoppin' trip to baghdad, which was just like shoppin' in indiana, as long as you've got one hundred troops armed to the tits, along with the four blackhawk attack helicopters flyin' overhead, and yer kevlar nad pad ..... we've all heerd tell how shrewd them rughaids is at barginnin', but you can damn well bet they din't poodle on about their last dinar, not when all them colt desert eagles swung towards they haids 'n' the hammers clicked back, no wonder that other senator could get five rugs for five dollars; no wonder this feces-eating asshole whose name i've mercifully repressed proudly reported his bargains, adding that the merchant's eyes "were wet with tears of gray-tih-tood ... he woon't take muh munny ....." this merchant later reported that just talking to an american made him fear for his life, adding that he encouraged anyone and everyone to kill as many americans as they could because "they are occupying our country" ......

well, hail, whatever, you know? next thanksgiving sale at nordies, i know what i'm'a gonna do 'n' how i can crest through the crowds of mean yuppie bitches, swingin' they cell fones ...... jes' me 'n' muh hundred buddies with their hardware .... hey bro'! lay down some cov'rin' fahr near the underwear, woncha? i kin get me sum bee vee deees fer cheeep!

but the point of this is, why should mccain get coverage from the press for saying that he could walk safely in the streets of baghdad? and then say that he "misspoke?" it reminds me of way back when king george the first ran his election campaign on the promise of "read my lips .... smirk .... simper ..... no new taxes ...." and americans, being the stupid shitheads that they are, were shocked when he raised taxes shortly thereafter, adding--as he lined up his golf swing--"read my hips ....."

my take was, either this jerkoff had no clue as to the principles driving a major economy--in which case he wasn't qualified to be president--or he was cynically manipulating a childish and foolish population with blather and bullshit--in which case he didn't deserve to be president .....

either way, george herbert walker bush didn't deserve to be president ....

unfortunately, he was, because both qualities seemed to be qualifiers for our presidency: delusional idiocy and deception, primary attributes of our republican offerings to the altars of power .....

the same holds true for king george the first's idiot bastard son: he's psychotic, he's delusional, and his sociopathy extends way past the simple mechanism of juvenile lying, yet .... he continues to get a "get out of jail" combined with an eternal "hall pass "card from our "media ....." it's no surprise that this butt -scratching, nose-picking, finger-sniffing fool'd disregard an electoral mandate, demanding an end to the iraqi occupation ..... but even so ..... the so-called "surge ....." the one that started out at 22,500 wannabe gas station attendants, that escalated another 10,000 "support personnel ...." that's now devolved to another redeployment of national guard troops that'll now be on their third tour, in spite of serious injuries, or quick deployment of troops so green as to have not received a minimum of basic training .....

other than how to go shopping in baghdad ...... or stop "friendly fire" with their faces .....

my kids aren't--mercifully--quite to the point where they can rationalize what they do, or propound absurd exegeses .... which is what republicans are now doing as they--like the cockroaches that they are--scuttle toward the underside of the refrigerator when the kitchen lights flick on ..... oooooooohhhhh! sure, i supported bush back then but ..... he BETRAYED me! ....... eeeeeeeeee! he doesn't really embody the conservative values that made ronald reagan the great fucking puppet that he was in an administration characterized by scandal, by bogus economics, by illegal and immoral wars, by the sanctioning of mass murder and torture by cia-trained operatives, by the looting of the savings and loan industry, by creating a whole new caste of people: the homeless; of funding an idiot's dream "star wars defense system" that allowed our defense corporations to belly up to the bar ......

why, it's just like it is now ....... same bullshit, same cast of characters: cheney; wolfowitz; perle; feith; abrams .......

iran/contra? still at it ..... except now we've added the outsourcing of torture ..... shit; we used to be able to do things ourse'ves ..... to jus' make sure them ignerant pissants'd do the shit right .....

the truth of the matter is, these whining cucarachas are afraid that the republicans have fucked up so badly, even the democrats'll be unable to "snatch defeat from the jaws of victory," and'll win the '08 election ..... which is being hashed to death and decided a year-and-a-half in advance by our fearless media, not content with wetting themselves over american idol, or anna nicole ..... and they're afraid that they won't be able to loot any more, that they won't be able to sell themselves off like the whores that they are, that they won't be able to .........

i'm sorry .... i just can't go on ...... jesus, who gives a shit about how many eye-rakees got their dusky asses wasted when there's about 38,000 american pets in jeopardy due to tainted pet food?

i know politics is a dirty business; my kids are just getting over another bout of diarrhea, and i have a diaper pail full, which is stinky, oh so stinky, so very very stinky .......

given the choices, i'd much rather be elbow-deep in the poo than listen to our republicans try to justify amorality and sanctify delusion ....

next: dr. pete disinfects the diaper pail .....

Posted by DrKanga at 5:42 PM

April 2, 2007

remember these cynical observations, from back in 2000? when george and his jack-booted republican thugs had just stolen their first election?

1. Imagine that we read of an election occurring anywhere in the third world in which the self-declared winner was the son of the former prime minister and that former prime minister was himself the former head of that nation's secret police (CIA).

2. Imagine that the self-declared winner lost the popular vote but won based on some colonial holdover (electoral college) from the nation's past.

3. Imagine that the self-declared winner's 'victory' turned on disputed votes cast in a province governed by his brother.

4. Imagine that the poorly drafted ballots of one district, a district heavily favoring the self‑declared winner's opponent, led thousands of voters to vote for the wrong candidate.

5. Imagine that members of that nation's most despised caste, fearing for their lives/livelihoods, turned out in record numbers to vote in near‑universal opposition to the self‑declared winner's candidacy.

6. Imagine that hundreds of members of that most‑despised caste were intercepted on their way to the polls by state police operating under the authority of the self‑declared winner's brother.

7. Imagine that six million people voted in the disputed province and that the self-declared winner's 'lead' was only 300 votes. Fewer, certainly, than the vote counting machines' margin of error.

8. Imagine that the self-declared winner and his political party opposed a more careful by-hand inspection and re-counting of the ballots in the disputed province or in its most hotly disputed district.

9. Imagine that the self‑declared winner was himself the governor of a major province, which had the worst human rights record of any province in his nation and which actually led the nation in executions.

10. Imagine that a major campaign promise of the self-declared winner was to appoint like-minded human rights violators to lifetime positions on the high court of that nation.

None of us would deem such an election to be representative of anything other than the self‑declared winner's will‑to‑power. All of us, I imagine, would wearily turn the page thinking that it was another sad tale of pitiful pre- or anti-democracy peoples in some strange elsewhere.

maybe this triggered the association, although it's one i've made often enough, that the united states is really a fourth-rate third-world country ..... i mean, just add that to the quotidien rich getting richer, poor getting poorer, and the middle class taking it in the shorts; add that to the corruption of the republican party, their kleptocratic approach to nepotism and cronyism, the awarding and rewarding of "loyal bushies," at the expense, the punishment and ostracism of competent, independent, qualified individuals ..... add that to the "no bid contracts" awarded to connected corporations like halliburton and kbr who, oddly enough, were headed by the man who is now the vice-president .... or is that president of vice?

think about the stacking of the courts, up to and including the supreme court ..... thank about the manoeuvering and machinations by which this regime now spies on its citizens, monitoring their mail and telephones and internet traffic; their bank accounts, their spending patterns, their yada yada yada yada yada ..... and then it came to me that, what better way to distract the placid multitudes from thinking about how badly they're being fucked than .... well, by golly .... than by starting a war!

boy, if that don't take yore mind off'n yore prollems, i cain't think of nary a thang that might .....

so i started to think about zimbabwe and mugabe, and how alike to george bush mugabe is ..... well, i know that a woman's life expectancy hasn't quite plummeted to thirty-four years from sixty-three in ten short years, as it has in zimbabwe, but we'll probably get close if that scumbag bush gets to repeal roe v. wade and shift birth control to alleyways or tijuana once again ....

maybe it was george's delusional desire to go to mars, a few short years ago .... whatever happened to that? and what can i do to get him on his way? i know the martians are yearning to breathe free, and george is the man to help 'em, just like he's done for the eye-rakis .... or like we done did to the haitians and the lebanese and the guatemalans and the hondurans and the mess'cans and the filipinos 'n' the ..... gosh, we done did he'p so many peeple drink the air of freedom i cain't hardly 'member 'em all ......

maybe it was bill frist, a doctor and the party leader of our homeland, sayin' that tears 'n' sweat spread aids ..... mugabe denies the existence of aids, or maintains that western medicine has no efficacy in its treatment ..... as far as that goes, he may not be too far off the mark; maybe shaking a leopard balls rattle at someone works about as well as antiretroviral medications, especially when they're unaffordable and insurance doesn't cover treatment ..... kind of like that republican saint, ronald reagan, who somehow managed to ignore a mysterious disease that killed tens of thousands of people before his aides woke him up and told him that people were dying and, even if they weren't contributors to the rnc, maybe he should mention it, even if just in passing ......

1984 came and went over twenty years ago; how long can you sell yourself as the party of smaller government and personal freedom as you expand governmental powers and diminish freedoms of individuals? a long, long time, i dare say; the american sheeple have long been conditioned to respond to fear and insecurity, starting with anxieties related to bad breath or "ring around the collar" or "underarm alarm" that went hand-in-hand with fear of "others," the dark-complected, the 'foreign," those speaking another language, wearing different clothes, yada yada yada yada ..... now all governmental depredations are sanctioned under the aegis of "security," and security is always a paramount concern in a time of war ......

we don't have a stellar track record with our wars ...... we kicked a lot of ass in world war two and then we got a little shaky: korea didn't turn out all that well, and neither did vietnam ..... don't tell me about our glorious victories in haiti or granada; taking lunch money from kindergartners doesn't count as being victorious ..... help me understand why we're still fighting "the war on drugs," and why cocaine is cheaper and easier to get than ever, or why the afghanis are having another bumper crop of opium, and help me understand why we capitulated in "the war on poverty ....."

i guess we'll be 'fighting' "the war on terror" for a long time to come, wouldn't you say?

and i guess that means you'd better get used to having the fbi up your ass, after the christians make room for them .....

third world mentalities, third world visions ..... they prevail, and washington d.c. has become jonestown ..... john mccain, that straight-talkin', straight-shootin' torture survivor who condones torcher's been to baghdad, where he went shoppin' 'cause things're much better over there than they ever beed; did he have a 10% off coupon for baghdad macy's? ..... he paid no attention to the five helicopters, his bulletproof kevlar body armor, and the one hundred grunts that were carrying his purchases; what is this man drinking? what flavor kool-aid is this? i altered my perceptions for years, but i never took anything strong enough to make me that deluded, or that big an asshole ..... this man is clear proof that the 'war on drugs' isn't working; why should the 'war on terror' be any more successful?

next: dr. pete's studio successes

Posted by DrKanga at 9:26 AM | Comments (3)

March 23, 2007

i was away for a while; did i miss anything?

mmmm ...... democrats are authorizing subpoenas? how did this happen? subpoenas for rove? for miers? for the bushie crew? is this stem cell research growing backbones?

i see that the justice department interfered with the prosecution of the tobacco companies, throwing the case against these drug peddling mass murderers into the refuse heap .... gee, why would they do that? i mean, isn't our government there to help us? and it makes you wonder: did o.j. contribute to the republican party? and did karl rove tamper with the o.j. jurors?

it's interesting, eight federal prosecutors are "fired" and that prompts a firestorm ...... four years and trillions of missing dollars and hundreds of thousands of lives later and we're still pecking away at eye-raq, with the official mantra being "just give us a little more time .... it's gonna work .... it's gotta work ....... "

i'm thinking their timeline is, keep the looting going on as long as they can, then start scampering away, like roaches on the linoleum when the kitchen light comes on, 'round about election time, 2008 ......

all the ones that'll die between now and then, well ..... i'm sure they'll be grateful that their sackerfice wasn't in vein .......

on the other hand, i'm thinkin' "mission accomplished ....." gas is about $3.40 a gallon out here now .....

i guess it's important to have values ..... and a sense of perspective ..... as well as a sense of humor ......

you need one to get through these troubled times ......

is tony snow really the father of anna nicole's child?

our fearless leader has kindly offered to let his minions "testify ...." that'd be without transcripts, not sworn in, in the safeway parking lot at midnight, back by the dumpsters; you'd recognize rove, he'd have the large brown paper bag over his head to guarantee anonymity ..... asking more than that'd be a "political fishing expedition ......" gee, we wouldn't want that to happen, would we, whitewater?

but i'm sure they'd tell the truth ..... why, scooter was just an aberration, wasn't he? and j. steven griles, "The former No. 2 official in the Interior Department today will admit lying to the Senate about his relationship with convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who succeeded in gaining the official's intervention at the agency for his Indian tribal clients. J. Steven Griles agreed to plead guilty to a felony for testifying falsely before the Senate Indian Affairs Committee on Nov. 2, 2005, and during an earlier deposition with panel investigators." but that's only what the new york times says, and we know how .... mmmm .... lib'ral they are, so we can't believe they're telling the truth now, can we?

i see that al gore was up on capitol hill, talking about globule warming ..... let's spare ourselves a close look at the "questions" posed by the psychotic and perseverative james inhofe of oklahoma, and think about the kind pf press coverage we continue to get .... i'm talkin' 'bout the washington post's coverage, which focused on gore's weight, his hair, and its styling, as well as his clothing and its colors ..... you know, they did this for years back when gore was a presidential candidate, didn't they? our media just loved to dish on gore, didn't they? i figure that, if i gave a shit about political style and fashion, which always struck me as oxymoronic, i'd read gentleman's quarterly ..... or esquire .....

but i don't ..... so i don't ........

i don't even know why i read the new york times and the washington post ....

i've had some .... mmmmm .... constructive criticism of late about my language ...... i'm told that calling bush a "psychotic feces-smearing dung-eating retard who copulates with mongrels in the streets" while liberally interspersing my scintillant analyses with "fuck" and "wombat turds" and "rat vomit" mitigates the cogency of my arguments and is contraindicated by my intelligence .... well, if i were to ever call bush a "psychotic feces-smearing dung-eating retard who copulates with mongrels in the streets" then i'd only do it in jest, for fear of harming the feelings of all the good folk who smear feces, eat dung, and bone barkers on the boulevards ..... besides, i don't even want to be doing this stuff ..... it's only out of frustration from your not buying my records ...... if you'd keep me on the road, touring, playing, and selling t-shirts and dr. pete bobblehead dolls then i wouldn't have to sit at home, hunched over this fucking keyboard, aggravating my arthritic shoulders, writing stuff that nobody reads, fewer care about, that has the efficacy and immediacy of george bush explaining ..... well ...... you name it ......

next: dr. pete reads his thesaurus

Posted by DrKanga at 8:45 PM | Comments (3)

March 12, 2007

did you hear me shrieking? when "scooter with the cuter pooter" got found guilty? i know he'll live up to his nickname, "scooter," when he's taking a shower in the facilities .... and one of those big, hairy new friends he's going to make says, "hey bitch ..... i dropped my soap .... now .... pick it up for me ....."

he's very contrite, too ..... he said to king george, "i'm so sorry ..... won't you pardon me?"

i'm thinking that his legal skills, the ones that cheney et al relied on, the legal skills he needed to leak classified information to gentlemen and scholars like that fine upstanding robert novak, will come in handy when he's in the slams, when other inmates come up to him and say, hey scooter, you little bitch ..... i want you to get me off .......

meanwhile, bush's dog barney ate the videotapes of jose padilla being interviewed, and that's why they can't be reviewed by any of those durned lib'ral groups who suspect that we might ..... gasp! actually mistreat a person whilst incarcerated .....

then i heard that the fbi had exceeded the letter and intent of the law in violating people's privacy and that they were just sneakin' 'n' peepin' away with no good cause and for no good reason .... other than to protect our freedoms, of course ..... wow! who would ever think that of the fbi? i mean, other than j. edgar hoover wearing pink tutus and dancing for his good friend clyde tolson, but .... i'm sure that they were manly dances .... well, i know the fbi has never wasted any of the taxpayers money and they've only gone after really threatening people like jean seberg and martin luther king and john lennon and probably you, too, so as long as you've got nothing to hide then they've got nothing to discover and your freedoms are secure because you won't be needing them where you're going .......

and hey, howzabout that surge! it's an example of how republicans can use the new math, which they've been using for some time now to demonstrate how fiscally responsible they are, by cutting taxes for the very wealthy and large donor corporations, and making the united states an impoverished third-world debtor nation, held in thrall to the chinese, while castigating democrats as "tax and spend democrats ....."

the fearless media is just starting to understand that the 21,500 troops, who really are a privatized army servicing chevron and exxon mobil's holdings, will actually be closer to 50,000, and that the ransom demanded .... i mean, the money budgeted, is close to six billion dollars short so george wants more money but remember, democratics, it's not money for an appalling and barbaric invasion and occupation, nor is it money for failed policies, nor is it even more money for more no-bid contracts to halliburton and kbr and bechtel ..... it's money for "the troops," so don't you dare withhold any money for "the troops," support "the troops" like our republicans who never served a day in the military do, because we wouldn't want their sacrifice to be in vain, the now 3,400 that have been slaughtered, or the ones who've made it home or the ones who made it to walter reed or other fine facilities that demonstrate how good our health care is, or how much this administration and its policies support the troops that support chevron and halliburton, even though the new math works here, too, because we've under-reported the dead and the wounded and the severely ass-fucked because you wouldn't really want to know how bad it really is, not really, and hey, i wonder how britney is and i haven't read about paris hilton for at least a day and i heard that some dog died saving a family and as for time the troops'll be in eeeee-rak?

well, pelosi, you bitch ..... that'll be however long cheney feels like it ..... you wouldn't want to waste our money by abandoning the nineteen permanent bases halliburton has constructed over there, would you? i mean, i'm sure they've done a fine job, like they've done everything else, and besides ..... we have the world's largest embassy in the green zone, which we can almost protect but not really, not quite, still under construction, the one with the shopping mall and swimming pool and bazooka proof ceiling .......

speaking of privatized trooops and having your own army to protect your oil revenues, i see that halliburton is moving their ceo over to dubai .... might as well get close up to where the action is, plus .... they don't have an extradition treaty, so he can just carry on business as usual with none of the niggling concerns he might have were he to stay in houston ...... probably the real reason is that the "legislation" the cheney regime jammed through iraq's "elected government," the legislation that virtually hands off all oil and mineral rights to the four big oil corporations, giving them pretty much complete control over another country's resources, is going to take effect, and that means bigger monopolies and bigger windfall profits and i notice that the price of gas has gone up again but it's summer and it always does and don't you think it's time to have our annual investigation of the oil companies, the investigations that always show them to be well-intentioned and squeaky clean?

meanwhile, it's time to play pat-a-cake with the taliban again because of yet another failed republican policy which was why republicans won't even think about people like osama yo mama and the taliban taliban come and tally me bananas, not when saddam's smokin' guns'd be a mushroom cloud ooops guess we were wrong about that but there's no culpability and there's no accountability and let's not fuck around we need enemies and if we don't have enough we're going to make 'em that's what we can manufacture now, we know how to make enemies although we can't make hershey's kisses any more or automobiles, we need to make enemies because if we didn't have enemies we couldn't go marching off to war and if we didn't go marching off to war how could we ever continue to funnel money into our military industrial complex?

which is doing very well, thank you very much, and so is the pentagon's budget .....

speaking of money well spent, did you know that columbia and afghanistan get more "aid" money than any other countries? afghanistan is having another bumper crop of opium, which can be turned into heroin, but only if you'd like to, and i'll bet you probably would .... while columbia, of course, is having yet another bumper crop of coca which, surprise! surprise! can be turned into cocaine, and cocaine can be turned into crack and sold to inner city dwellers to finance more illegal wars, but .... only if you want to .....

where did i read something about how eye-rak isn't a popular war any more, just like veet nam wasn't a pop'lar war, which means we've had popular wars and then i had to think, what wars might those be? because after the vietnam debacle america felt bad about itself, and what better way to feel better fast than invade some small defenseless country, full of little brown people, and whup the shit out of them because we're too fat to do sit-ups or crunches so we invaded panama and grenada and then of course there was the first gulf war with all its pin-up weaponry and america could get a boner again and now ........ and now ......

what's the point, dr. pete? what's the point?

the point is, we're not in business to go out of business, if you know what i mean ..... the war on drugs's been one of our most outstanding boondoggles for decades, and it's been a resounding success, hasn't it? why, you can hardly buy drugs in schools and prisons any more ...... and with that as a template, meaning do you remember reading your eighth grade history and you'd read about the thirty year war and the hundred year war and now the war on terrr'r is catching up, why we don't know how to do perpetual motion but we sure know how to do perpetual war .......

excuse me .....

i wonder if that's the fbi, knocking at my door?

maybe they've come to babysit .....

next: dr. pete does sit-ups

Posted by DrKanga at 7:37 PM | Comments (1)

March 6, 2007

do you know about the seventeen year locust? it lives on the eastern seaboard, and it was a part of my world when i was growing up there .... the female lays her eggs in slits in branches; the larvae hatch and drop to the ground, where they burrow in ..... it takes them up to seventeen years to mature; they emerge from the earth, shed their skin, leaving dried husks on trees and telephone poles, and they have locusts-gone-wild-spring-break for a week ..... i don't know if they stridulate, which is a great word and something that crickets do ..... that's where crickets rub their hind legs together to make their cricket noise .... but locusts, they're way beyond noisy--the sound of them fills the world in a kind of locust white noise, they're weird looking, and finding empty husks with bulging eyes everywhere was just the kind of experience little boys live for .....

if you've missed this, you haven't really lived ..... but don't despair ......

it's been longer than seventeen years since i've seen or heard a seventeen year locust, but i've been thinking about them recently ...... i'm thinking that our current crop of bulging-eyed republicans is kind of like this insect .... i mean, really .... it's like they went to earth in 1944, just as nazi germany was going down for the count; they stayed underground, with periodic forays out, where they sucked the juices out of roots, and then slowly, slowly, slowly, they've returned to the light of day and the surface world, where they want to suck the life out the constitution and the bill of rights and and their whining and screeching and shrieking fills the media air and just like those old nazis they're putting people in camps and they're invading defenseless nations and they're blaming all our problems on labor unions which they've outlawed and people who are different from them, meaning: not white and rich or poor, white, and stupid ..... we haven't gotten around to blaming the jews yet, but those darned homosexuals have destroyed our families and those darned aliens who are brown have taken all our jobs and that's why a white man can't work any more and we're no longer the united states of america, we've become "the homeland," only i don't know who we're home to and we're ready to supply our corporations with slave labor from our prisons, just like the germans did to i.g. farben and mercedes and messerschmit and bmw and ......

geez .... i don't know .....

our intrepid press has discovered that soldiers get hurt and don't get treated well by this administration .... you notice that i don't say "the government," because other administrations have treated their citizenry a little better than this one ..... it's only corporations and cronies that get the red carpet treatment here ..... ooooooo, they're saying; people got hurt ..... eeeeeee ...... some of them aren't treated nicely and have to pay for their meals after getting their nuts shot off and getting their brains replaced with teflon-coated alpo ...... aaaahhhhhhh ..... how could this happen in a "support the troops"culture of life?

i'm thinking, a few bad apples ..... just a few bad apples in the barrel can spoil the good times for everyone, can't they?

but i'm glad to hear that there's going to be an investigation ..... why, every time the government investigates itself i feel better, just like i did with the warren commission .... and the church committee ..... and how we investigate oil company profits every year ..... and how we investigated abu ghraib ..... and new orleans ..... and what other investigations am i missing? i know we'll find the bad apples that besmirched our name by blowing the whistle and i think we should send 'em over to eye-rak and put on ski masks and string 'em up, that's what i think we should do ......

what the press never seems to point out is that every fuck up, every shortfall, every horror, is a result of republican policies ...... medicare and social security, if they've got problems they'll be due to the republican policies that have failed time after time after time, just like the pundits and parrots who shriek out bullshit and nonsense about iraq are always wrong and still get headlines and no accountability and the same thing for abu ghraib and new orleans and the media keeps doing its job which is keeping us bovine and placid and enjoying our freedoms which is knowing what color panties are on anna nicole's corpse and i haven't heard about brittany's haircut for a while how can i keep with important things?

so much for the culture of accountability .....

hey, i see we're cracking down in baghdad again ..... ooooo ....we're cracking down ..... eeeeee ..... let's see; this is after "shuck and jive ...." i mean, "shock and awe ...." and after "all major combat operations have finished" and after "mission accomplished" and after "we've freed them from the tyrant" and "now they're free" and "aren't they free" and "shit happens" and you'd think that five years later you'd be able to cross the fucking street without an army battalion holding your hand but you can't, that's how free they are, and no one's being held responsible for--not just bad planning--but lack of any planning ......

oh ..... other than looting and privatizing and stealing and ripping stuff off ......

why, right now there is no "plan B" for "the surge ...."

other than ..... bomb iran .......

hey, i hear that the afghani opium crop is really good this year ..... like it was last year, and the year before, and the year before that ....

that's a good thing, because we'll all need to be whacking heroin in our eyeballs to deal with the devastation these republican locusts have brought on this country ..... good thing USAID showed them afghanis how to really grow opium efficiently, back when we were paying the warlords who now front the taliban to grow lots of opium so they could buy stinger missiles from us and other armaments so they could shoot at the russians who had foolishly invaded their country, even though the russians built schools and roads, which we've managed to destroy since we've liberated them from the taliban who were our allies before they became our enemies and i think they're back, too, living in executive suites up in waziristan with wi-fi and little mr. coffee machines and microwaves .....

and, of course, their stinger missiles .....

meanwhile, we have the dog and pony show of presidential politics ..... i don't think i'm going to last through two years of these assholes posturing and blustering ...... hillary wants to tell the electorate that she's got bigger balls than republicans do, and she's not afraid to fight ..... sigh ..... republicans are still doing the "abortion" thing and the "gay" thing and the "alien" thing ..... yawn ..... but here's what i really think, and i know you're relieved because i'm really tangential right now and i'd like to get to the point .....

here's the point .....

hey, democrats .... you want us all to think you've got balls? that you're "tough" and will be "tough on crime" and "hard on criminals" and all that good stuff?

go impeach bush ..... impeach bush and cheney and rice; don't tell me that you don't want to divide the country; that's already been done for you .... don't tell me you want to work in a bipartisan fashion; there is no bipartisan action with these sociopaths .... don't tell me that you don't want to distract the country and the government from the business at hand: the business at hand is to bring these criminals to justice, to uphold the rule of law, to ........

why do i even bother ......

people tell me, hey, dr. pete ..... don't despair! the democrats are holding hearings now! they've got subpoena power! it's like my boys have potty power now; they sit on the potty and wave their little fists around as they learn to control their bowels and bladders ...... yes, i think it's time for democrats to learn how to control their bowels and bladders, too ..... i can't even spin out an even marginal fecal metaphor for them ......

shit ......

next: dr. pete wipes himself

Posted by DrKanga at 8:32 AM

February 28, 2007

you know, i'm wondering why the white house didn't intervene in anna nicole's affairs, like they did with terri schiavo; both bitches were dead, and both were grabbing plenty of fine media attention, at a time when you'd want what passes for media attention focused as far away from the appalling idiocy, the staggering retardation, the grandiose ineptitude, of our duly selected offal .... i mean, officials .....

i'm seeing it right now: john boner, minority leader, holding anna nicole's corpse in his arms, saying, "i know who the father of her child is ..... it's george bush, and he's going to take this baby into the beautiful white house that's so beautiful he just can't imagine what it's like to be on a combat mission anywhere, let alone in eee-rak ......"

i've heard that our intelligence network is flickering red, just like it did before 9/11, when rice and bush et al ignored the intelligence briefing entitled "bin laden determined to strike in the united states ....." there are rumors that al quaeda is line dancing in town squares all over waziristan, bordering our friendly allies, the pakistanis .... yes, those pakistanis who enjoy a military dictatorship under our good friend musharaf, who sheltered a.q. khan, who gave away .... well, actually sold .... nucular secrets to any country or group who could pony up the bucks and who never got even remotely ... mmmmm ..... chastised or admonished for givin' 'em away ...... while we're getting ready to invade iran because they won't have a nukilar capability for another ten years ..... but the intelligence scuttlebutt is that al quaeda is going to pop a nuke in an american city, and they're going to do it soon .....

the sound you hear is my asshole, ripping divots out of my chair, and weeping for having brought children into this world ......

good thing we're in iraq, right, cheney? because you're oh so right, we're doing really well, as evidenced by the withdrawal of british troops and the tag end of the danish contingent ......

meanwhile, our republicans, in a termite frenzy, are still gnawin', gnawin', gnawin' away at the foundations of a once great nation ...... we pay lip service to labor and the right to collective bargaining, but who are we kidding, labor unions were made illegal when that marionette reagan outlawed the air traffic controller's strike ..... and now king george says that the people who screen baggage et al at airports cannot unionize ..... well, hell .... who can unionize these days? and who's left to work or join a union? i mean, what with all the outsourcing we've had, we don't manufacture anything any more, not unless it's munitions or armaments are weapons systems that we can sell to countries before we invade them ......

just like we did in iraq ......

i see the market had a rough day ..... oooooooo ..... china farted and the american market shit itself ...... china owns so much of our paper we had to use our hands to wipe ourselves ..... but our money tsar, ben bernanke said, hey, hey, hey ...... not to worry .....

gee, if he says so, you know? i'll rest easy tonight, knowing all's well with the world ..... and he's a very bright man, because then he said that if we wanted to keep all the tax cuts in place we could kiss our social programs, things like medicare and social security, goodbye, because we wouldn't be able to fund them ....

because we wouldn't have any money .....

and if anyone wanted to keep those programs in place, well ..... they'd better think about raising some taxes .... to raise some money .....

gee .... i never thought of that ..... wow! no wonder he makes the big bucks, and i sit in my fucking studio, writing stuff like this, for no fucking money at all ..... boy, i sure wish i were smart like him ...... gee, just think of it ..... you need money .... to pay for stuff .....

maybe the government could just get some of those checks from a credit card company?

it's just more of that good old republican shit ...... ooooooh, they'll say, after there's no money left in the treasury, after it's all in the spavined fucking talons of the uppity upper .03%, and all the social programs collapse .... oooooo, they'll say: see? we were right! big gummint just doesn't work! we should have privatized everything when we had the chance .... sniff ...... now there's nothing left to loot ..... boo hoo boo hooo .......

i'm told that hershey's has shut down it's hershey, pennsylvania plant, and moved to mexico .... boy, there's a fucking milestone for you .... guess we'll be havin' herchey's bacitos 'stead o' hershey's kisses, right, muchachas? ford's in the tanks and chrysler is doing so badly that mercedes wants to sell it off .... boy, am i glad we let the market level itself when us tasspayers shoveled a shitload of dollars into chrysler to keep lee iacocca afloat and keep all the ..... excuse me, i'm choking on laughter ..... all the ..... ha ha ha ha ha .... jobs in detroit ......

oh god, that's a good one!

meanwhile, we're told that the economy's doing well and ........ what's good fer halliburton's good fer the country, ya know?

boy, am i in a mood ......

my computer was down for a couple of days, and you know what? it was fucking great! no news, no e-mails, no mortgages, no penis enlargement, no dithering around in the morning looking for something that made any sense .... i'd talk to the boys and go into the studio and i didn't miss a fucking thing ..... everything i've just written i've written without any input from the world whatsoever .... how do i do it? what secrets does this man possess? who is this man? is dr. pete merely a disguise for ......

cagliostro?

next: dr. pete's column appears on the front page of the national enquirer

Posted by DrKanga at 8:28 PM | Comments (1)

February 23, 2007

i have a pot roast cooking on the stove, and the smell of it is permeating the house ...... it's a nice smell, rich and warm and homey and comforting ........hey, if you're a vegetarian, i'm sorry .... no, i'm not sorry that you get upset about my cooking a roast ..... i'm just sorry that you're a vegetarian .....

it smells wonderful outdoors, too, as crisp and as fresh and precise as teeth bursting through the skin of a winesap apple ..... oh, what a lovely, clear day it's been! i'd rather be out riding, but i'm going to rebuild my studio, and i want to finish up some pieces on the old system before i change over to a new one ....... i can only hope that this upgrade and these great technological leaps forward are worth the hassle and the down-time: every upgrade in the digital domain is as an unlubricated finger, rudely inserted, insinuating its way towards the tonsils ..... every upgrade results in lost time, lost momentum, and lost material ......

so ..... best to start fresh ......

the smell of the pot roast has to be better than the miasmic stench of corruption and moral bankruptcy that continues to emanate from this republican regime ..... how can you keep up with it? do these cocksuckers ever sleep? they're such busy little termites, chewing away at the foundations of our liberties, of our institutions, of our communities and our connections, destroying our values incrementially ...... until the whole fucking house collapses ......

does the stench of mold and rat shit in the nation's pre-eminent military hospital rival the putrescence of anna nicole in her coffin? more republican support for the troops, along with no training, no armor, and no armament ..... ah, jeeez .... i'm not even going to indulge in the litany of covert and overt actions undertaken by this compassionately conservative republican regime that bely the hollow rhetoric of "support the troops," a phrase that, when rung, has had the american sheeple salivating heartily over the slop trough that republicans have filled to the brim with garbage, offal, and ordure .....

this is not a new story; it first appeared in salon, two years ago ..... it's just a new story to big papers .... it's just news to people who ignored ...... aaaahhhhhhh ......... enough ....... enough awready ..... hey, i'm okay ..... i know there'll be an "investigation," i know that ward 18 will be renamed "elysian fields" or "emerald cove" or "cluster bomb went boom, so did my leg," and winkenwerder'll get fired .....

winkenwerder ...... he'll join the pantheon of republican greats, folks like abplanalp and rebozo .........

and brownie of new orleans fame ......

and all will be right with the world, this offensive bullshit just a temporary aberation, no way can this be indicative of the bush and republican status quo, just a minor oversight and don't let those democrats get up on their oversight bandwagon, and whoever brought this to our disordered attention again should be put on trial for comforting al quaeda ..... me, i gotta go check the roast ...... it's in a pressure cooker and, if you don't have a pressure cooker, you should go out and get one, right now ..... brown rice risotto in eighteen minutes; chicken stock in twenty .... the roast'll be done in forty-five minutes ..... with two-year-olds time is of the essence, i'm not gittin' no fuckin' younger and, as much as i love my kitchen time, i appreciate what the pressure cooker does ......

well, the point, dr. pete? the point is, i'd like to see one ..... just fucking one ...... of these soldiers get the press saturation that anna nicole has been getting ..... i'd like to see one, just one of these fucking grunts get the kind of saturation that brittany spaniel's shaved head's gotten, or her plunge into rehab ..... or yada yada yada yada ...... i think it'd be a compelling story: "i went mano a mano with the veteran's administration as they denied me my benefits ....... " "attacked by rats in washington, says iraq vet ....."

and he'd be referring to the administration, not the rodents ......

there's another "story" that makes little sense to me, and that's hillary clinton and apologies ..... now, i'm no big hillary fan; i don't think that being "tough" and "hard" are criteria for my presidential candidate ..... but that's not the point ..... this clamor for her to "apologize" for a vote that basically handed bushie and his coterie of corpsefuckers the wherewithal of invading a sovereign and non-threatening nation even as they opened our mail, tapped our phones, monitored our bank accounts, sniffed our feet; repealed habeus corpus, assfucked lady liberty, kidnapped and tortured people; savaged the constitution, bankrupted the united states, behaved like rabid wolverines, and lost us every friend we ever had in the international community, even as they turned their backs on an american city--and cities--in need, makes no sense .....

let's see ..... hillary cast a vote; the bush gang engaged in high crimes and misdemeanors with the resulting death of 3,200 american soldiers, 3,000 contractors, three quarters of a million iraqis, appalling mismanagement of men, materiel, and money, but .....

being republican means never having to say you're sorry .....

two years to go 'til the next presidential election, and we haven't even paid lip service to the results of last november's trips to the polls ..... republicans like mccain and romney and giuliani are marking out their takes on the critical issues of our times: abortion and homosexuality .....

giuliani will probably never get an abortion, although he acts like one ..... but god knows he sucks a lot of dick, and so does mccain .....

boy, these guys ...... they sure are relevant and in step ......

goose step ........

and democrats like hillary are hustling their crotches to show they've got bigger balls than the bush ......

like that's really difficult .....

what an ant-dicked asshole .......

the roast was good ......

next: dr. pete opens a restaurant

Posted by DrKanga at 8:31 PM | Comments (1)

February 15, 2007

yes, it's me again, with more media commentary .....

bleauughghghhhhhrrrggggggHEEEEEEunngngngngn speeeeeeeewwwwwwiiieeeeeeeeeeee gag ag ag aga agagagagagaga wheeeeUUUUUUUULLLLLP ....

here's consecutive headlines for you:

"Report Says Pentagon Manipulated Intel"
"Pentagon Says Pre-War Intel Not Illegal"
"Gates: U.S. Can Prove Iran's Iraq Role"

"Deadly Bombs Made In Iran!"

"I'm convinced from what I've seen that the Iranians are supplying and are giving assistance to the people in Iraq who are killing American soldiers," said independent Sen. Joe Lieberman of Connecticut."

do i need to comment on this?

on the other hand, i have ..... four fingers and a thumb .....

no .... seriously ... ha ha ..... some of our intrepid journalists are exhibiting some .... shall we say ...... skepticism?

an e-mail with presidential iq's recently made the rounds ..... the high was bill clinton with an (estimated) iq of 184; jimmy carter was estimated at 176, close to his stated iq of 174 .... of course you know who was low, at 94 ..... so what are we supposed to make of this? ha ha, we're better than bush, we're all smarter, democrats are smarter than republicans and bush is a real dummy; is that the take?

jesus, i hope not .... the take i get is, we must be the stupidest people on the face of the earth to tolerate and venerate such abysmal cretins, let alone allow them in positions of power ..... i've said it before: republicans just scrape the bottom of the barrel when they come to offering us "authority figures:" richard nixon; dan quayle; spiro agnew; john mitchell; george bush; gerald ford; ronald regan ..... we'd be better of with wax effigies from madame tussaud's .....

and progressive intellectuals have a new meme they're pushing .... it's that conservatives are "authoritarian ...." eeeeeeeeeeeee ...... no ...... please ...... no, don't say that ..... not ..... not "authoritarian ....."

how about "assholes?" would that work?

works for me .......

a new medical study notes that marijuana has significant effect on pain and counteracts side effects of chemotherapy .... the government responded immediately by saying that, even if that were true, "smoke can harm you ...." this from a government that subsidizes tobacco and let the tobacco industry walk away from punitive damages and liabilities .....

another correspondent just wrote me, saying that anna nicole was dumber'n a cactus and a joke, but if that's the case the joke's on us ..... america followed her around like kitties after an opened can of puss'n boots ..... oh, we're americans and we need celebs! ooooohh .... we're americans and we need gossip! ooooooooo ..... we're americans and we need a virtual reality because our lives suck so bad and we're so fat and stupid we need to have an entire publishing industry that prints "brad" and "jen" and "tom" and who the fuck is jen, anyway? my mountain bike's better looking than she is; what the fuck has she done that has her in every checkout aisle in the fucking land? along with "800 ways to a sensual armpit" and "what he secretly wants" and "2,754 new ways to get laid" and "ping-pong balls and your pussy" and "tit jobs of the stars ....."

jeeeziz fuck ......

newsweek has paris hilton on its cover ..... who the fuck is paris hilton? why is she on the cover of newsweek? is this why newsweek is racked up next to the "brad 'n' jen weekly" next to the "tom and who-the-fuck-ever-and-their-child-weekly?"

who the fuck is newsweek?

why am i asking you this?

you know what i'd like to see? you know? you don't?

well, then .... with your kind permission i'll endeavor to persevere:

with our death toll at 3,174, although we don't do body counts and who's counting unless they want to encourage the terrorists by letting them know that they're actually killing "the troops," i'd like to see something like "troop death" or "blown-up" or "bits 'n' pieces" or something that tells the stories of all the soldiers who get killed .... "i couldn't get a job in my depressed town because the mills closed because the economy crashed and the convenience store wasn't hiring and the local service station shut down and daddy was shootin' crystal meth and beatin' mom and i wanted to get out of texas and they tol' me i could he'p my country because saddam had personnally flowed the planes into new york 'n' anyway they'd welcome us with flours and the recruitin' guy took me to a titty bar 'n' bought me drinks and betty lou danced on ma lap and they tol' me i woun't be in no danjer so why am i dead?" or "i honored a country that showed me no honor and wouldn't buy armor for my vehicle and they picked me up with a sponge ....."

that's thirty-one hundred stories to keep the tabloid press pretty fuckin' busy for a while .... with more where that came from ..... and you could have sidebar columns from contract torturers: "how to make your child confess ....."

i tried listening to bush's "press interview" yesterday ..... i couldn't do it ...... why doesn't somebody just take his toys away? petulant, spoiled, whining, tangential, circumlocuitous, deranged, psychotic, delusional ....... this man couldn't decide his way out of a used tampon ......

and i'm thrilled with the steely resolve of our elected officials who are just laying it all out on the line to pass a non-binding resolution expressing "disaproval" of how badly this cretin and his administration have rump humped the country, the iraqis, and the world ..... oooooooooo, naughty, naughty ..... oooooo, you've been a bad boy! oooooooo ...... we don't approve ......

i heard someone say how concerned george's handlers are when he gives unscripted interviews, how awkward it is when he gets cut adrift from his leash and loses sight of his talking points .....

dream on, dream on ..... they couldn't care less ..... nothing happens ...... this fool is baying at the moon while scratching fitfully at his sarcoptic mange, and it doesn't make a fucking bit of difference .....

i like how the press is always talking about "the run-up to the war," like it was some kind of macho, muscular, athletic event that took coordination and skill and dexterity ..... it wasn't a run-up .... it was a fucking cattle drive ...... it was sheep herding ..... yo! bessie, move along, now ..... shep, go git that one over there; she leavin' the herd ..... bring her on back to whar she's safe .....

mooooooooooooooo moooooooooooooooooooooooooooo moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ble-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-t ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaa moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

next: dr. pete gets pissed

Posted by DrKanga at 8:40 AM | Comments (1)

February 7, 2007

gee, it seems like only yesterday i was biking down highway one with my wife on her birthday; a forty-five mile ride with no cars, on a beautiful day, and now i'm back in the real word of the dummercratics, the repulicunz, war, and i've been on an endless hold to speak with the website provider that disappeared my site for a week and now has me on hold yet again because .... well ..... they're not liable for anything .....

corporate responsibility at its finest .....

just like the responsiveness of our demerkratik gummint ..... didn't we just have an election three months ago? didn't we see the 'murkin peeple voice their distaste with the republikunts and the minnerstration and the "war" in "iraq" which came out to be about 71% of america which i think is a little more than the stolen 51% that gave little george the "political capitol" he was going to "spend" and how about the new budget of big blank checks for the pentagon because they've done such a good job of waging war on our tax base and our schools and our hospitals and most of their funding is black bag and comes from "supplemental" requests and your kids are going to love it, the kids are going to love it ......

and so are their kids ....

and their kidses kids ......

geeeze, i'm in a mood ......

our little demerkratz, with their "non-binding resolutions" ...... jesus ..... hey, BITCH! i've got something for you to bind ..... bind this ...... you fucking scumbags ...... what is it like to be so .... so ..... balless? so invertebrate? so .... so ..... coelenteratic? is that a word? is this an electoral democracy? is this another fourth-rate third-world banana republic? with its little tin horn demogogue who likes to play dress up and soldier?

you know, it makes a young man's fancy turn to mary cheney ..... you know mary cheney? the carpet munching daughter of our vice-president? she's going to have a baby, and she says that it's a "blessing from god ...."

jeez, i don't know .... i mean, i've got two two-year-olds right here, and i've never thought of them as blessings, and i never thought that god had anything to do with them...... i was going to go off on a toot about god jerking off in mary's lap, about the second virgin birth, about god putting on rubber gloves and, with a divine turkey baster, shooting his semen up into her womb; about mary following the homosexual agenda which we know leads to having sex with dogs, and mary fellating schnauzers and taking it doggy style from a bichon frise as a rottweiler gives her the bone ..... but hey .... it's not funny, and i don't want to be invited on a hunting trip with dick, who is her father ....

and is probably the father of her implanted child as well .....

but it's not a topic of conversation and she tells us that same-sex couples make fine parents, and so let's not politicize it, okay?

jesus ..... i'm despondent .... i'm despondent about over 3,100 dead soldiers ..... i'm despondent about the 363 tons of cash that got shipped over to iraq and then disappeared .... i'm despondent that new orleans still isn't an issue, and they never got a fucking ton of cash, just a ton of shit ..... i can't believe that there's a debate about debating an illegal, immoral invasion and occupation; i can't believe that we still have assholes like john boner, minority leader, saying shit like "If you're not for victory in Iraq, you're for failure. The consequences of failure are immense. I think it destabilizes the entire Middle East, encourages Iran and on top of that, it's pretty clear that the terrorists will just follow us home." i can't believe these evil scumsuckers are still using this tired, flaccid, moribund evil rhetoric ..... i can't believe these fucksmokers are going yada yada yada about iran and nukular weppuns in maybe ten fucking years and north korea, thank you very much, has them right now .... but at least we've embargoed their champagne and giant screen plasma teevees and won't let 'em buy a humnmer, either ..... i can't believe we're having a trial for scooter "the neutered-cuter-pooter" libby, and karl rove's walking around ..... i can't fucking believe that the media is now in a tumescent frenzy about a fucking astronaut in diapers .... i can't believe that bush has a "new budget" with more money for the pentagon than ever before, and less money for education and health .... than ever before .... i can't believe that chevron had forty billion dollars in profit and doesn't have to pay taxes ..... i can't believe that bush is saying shit like he wants a "balanced budget" by 2012 which, we hope, is after he's out of office and the mess he's created is in someone else's lap ..... i can't believe the press, and that it still calls "the surge" a "new plan," or that they don't note it's not 21,500 more moving targets, it's 50,000 moving targets ......

i can't believe we've moved into a "faith based government," that we have faith this is a "new plan" and that fucking bush is telling us it's going to work "because it has to" and the military tells us it's going to work because they "believe it will because they can't believe what it'll be like if it doesn't" and somehow we have faith that everything's going to work out and we'll all hold hands and dance off into the sunset while roy rogers sings "happy trails to you" .......

i can't believe that we can even entertain the notion that anything this asshole and his gang of assholes presents is legitimate ..... how the fuck can we do this? these people have always been dishonest, corrupt, and meretricious; they have never told the truth, they wouldn't know the truth if it sidled up to them and started dry-humping their thighs, they wouldn't recognize the truth if it danced in front of them with neon lights flashing "THE TRUTH! THE TRUTH!" and i'm going to get a pony next christmas i really am i'm going to have me a pony .....

you can drop on by and feed him a lump of sugar .......

i'm sorry; i've got nothing funny to say because i can't see anything funny anywhere .... not even mary cheney, sucking off a great dane, while holding a hot dog in each hand, makes me smile; not even some psycho astronaut bitch in diapers, boldly going where no man has gone before, and holding an ak-47, is funny ..... it's pathetic ..... it's banal .... it's appalling ...... WHY AREN'T YOU RIOTING IN THE STREETS? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY? WHY DON'T YOU AAAARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH ....... AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE..... MOTHERFUUUUUUUUKKKKKERRRRRRRRR I CAN'T STAND IT ANY MORE I'M GOING TO ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA

next: karl rove, guest columnist

Posted by DrKanga at 4:54 PM | Comments (2)

February 1, 2007

skwah the bald eagle was hungry .... he'd been soaring over the arctic tundra for days, floating high on the thermals that wafted off denali, but he could see nothing ..... once the land was rich with game, seen easily by his sharp eyes, but now it was different .... reeking black pools shimmered in sunlight that seemed hotter than usual, black pools of a thick and viscous fluid dripping from an endless networks of pipes that laced across once pristine land .....

little did swkah know that his silent flight had not gone unnoticed; he had been picked up on the homeland's radar early warning screens, and the warriors dedicated to the preservation of the homeland's freedoms (there was one left; you could "leave the room" if you raised your hand and said, "kin i leave the room? i haveta go .....) were scrambling to intercept him ...... 2.4 billion dollars worth of stealth technology scrambled into the air, something that no fighter planes did for close to two hours after the last plane hit on september eleventh, skyhawk missiles armed and radio .... and they closed in on skwah .....

he felt them coming, but it was too late to avoid them, and he was tired and hungry .... the skyhawk missile, built at a cost that could have been used to build fifteen schools, three hospitals, twelve libraries, and fourteen day care centers, exploded in proximity and knocked him, senseless, from the air ....

his limp body fluttered to the ground ..... fortunately the warning shots fired at him by the homeland security guards missed him, although they'd been trained like the los angeles and new york police to empty the clip, reload, empty the clip, check rectal temperature and other vital signs with a cattle prod, then yell, "halt! or i'll shoot! ........"

the homeland warriors wrapped skwah's body in visqueen and duct tape, the cornerstones of any free society defending itself against terrorism, and took skwah to washington, d.c. .....

they took him before the senate and the congress .... look, they told the fearless officials of freedom; this must be the last bald eagle in the whole! wide! world! ......

a low murmur of excitement ran through the assemblage ...... mine, one yelled; he's mine! no, another screamed, he's MINE! they charged skwah and, grabbling wing and leg and leg and wing, while yet more greedy hands grabbed at his noble head .....

tore him to shreds faster'n a pack of piranhas can strip a cow of its flesh in the amazon basin, and that's about a minute 'n' thirty-two seconds .....

anything for a photo op for fox news, you know?

sound bytes were dubbed in later, along with suitably martial music ........

i'd prepared another interminable column about the media and how poorly they serve us and how much they gloss over in these most critical of times ..... but it wasn't a great column and it wasn't well written and molly ivins just died and i am so grieved and so saddened by her passing .....

molly knew more about politics than i ever want to and, at her worst, wrote better than i can in my wildest dreams ...... she was a truly a giant in a land populated by shrivelled malignant dwarves, and she could write page after page that'd make you laugh and make you think and make you angry and still give you hope ......

and she could do it all without saying "f*** ......."

god bless you, molly ivins ....

please come back soon .....

and stay a whole lot longer ......

Posted by DrKanga at 10:30 PM | Comments (2)

January 26, 2007

today's aol, always a benchmark in cretinism, retardation, and retrograde republican shit, said something about bush no longer being "the decider," but rather is now "the one who makes decisions ...."

i guess it depends on what your definition of "is" is .....

mine is, he's a "fucking shithead ...... "

this 'news' article went on to say that bush asked people not to be critical of his "new plan" until they'd given it a "chance to work ....."

hey, he's right; six years of "fucking the country" and "the world" in "the ass" isn't "chance enough;" i'm sure he's going to get "it" "right" now ......

i mean, who are we, mere citizens of an "electoral democracy," who "expressed their displeasure" in "national elections" all of "last february," to be critical? we are, after all, merely the "little people," who may know "some things," but probably don't know things that we don't know, even though we might guess at knowing other things that we might not know, so we could be confounded by those darned old "known unknowns" not to mention those "unknown unknowns ..... "

and hey, wasn't february a long time ago? we should let bygones be bygones, reach out "across the aisle," engage in "bipartisanship," and "look ahead," rather than dwell on the "bitterness" and "negativity" of the past ......

only a "democratic" or a "jew" or a "lib'ral" or a "commie homosessual" would want to wallow in such negativity when they could engage in "healing" the "nation ...."

i'm real glad that our "democratics," emerging victorious from the "national election" way back when, can now concentrate on "forming committees" to "determine if they're" "presidential material" who can "waste our fucking time" over "the next two years" as they gear up for another "election" they're bound to lose .....

but that's "me ....." i'm sure i'm just ......

"being negative ....."

did you want to talk about the "state of the union?" that was a "long time ago," by our "national attention span," and i thought we ought to "move on" and not "dwell in darkness," but .....

i thought i'd try and "listen" to it; i had some "bets running" on how many times we'd get to hear "terr'r" and "democracy" and "freedom" and "9/11" ..... but it was "hard" for me; it was "difficult" and it was "hard" and it was "painful" and it was rilly rilly "hard work ......"

i expected vapidity; i anticipated empty rhetoric; i foresaw shallow, empty homilies; i knew my intelligence'd be insulted; i feared the onslaught of inanities; i visualized the carpet-bombing of non-sequiturs from the non compos .... i knew that i'd be plunging my head into the "diaper pail" for fresh air and blessed relief from the stench of the "vaporous utterances" that'd "spew forth" from that shithead's mouth, but .....

i couldn't stomach it, i really couldn't ..... there's something about grown men and women, leaping to their feet with pavlovian alacrity, as though electrical charges were sent coursing through their chairs and thence through their flaccid buttocks; grown men and women, shrieking and hollering and clapping for blathering inanities, for mindless natter, for contentless slobber, who scissor their hands in the air and clap madly when .....

there's nothing there ....

but, god, there was a lot of it .....

of course, i don't have television, so missed the visual cues; i'm sure that would have put "it" all into "perspective," and i would have "understood" the "phenomenon;" nay .... would even have "leaped to my fucking feet" and "joined in ......"

or maybe just for the sheer relief of watching the glistening sheen of saliva coursing down "his" chin, sparkling like the regal diadems of an enduring monarchy, the relief that "he" wasn't choking on his own drool ......

you see ..... you can teach an old "dog" new "tricks ...."

then, of course, there were the perfunctory references to "reform ....." every time you hear the word "reform" you'd better grit your teeth, gird your loins, and kiss it all goodbye, because that's as much foreplay as you're ever going to get before you're bent over, tied up in a bundle, and "driven home ..... " yes, "he" said: we still need to "reform" social security" and "medicare" and "medicaid" and we need to make suing doctors who fuck you up illegal because that's just a waste of the courts' time and he didn't say "frivolous," he said something else that i can't remember, and don't even get me started on health care in america, let alone insurance or the lack thereof, i mean, i've got insurance and i'm glad i do, but what's this about anaesthetic not being covered by my policy, why, i don't want to pay out-of-pocket for this shit, so the next time i get a shoulder replaced, you know, where the doc's in there rooting around for six hours, sawing up and discarding bone, gluing in some nice, new titanium, then redoing it because he didn't like the way it fit together, i'm going to say, hell, no, not me, i'm going to tough this baby out .....

i'm gong to just say "no" to "drugs ......"

and then "he" said something about "tax cuts" like that was a "big surprise" all right, like "he" could let five minutes go by without lobbying for another fucking tax cut, because we needed to "something" "something" "something" about the "hunger of the federal government ...."

yessir, that darned old hungry fed'ral gummint ..... boy, that mother'll just take your money and build roads and schools and hospitals but i think that could all be done better by "private corporations" who work in "the free marketplace," on a "level" "playing" "field," like halliburton, and haven't they done a great job with all the money they got, putting together places like "baghdad" and "new orleans?" not that there was any "mention" of "new orleans" in this speech, even though "he" did extol the virtues of the creator of "baby einstein," which is understandable, it'll appeal to the "intelligence" of someone who got lamped blind by "the pet goat" on september 11, when planes were flying into tall buildings, and even if i had a television i wouldn't want my kids watching shit like that because i don't think recognizing corporate logos to be a vital life skill ..... and, of course, the republicans didn't pass a budget last year, so it's up to the "democratics" to scramble to create one in a "friendly bipartisan atmosphere" and none of the "money" that's being "spent" to "improve" the "lot of the iraqis," and there's a "lot" of 'em has been budgeted, that just comes from george stickin' out his "hand" and sayin', "gimmee some more and gimmee it now ..... you wanna support the troops, doncha?"

well ..... i'm sure that, right about "now," you're saying, what's the point, doctor pete? what's the "fucking point?"

there's a lot of points, but let me just chew up this crunchy ritalin candy bar here and focus in on one ..... let's focus in on how tragically badly we're being served by our media ..... we've been badly served for years, it doesn't appear to be getting any better, and the service seems to go down party lines .... we have republocrats saying, well, don't criticize the "president's" "plan" until you offer an "alternative ...."

do you think that a "fearless journalist" could ask one of these wang-biters, so, senator crank-nibbler .... what was the iraq study group? didn't they have a ninety-seven point plan? that the "president" was gong to "study?" or did the "dog" eat his "homework?"

bad dog, barney! bad dog! you do that agin' an' it's off ta gitmo with ya! an' barney? alberto say that the constitution? it don't have no guarantees of habyas corp-ass ......

there are so many myths and confabulations that get endlessly repeated, under the rubric of "lies become believable with repetition," and no "liberal" or "democratic" or "progressive" will call the press out on their spinning horseshit into straw .....

just the other day national pentagon radio was talking about our "highly trained security personnel" who used to be called "screeners" because the local convenience store had found them unqualified and how "collective bargaining," e.g., "unions" wouldn't be any good for those "valuable employees," especially in the "aftermath" of the "liquid terror plot ....."

there was never any liquid terror plot ..... there were some nim-nums and psychotic dreamers about whom any number of credible sources and scientists noted that you'd need heavy equipment and seven hours in an airplane lavatory to create a binary explosive liquid, which would probably not go unnoticed ..... but you didn't hear that on hardball, did you? you didn't hear that on the o'reilly fucktor, did you? so .... you're stuck with having to check your shampoo, because a compliant and well-trained population, one that tolerates and even encourages the abrogations of their liberties, is a docile population that will swallow the poison pill and schlorp down the kool-aid .....

and our media will pour it out of that frosty pitcher, with the little happy face drawn into the frost beads, into your nice little paper cup .....

and anyone who questions that hates our freedoms, even as the rest of us chuck our freedoms into the toxic sludge behind a giant hog farm ......

next: dr. pete eats kosher bacon

Posted by DrKanga at 8:28 PM | Comments (1)

January 21, 2007

well ......

so my site crashed and disappeared and had to be rebuilt and i guess this is a shakedown cruise, which means the corporations that fucked me up in the first place are shaking me down for more money so they can put me on hold, bounce me over to some wombat in bangalore where it's "oh i'm so sooorrry ..... yesss ..... yesssss ...... i can help you wit' dat .... may i puh choo on hole?" and the bronchitis my boys gave me that turned into walking pneumonia or i don't know what that had me prostrate and retching or was that just the news, every day, day after day, that had me crawling and gagging and retching and so fucking tired i just wanted to hide under the bed and natter with the dust bunnies and i wanted to talk about music but why talk about music it's hopeless and pointless and music sucks anyway so let's get a few sour notes out of the way ......

gosh, dear diary; the dust hasn't settled from the november elekshun, you know, the one where the american peepel expressed their disgust with the republikan party and their greed and corruption and cynicism and murderous indifference and failed polisees and the peepul put in demokrats who promised us that we'd get out of iraq 'coz that seemed to be on ever'one's mind and george said he got "a thumpin" and was "gonna lissen" and boy that sure worked out great di'n't it why we just fixed that iraq shit all up and now our dimmerkatz have turned our attenshun to a presidential elektion that's two years away and i'm glad that's where our political energies are goin' coz the demmokrats are provin' their relevance once again as is the media by proclaimin' the kind of figgers amerkans love to elect to prominent political posishuns, like a wumman and a darkly complekted person oh gosh we're ready for that aren't we america i think we shud have some of them gay peeple runnin' too and sam brownshirt, republikan from kansas which we know to be an enlitened state why it's been at least a cupple of weeks since they burnd a witch at the steak, has jumped off on the yaller brik road to the whaht howse by noting that there's just been so much divizhun in this kuntry an' it's time we wore yewnited not just as red 'n' blew staytes but as red whaht 'n' blew states and he's gonna do that by reaffirming the values of the family 'coz that's what made amerika great other than genocide 'n' greed 'n' unbridled imperialism yes that ol' family that's a platform i kin git behind all right and didn't i just read that 51% of american famblies are now single parent famblies with the mother as the figgerhead too bad the bitch's gotta work three jobz because she cain't git day care 'n' inshorance for her kids and i don't know 'bout you but i wonder if 3,100 dead sodjers in eerak not to mention the 38,000 that got their dicks 'n' titties blowd off or are so brane damidged they cain't wop their tushies let alone the threee quarter of a millyun eye-rakkees killed and that doesn't even take into accownt the refugees and we didn't even mention the refudjees from noo orleens do you think their families are fukked up i don't know what do you think?

sour notes indeed ...... i see that george "ain't too happy with the hangin's in eee-rak" ..... he should know; 437 executions during his tenure as governor of texas (i see now that texas dna tests are showing that 145% of the people on death row are innocent) and of course his dignified laughter and chanting "i don' wanna dah! ah don' wanna dah! ooooooooohhhh pleeze doncha kill me! puh-eeeeze! ah don' wannnnnna DAH!" in a parody of karla faye tucker, the woman he sent to death even though she found jayzuz 'n' was bored again and was a model prizner .....

i surely love compassionate conservatives who yew-naht 'n' don't di-vahd ......

i'm glad that there's an investigation of them hangin's in ee-rak ..... boy, we don't care that they were carried out in a portable outhouse, or that militia got their uniforms and balaklavas from ski hut's bargain basement, or that they danced rings around the intended screaming "your mother! your momma fucks camels! she eats jew dick!" before decapitating them with dental floss .... no, the investigations will find out what turrble miscreants brought this to the attention of the world ......

just like we do here: we don't put on trial people who slow insert red hot rebar into another man's anus ..... we track down and try the dirtbags that'd release this information to our ever-so-peppy press ......

those eeee-rakees ..... they may be slow, but they're learning, aren't they? they're learning what a wonderful thing freedom is, and how to enjoy it!

and thank god for our media .... this link http://thinkprogress.org/2007/01/05/senators-wrong-iraq in which diane sawyer and jake crapper note that 33 of the senators who voted to "go to war" would now not do so, knowing what they know now but didn't know then and if only they knew then what they knew now, like diane "assfuck" feinstein who said "if i were to vote the way my constituency wanted me to i would vote to not authorize but .... nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah .... i know things that you don't .... i know things that you don't ..... i know things that you don't and i can't tell you what they are because i'm smarter than you and you're not smart enough because you're oh-so-common and i'm so very very nifty and oh so nifty i'm neat and i'm witty and wise" and just kiss my ass you ratfucking scumbags why that just about toasted my fucking kippers .....

it's hard to believe that this shit passes for news, or that the pompous cretinous fucks who posture and pose and, in their self-importance, pander and condescend to the fuckwit people who are sunk deep into overstuffed furnichure, enjoying their hair as they suck down delicious light carb-free chunky-style lo-pulp organic free-range beer, get paid millions and millions and millions of dollars to be such assholes ..... diane sawyer must fuck like she reports: "oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh .... oh god! oh god! mmmmmmmoooooooooooohhhhgooooood!" christ, you can find crack whores with more integrity and honest emotion than diane "miss disingenuous multi-million dollar" sawyer: ooooo .... it's so .... big ..... you've got me so hot and so wet ...... yawn ..... i've never heard of anything like this ..... yawn ..... fuck my pussy ! fuck my pussy!"

and the little smirk that jake "i'm connected to all the right people and have dinner with 'em and we all laugh at you and at everyone who isn't anyone and that makes me an insider and important" while diane is going "oh oh oh oh oh oh i've never heard of such a thing ....."

these assholes should be rounded up and sent off to a spa someplace, where they can have fish shit and kelp meal packed onto their faces to keep their smug little smiles and shit eating grins wrinkle free ..... hey diane? what'd be amazing'd be if politicians, other than republicans who are mindless evil zombis and who walk lock-step with bush 'n da gang, would vote to kill three quarters of a million people if george and his band of fuck monkeys had presented it to them like this: hey, i'm bored and my handlers won't let me eat pretzels any more 'cause they haz ..... haz ..... hazerdus to muh hea'th 'n' it's been a real while since ah fucked somethin' up and stole a lot of stuff so i wanna invade iraq 'cause i alreddy set fire to all the cats 'round the whaht howse .... whuddaya say? can ah? huh?"

last week national pimp radio (npr) presented a fair 'n' balanced diskusshion of george 'n' the surge, featuring the man from the american enterprise institute who wrote the thing out before drawing pictures large enough and simple enough for george to follow, and some pentagon mouthpiece who also belonged to the hoover institute ......

good going, guys; boy, they sure convinced me that it's all on the up-and-up and it's been carefully thought out by some real great minds and that, well, sure, maybe some mistakes were made before, like i know we should have just used some neutron bombs on those dune coons 'cause that'd have just taken care of all them ungrateful and uppity iraqis who, gosh darn it, sure oughtta be grateful to us for makin' 'em free and all and we sure wanna support our troops by sendin' more of 'em over there, i mean, that's why they joined up in the first place, so they could protect our freedoms and we've gotta draw a line in the sand for terror and honest, isn't there a lotta sand over there and thank you lib'ral media for helpin' me understan' these great issues .... 'cause it's all so complex that i wouldn't understand it if you din't 'splain it all to me now how many are dead over there this week?

and you know the plan is just to keep fucking it up, and keep looting and handing out no-bid contracts and privatizing whatever they can and then they'll dump it all in the lap of the next administration, two years from now, probably god help us the dimmerkatz, and say, don't fuck it up now!

gotta plan, bitch?

these vile little feces garglers in the press are at it again, hard at work, trying to make it appear like the emperor actually has clothes on, or is it "the emperor has a brain?": "he's listening now .... he's taking his time and .... he's listening! oooooooooooo ...... he doesn't want to be rushed in making these critical decisions ! eeeeeee ..... the decider's not gonna decide just yet; he's .... gasp! he's gonna think! ooooooooo! he's going to behave in a .... buy partisan manner! eeeeeeee! he's reaching out! across the aisle! aaaaaaaaah ...... he's got a plan! oooooaaaaooooaaaaaoooooaaaaaaaa ....... he's a manly man! and eeeeeee! eeeeeeewwwwwww! he's admitted that mistakes have been made! rrrrrrrrrrrr .....he's gotta plan! he's gotta plan!"

what a bunch of jerkoffs ....... he's still the same sociopathic, spoiled, neurologically impaired, cretinous, cat-burning, dog-killing, fart-smelling, whoopee-cushion-brained moron he's always been ...... he never gave thought to a fucking thing, he just peddled time and diddled himself while sending more troops .... what are the democrats going to do now? buy them airplane tickets to bring them home?

while today's aol "news," always a bellweather in this great land of ours, tells me that "a new poll says that most people think of bush as strong, decisive, and stubborn ...."

really? i don't know what poll these parakeet-brained apologists are referring to .... strong? decisive? stubborn?

how about ..... cognitively impaired and incapable of ratiocination?

a few days ago a good friend of mine sent me a video clip of a comedian, prefacing it by saying how gifted the guy was with mannerisms and accents and timing and body language .... and he was; he started off, doing bush, saying how bush always looked like he was staring into the sun ..... oh, he had it down: he did bush really well and the next thing i knew, he was ha ha ha ha ha talking about bill clinton and monica lewinksi, and you know what?

i wasn't fucking amused ..... jesus christ; six fucking years of murder and plunder; six years of trampling on the constitution, of theft, of pederasty, of corruption, of diseased, evil, toxic, walking dead, of illegal wars and torture and wire tapping and this cheap shot moron wants us sniggering about bill clinton getting a blow job, which the republicans then took the next however many years and what? eight five million dollars to distract the country with impeachment proceedings?

you know what would make me laugh?

this comic asshole instituting impeachment proceedings against bush 'n da gang, for conspiring to defraud the american peeple .....

yeah, i'd laugh ......

jeeziz, pete ....

are you okay? do you need to adjust your meds again? are you .... mmmm ..... feeling a mite peckish? would you like some frog and peach? do you think a nice gin and tonic'd help you .... settle down? you gettin' enuff sleep? you seem .....

agitated .......

one final thing, then i'll go and change a diaper or two ..... i heard someone on "progressive talk radio" say how worried george's handlers'd be with george goin' off script, wingin' it, puttin' his foot up to his asshole in his mouth ..... i had to fucking laugh: ha ha ha ha ha, like they could give a shit ..... no, they don't give a shit, no one gives a shit ..... this moron is walking around, tripping over his own tiny little dick, and no .... one .... cares ..... no .... one .... gives .... a ..... shit ...... no one will pull his coat, no one'll call him out, no one will ask him anything harder than a senile schnauzer could answer ....

bush is now saying shit like, mmmmm ..... nggggghhhhahhhhhhh ...... anyone .... who ..... mmmmm .... don't .... 'n' .... they ..... oughtta .... mmmmm ..... respect .... don't like the surge .... unnnnhhhhh ..... oughtta have a plan .......

yo ... penis breath ...... how about .....

iraq study group?

i can't go on .... i've gotta ..... nnnnnnn ..... i ..... mmmmm .... need ...... mmmmmm .......

paregoric .....

lots and lots of paregoric .......

next: dr. pete feels better

Posted by DrKanga at 7:33 PM

January 15, 2007

I hope that i'm back, after a litany of technical woes that include the scrambling of my orders page, the disappearance of the website, and the interminable nigglings with a non-responsive and meretricious corporate america .....

could any of this be due the accuracy of my analyses, assessments, and indictments of a corrupt and conscienceless administration so jaded and cynical it cannot even muster the energy to be marginally disingenuous?

such idle musings aside, let's consider this a trial run and shakedown of new operating systems; more cogent analyses of the #!$#^@ of the #^%$#@^$ administration with their $%@#^$ to which the press has Q%$#!@%$#$ with their mouths stuck up to Q#TWRE%#$% so they can suck the #%$#@!%$^@#^$Q will wait .....

also upcoming: more information on The Archives and Black Kangaroo ......

belated best wishes for a new year; we can only hope it to be better than the last, which feasted mightily on the dong of the Dark Lord .......

Posted by DrKanga at 9:21 AM | Comments (4)

December 15, 2006

michael and i played on krsh.fm last night; we had a great time and, if you didn't hear it, it may still be possible to access the broadcast via krsh.com .... i don't know how this computer pod stuff works, so don't take my word for it, but go ahead: check it out .... thanks to andre at krsh; a most gracious host and a knowledgeable man, he provided an all-around pleasant atmosphere for playing and chatting ....

the archives are flying off the shelf but there are still copies waiting for you .... contact me directly for order information; still $!@#!$ with the #@%$%@$ website to get the commerce section of my website functional again .... thanks, corporate america, you ^%(&%*^&$&$@$%^*)(^%$for being so responsive and so responsible .....

speaking of responsive and responsible, i just love the celerity with which the bush administration has responded to the mandate of the mid-term elections, in which republicans were swept out of office like dried catshit off a linoleum floor, while american voters succinctly said, "yo .... DICKhead ..... yo ..... dickCHENEY ...... yo ..... BITCH! GET OUT OF IRAQ!" ....... not to mention that cute little coffee table book, the iraq study group's report on .... what was the name of that place?

shit .... the iraq study group .... a bunch of old white guys, including james "i'll fix it for you, mr bush" baker, but not including anyone who was ever against the invasion, or anyone who wants an immediate withdrawal of occupying troops from iraq ...... it's like a genteel book club of blue-haired tea-drinking old ladies that gets together every year to discuss "the bridges of madison county" and the character development and soft-focus penetration of francesca, the war bride ....... yup, a whole lot of fuckin' goin' on .....

and now our fearless press is up to the same old fearless press routine, which is ....

polishing turds .....

you know, if you're a gifted professional, for whom reportage is more than just an avocation--for whom it's a calling--you know that it's not wise to breathe the dust ..... you've got to polish your turds under water .... so the press is now asking penetrating questions like, did he read it? is he listening? is he going to make a decision? is he ..... still alive? is he breathing? should we pull the feeding tube? do the dead walk? do we need to put vasoline on his lips so they don't crack? and flip him over? so he doesn't get fucking bed sores?

am i making any sense?

they're trying to make profound, or parse responses like, "iraq ..... it's bad ..... it's ..... tough ......"

what about this response? here's another direct quote: "we're not leaving til the job is done and we've ..... 'complished our ..... mishun ....."

hey, assholes .... yes, you in the press ... and all you voters ..... does "fuck you" mean anything to you?

what about this, from the new york times? "today the emperor showcased his beguiling and mesmerizing new wardrobe, paid for at great expense by debits from a debilitated treasury ..... the fit was nothing short of stunning, the material gauzy, diaphanous, and woven by slave laborers in china who, blinded by the detail work, long hours, and poor working conditions, were immediately harvested by organ transplanters, their fresh young livers sold to republican donors ...."

the article goes on to say: "fifty-four bullets of diverse calibrations riddled the body of an eight-year-old who had the temerity to offer a critique of the emperor's new clothes ..... the brave agents who protected our fearless leader were immediately awarded the medal of freedom for their heroic response ...... press members, take note, and be judicious in what you say and to whom you might fucking say it ....."

bang bang bang bang bang bang bang ........

george, the decider, still hasn't decided ..... well, let me take that back ..... we all know he's decided, and we know what the decision's going to be: "you're fucked .... ha ha ha ha ha ha ..... ha ha ha ha ha ha ......" still, there's the "secret plan" that was supposed to come out before christmas .... i was looking forward to hunkering down, checking out the presents underneath the tree, and unwrapping a secret plan for peace, democracy, windfall profits for exxon mobil, drilling in alaska and the san francisco bay, and a new set of monitoring devices, hanging next to the sparkling angel playing the harp on the lower branches ....

but the "secret plan's" been put off 'til the new year, probably because we're waiting for the "double secret don't tell anyone it's so secret that not even george knows what it is yet but i'm sure it'll be a lot more of the same only we'll come up with some spiffy new names for it like "quadruple bypass bold leap forward into fun 'n' sun 'n' freedom" plan .....

i'm sure the one hundred or so grunts who'll get their tits 'n' clits 'n' shits blown to pieces'll appreciate the need for secrecy; hey, wouldn't want our implacable foes to know what our plans are, would we? they might--ha ha ha ha ha--use that knowledge to their advantage .... and kill some of our guys ..... still, it was a good day in baghdad: they only found twenty-two bodies there in the last twelve-hour period .....

get it together, guys; you're not meeting your quotas ......

secret plans .... secret plans ..... gee, makes me thank of nixon and kissinger and westmoreland and that fun bunch ...... yep, we've got a secret plan here to end this war, but we can't tell you what it is; you'll have to .... ha ha ha ..... vote us into office before we can put it into effect ......

correct me if i'm wrong, but ..... didn't that "secret plan" involve the illegal bombing of cambodia and laos? and drag the war out for another five years? with how many tens of thousands of americans dying? not to mention the two million vietnamese?

i love the way those republicans have secret plans ...... mmmm mmmmm goood!

is one of their secret plans taking a page from the putin playbook and giving senator tim johnson a polonium suppository, so they can keep control of the senate?

you tell me, but remember ..... george looked into putin's eyes and found him a "kindred spirit ....."

one more thing, then i'll bleed out in the tub .....

i see that some liberals are offended by a game that's been out for six years, the one where christians get to convert--or kill--the unbelievers .... yes, those liberals want wal-mart to pull it off the shelves ...... like, the day wal-mart starts cutting into company profits is the day i'll be born again, but that's not the point .....

gee, doctor pete .... what's the point? why don't you get to the fucking point?

okay, then .... here's the point: hey, mr. liberal ..... let people buy whatever game they want to ..... the real point is, you should face up to what our christians are all about: they want you dead ..... they think that killing you is not only a great idea, it'd be a lot of fun ...... do you know what this means?

it means, you can't talk to them, you can't dialogue with them, you can't build bridges of madison county to them: as far as they're concerned you're less than human, you're useful only as landfill, and they've already got the wait staff at god's right hand filled out so, if you make it out alive, you'll just make it into slavery ....... better learn how to deal with 'em, real fast, because they're like a virus on viagra, cockroaches on coke, and the only birth control they practise is shooting doctors ......

just remember ..... mormons figured out a long time ago it was much easier to convert dead jews than it was to mess around with living ones .....

next: dr. pete gets into the holiday spirit

Posted by DrKanga at 1:53 AM | Comments (4)

December 12, 2006

a reminder: michael lindner and i are doing a live radio broadcast, thursday, december 14, 8:00 pm pst, on santa rosa's krsh.... i'm sure they do a live podcast or whatever one does these days; check us out: http:www.krsh.com........

let me reiterate that for an indeterminate period of time download orders of black kangaroo will get a bonus: "going home" shipped to your doorstep .....

also: the archives, lovingly compiled by music historian lisa rios is available ..... this eighteen cut compilation has everything from kangaroo live, circa 1976, to "lullaby," an eponymous song written to lull my boys to sleep ..... it didn't work but ..... i think it one of the finest things i've ever done: great lyrics, wonderful playing, and harmonies that will put a lump in your throat and a tear or two in your eye ...... in between are guitar-driven rockets like "garden island," "skedaddle moon," and "sleep deprived;" social commentary (and i think you know what i'm talkin' about) in "the mean streets of richmond;" instrumental pyrotechnics in "the flight at the end of the tunnel," along with great versions of "that's a good question;" "paqui;" " amalfi," and more .....

did i mention "the ballad of saddam hussein?"

i should be touting "beyond help!" but i'm sold out and won't retool for a while .......

next:

dr. pete repaints his ferrari metallic punk

Posted by DrKanga at 7:01 AM | Comments (1)

December 9, 2006

mel brooks .... no .... no! mel gibson! mel gibson! mel gibson's done another picture that features violence, revenge, pursuit, torture, and .... subtitles .... so that the masses can understand an historical and incomprehensible language ..... i'm sure that mel has a very interesting locked closet in his house, where he likes to spend a lot of time when he's not cruising the strip, schnockered and festooned with blonde bimbos (oh, he's a family values man!) but no, i don't want to know what's in it; i'm just going to--out of the goodness of my heart, and for free--suggest what his next film could be about: it opens up, with a pov of the oval office in the white house; off camera voices are, in a language not understood, saying: "don't invade iraq! don't invade iraq!," while the subtitles read: "don't invade iraq! we'll be sorry! we'll be sorry!"

one reviewer commented that warfare, using knives and sticks and clubs, was bloody ..... gee, i never knew that; i'm sure glad we've sanitized things and use white phosophorus and cluster bombs and rocket propelled grenades and illegal rounds from our ar's, all of which shred bodies but .... leave no blood .....

however, i digress ..... the next two-and-a-half hours of the picture feature house-to-house fighting, chases, lots of fast cuts; torture including acid/brain injections, trepanning with power tools, lots of rape, and the pursuit and slaughter of a brutal alien invading force ......

the subtitles go, "see, asshole ..... we fucking told you ..... we told you but you wouldn't listen ..... and you're still not listening ...... and only the dickheads who got it all wrong still get paid to talk about it ......"

i sense that some of you aren't quite with me on this, but then ...... maybe you're not as big on torture as mel is ..... he's a christian, you know ......

okay ........ now can i talk about music?

good ..........

BLACK KANGAROO will be re-released by wounded bird records in a timeframe as yet to be specified ...... i'd thought it would come out in the beginning of the new year, but you know me: i have a real hard time with the english language, and need subtitles to understand what i believe i'm being told ...... i've sent them my masters, including the bonus tracks that are part of the download package, and they will do the cover art .... this means a couple of things: one is, you will pay a little less to wounded bird records for a cd that will have cover art with it, while two is, i will make absolutely no money at all .......

rod liddle, music editor for the sunday times (london) magazine, wrote in august that Black Kangaroo is one of the albums you should have been listening to in the 1970s ...... i think that Going Home is one of the albums you should be listening to now; i won't be around in thirty years and it won't mean fuck all to me when it gets discovered and the subtitles go, wow! this was really great! wonder what happened to him?

he fucking died, you morons; why didn't you buy it when it would have done him some fucking good?

so ..... for now until whenever, anyone who orders a download of black kangaroo will get a free copy of Going Home, and i'll pay the shipping ..... except for international ...... orders will also get bonus tracks of whatever i feel like burning off at the time; i think i've done a lot of good music and i think you should hear it ..... there's more to me than just saying "george bush sucks satan's cock," even though we know it to be the truth .......

and you don't need subtitles ......

now ....... let me introduce THE ARCHIVES:

music historian lisa rios has supervised the compilation of select peter kaukonen music from 1976 to 2006: yes, folks! that's thirty years of anonymity! she has painstakingly collected eighteen cuts that range from a kangaroo live slow blues (1976) to extraordinary fingerpicking to music done in this last year observing the birth of my twin sons ...... when was it ever easy to categorize what i do musically? The Archives showcase stellar performances by lee parvin, piano; marcia miget, soprano sax; michael lindner on bass; and through it all, my guitar playing ........

lisa's done the artwork, and it's a spectacular package ...... oh, this one covers all the bases, and it's a very limited edition, each one numbered and signed ..... i'm sorry to say that the orders page of my site has crashed, thanks to corporate interference, and i don't know when it will be rebuilt, or when i can feature The Archives on its own page ....... but you can inquire by writing to me directly ......... The Achives are $30.00, plus $3.00 for postage and handling, and each order will be accompanied with a Going Home ..........

wow! music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music music

see? i knew i could write about music!

next: dr. pete gets giddy

Posted by DrKanga at 3:39 AM | Comments (2)

December 3, 2006

this is, i think, from a recent maureen dowd column in the new york times:

Fake fur and real fur and jewelry and Jet Skis,
Crystal and Segways and bubbly and Caddies,
Race cars and leather and plasma TVs
These are a few of Kim's favorite things.

and these are just some of the things that our little bush, because he wants to "irritate" kim jung il, is now going to deny the north koreans ....

oh, this'll hurt 'em big time .... fuck, they haven't eaten for five years, but they sure love their jet skis ...... and i can hear the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth when kim realizes his cadre won't be able to get i-pods .....

honest to god, i keep seeing a petulant, spoiled, whining brat in the white house .... i didn't need any confirmation, but here it is anyway.... his move at diplomacy is to take away kim's toys ..... bush's idea of "diplomacy" is to be an irritant .....

is this why we've got john bolton as ambassador to the united nations?

iraq, which didn't have functional weapons for years, let alone functional nukes, gets invaded and trashed ..... kim, after testing some tactical nukes, gets his mink coat taken away ......

you go, george; you go ...... if being an irritant's your goal, this may be the only thing you've succeeded at in your entire spoiled, coddled, protected little life .....

speaking of petulant little bitches, i had a good time listening to right wing fuckjobs on "liberal" media the other day ..... yes, national pimp radio fielded more shrieking little whores, who--like me--are never at a loss for something to complain about ..... one fecal smear was outraged at how jim webb of virginia had "snubbed the president!" ooooooo ..... he snubbed the president! he snubbed the president! .....

i've read two accounts of this ..... webb, a combat veteran, has a son serving as a lance corporal with the marines, in iraq ..... bush asked webb how his son was doing ..... one reported response was, "i'd like my son to come home," to which george reportedly replied, huffily, "that's not what i asked you ......"

you'd think george'd accept circumlocuitous responses to his questions ..... it's not that he can pronounce a word like that, but that he only responds to the questions he's asked with pre-determined talking points ....

the other reported answer was, "that's between my son and me ....."

well ..... george unnerstan's what it's lahk to have a chahld in a danjeruss plays ..... one of the twinz got her purse snatched in buenos aires .....

i wish webb had said something like, well, mr. president, in the immortal words of vice-president dick cheney ...... go fuck yourself ......

that doesn't count as a snub, does it?

the next pundit was commenting on how, with rumsfeld out, all the chickenshit dung-eaters in the pentagon and points east, west, south, and north of there, were no longer toeing the party line .... why, some of them were .... gasp! begging to differ! scrambling to cover their asses! trying, in hindsight, to appear intelligent! and what it meant, according to this booger eating moron, was that reporters could no longer get their story by talking to just one person ....

gee, i'm playing my small violin through the tears right now .... imagine, fearless reporters actually having to do their fucking job and talk to people!

but it'll never happen, not in this country .......

the other story that i know you've been following is the war of the words, to wit: is there a civil war in iraq? .... so ..... let me ask all you history buffs a question: how many people were killed before the american civil war was called .... a civil war?

yes, that's right .... ab solutely none! the firing on fort sumter resulted in no deaths whatsoever, although one union artillerist died from an exploding powder keg while firing a salute during the subsequent evacuation .... but the conflict to come was immediately called .....

a civil war ......

and we're still pricking around with what's hapening in iraq?

pure victory, as far as the eye can see .....

our pretender-in-chief is always looking into people's eyes 'n' souls ..... with all the assholes he deals with you'd think he'd just snap on the rubber gloves, bend 'em over, 'n' look into their holes, but ...... that'd conjure up iraq's future, right there: yup .... looks pretty shitty to me ..... but then, i think that requires skills he just doesn't have .....

now our decider's looked in maliki's eyes again 'n found him to be of the right stuff, even though national security adviser stephen hadley's leaked memo described al-Maliki as "either ignorant of what is going on, misrepresenting his intentions or that his capabilities are not yet sufficient to turn his good intentions into action ....."

you'd almost think he was talking about his boss, wouldn't you?

and the decider is still waiting for maliki's answer on what can be done to clean up all the broken china he left in the global china shop .....

some decider .....

do i need to tell you that if someone needs to tell you that he's "compassionate" he's not? that if he needs to tell you, over and over again, how he "understands," he doesn't? and if he has to tell you he's "a decider," he can't?

i didn't think so ......

next: dr. pete really wants to tell you about his new music .....

Posted by DrKanga at 8:17 AM | Comments (2)

November 27, 2006

geez .... i got through thanksgiving with good friends, good food, and some epic bike rides in forty degree weather, with the rain slashing horizontally .... there's no such thing as too cold or too wet, only inadequate clothing ..... plus, i've been loaded to the tits on turkey tryptophan, and with all these good feelings ....

i find that i'm still in america ....

shit ..... what happened?

i've been accused, vis a vis my annual thanksgiving editorializing, of being "too sentimental" or something like that .... it's not just my new anti-depressants; i happen to like thanksgiving and, thanks to forty-five years of brief therapy, can finally experience a full range of affect which, as a result of all those republicans and christians and corporations fucking around, generally devolves to power booting intestinal and duodenal blood across the parquetry ......

assholes and fuckbubbles just thrive in this country, and these butthuffing crotch snorters are no exception:

DENVER Nov 26, 2006 (AP)--A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

Some residents who have complained have children serving in Iraq, said Bob Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs. He said some residents have also believed it was a symbol of Satan. Three or four residents complained, he said.

well, sheee-it fahr, lee-roy ...... ah shore don' wan' no peace stuff happ'nin' 'round chrismuss tahm ..... boy howdy, that shore would prevert the messidge of jeeziz our lord from gittin' herd .....

what are these assholes worried about? did fast food franchises and gas stations stop hiring doorknobs? oh, god! if peace breaks out, watch out for the unemployment! all the "children" will be on freeway on-ramps: "will kill for food ....."

and i like the way ol' bob kearns says that some of the complainers have "children serving in iraq" ....." sounds like those armies of eight-year-olds african warlords put together .... you know, the ones that are being tried for war crimes and crimes against humanity ..... maybe one day america'll be as civilized as africa, and we'll be having our own war crimes trials for our warlords .....

but hey ..... i have a rich fantasy life, you know?

one thing i was really thankful for was that i wasn't in iraq .... i was really thankful that my children weren't in iraq ..... if i had children i wouldn't want them being shot at, but then ..... i'm in no hurry for them to sit at the lord's right hand, singing his praises .....

because he's such a narcissistic sociopathic fuck ...... and i don't want my children hanging around creepoids like that .....

everyone's got their panties in a bundle about "morality ....." it's just like the military, getting all sanctimonious and holy about "gays in the military ...." like i could really give a shit, but ..... last time i looked the military was levelling towns, torturing poor fucks they rounded up on the streets, shooting civilians, raping fourteen year old girls, and then wasting the family .... oh .... we don't want any gays over here .... because they just don't get with rapin' fourteen year old girls ..... liberatin' them from their virginity ......

'n' then their life ......

i've just read that americans are disconnected from "the war in iraq ...." gee, i don't know: all you media pundits who just never seem to get it right but still get paid the big bucks to bloviate like a pufferfish getting a hot lead enema: do the results of this recent election strike you as "disconnect?" where republican whoremongers got thrown out? because americans said, enough now; fuck the bring 'em on .... it's time to bring 'em home ......

i know people--myself included--that knew years ago the administration was lying, fixing intelligence, manufacturing causi belli, and being the stupid pigpokers and feces garglers they were then, are now, and always will be .... and what happened? our demonstrations, letters, e-mails, campaigns, movements, proposals, arguments, and presentations were trivialized, ignored, and mocked, while we were castigated, demonized, and denounced ....

so listen up, jerkoff: i've got your fucking disconnect, right here .... come and get it .....

the colossal nerve of these cocksuckers .... our policy now is to marginalize iraqis because they're not "stepping up to the plate ...." well, prick suck, last time i looked iraqis didn't play baseball, so spare me the fucking sports metaphors .... that's our national pasttime, just like imposing sanctions on the regime of our former asset, saddam hussein, was--through three different administrations ...... we sanctioned medical supplies, so half a million children died from easily preventable diseases in a twelve-year period ..... then we invaded their country--twice--leaving depleted uranium everywhere but ..... it probably prevents tooth decay, so they should be grateful; too bad they don't have clean running water to brush their fucking teeth with .... then we bombed the shit out of them, stood by while everything was looted, disbanded their security forces, left piles of armaments unguarded which, oddly enough, disappeared, didn't fix any infrastructure like hospitals, power plants, schools, water treatment facilities, garbage treatment facilities, you fucking name it, stand by while civil war kills more people than saddam ever aspired to killing--and that includes the famous massacre of the kurds that king george the first fomented by promising the kurds weapons and support if they were to overthrow saddam, before he said, "just kiddin', rughaids .... jus' kiddin' ....." see more people die in baghdad alone, every month, than died in 9/11, interfere with their elections because we never really like who gets elected in free elections, and then .... and then ..... and then .....

and then we say, you fucking booger eating sand niggers, you just can't do anything, can you? why don't you get it together and enjoy your freedoms?

because we're not going to be here forever .... pay no attention to those nineteen permanent bases we've installed .....

like i said .... i was thankful i wasn't in iraq .... or denver .... or new orleans ..... or anyplace other than where i was ..... this thanksgiving .....

how 'bout you?

next: dr. pete has actual musical announcements!

Posted by DrKanga at 8:26 AM | Comments (2)

November 22, 2006

it's time to be thankful again ....

do we really have to wait until we're told to be thankful, once a year?

you know me ..... whining is not just a profession: it's an aptitude, a gift, and a skill that i practice every day .... but still ....

a dear friend of mine died last week; it was a long time coming and it wasn't a lot of fun .... then i went to a funeral a couple of days ago .... i know a lot of dead people, but there's something about the sounds a shovelful of dirt hitting a wooden box makes: it's the emptiness of forever .... it made my eyes very very big, and i looked far over the cemetary fields to the california hills beyond .....

i could feel that emptiness fill me ..... emptiness takes up a lot of space ....

gee, dr. pete .... what's the point? why don't you just get to the fucking point?

well, dear reader .....

i tend to forget how good things really are .... i'm not referring to the democratic midterm victories; they'll fuck that up in no time at all ....

no ..... every morning i get out of bed and can walk, that's really a good day, and i'm not kidding .... every day as i go through my routines, diapers and all (not mine, not quite yet), it's a good day .... i could go on and say that i'm able to walk, talk, and take nourishment ..... i could say that i'll get out and ride my bike today, because it's a tradition i've had for decades now: thanksgiving means i go out on two wheels, come hell or high water, rain or shine .... i like to do hill climbs so i can bag the view: putting it all in perspective means that i have to get real small in relation to the world around me .....

i know i'm in bad trouble when i start taking myself too seriously .....

but the point is, as much as i complain--and you know i do--things are pretty good ..... and don't you let me forget it .....

well ......

good friends will stop by tomorrow; i think i'll have a fire in the fireplace .... i've got a nice bottle of champagne in the refrigerator, which i'm looking forward to, and i'll spend the day in the kitchen, preparing food .....

that's always a good thing .... then we get to eat ....

there are way, way too many people--around the world and in this country--who don't get to do that .....

i hope your lives are full and rich; i hope you find them full of blessings .....

have a very happy thanksgiving .....

Posted by DrKanga at 8:38 AM | Comments (3)

November 17, 2006

never think that bushy-boy is the "leader of the free world;" he couldn't lead his dog to a fire hydrant on a leash .... and don't think that prick cheney is the [only] one pulling george's strings: no, exxon is the leader of the not-so-free world; chevron is the leader of the not-so-free world; glaxo-smith-klein is the leader of the not-so-free world ......

corporations have become the true leaders of the world .... they buy and sell governments, they hold countries in thrall, they set policies ..... in the last few years, with the help of the bushies and complicit democrats, the pharmaceutical industry has structured pricing and outlawed governmental negotiations on medications for medicare; the banking industry has raised credit card rates while restricting bankruptcy options; the energy industry sits cheek by jowl with dick cheney; the oil industry gets tax exemptions, in times of record breaking windfall profits, that they don't even ask for; the auto industry sets fuel efficiency standards (most of detroit's cars are less efficient than the model t ford); the list goes on and on, not to mention that you, dear reader, are a natural resource for all corporations and industries, to be strip mined, plundered, and exploited, to be bred, raised, and sheared like the bleating sheep you are; to be trampled, invaded, investigated, studied, marginalized, data mined, and manipulated, before being written off as a depleted resource .....

not a bad gig, if you can get it .....

corporations thrive on hollow need and empty want ..... do you really need a hummer? rather, would you need a hummer if you weren't told that you did? do you really need the broad spectrum of orange juice with the varying degrees of pulp you find in your supermarket freezer? do you need two hundred channels of runny loose shit on your cable tv?

not if you weren't told you did ....

thanks to the american way, corporations are now legally treated as individuals, except that they have more rights than you, a real individual, has ..... and, as an individual, corporations spend billions of dollars creating and manipulating the image of themselves as benevolent and personable entities ..... corporations have recently added "passion" to their lexicon, and i'm not sure why; americans aren't notorious for being passionate ..... phlegmatic, perhaps ..... politically retarded, for sure; but passionate? .... now italians, they're passionate ..... i think the spanish are, too, and i believe we can say the same about the french ..... but at&t? at&t, when not providing illegal wiretaps to the government, is passionate about delivering something to you; i'm not sure what it is, because i start screaming "fuck you!" and hurl the radio across the room when i hear the ad start .... novo nordisc is passionate about diabetes; this must mean they're glad you're sick, because there'd be no profits for them if you were healthy ..... and microsoft is passionate about your potential .....

potential, my ass .....

guys .... if you're going to get all hot and sweaty and short of breath, why don't you just ......

blow me ......

does this mean that norvo nordisc gets a woody when it comes up to a diabetic? starts fumbling at their crotch? does this mean that at&'s got a hard-on for you and wants to dry hump you in the elevator? am i going to find microsoft wrapped around my leg like a manic-y miniature poodle, panting and gasping and trembling? the idea of corporations running around with a stiffy, breathing heavily and sweating, makes me nervous ..... they're fucking us enough already, and they have yet to send me any flowers ....

how about you? get any chocolates from altria? bonbons from philip morris? champagne from daimler benz?

didn't think so ....

am i the only one who sees this?

let me know .....

speaking of fucking ....

the press is already hailing the disintegration of democratic unity in the aftermath of the murtha/hoyer floof ..... whatever, you know? i've never counted on democrats to be one with the boot and rally mentality of their republican counterparts, who stand with their arms outstretched for their leader, but .... i'd like to see some party loyalty for a fucking change .... like that cunt, liebermann: ooooo ..... who, when asked if he were still a democract, said: "i'll reserve judgement and make decisions as i see fit" .... joe ....

why don't you just put on the brown shirt and those shiny knee-high black boots and come out of the fucking closet ....

i've thought about it, and here it is, folks: i figure the democrats have got two years to do things before they screw up the next national election ... that' s not a lot of time, especially when you think of the decades it's going to take to undo--if we ever can--the incredible amount of damage little george and his wrecking crew have done to the environment, the constitution, our civil liberties, our finances, our security, our international goodwill, et al ..... so, folks, draw the line in the sand, bite the bullet, hoist that cum-spotted blue dress battle flag, and start impeachment proceedings .... don't tell me that "the next six months are critical to success in iraq ...." we've been hearing that for the last four years, and it sucks ass, not success ..... the american people voted for change, they gave you a mandate; you've got political capital .... spend it! run up your charge card! go for broke!

it's not like the republicans are showing any willingness to change .... trent lott?

geeziz h. fuck .....

trent lott ......

john boehner (that's not pronounced "bay-ner," folks; just say it like it looks) ......

mel martinez ......

give me a fucking break .......

and, god, how can you keep up with it all? george in hanoi .... oh ..... safe to go there now, george? hmmmm? thirty-five years after combat ended? saying in fucking vietnam that we need to learn the lesson that "we'll succeed unless we quit?"

christ ..... these people .....

next: dr. pete and the american colonoscopy

Posted by DrKanga at 8:03 AM | Comments (3)

November 13, 2006

it seems like the stomach flu, which laid me out for a week, was a cosmic metaphor for the electoral process in this mid-term election: america got rid of its vile shits in a resounding fashion ..... i lost seven pounds in five days and am still weaker than i'd like to be, but maybe this metaphor won't hold for america and, with the expulsion of so many noxious turds, maybe we'll emerge stronger and healthier and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, while extending universal health care to its citizens .....

but i'm a dreamer, and spend much of my waking time, when not changing diapers, wandering through sunlit fields of daisies and cornflowers, making garlands and nosegays while small woodland creatures caper and cavort at my feet, the sun dappling their sleek fur .....

speaking of fantasies, i have a few and don't you forget it .... on the one hand i hear king george talking about "bah-partisun," but we haven't seen any meaningful bipartisan outreach from republicans--ever--and i know it's not going to start now .... i say that in spite of the breathy media articles that proclaim his "flexibility" and "willingness to change" and "responsiveness ...." this is patent horseshit; he's a spoiled, vindictive, petulant brat .... i know it, you know it, and perhaps the electorate will keep this in mind for the next couple of years ....

i've also heard nancy pelosi and other hard chargin' democrats say that "impeachment is not on the table ....." well, my fantasy is, of course, an immediate launch of impeachment proceedings against king george, along with charges of war crimes, crimes against humanity, and war profiteering brought against both him and cheney and the rest .... but i'll settle for a snowstorm of subpoenas, now that rangel and conyers have the upper hand in committees and, like we saw with nixon way back when, when the evidence comes in and you follow it to its logical end then ..... perhaps then .... just perhaps ....

they say that there's too much to do and they can't sunder the nation with such proceedings, but such niceties never concerned republicans, who have always, like hounds of hell baying at the moon, shrieked for "the rule of law ...." we can weigh the relative values of cum on a blue dress or 2,874 american dead and billions down a rathole and talk about the rule of law, and we can think about how america would emerge, lighter and more vibrant; cleaner and healthier; renewed and invigorated, with the purging of those toxic shits who are still in office, and who are responsible for .....

i'm sure you have your own list .....

i can't help myself, and i'll apologize in advance: the excremental vision seems so apt for the american body politic that, with your indulgence, i'd like to pursue it a little bit more, and then ... then .... perhaps we can move on to more sanguine topics, like the denouement of the invasion and occupation of iraq ......

no .... shit .... i'm just kidding ..... i was thinking more in terms of thanksgiving and turkeys and stuffing and homemade cranberry sauce and gearing up for the holiday shopping season, with lights twinkling on a tree and peace on earth ......

but i digress .......

the thing about a massive purging is, you can clean out a lot of the shits, but you still have assholes ..... like "turncoat joe" liebermann; joe, we know you're republican lite and, when you recant and bounce over to the dark side, it'll create a tie in the senate that will be broken by the king of darkness himself, dick cheney ..... i'm also thinking about the nameless republicans who continue to mouth the party line that "we have to win the war over there so al kayda doesn't take over iraq and attack us over here ......"

spurious logic and irrational statements have always been the fundament of political discourse ..... we all know, of course, that al wasn't in iraq until we extended him a courteous invitation, kind of like putting agar-agar in a petri dish and leaving it uncovered in the bubonic plague ward .... as for "winning wars," our track record hasn't been too good of late unless, of course, you count our liberation of the university coeds in granada ..... and "winning a war" with an implacable enemy who has no home base, by military means, is .... mmmm ..... difficult at best .....

i wonder if america, never known for subtlety, will effect a shift towards diplomacy .....

well ....

don't let my dower ruminations flatten the tires of your exultant parade ..... the long and the short of it is, the tide did turn ..... the waves splashed up, crested, broke, and--as they pulled back--they carried limbaugh and allen and rove and rumsfeld and their froth and spume were the repudiation of an imperium and its policies and .... and ......

i think i've forgotten how to talk about music .....

cheers!

next: dr. pete enjoys his zinfandel

Posted by DrKanga at 5:58 AM | Comments (1)

November 8, 2006

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA FUCK YOU FUCK YOU HA HA HA HA HA EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH WHOOOOPIEEEEEEEE EEEEEEK EEEEEEKKKKK ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF WOOOOOOOF FUCK YOU FUCK YOU HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HOOOOOOO BOY BLOW ME EAT THIS YOU REPUBLICAN ELEPHANT FUCK HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA YOU SCUMBAGS YOU VILE EVIL HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAH OOOOOOOO9O EEEEEE OOOOO AAAAA AAAA TING TANG POLLA WALLA BING BANG EEEEEEEEEE AAAAAA ORANGATANGADINGDONG WHOOOOOPEEEEEEEE .....

but i'm not gloating ....

and i'm looking forward to all kinds of bipartisan behavior ......

next: dr. pete sobers up

Posted by DrKanga at 7:45 AM | Comments (5)

November 6, 2006

i came down with stomach flu, just in time for the countdown to the midterm elections .... lord, i've felt like my ass had been take over by the republican spin and fear machine, spraying evil, vile, noxious, malodorous shit everywhere, just spatter-painting the porcelain with liquid corruption, coating the world with a noiseome thin gruel of putrescence and ..... oh, sorry 'bout that ....i'm sure you get the picture ....

what's interesting is, as loose and as liquid as it's been, there's more substance to my shit than there is to the republican spray: messcans comin' inta the yewnahted stayts to garden 'n' do the laundry and build howses fer us 'n' the homosessil adjenda which ah think calls fer burnin' the flag when they get married, just before they go on we'fare .... but in this country? that doesn't mean a fucking thing, does it? substance .....never something americans're big on .... we lahk poseurs 'n' actors 'n' image 'n' two-dimensional figgerrs 'coz they're all so much easier to understand than if they was complex or subtle or nuanced or we had to think about stuff fer ourse'ves 'n' it's much easier to be told what ta do 'n' ta think, don't ya just think?

speaking of assholes, it makes me think of the coterie of advisors that the thing in the white house has ..... first there was jeff gannon, male prostitute! no, this wasn't a skit from saturday night live, starring dan ackroyd; this was a real, honest-to-goodness hunk o' man meat-for-hire that gained access to the white house ninety-three times ..... 'n' ya know he lahked to dress up in camoflodgje and play sodjer! lahk ever'one in the whaht house duz!

then, of course, there's ted haggard, the pastor who, when not visitin' the whaht howse 'n' gahdin' young george in the lord's mysterious ways, was buyin' methamphetamine from a male prostitute .... but .... he didn't inhale, okay? and when he was gettin' fucked in the ass, he didn't inhale either .....

boy, that inhalin' kin shore gitcha in trubble cain't it?

there seems to be a .... well ..... theme? to who or what gets into the white house and who gets positions of importance: top? bottom? how do they figure this out? maybe they strip down to their calvin klein's, oil up their bodies (and these are people who understand oil real well, you know) 'n start wrasslin' one t'other .....

and this kind of excremental vision, this kind of fecal frenzy from these ass-blasters, it sure does come out in our "foreign policy," which is one of the biggest ass-fucks you've ever seen, including the unilateral invasion of iraq, which constitutes rectal rape, or using the constitution as a butt plug and the bill of rights as toilet paper .....

you know, what else would you expect from such quintessential assholes?

excuse me .... i must run to the bathroom .....

it's time for me to cast my vote ...

next: dr. pete moves to tierra del fuego

Posted by DrKanga at 8:24 AM | Comments (2)

November 2, 2006

shit, you think i'd be working on music, rather than writing more politically oriented blather ....

actually, i have been working on music; i've had the great pleasure of playing with bobby vega, bass player extraordinaire, in preparation for a few select shows .... gee, here's a guy who doesn't give a shit about playing the hot tuna song book: let's play your original stuff, that's what i'm interested in, he said ..... so we did, and it was brisk 'n' peppy .... if we go commercial, if we get to playing shows open to the public, you'll know .... meanwhile, michael and i will be playing a show on santa rosa's krsh .... it'll be 8:00 pm on thursday, december 14th .... i believe they podcast, and we'll all have a darn good time ....

however, right now i'm impelled to power-spray chunks of the turkey i roasted last night across my hardwood floor as i ponder the offensiveness, the barbaric savagery, and the general cretinous retardation of american politics ....

let me back up a moment and try and put it all in perspective .... why would i be surprised or outraged? it's what you'd expect from a fourth-rate, third-world country ....

gee, doctor, pete ... what are you talking about? are you making an invidious comparison between der homeland and some pathetic, posturing little scratch-a-meager-existence-out-of-the-barren-soil-my-cattle-at-least-the-ones-that-are-still-living-are-spavined-and-parasite-riddled country in some continent i dare not name lest i be accused of racism?

well, yes .... i am ..... let me tick off some of the criteria here: is there a huge disparity between a rich and powerful but miniscule elite and the masses? yes, there is ..... are we run by tinhorn, egomaniacal psychotic despots? yes, we are .... are our liberties abridged and critics of the administration subject to ridicule, abuse, excoriation, with the likelihood of their being disappeared? oh, yes, yes, yes .... are "elections" rigged in such a blatant, obvious, and contemptible fashion that foreign observers hold their noses in disgust? why, yes ... yes, they are .... is public health care non-existent and workplace safety a joke? why ... as i contemplate the spate of mine disasters, i'm compelled to say "yes" ..... are unions virtually outlawed? hmmmmm, why yes .... yes they are ..... does the media suck the chocolate lining off the butthairs of the power elite, sing them empty paeans of praise, and defecate on an emasculated opposition?

why, they most assuredly do .....

i'm sure i'm missing something, but i hope you get the idea .....

i'm repugnificated by this john kerry 'flap' ..... i don't know about "botched jokes ...." i was pretty excited when kerry said that he was sick and tired of republicans who'd never served in the military, attacking people who'd been in wars, all under the guise of "supporting the troops ...." gosh, i forgot all about irony .... i forgot all about swift boat veterans and max cleland and an awol president with an armadillo stuffed in his flight suit on an aircraft carrier in san diego harbor and i forgot how our press laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed (oh, i just heard the recordings of this again; yes, your fearless press just about wet themselves as they laughed) when that thing in the white house was down on its hands and knees, saying: nuh uh .... no way-puns here .... nope .... ain't no way-puns of mass dishtruckshun he-ere ..... unh uh .... cain't fahnd no way-puns he-ere ... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ......"

yeah ..... if you don't remember this, you should .....

yeah ..... it's fucking horrifying and grotesque .....

yeah .... i'll laugh and i'll bet you do each and every time you think about the bullshit lies these assholes kept telling and kept changing with the result of how many american dead right now and counting?

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha .....

now that's funny ......

oh, i could go on and remind you once more about how little george imitated karla faye tucker, whose death sentence he wouldn't commute: oooo ... ah don' wanna dah .... ah don' wanna dah .... ooooooooo ......sob sob sob .... ha ha ha ha ha ha ....." or tell you that fart jokes and cuttin' a few top his list of good fun ......

but it doesn't matter, does it? it's amazing: all the shit this thing's created and there's not a chawklit smear on'm .....

no .... what blows my fucking mind is how that whore hillary clinton had to jump in on this, open her mouth and say that kerry was at fault and he shouldna oughtta gone 'n' sayud thayut 'n' how wrong he was and how he oughtta apologize 'n' ......

yo .... bitch ...... if you gonna have your mouth open like that, why don't you just go and give little george a blow job?

and wear a blue dress, won't you?

i'm sick of chickenshit democrats who savage each other because they don't want to appear like democrats to republicans .....

or "swing voters ...."

and i'm sick of apologists for democrats saying, oh, if you want a party to march in lockstep, it's not the democrats ... why ... ha ha .... they're like ..... herding cats .....

we're beyond that .... if you dickheads don't understand the stakes that we're playing for which, the last time i looked, included the bill of rights and the constitution ..... and .... and .... and .... why don't you give the american people what they want? close to 70%'d like to see us get out of iraq; don't you think that, even in this bogus bullshit democracy, you ought to give 'em what they want, every now and then? to keep 'em coming back for more?

gee, hillary .... you've been tripping over your twat trying to "build bridges" to anti-abortionist women-hating doctor-killing fundamentalist fucks .... do you really need votes that bad? you're not even running ...... the very least you could do would be to support people in your party who stand for something, other than bending over and dropping their drawers for the right-wing-brown-shirt-jack-booted fucks who ought to be standing in the dock in the hague, on trial for war crimes and crimes against humanity .....

instead of dancing around some kansas cornfield, having an auto-da-fe ......

now ......

let's see how quiet the democrats are when the election is stolen from us, once more .....

bleeaauugghghghhghhghaaawaughghghghaaawaughghghghghgh .......

next: dr. pete's liquid diet

Posted by DrKanga at 4:45 AM | Comments (3)

October 31, 2006

hi, boys and girls .... last time we read that great american classic, "fun with dick and jane ...." god, how our hearts thrilled to those timeless words: "run, dick, run; see dick spot; see jane spot; spot, jane, spot; spot, dick, spot ..... "

it's a good thing i'm not a candidate for office in this mid-term election ... some republican fuck'd find out that i'd written a book and excoriate me for having done so .... especially with all the sexual references ..... you know, "dick;" "spot;" "run;" "come ....."

i'm way past thinking of republicans as "hypocrites;" they sully the word .... why, these are the people that have brought you iraq, with its concommitant costs of men and women and yes, money, too .... these are the people that blithely lied about the murders of 600,000 iraqis, the deaths of 2,800 .... no, 2,802 .... no, i meant 2,804 .... shit, it's 2,812 .... goddamn, it's .... the president cain't count that hah 'coz he run out of fingers 'n' tose .... americans ....

these are the people that are filling under- and un-funded hospital wards with the brain damaged and brain dead, and bill frist isn't visiting them or giving them the benediction of his long-distance diagnosis ....

these are the people that have disappeared a couple of trillion dollars into the sandy wastes of iraq, the coffers of kellog, brown, and root, and the vaults in dick cheney's secret undisclosed but oh so secure locaiton ....

a trillion here, a quarter of a million there .... lives wasted, money pissed away .... who really gives a fuck? no one, not in this election ....

you know, why would anyone expect polite, relevant, or intelligent discourse from mass murderers? why would people who steal elections and murder children observe the tenets of emily post, or the niceties of "roberts' rules of order?"

i don't, and you shouldn't, either ....

i expected the usual garbage and filth and slime; the quotidien grave robbing and corpse fucking--after, of course, bagging the pennies that were placed on the eyes of the deceased....

i expected racism and sexism; i expected lies piled upon lies piled on horseshit and confabulation from quintessentially evil cocksuckers ....

i expected allegations to be endless, offensive, insulting, odious, and moronic ....

and i have not been disappointed ... oh, the republicans have not let me down ....

but i've got to say, i never imagined, not in my wildest, most feverish dreams, that a democrat'd be pilloried for .....

writing a book .....

ooooooooo ......... the country's going broke, our soldiers are getting the shit shot out of them, eight billion dollars and god knows how many weapons just .... mmmm .... disappeared in the vast sandy wastes of iraq .... but what's really alarming is ..... somebody wrote a book .....

a candidate for public office wrote a fucking book ....

jesus h. fuck ....

y'all wanna know what makes it rilly rilly rilly bad?

i think this man mighta gone'n said "pussy" in the book .....

you know, when i'm looting iraq; when i'm plundering the treasury of the yew-nahted states of amurka; when i'm war profiteerin', i wanna be concentratin' on the task at hand .... i just don't wanna be thinkin' 'bout no pussy .... 'n' y'all shouldn't neither .....

jeesus h. fuck ....

i can't even pretend to be clever or witty about this; there's nothing clever or witty that'll break through the absolute disgust i feel for these abhorrent creatures and what they bring to the democratic process ....

whoremongers who are fucking democracy; who have raped two nations; who assfuck our sensibilities, day after day after day; whose shrivelled member is coated with the blood and anal slime of lady liberty's cringing sphincter; whose hands are crusted with the blood of tens of thousands of the dead, and the death of an american city ....

they don't want to read the word "pussy ...."

fuck you, you cunts .....

now, under the rubric of "fair 'n' balanced," our fearless coterie of investigative journalists'll subject us to a litany of all the steamy books republicans have written ... oh, yes: lynne cheney; scooter lbby; bill o'reilly; g. gordon liddy; charles colson; when they're not engaged in anal rape of the statue of liberty they're writing bad porn ..... the list goes on and on and on, and i really couldn't give a fuck ....

i didn't know these crotch huffers could even read .....

i guess that's where the republican accusations'll go next: mah opponent rayud a book! he rayuds .... an' it ain't the bahbul, the book that he rayuds .... it's got words in it .... 'n' you know how them terrorists love to use words!

unlike that thing in the white house, who has a real way with words .... oh yes it does ......

cut and run this, you bitch ....

hey, george: what was the last book y'all read? mah pay-ut go-ut?

the book that was so compelling, so .... engaging and involving ..... that you kept on readin' it even as planes were flyin' into tall bildins?

tonight's halloween .....

you should be very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very afraid .....

afraid that the republicans'll steal yet another election .......

and then .....

you should be very very very very very very very very very very very very afraid .....

that, if the democrats take over the house and the senate, it won't make any fucking difference ....

next: dr. pete tries to cut his throat with an electric razor

Posted by DrKanga at 8:53 AM | Comments (2)

October 25, 2006

we had fun with dick and jan last entry, didn't we? we had entire paragraphs, full of nicely typed words which, when read, went something like this:

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blarrrggghhhhhh ..........

we have more of the same this week ..... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blarrrrrggggghghghghghgghh ......

we really have, as a country, regressed; i guess it's the only way we can understand what that thing in the white house is saying, which usually goes something like this: blah blah ..... blah blah blah ..... blah ..... blah blah ..... blah blah ...... blah blah ....... blah ..... blah blah bla-a-a-a-a-a-h bleh ......

he's one of the few who can actually mispronounce "blah ....." but talking is hard work when you're a puppet, and someone else is pulling the strings .....

apropos regression, we sure love our teens, don't we? we don't give much of a shit about our children, or their schools, neither do we give a scabrous rat's ass about young men, whose sole function now is to flip burgers or fill body bags in america's aspirations to empire, but we love "teen" girls ..... they do lots of neat things: they go missing .... or they get murdered .... or they go missing and get murdered .... or they get murdered and go missing ..... and, in america's booming porn industry, being a "teen" girl lasts sometimes up 'till you're in your mid-40s, an interesting commentary on our prurient concern with teen twats .....

but ... i digress .....

i was thinking about how teenagers are arbiters of taste, predictors of trends and, in our neotenous culture, role models ..... and i'm not talkin' just about flabby middle aged white guys who wear caps with the bill turned backwards, who wear baggy shorts, who generally act like immature assholes because .... well .... because that's what they are .....

no, i was talking about teen girls .... why, just last week the secret service hauled a young girl out of her classroom and scared the shit out of her for half an hour because she'd written "kill bush" in some web site (no wonder the terrorists hate our freedoms .... our kids have cell phones and web sites!) ..... and then another young girl, who idolized dick cheney, got major coverage .....

dick cheney, rock star!

hey, dick ..... got any good blow?

what conclusions can a sensible person draw from these incidents, other than intelligence and taste are distributed unevenly amongst the young, as they are in our political landscape .....

speaking of blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, i'm bemused at that thing in the white house flip-flopping and cutting and running from that time-honored phrase, "cut and run ...." he's taking great pains to say blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah which, loosely translated means, "i never said that and, if i did, i didn't quite mean it the way it's been meant to mean since its inception; as commander in .... as .... as ..... as someone who works uuuunnnnhhhh ..... hard .....mah job is to ..... it's ..... i ..... well .... you ..... i wanna he'p langwidge git some new meanin's 'cause the old ones is .... uuuuuhhhhhh ..... they old ...... 'n' this is the party of .... unnnnnhhhhh .... young ideers ....."

the terrorists hate our freedoms .... they are slack-jawed with amazement and disb'lief 'n' feer when they contemplate the freedoms taken with the english language ......

as, for that matter, am i .... i just fucking can't believe these shameless cocksuckers .....

well .....

there are other things i dis'blief ..... aaahh-nuld has now become "the green governor" and, single-handed, he's gonna save the envarhnment ....

this is the guy that met with ken lay and the other enron folks just before enron started playing reddy kilowatt with california ..... won't someone ask him about those meetings? please?

oh .... right .... it'd take a reporter to do that .... a journalist .....

how about the front runners for democratic presidential candidacy? yes, true to form democrats are, with the help of the republican party and the intrepid press, fielding people with whom american voters have traditionally resonated: a woman and a .... a ..... very bright articulate nicely dressed man with a lovely wife and children .... and a great sun tan .....

but shit .... they could run kermit the frog or big bird, and it would hardly matter ..... why, now that we've got diebold's computerized voting machines, all our voting needs'll be taken care of, you betcha!

i just disbeliefs the irony of a country that clings to the pretense of being an electoral democracy, that now demands picture identifcation of would-be voters to "prevent voter fraud," yet scratches its collective head and walks on when high tech voting machines deliver 480% of the votes cast to the republican candidate .....

oh .... must be the new math .....

we all like kittens, don't we? they're cute, they're fluffy, they hiss and spit and mew and roll around .... it's really precious when they all reach that threshold age of learning, where they puff themselves up, hiss hiss hiss, and dance sideways with their tails exploded, little pink mouths wide .... they're pretending they're big cats; they're playing make believe; they're acting tough, but .... they're still kittens ....

kind of like our press right now .... kind of like so many aspiring candidates ..... hey, the republican machine seems to be ..... mmmm .... a little weak ..... we can go off message and pretend we're big boys .... we can go mew mew mew hiss hiss hiss puff puff puff and dance sideways and say, 'iraq doesn't seem to be going well ....." but we won't say anything about abuse of power, or presidential deceptions, or the venality and corruption of the ruling class, or ......

how fucking long it took us all to grow a miniscule set of balls .... which are destined for the vet's chopping block pretty darn soon ....

excuse me .... the stench of a sodden litter box, in which the little kittens play, is overwhelming .... i must go change the cat box .... won't you help me?

next: dr. pete and the medicinal catnip

Posted by DrKanga at 8:02 AM | Comments (2)

October 19, 2006

look, dick, look .... puff is caught up a tree ....

meow meow meow, puff; meow meow meow ....

oh, jane, puff says "meow meow meow" .....

spot says "woof woof woof ...."

meow meow meow ..... woof woof woof .....

jesus h. shit .... aren't there any adults left in this country?

this kind of infantile nattering is about on a par with the rhetoric from the the thing in the white house; this kind of puerile reportage is on a par with the new york times and what passes for news coverage, right jane? yo .... jane .... why don't we saunter off to the corner bar and hammer down martinis because the "adults" here are completely regressed and about as useful as tits on a fish .....

no, really ..... it's true ...... yet another day in another week in another month in an "administration" that will live in infamy, a week that's seen the murder of habeus corpus, that's seen the military commissions act pass without a murmur or a ripple in the press; the highest number of american casualties in what's-that-place for i don't know how long ..... why, the number of military deaths--including those of the mighty coalition's forces--in eeeeee-rock now exceeds the loss of life in the twin towers ......

let's not even make mention of plus or minus 650,000 eeeeeeeee-rockeeeees, with a margin of error that goes from a low of around 400,000 to a high of around 900,000 ......

gosharootiees ..... soddddom who's-sane? it took him twenty years to kill 300,000 eye-rockees .... but sheee-it .... he was just a rughaid 'n' didn't have our know-how .......

funny, how some papers are saying that our occupation's gone on longer than our involvement in the first world war, or the second world war, or the korean war .... but there's no mention made of our involvement in vietnam which, if my memory serves me well, went on from our first "advisors" cropping up around 1955 or '56, right after the french took it in their bermudas in dien bien phu, to our hasty helicopter flights off the american embassy rooftop april 30, 1975 ..... shit, that's only twenty years of fun 'n' games;: in the historical perspective that ain't much more'n a comma, ya know?

or perhaps george meant "coma," which better describes the state of the union, the american peeple, and our "media ...."

i don't want to draw envidious parallels between one debacle and senseless charnel house and another, but ..... back then richard "tricky dicky mr. cloth coat let's make those gooks think i'm so crazy they won't want to fuck with me now can i have another drink and fuck those jews" nixon, along with henry "gosh now isn't it ironic that this mass-murderer gets a nobel peace prize; is that because there's nothing as peaceful as a dead man?" kissinger, told america that they had a "secret plan" to bring "peace with honor" to vietnam, and all america had to do was .....

re-elect nixon .....

but there was nothing political about that, and the war went on for a couple more years, and there was no secret plan other than doing whatever they needed to do to win an election and keep republicans in power, but there were lots of "secret" bombings of cambodia and laos and you know what happened in cambodia, the killing fields and all, and lots of "secret" incursions of sovereign nations and i don't know how many more americans died in those two extra years, let alone how many vietnamese died ....

but it wasn't political and it was all aboveboard ......

kind of like now, what with james "i'm the bush family's black bag man and hey don't you recount those ballots any more they've been counted enough by republican operatives to clearly give little george here the presidency" baker saying he's got a "secret plan" to start staging troop withdrawals from ee-rock but he doesn't want to politicize anything and so these secret plans that sound like "cut 'n' run" to me, sound like a "flip-flop" for the "stay the course" boys to me, well .... they can't be revealed ....

until after the mid-term election .....

doesn't it strike you as ..... well ..... unconscionable, that we've had the highest casualty rate in .... no, let me back up here and say, isn't it unconscionable that people--americans and iraqis--are dying like flies in a tipped-over port-a-potty left out in the hot sun, but we have to wait a couple more weeks before we can talk about doing anything to save them which means that .... mmmm ..... how many hundred more folks are gonna take it in the knickers but ..... it's not fucking political?

when is the ineptitude and dishonesty of a political party "not political?" and ..... correct me if i'm wrong, but this is way beyond "not political:" this is immoral and callous and murderous and appalling and horrifying but business as usual for the "culture of life" folks who have so many "moral issues" and are such "moral people" and hey, isn't it about time we started hearing about michael jackson again?

oh, yes, jane; yes it's michael time again .... but ..... and that's not a pun, jane; no, that's not a pun .... perhaps michael's not the one we want to distract the american sheeple with right now, given his prediliction for young boys, a prediliction shared by prominent republicans and even americans, about as dumb as igneous rocks, might draw parallels between one childfucker and another and that wouldn't be good for the gop (grand old pedophiles) right now so howzabout killing another young girl and disappearing her body? boy, that'll suck up media and popular attention for weeks ..... would jon benet do? or do we have to kill a new one?

language is so ..... so ...... critical to sugar coating the shit we're fed daily ..... our "reporters" are telling us that the new "legislation" legalizes "tough techniques" for "interrogation" ..... just come out and say it, you cocksuckers .... why don't we just say "pull their nails out with pliers ...." why don't we just say "hold their heads under water until they've inhaled a pint or two and are praying for death...." why don't we just say "crush their testicles with vice grips, only do it real slow so they can enjoy the experience and we can too ....." howzabout "let's hitch abdul's dick to this generator here and light'm up ....." why doesn't the new york times say "our tough techniques involve smashing our 'enemy combatants which is anyone the republicans don't like and that means you, asshole, if you're thinking of voting for a democrat or belong to any kind of terrorist or subversive organization like greenpeace or the aclu'" in the face, over and over and over and over until your nose is pulped and your eyes are swollen shut and you don't have a fucking tooth left in your head and you can't breathe for the amount of blood you're choking on but we don't have to inform your family or tell you what you're charged with and a lawyer? fuggeddaboutit we don't want no frivolous lawsuits here, nossir so it's kind of like rape, bitch, just relax and enjoy the ride .....

and me, i'm choking on bile ..... and you .... why haven't you ordered your copy of "beyond help!" ....... it'll tell you all this, and more, to a kickin' beat ......

next: dr. pete ups his paxil

Posted by DrKanga at 9:11 AM | Comments (2)

October 14, 2006

hey, tonto! what's that sound of remote thunder? what's the sound of distant drums that i hear? sounds like a stampede ....

kemo sabay .... that be the members of the press, tripping over their tiny flaccid little dicks, rushing to be the first to recite the litany of republican failures, deceptions, corruption, ineptitude which have somehow managed to elude their perspicacity, their dilgence, and their razor sharp perceptions for lo! these last six years .... and ... kemo sabay? they now--albeit tentatively--predict a democratic win in the house and the senate this coming midterm election ......

oh, tonto, you barbaric ignorant unlettered fucking savage you ..... are you eating them peeeeeee-yotle buttons again? you having visions of a future that isn't here and that will never come? are you slurping down an infusion of jimson weed? chewin' on datura again? oh, tonto .... your people are so precious in their primitive barbaric non-christian splendor ......

speaking of disgusting, nauseating repulsive spectacles (and we were) have you been enjoying this spectacle of conscienceless, slavering pack animals suddenly turning their scabrous hindquarters 'round so's they can nip at the hands that have been feeding them for so long? and i'm not just talking about republicans, who are scattering like cockroaches across a suddenly lit kitchen floor, trying to distance themselves from childfuckers and war criminals, who shriek that every disclosure of their thefts and depredations is the result of a "democratic conspiracy, timed to coincide with the elections ...... "

i'm talkin' 'bout the fearless press ......

boy, i sure am enjoying that spectacle .... boy, i sure like ball-less fucking chihuahas gettin' up 'n' dancin' on their hind legs, pretendin' that suddenly they got a cojones transplant 'n' now they big dogs ......

gosh, we're learning that ..... gasp! ..... there are corrupt republicans! and .... oh my word! iraq isn't going ...... all that well! and ..... well bless my soul! ..... why, some republicans'll abuse the power that they've stolen! and ..... oh lordy goodness ..... maybe there were some .... mmmmm ..... misrepresentations of the justifications presented for an illegal, immoral, pre-emptive unilateral invasion and occupation of a sovereign nation that didn't pose a threat to us, had never posed a threat to us other than not handing over their oil to bush and his buddies and that--at one time--was our great good friend in the mid-east, good pals and buddies with king george the first and his crew of dessicate fuck elves like donald rumsfeld, whose picture shaking saddam hussein's hand as he turned over a couple of billion dollars that didn't have to be repaid and a shitload of cluster bombs for whacking the kurds you should never fucking forget ......

but wait! there's more!

because ball-less spavined leprotic chihuahas that prance around on their spindly l'il hahnd laigs, with a nice red sateen ribbon 'round their scrawny l'il necks, yappin' like all get-out, like to think they're king makers and have efficacy, now the press is talking about how democratic candidates are serious people and not the buffoons they've been presented as for the last six-plus years .... now these little pipsqueak yippers aren't using democrats as the spittoons for their contempt, and even "conservative pundits" (and they're all fucking conservative, aren't they?) are saying .... well .... maybe republican candidates aren't .... mmmmm ..... qualified .... and maybe we need a change of direction ..... and maybe "stay the course" is an idiot's mantra that has no substance or meaning, other than ringing the bell that sets retards to shitting themselves ..... other than killing three quarters of a million eye-rackis 'n' three thousand of our young people who didn't have the good fortune to become congressional pages and ass chaff for our representatives .... and maybe bankrupting the country isn't such a .... mmmm ..... good idea .....

unless, of course, we're getting bought off ........

is that what happened? we're so bankrupt the republicans can't even pay off the press corps any more?

and whatever happened to jeff gannon, the male prostitute who masqueraded as a journalist (that'll tell you something about journalists these days: journalist = prostitute), who was cleared by the fbi, who visited the white house ninety-three (93) times, dressed up in "combat gear" and "desert camo" ...... what was he doing there? playing "pony boy" with the "big man" in the oval office?

because you know how he likes to play dress-up ...... "emissions accomplished!"

but i digress ......

the spectacle of bugs 'n' slugs pretending to be vertebrate is bad enough .... the real debacle is, how low can the republicans go in their thrashings, their manoeuverings, their sidestepping responsibility? how fast can they dance as they dodge "the issues?" how much cat sand can they throw on the vital concerns of the american peeple?

in the last week we've had the white house blame bill clinton for north korea's entering the proud pantheon of nukilar powers .... oh, yeah .... oh that durned ol' bill clinton .....

then we've had republican congressman christopher shays drag up ted kennedy and chappaquidick in an attempt to dodge the known, sanctioned and approved childfucking of mark foley who, even though fox news would have us believe otherwise, is a republican! a republican! a republican! a family values republican!

hey, chris, you pathetic glob of phlegm: chappaquidick was in 1969 ..... simple math, which american students can no longer do thanks to the de-funding of schools, tells us that that was thirty-seven years ago ..... that's quite a stretch, even for a scumbag like yourself .... and weren't we talking about a childfucker who was head of the "let's protect our children from seeing titties on the web 'n' protect 'em from predators who'd want to fuck 'em in the ass" program?

i can't think of a better hiding place for the fox .... than in the henhouse ..... and that brings up a new press category: "overly friendly e-mails ....." i don't think that writing an e-mail to a young boy, "i can't wait to have you suck the shit off the creamy end of my fuckstick after i've fucked you time and time again in your tight teen ass" is ..... well ...... not really "overly friendly," not if you're on a first name basis .....

but wait! there's more! .....

then i heard a "debate" between .... oh, lord .... i can't remember the names of the principals .... but it hardly matters, because it's all so ..... mmmm .... generic ..... one was a democrat who'd been in the military for twenty-three years .... the other? a republican who's avoided the military all his life .... and the thrust of the republican's arguments went like this:

my opponent is: 1) a lifetime member of the aye see ell you ..... 2) he supports gay marriage! 3) will let messcans into this country! 4) will take yore tacks dollers 'n' give those messcans an edjamacation! 5) he'll give them messcans .... gasp! health care! 5) he'll raise yore taxes ...... 6) he'll raise yore taxes ..... 7) yore gonna pay more taxes to the gummint ..... 8) did i tell you he was a lifetime member of the a c l u? 9) he supports gay marriage! and finally, 10) he's gonna raise yer taxes ......

jeeeziz h. fuck ..... there's some compelling incisive deep fucking thought for you ...... billy the singing bass makes more sense than this fucking cretin ......

after i threw my radio across the room and vomited blood into the kitchen wastebasket, i asked myself stupid questions like, gee .... the american civil liberties union? is that the greatest threat americans face? and the vision of .... same sex marriage ..... gee, i don't know ..... you'd think the mass murder of our children, tossed into our military--when they're not being chased down and assfucked by our republican representatives--would be a more imminent concern .... and .... and ....

we know that the deaths of 650,000 iraqis is of no concern whatsoever ....

and then there was the disclosure that the white house and the republicans were laughing at all the "evangelicals" and "christians" that comprise their base, who slobber and foam and cream every time the rnc rings the tired old bell of "values voters ....."

they're all beneath contempt .....

i can't go on ..... it really makes me feel hopeless, you know? first of all, you're not buying my music like you should ..... and that means i have to think about this shit and write about it, and i't's not good for my health ...... and then i wonder ...... are americans really this stupid? will they be distracted by desperate, amoral, lying, shameless, murdering, thieving, corpsefucking shits who'd steal the morphine suppository out of their dying grandmother's asshole just so's they could get a boost? will the republicans really steal another election? will the democrats lie down and roll over, once more?

and the answer is .....

oh, you bet they will ......

you just bet they will .....

next: dr. pete regrets that all his parents and grandparents are dead and he has to scramble for that pre-owned morphine suppository ......

Posted by DrKanga at 10:51 AM | Comments (1)

October 11, 2006

reports are appearing, stating that 650,000 iraqis have been liberated ... i mean, shuffled off their mortal coil; bought the farm; cashed in their chips; handed in their lunch pail; went to their higher rewards; are sitting at the left hand of god; eating smorgasbord with st. peter; partying down with those 72 virgins right now; are super-sizing worms; recycled back to the cosmic compost heap that gave birth to us all ..... not to mention the 2,743 american sojers and untold wounded, dismembered and otherwise "enhanced" persons we've got ourselves .....

hey, america .... how do you want your genocide? sunny side up?

don't forget, we're mass murdering in the name of freedom: the freedom of large corporations to make unhinging profits, the freedom for war profiteers to make unhinging profits .....

the bush family has been war profiteering for generations, going way back to prescott bush who sold war materiels to nazi germany, working up to the bush that facilitated the sales of biological weapons to saddam hussein .....

yes .... that bush .... and that saddam ......

one thing you can say about republicans is, they're the party of diversity .... they have two, two, two kinds of chickenhawks .... one kind is the kind that's never been in combat but trips over their own flaccid genitalia, creating situations for other folks to fight in .... it's like that old high school kick: "let's you 'n' him fight .... 'n' i'll sit over here, hustle the chicks .... 'n' watch .... hey ..... kick him in the nuts, now ....."

the second kind of chickenhawk is the kind that cruises the streets, picking up underage kids, soliciting youth for sex .....

i'm thinking it's time to update the republican logo: no more elephant in the living room, it'll be barnyard foul .... with the motto "clucking, sucking, 'n' fucking ...."

or "where there's chickens there's bound to be lots of chickenshit ...."

some of these jackbooted chickenshit assholes are saying that it's the "culture of tolerance" that had mark foley, a republican, wagging his dick at young boys .....

i'm thinking, and i know you are, too, we've just been too tolerant of late ..... yessirree, one thing i've noticed about republicans and christians is, how tolerant they are .....

republicans, in dealing with the failures of foreign policy, of pedophiles safeguarding our children; of getting their butts kicked in iraq, show the same kind of great and original thinking that had them getting us into deep doo-doo in the first place:

"it's clinton's fault ....."

yes, bill clinton personally killed three quarter of a million iraqis by playing the sexophone; helped the north koreans build a nukilar device; pulled the plug on new orlean's bathtub; made those troublesome young boys shake their exciting, lean, muscled, hardbodied teen thingies at mark foley .... and then he leaked .... yes he did .... bill leaked ..... when he wasn't gettin' trim in the oval orifice, he was leakin', leakin', leakin' .......

and all for political partisan gain!

"he was a bad ma-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-n ......... dirty ol' b-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-il cl-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-nt-o-o-o-o-o-o-n ......."

fortunately, dennis hastert--just like king george before him--has vowed to fire anyone who's done wrong .....

thank god the economy's boomin', so all the folks who'll be losin' their jobs can go right into the service industry, and continue providing this country with the kind of noble service they've been providin' us with fer years .....

sweet fuck .... do i have to go on? each and every day under these scumbags is a day that will live in infamy .... thieving, lying, inept, evil, greedy, ass-grabbing, satan's-cock-sucking, lying, evil .... did i already say lying and evil? i lose track, and you can't say it often enough with these corpsefuckers ......

don't even get me started on habeus corpus .....

which, for republicans, means: fuck the body .... or kill more people so we have more bodies .....

what are these fuckwads doing? franchising mortuaries?

it's hard to be clever, this early in the morning, before the coffee and the meds have kicked in .....

i wanted to give you some good news, or talk about music but ....... oh .... now i remember ......

i don't usually listen to my music, unless i'm working on it .... why would i? but i slipped "beyond help!" into my car's cd player and listened while driving out to play with starship in pittsburgh, california (alright, you fucking slacker californians .... where the fuck were you? there were people there from the east coast, but not one friend of mine showed up ..... does this mean i have no friends? or that they're too smart to ......)

anyway, i about wet myself ..... folks, "beyond help!" is really really really really really good ..... it's thematically relevant, lyrically brilliant, and features some of the most off-the-wall guitar playing i've ever done, and i've done some .....

it's prescient, too ..... in one part, while talking about the relevance, dedication, perspicacity (that's not underarm alarm, okay?), and selfless dedication of our press, it goes something like this: bush suggests investing in market .... market goes broke .... country bankrupt .... tom cruise has good looking wife ...."

and people said, no, pete .... tom cruise isn't married ..... he doesn't have a wife .....

and i said, fuck .... just fucking stick around ..... just stick around .....

nyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyahnyah nyah nyah nyah .... i toldja i toldja i toldja i toldja i toldja so ......

so .... what's the point, dr. pete .... what's the fucking point?

the point, my fine feathered friends is ...... if you don't have a copy of "beyond help!", you need to buy one ......

right now!

next: dr. pete says "i tolja so" again and again and again ......

Posted by DrKanga at 7:54 AM | Comments (1)

October 3, 2006

Dr. Pete's Believe It Or Not

America is not a democracy.

George Bush has not made us "safer."

George Bush is a lying sack of shit, a cretinous retard, and a murderous fuckpig.

Jesus wouldn't last a New York minute were he to return; Christians would have to kill him quick.

There is no "liberal" media.

The media has been complicit in promulgating government deception.

Every day in Republican America is a "day that will live in infamy."

Republicans and Christians advocate and practice torture.

Republicans and Christians have institutionalized war crimes and reward war criminals.

Republicans are the real "wild-eyed radicals" who have dedicated themselves to the destruction of democracy.

Republicans hate our freedoms.

Republicans don't give a shit about you, unless you're super rich.

Corporations don't give a shit about you. Period.

The "Culture of Life" is one of today's greatest causes of death.

Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11.

A majority of Americans still believe it did.

A majority of Americans mistrust their government.

Americans are pretty fucking stupid.

Democrats are spineless, balless idiots.

People who steal power never relinquish it.

There is no sunset for the Patriot Act.

You are being spied on, right now.

Republicans sanction pedophilia and condone pedophiles, until the e-mails get out.

Pedophilia and "alcoholism" are two very different things. Drug and alcohol rehab doesn't work if you're a childfucker.

Republicans would like to "turn the page." And "move on."

Americans are more afraid of missing their plane than they are of "terrorists."

Americans are more afraid of arbitrary behaviour and the menace of airport personnel than they are of "terrorists."

America kidnaps people.

Americans torture people.

Americans kill people.

America is racist.

America is classist.

"Faulty intelligence" is when the vice-president of the United States mistakes a 78-year-old man for a six ounce quail.

People like that head large corporations.

People like that determine foreign policy.

People like that make lots and lots of money.

There is no shortage of faulty intelligence in "our government."

No neo-con war advocate has ever been in combat.

Today's rich are way, way richer than ever before; everyone else is taking it in the ass.

Rehab is the final refuge for scoundrels, sociopaths, and scumbags; claiming "alcoholism" waives responsibilty.

All Republicans are cognitvely and behaviourally disordered.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, titular head of the Anglican Church, issued a proclamation stating that "intelligent design" was unfounded and should not be taught in schools. Your media chose to give coverage to the putative marriage of Brad 'n' Angelina.

Today's media pedals garbage, recycles whoreshit, condescends to its readers, and feasts on the festering anus of power.

Americans are dumber'n a bag o' hammers.

Dr. Pete is performing in Pittsburgh, California, this Saturday. See the preceding entry.

Next: Dr. Pete Visits Guantanamo

Posted by DrKanga at 1:39 AM | Comments (3)

October 2, 2006

i will be playing this saturday, october 7th, in pittsburgh, california, as part of the "jefferson family galactic reunion ...." this will serve two vital purposes: one is as a benefit concert to restore the Creative Arts Building in Pittsburg .....

the other is to demonstrate that heavily medicated old people in life support systems can still play appallingly loud .....

i'll be playing an acoustic interlude, featuring classical pieces from the black kangaroo era, brilliantly sparkling new compositions, and a hoary old chestnut or two from the "tribute to h__ t___"

i hope to see you bay area californians there; it's for a good cause .....

you can get information at http://cabconcerts.tix.com, or you can call the Tix Call Center at 800-595-4TIX (800-595-4849).

next: Dr. Pete's Believe It Or Else

Posted by DrKanga at 7:13 AM | Comments (0)

September 28, 2006

positano, italy; september 23

it's my birthday, and i'm on my veranda, looking at a pastel hillside that cascades to the tyrrhenean sea ..... it's kind of like sausalito here, with an accent, a sausalito full of "touro-trash," but it's still wonderful to be here ..... what a relief to not be in the states, listening to troglodytes with southern accents and shrunken peckers and blow-dried hair and "intelligentsia" justify one genocidal campaign while clamoring for another or, in fear that they'll be considered "soft on terrrrr," vote for the elimination of habeus corpus while placing the united states in a moral company that includes the spanish inquisition, nazi germany, iran under the shah and his savak, stalinist and post-stalinist russia, and the list goes on and on ......

i don't know about you, but it sure makes me proud to be a merkin .....

sitting here in europe reminds me that they experimented with this shit, not so long ago and, while they might have learned something from it, i guess we're not really apt students of history ....

the parallels between their megalomaniacs and our megalomaniacs are far too numerous to recite, and it bears no further conversation here, with these notable exceptions .... i will now cite "The Principles of German Occupation of Poland, 10 December, 1939," and i quote them from the exemplary alan furst in his "The Polish Officer:"

"1) Calculated devaluation of the currency
2) Replacement of the judiciary
3) Direction of labor
4) Registration

That was all--the real, arid horror of the thing lay in its simplicity. The essential mechanics of slavery, it turned out, weren't all that complicated. With registration you knew who and what and where everyone was--a Jew or a metallurgical engineer, it was all filed for further reference. With the direction of labor they worked where you wanted, and had to meet production norms you set. With your own judiciary, you controlled their behavior and their own police. And with the devaluation of the currency you "bought" everything they owned or produced, and then you starved them to death."

Two large boats, anchovy-packed with tourists, leave the quay, heading perhaps to capri, perhaps to another island, perhaps to naples or sorrento .... mussolini made the trains run on time; both our flights here were delayed a total of 3 1/2 hours, united airlines at its finest, reaping the benefits of endless government bailouts and largesse, beneficiary of judicial rulings that void contracts and scrap pension plans, that legalize the theft of pensions, that penalize strikers, outlaw collective bargaining, and tighten their belts around the necks of their employees .....

we're close, oh so close, to those midterm elections, and the "terror level" is orange, where i'm sure it will stay until after the elections are over, and the republicans have capitalized once more on how well they've fought terror and kept america safe, something democrats appear incapable of doing .....

you know that's sarcasm, don't you?

it's funny how the older planes, smaller planes have so much more room in them: ample leg room in wide, comfortable seats .... these new high-tech cattle cars cripple you; whoreporate ... i mean, corporate .... engineers have figured, to the eighth of an inch, how little space a living organism needs before it can no longer sustain life; toss one of those enemy combatants on one of these new jets and he'll be wiping his ass on the koran in no time at all, just to get out and walk up and down the aisle .....

in our brave new bush world you walk barefoot and cannot carry toothpaste .... a paralyzed, sickened, pain-wracked and dirty population is a demoralized one, offering no resistance to further absurdities and depredations .....

as for the four points i've quoted, well .... they should be self-evident, as they seem to be the status quo .... the judiciary's been pre-empted, although the purging of activist (read: humane; liberal; moderate; don't approve of dunking or witch burning) judges continues; the judiciary's been pretty well preempted, from the supreme court on down, while our attorney general advocates torture and the immunization of war criminals, the legalization of war crimes .... the direction of labor, the castration of unions, the disenfranchising of workers, has always been an american priority, and it now reaches its zenith with government impetus, while no pension is intact or safe in this country, although management's compensation skyrockets .....

devaluation of currency has been the cornerstone of the world bank and the WTO for years, as argentina knows all too well; any country foolish enough to deal with those devils will be bankrupted and plundered in the blink of an eye ..... such was planned for iraq, although they're not compliant, probably because they hate our freedoms, foremost among them our freedom to rob them blind ..... we've done a pretty good job on our own currency, as evidenced by this trip to europe; there aren't any bargains any more, and the dollar is too brittle to stretch .....

as for registration, need i go on? picture id's for voters? identity cards? yada yada yada yada yada? while the monitoring, the surveillance of citizens, increases geometrically ....

one more quote here from mr. furst, who paints a picture of paris after welcoming the germans, in which a character says to his new german occupiers: " ..... we've had too much squabbling ..... we must go forward together .... we'll have one europe now, with strong leadership. And strength is the only thing we Europeans understand ...."

democrats, liberals, progressives, they now depict republicans, conservatives, and neo-cons as "authoritarian personalities ....." whatever floats your boat, guys; if this makes you feel better about being impotent, if this helps you enjoy getting assfucked without lubricant, then i say, just hang on for dear life .....

the lesson is, i guess, that might makes right, and the right rules on might; power is both an end and the means, and it is the means to the end ..... they can never have enough of it and, while they still cling to the pretext of doing it all for "our own good," they don't believe it, and they laugh at anyone who does ....

power in america does not--not that it ever did--reside in its people .... the contempt and disdain with which we are treated by that thing, by its entourage, and by the media, is blatant and stunning .....

and that seems to be the working hypothesis, doesn't it? that americans, unable to make such critical decisions as to whether they want orange juice from concentrate; with pulp; with medium pulp; with low pulp or no pulp; or macerated rat shit with vitamins added, need to be told what to do ....

for their own good .....

the problem with a vacation is that you have to return, and i return to hear that, while we didn't nuke iran, we're voting to shit on habeus corpus, to continue torturing people, to let that thing in the white house imprison anyone he wants, any time he wants, to do anything to them he wants, and there's no one to go "boo" to him ....

one out of five democrats voted with the usual goose step republican crew ......

i'm jet lagged .... i'm going to bed .....

wake me when it's over ......

next: dr. pete in pulp fiction

Posted by DrKanga at 8:01 AM | Comments (0)

September 18, 2006

i thought i'd be gone, but i just couldn't leave it alone .... after, of course, the spewing of intestinal blood into the toilet ... that's what happens when i read the "papers" or listen to the "news" or tune into the radio and hear the whoreshit about our whoretime presid .... well, from now on i'm just going to refer to it as "the thing in the white house," kind of like an h.p. lovecraft novella, that goes from bad to worse to more sickening than you ever thought possible ....

oh, i was listening to n(ational) p(entagon) r(adio), cheerleader for ..... say, did you know that the thing in the whitehouse's main claim to academic fame was .... being a cheerleader? and that's what it does best? cheer for the rich, shill for .....

okay, i'm digressing .....it's attention deficit disorder brought about by reality-revulsion, the rippling contractions, the waves of nausea that run through me and leave me, gasping and shaking on the floor, like a wombat that's just passed a kidney stone ....

but that's another story, for another time ....

okay, the point:

republicans now have an election strategy, and it goes like this: "defy bush ...." "i'm defying bush ..." "hey, mommy ..... lookit me! i'm gonna stand up to bush ...." "we will now dissociate ourselves from the thing in the whitehouse ...." this is their strategy, and boy, does it have all the hallmarks of integrity, of honor, of the moral rectumtude and fortitude for which republicans are so famous .... campaign speeches'll go something like this: yes, for six long years i've been on my hands and knees with my pants down around my ankles, with the flaccid scrotum of the thing in the whitehouse bashing my lips and tongue .... yes, without question i've taken it up the ass and smiled while saying, "thank you sir may i have some more;" i've turned my back on morality and on honesty; i've sold myself out and not even because i was caught fucking goats in times square at high noon; i've been dishonest, a liar, and i've allowed--no, i've encouraged--genocide, mass murder, rapine and plunder, while destroying the reputation of the country i profess to love; i've allowed americans--yes .... americans!-- to go unprotected, without food, without water, and i've shit upon the rule of law .... but .....

that's all over .....

at least for the next two weeks ....

because ..... i've come to my senses .... and now ..... now i'm going to ..... stand up to that thing in the white house .....

have you watched kittens, how they reach a certain age and they start fluffing themselves up to look bigger than they are? and they start dancing sideways and backwards, hissing and spitting? and they practice this, over and over and over and over?

kittens are really cute when they pretend they're tought ..... republicans are never cute, and this isn't being tough; this is being gut-wrenching repugnant dead-hyena-two-weeks-in-the-fucking-sun-stenched disgusting .....

you odious scumbags: you've all the moral purity of a pox-mucked whore's cleft, and we all know full well that, as soon as the election is over, you'll be squabbling and bickering, shit-smeared little piglets ramming up to the corporate teat, squealing for the lobbyists' slop, and shrieking for scraps from the table of that thing in the white house ......

scumbags .....

speaking of scumbags, i was listening to national propaganda radio today, and i kept hearing things like "well, to win the war in iraq ...." "mmmmphhhhh ..... hummpppphhh .... more troops in iraq, send in more troops ..... bummmphhh mmmmppnnn .... extend the time of the troops over there .... mmmphhh hmmmphhhhh ...... those iraqis, they gotta toughen up and ..... mmmphhhh hmmmphhhh blllmmmmm ..... my god, if we leave, it might turn into .... gasp! a civil war ....."

jesus h. fuck, why do these fucking cretins get airtime with my fucking tax dollars? and why do we waste that air time on talking points from that thing in the white house? it's not like there's a shortage of toxic waste dumps on air that dispense that bilge around the clock .... first of all, i love the "we broke it even though you asked us not to and now it's up to you to come up with a plan to fix it and if you don't, the nyah nyah nyah on you ...."

plus, i don't know what "win the war in iraq" means, neither do you, nor does anyone ..... what would "winning the war" look like? statues of that thing go up where the statues of saddam used to be? morgues go out of business? to say that we're fighting a war legitimatizes all the lies and deceptions and spurious "goals" we were given as the rationale for our pre-emptive unilateral invasion .... and we're not fighting terrorist; they're people who are fighting an occupying army of foreign invaders when they're not killing each other ..... and jesus, this whoreshit about "well, gee ..... if we leave it'd destablize the region" is ......

well, thank god it's rock solid right now, thanks to our enlightened presence and bliss-bestowing hands ....

as for the "it'll lapse into civil war," please help me, lord, and smite these assholes on their face and chops ..... i can't even keep track of how many people were killed in the last week .... can you? do you know? does anyone care?

i'm sorry ... i ..... i ..... well ..... i meant well ..... honest, all i wanted to do was play my guitar ..... and sell my records ......

so listen up, mr. and misses lib'ral: if you don't buy my fucking records, i'm going to have to keep writing this shit, because i won't have anything else to talk about .....

so, like the washington post columnist who's just blamed the devastation of lebanon on the lebanese--rather than the israelis that bombed the shit out of them--i'm blaming each one of these editorials on you .....

hey, you! it's all your fault!

next: nothing for two weeks

Posted by DrKanga at 2:28 AM | Comments (0)

September 16, 2006

a friend of mine just wrote to ask me if i'd heard that an unnamed democratic candidate was proposing we send more troops to iraq to finish the job ..... i replied that i hadn't specifically heard that, but that i wasn't surprised .... what we have in this country is one party with two right wings, and the democrats are tripping over their own (very tiny) dicks to prove to the american sheeple that they're tougher, badder, hate homosexuals more, and can fuck more "salamifasicststs ...." i mean, "islamo-fascists," than their republican counterparts .....

what a bunch of craven fucking assholes ....

hillary clinton, who republicans have fervidly nominated as the democratic presidential candidate, is trying to prove she has one .... no, i don't mean an asshole; it's a tautology to assume that one who is one has one; i'm talking about a dick: she would like us'n's to think she's got one ..... even if she doesn't, it's still larger than george's, dick's, and donnie's put together ....

oh ..... i'm not so sure about condoleeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzza ..... you know how .... mmmm .... endowed ..... those people are ......

the disconnect is appalling in a country that now polls over 63% disapproval of the bush poseur and his hegemony; you'd think that any non-coopted political party would capitalize on that by devising a strategy, a platform that would reflect the desires and wants and feelings of a majority of americans, but .... no .... not this party, not in this country, not this time, and i think the time is long since past when there might actually have been a coherent movement of conscientious and capable people of vision and integrity, in the democratic party ......

they're all republican-lite, leftovers of raging, sociopathic rightwing fucks, a howling mob of self-centered narcissists and power brokers, for whom plenty is never enough because there's always something that remains to be stolen, sullied, dirtied, emptied, ruined, plundered, ass-fucked, and left bleeding in the streets .....

what shall we call them? what kind of dipshit name can we use to describe these slackjawed cumpots? what's out there that'll resonate with a madison avenue prepped populace? what'll resonate with the american peeple? no-carb assholes? no transfat cocksuckers? jackboots 'n' creme? homeland harlots? and when the fuck did we ever become a "homeland?"

makes you want to attend a rally, doesn't it ..... oh, and put those fucking jews .... .no! no! i meant messcans! into boxcars 'n' ship 'em off .....

i'd thought of writing about how fundamentalist muslims, who aren't representative of the millions and millions of muslims around the world but may soon become so if we keep up our whoreshit and bush-shit and the kind of genocidal crusades the republicans have us embarking on even as so many of us scream, no you scumbag cocksuckers, not in our fucking name you filthy assholes but you'd never know we said a word, thanks to the meticulous coverage afforded democracy by our compliant and shitsucking media ..... gosh, their assholes are just like our assholes, aren't they? i mean, i can't tell 'em apart: sexually repressed, monomaniacal, sociopathic megalomaniacs who want to jam their fist down your throat, their foot up your ass, and keep you in line for your own fucking good .... i think it's wonderful how, in a country that declares itself christian, in which well over fifty percent believe the bible to be the "literal word of god," so many christians feel that they are persecuted and clamor for special consideration which includes the abrogation of the bill of rights and using the constitution as wrapping paper for the fish and loaves which, of course, wouldn't get fed to any poor people, let alone those dumb n*****s who jesus hates so much that he had god toss 'em a hurricane down in n'orleans ......

geez, dr. pete .... are you feelin' ..... okay? you seem .... i don't know .... a mite ..... agitated .......

okay, okay ..... you're right .... i'm overreacting again .... why, i should just settle back with my xanax suppositories and my cheetohs and my shit-lite-no-carb-no-transfuck-organic-e-coli-all-natural-except-for-the-radioactive-isotopes-but-hey-radiation's-natural-too-corporate-official-sponsor-of-some-fucking-corporate-athletic-competition-beer and grin while that thing in the white house, stomps his feet and clenches his fist and grinds his fucking teeth, shrieking like the petulant, spoiled, psychotic brat he is: "mommmmeeeeeeeee ..... i wanna set fire to the cat ..... i wanna set fire to the cat ........"

some wannabe adults are saying, no, little georgie, you can't set fire to the cat .... it might hurt the pussy .....

but georgie doesn't care whether he hurts the pussy or not, and he'll maintain that not only does it not hurt the cat, because it's harmless fire, but when the fucker's finally incinerated the house'll be in better shape and everyone in it'll be safer ..... because georgie hates the pussy and so do all his homoerotic buddies who think it's groovy to sodomize rugheads and n*****rs with a five-cell mag-lite and make 'em jerk off and when they do then georgie jerks off and, because he hates the pussy and there's no blue dress to catch his anemic seed, he's got to use the gaping mouths of antonio gonzales and ......

god, i just can't fucking go on ...... are we, in the united states of america, in the twenty-first fucking century, still debating whether it's okay to torture people? because the "president" wants to?

yes, doctor pete, yes .... we are .... isn't it wonderful that we're having a debate? isn't that what democracy's all about?

blow me .....

gosh, do you think if, for example, the new york times, or the washington post, when they weren't running headline articles on paris hilton, actually ran a front page story that detailed what our "interrogation techniques" involved--you know, the ones that have killed but in a really kindly and fraternity fun kinda way, just jokin', mohammed, fuck, too bad you can't take a joke like you could take the sears diehard battery up your ass, and i guess y'all spent so much time out in the sand dunes y'all cain't breathe underwater, my bad, hey, sorry 'bout that, a coupla dozen people well they're not really people because they're moooslims and on top of that they're turrirorrisschst and islamo-fascists wow we got a new fucking meme to fuck around with, in graphic detail, then perhaps ..... just perhaps ..... the "president" and his "cabinet" could circle jerk over it .....

and maybe, just maybe .......

no .... it was a fucking dream ..... no one reads the new york times or the washington post ..... they read stuff like--and i swear i'm not making this up: "sex secrets of NASCAR ......"

next: dr. pete goes on sabbatical

Posted by DrKanga at 9:41 AM | Comments (0)

September 9, 2006

i'd been collecting headlines and snippets from the "media," painstakingly selected just to show you how lame and co-opted and irrelvant they are, and how they misguide, mislead, obfuscate, dissemble, fuck you in the ass while giving a handjob to the republican party, before sucking karl rove's kum and george bush's anemic splooge off a teacup saucer while blowing scumbubbles out their noseholes, but .....

it's about as painstaking as playing pin the tail on the democrat so's he can find his fucking backbone .... i'd close my eyes, stab wildly at the computer monitor and, lo and behold! wherever my finger'd land, there'd be yet another timeless piece of instigative journalism and advanced stenography .....

but .....

somehow i didn't save it and i can't remember any of them and, as ahura mazda is my witness, there'll never be a shortage of whoreshit in american media, so i'm not going to preoccupy myself too much with it for now ....

instead, i can only offer these headlines from the new york times on september 8, 2006: "hilton says DUI arrest was "nothing"" and "police find lindsay lohan's handbag ...."

gosh, i sure was wondering what paris hilton had to say about being a drunken superflous cunt, and i'll bet you were losing some fucking sleep, thinking, oh golly gosh darn it all, poor lindsay has lost her handbag, whatever shall she do? oh, lindzeeeeeee ..... if it matched your shoes and you don't have it, whatever will you do? gosh, won't that have a negative impact on your ensemble?

i'm so glad that the new york times is sensitive to our concerns; no, i don't give a fuck about cia black sites in eastern europe, or george bush masturbating wildy to the sounds of kidnapped prisoners shrieking in horrible agony as electric currents are sent through their genitals; gee, i don't really care that the afghanistan's opium crop is up--again--and that it's a bumper crop--again--and that once more the taliban is cashing in on the narco lifestyles of so many around the world, including right here in the land of the free united states--again-or the ongoing sectarian violence in eeeee-rock--again-although it's not a civil war, thank god-again--and once again i'm tired of saying the same shit over and over and over, because it never gets any traction, and it never gets any action .... and ....

ah cain't git no satisfaction ......

speaking of "again," it's that time of the year again .... yes, it's nahn 'lebben tahm .....

it's remarkable how the ineptitude, the lassitude, the desuetude; the indifference, the callous disregard, the incompetence; the ignorance, the churlish thuggery, the cowardice; the moral bankruptcy, the corruption, the venality; the skulduggery, the scumbaggery, the assfuckery; the scapegoating, the blame shifting, the cronyism; the nepotism, the sollipsism, the narcissism; the cynicism, the contempt, the disdain; the ____________, the ______________, the __________________, along with the (you fill in the blanks, okay?) ___________, _____________, and the ________________, have become an industry ......

the industry of fear .....

but that's america for you, okay? the entrepreneurial spirit that kicks in so that, when life hands you lemons, the republicans'll privatize the lemon groves, deregulate the lemonade factories, and give the three cigar chomping assfucks who own it all huge tax breaks ......

we will now go through--not a period of introspection, because america has never done that--but a period of hyperbole, hysteria, and histrionics that, i fear, will miss the point entirely ....

right now you're saying to yourself, well, dr. pete, what the fuck is the point? why don't you get to the fucking point?

well, that's a good question (i performed this this song with great success on my recent triumphant whirlwind tour of new york; it is available as a single through my order page, or you can buy it with the black kangaroo album package, which is where it first appeared) .......

i don't think there's any one point; life is generally more complex than the "yer with us or yer aginst us" or any of the either/or, black-and-white conundrums republicans like to come up with .... republicans have to do that .... their cognitive deficits are such that they cannot process complexities or subtleties nor, for that matter, can generations of americans who have been spoonfed garbage, nonsense, fear, insecurity, and empty desire by a host of advertising agencies via the one-eyed monster, television ......

life distilled to tits and flashcuts of glandular youth ..... or predatory rugheads .....

but i digress ..... a number of things occur to me .... black has become white in a country that extols freedom by abridging it; that spreads peace through war; that wins friends by killing them; that celebrates diversity by ..... by ...... you've got to help me with this one; won't you write and tell me how we celebrate diversity?

somewhere along the line we've lost sight of what happened on september 11, 2001: close to three thousand people died .... three thousand souls were snuffed out, three thousand people were whisked off the face of this earth ..... five years ago i stood in my kitchen; i didn't have television then, nor do i now, so i was spared the endless looping of now-iconic images .... but i felt the wrench in the fabric of the universe .... i felt the deaths of three thousand people, and i wept into the dishwater ..... i cried for them and i cried for us, because i knew the world would never be the same, i knew it would change, and it wouldn't be for the better ....

i haven't been disappointed .....

in the interim we've been offered duct tape and kindergarten color codes, wire taps and torture, the constitution turned into confetti, the slaughter of innocents, the institutionalization of secrecy and deceit, the theft of elections, the criminalization of entire classes of people, the escalation of class warfare, along with the savage spectacle of oil companies ravaging consumers like a geek in the chicken coop, all to the threnody of bargain basement day sales on fear, fear, fear: grandmothers pose a threat, fingernail clippers are dangerous, and water is a weapon ...... politics, like sausage, hardly bears close scrutiny, yet we have seen good men pilloried by the base and conscienceless, truth used as laboratory animal bedding, history used as a tampon to stem the flow of sanity, then discarded .....

i don't even know what that metaphor means, but it sounds pretty good, and i think you've got the idea by now .....

even as we see headlines like Iraq's Alleged Al-Qaeda Ties Were Disputed Before War ..... Links Were Cited to Justify U.S. Invasion, Report Says, we have the disney channel, long-time purveyor of distortions, mutations, and wannabe entertainment airing a fuckumentary on the network that they own, a fuckumentary that fabricates scenarios, that would blame 9/11 on bill clinton and his administration (haven't i said that hillary personally piloted fourteen of those four planes into buildings? didn't you know that saddam hussein was her co-pilot on thirty seven of them?) .... television for americans is like the bible to christians: hey, it was on tv so it's true ..... it's the lord's word and the good book, and every word is the gospel ......

all we need is network footage of george bush stuffing toilet paper rolls and armadillos into his pants to create the manly bulge, so appealing to christian voters ......

now we approach another election, and the three thousand are dragged out and paraded before us once more ..... it'll be 9/11, 24/7, for days to come .... no, let me correct that: for six weeks, until the '06 elections ..... somewhere along the line i'm sure we'll be asked to give the dead a minute of silence, and what a blessed relief that'll be .... they deserve that minute .... but they deserve way more than a minute .... they deserve the silencing of george bush, his cronies, his cohorts, and an administration that failed them, that violates their memories, and that's betrayed our trust .......

dr. pete goes to the e.r.

Posted by DrKanga at 11:45 AM | Comments (1)

September 1, 2006

here we are, one year after katrina wiped out new orleans ..... it's still fucked up there, you know? and that's not the only place it's fucked up: i heard that, like the "test your strength" concession at the fair, we've hit two thousand six hundred and something dead soldiers in eeeee-rack ..... they must be hearing the theme from "rocky" in washington: our government "officials" must take that to mean we're gettin' strong now -- those insane mass murderers plan their war on iran--oh, great guys ... let's do another fucking war .... i mean, look how successful the afghan campaign has been, and how we've handed the taliban their turbans .... and we sure have freedomized iraq, so ..... we're on a roll, you big doggies! let's just .... keep on keepin' on -- continue waving their shrivelled, flaccid members at the slack-jawed-with-admiration-by-god-how-fast-can-i-write-this-shit-down-without-gagging-on-last-night's-dinner press corpse, there's no humor in the (as the undead rumsfeld would have us think) "learn the lessons of history" because the history lessons this crew is learning is quite the antithesis of what you and i take out of history .....

now, you and i, learning the lessons of history, would think something like, "it really hurts when i put my dick into the mouth of an alligator that's not eaten for ..... mmmmmm ..... a month ....."

or we might think something like, "gee, when i pull my tit out of my blouse and put it underneath the wheel of a passing commuter train, it's not ..... it's not ..... comfortable ...."

we might think that sucking a tailpipe'd burn our lips .....

but these people .... these people .... they're not like you and me; the don't think like you and me, they don't have to pay the price of their actions or take the consequences of their behaviours like you and me: they're mind-numbing and jaw dropping in their incessant non-stop evil ......

they really are the asses of evil ...... they're the fucking energizer bunnies of evil .....

if they gave a fraction of the energy and attention to getting new orleans refugees out of tuna can trailers and into real homes that they give to abolishing inheritance taxes that will benefit four hundred of america's richest families, we'd see some rubber hittin' the road, wouldn't we?

oh, shit .... 'scuse me .... not 'sposed to call 'em "refugees," although i'm not sure what the currently government approved and christan sanctioned term for 'em might be: jiz stains on the cum rag of the bush dynasty? blood clots on the neocon tampon? buncha dumb n*****rs who got in the way of a hurricane which didn't do as much damage as the republican party's dismantling the infrastructure?

and the media just keeps pace with it all, sharp wits, sharpened pencils, indomnitable, perseverative, and ......

wish i could get paid that much for jerking off ......

i mean, i play music and all, which is about the same ..... but ..... i'm not making seven figures a year .... unless you count it in pennies .....

here's some good ones for you:

"while corporate profits have improved sharply in the last few years and the economy has become far more productive, the take-home pay of the typical worker has failed to keep up with inflation" .... so saith the new york times, on 8/28/06 ..... wouldn't that make you want to ask some questions? questions like, hey guys, why are "typical workers" taking it in the ass? and how fucking hard? but what i keep reading elsewhere, and what i keep hearing on the radio is just "corporate profits have improved sharply .... and the economy has become far more productive," the implication being that bush policies are just great and hey, let's pass some more tax cuts, and everything's just whizzbang beautiful .....

here's what paul krugkman (new york times 9/01/06) has to say: "The latest Census report on incomes, poverty and health insurance, released this week, shows that in 2005, four years into the economic expansion, the percentage of Americans with private insurance of any kind reached its lowest level since 1987. And Americans feel, again correctly, that benefits are worse than they used to be.

Why have workers done so badly in a rich nation that keeps getting richer? That���s a matter of dispute, although I believe there���s a large political component: what we see today is the result of a quarter-century of policies that have systematically reduced workers��� bargaining power."

today's not the day i go off on a toot about labor and how workers--yes, i said workers--the people who somehow don't spend all of their days at a spa, getting hydrolized wombat pancreas with a tibetan fungwort tea leaf infusion sprinkled on their peeholes--are being put over a barrel and getting roundly assfucked ......

some other time, perhaps?

here's another one for you: "winding his way through tattered towns in mississippi on his way (to new orleans), mr. bush spent the day demonstrating empathy and optimism, (emphasis added) touring rebuilt areas and meeting local officials and residents in his 13th trip to the area since the storm ..... "

please suck my dick, you bitch .... demonstrate empathy? optimism? what the fuck is wrong with you assholes? what are you taking? and where did they find "rebuilt areas?" in massachussetts?

a headline from the 8/30/06 new york times: Anne Kornblut explains how "the president struck an optimistic--and at times almost defiant--tone" ...... is that the same kind of defiance the new york times tells me iran is demonstrating, as iranians insist on using reactors that the united states sold the shah, to do that which israel, france, italy, great britain, germany, russia, and .... north korea ...... do?

wow .... "defiant" is usally the word used by media poundshits ... i mean, pundits .... who want to curry administration favor when they describe the actions of someone or something that, were we to do it would be self-evident and an immutable law of god, and our inalieanable right .......something like -- like iran "enriching uranium," or saddam hussein telling the court to go "suck his dick," even as we deny the domain of any courts over our murderous contractors in iraq, or over soldiers who might commit war .... i mean, "democratization" crimes agains humanity ......

i know that's not a coherent paragraph, but ..... pretend i'm your presiident .... cut me some fucking slack, won't you?

jeez, bush is a complex character, isn't he? in less than a day he's demonstrated empathy, like he did for carla faye tucker, the murderess he mocked and imitated as she pled for her life (he never presided over an execution he didn't like) or howabout the time he got down on his hands and knees and started "looking for the weapons of mass destruction .... no .... none here .... behind the curtains? mmmm-mmmm .... not here .... hey, ain't this funny? ain't ah a hoot? twenny fahv hundred daid 'merkan sojers? 'n' i cain't fahnd nuthin? y'all in the press just love that, doncha? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ......."

were those fearless reporters laughing with his optimism? because those shameless sycohpants were laughing, and don't you forget that .....

on 8/31/06 the washington post tells me "Bush's Blunt Rhetoric Signals New Thrust ... President's team launches a campaign accusing his political foes of aiming to appease terrorists and cut off funding for troops on the battlefield. ..... " hey, don't get me wrong; i'm glad that aphasia now passes as "blunt rhetoric" (aphasia: a clinical condition, stemming from neurological and/or cognitive deficits or impairment (brain lesions) that impact the speech centers of the brain, making it difficult to form complex and complete sentences) ......(another headline tells me that "smokers getting more nicotine ..... study finds the amount has increased more than 30 percent in some brands from 1998 to 2004 ..... so much for the fucking war on drugs, you scumbag fucks ..... but .... i digress ....... )

jeeziz h. fuck, you cretinous wombats .... 'blunt rhetoric,' what does that mean? that this marionette is incapable of stringing five words together without a transponder on his back and someone pulling his strings? and where does the 'new thrust' come in? these fuckwads have been blaming everyone and everything for the outcomes of their corrupt incompetency forever .... hey, we all know that it was hillary clinton who flew those planes into the world trade centers, that fucking uppity lib'ral bitch 'n she's got fat legs 'n' small tits 'n' a big fuckin' mouth so you know the bitch is no fuckin' good ......

you know, george, i think it's reached the point where just being stupid and a puppet can no longer excuse you and what you do ..... it's time to 'fess up to being fucking evil; just tell everyone you're satan's little fuck elf .... and let's move on ......

next: dr. pete actually did play in new york but doesn't know if he'll ever get around to saying thank you to everyone and what a good time he had ......

Posted by DrKanga at 9:24 AM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2006

war, war, war, war, war ..... we're busy little ratfuckers; we're always fighting something or someone .... price wars, gas wars, star wars; product wars, market wars, war on fat, war on cholesterol, war on carbs .... there's a war on crime which criminals keep on winning ...... we're up to our ears in wars, and all these wars, these open ended wars, the ones that never have an end unless they're bringing no profit to war profiteers, well ..... it's just war shit and whore shit and horse shit .....

the republicans have streamlined the process: underpinning their agendae and their programs and their politics, they've just declared war on people .....

back in the days of lyndon baines johnson, along with the war in veetnam, there was the war on poverty .... well, here are some of the immortal words from my anthematic song, "you don't care:"

"poverty kicked our ass a long time ago .... it's more of the same, more of the same ....."

yes, the richest, most powerful nation in the history of the world tossed in the towel, emphatically defeated by poor people .... yessirree bob, we done cut 'n' run from poverty, just like that republican avatar ronald reagan "cut and ran" from lebanon, just like king george the second "cut and ran" from saudi arabia, defering to osama yo mama's dictum that there be no united states bases on holy (saudi) soil ..... but you can dig it: you can't make a profit fighting poverty because poor people don't have any money, and who gives a shit about them anyway? about the only social legislation that's happened since poverty was declared the victor was that being poor was made illegal .... thanks to the banking industry writing legislation, it's almost impossible to declare bankruptcy and get out from under major contributors to the republican party who charge 32% interest on your credit card balance, and countless single mothers have been removed from welfare rolls: they've been encouraged by republicans who are chronically divorced and divorcing (like those paragons of virtue, henry hyde and newtie gingrich), who cheat on their wives and fuck their constituency ..... to get married ....

because being married makes you virtuous .... and someone else's responsibilty ..... and people aren't a priority, not with the republicans and the bush boys in charge ......

the war on drugs, now: that's a little different .... that's been going on for over thirty years, and it's still being "fought"; why, it's been so successful that these days you can hardly get drugs in schools or prisons any more ..... actually, it makes you think that, if people who are whacked out on drugs can fight us to a standstill, what are our chances against well-armed, well-trained, highly motivated jihadists who won't even drink?

not too fucking good, i'd say; not too fucking good .....

no, the war on drugs is still going on because it's so profitable and it's such a good excuse for the cops to kick your door down and take your house away from you ..... plus, our corporations are making billions, manufacturing the durable goods that we give to the columbians so they can bomb their farmers, or spray their coffee crop with agent orange .... the fat republican bankers who launder the drug money, they're in hog heaven, and they donate to the republican party, so i don't think the war on drugs'll be over, not in the near future, not in my lifetime .... and the cia's counted on the drug trade for decades, from their flying heroin out of the iron triangle on air america planes in the 60s and 70s to selling and protecting cocaine dealers to finance their illegal republican war in nicaragua, even as they were selling arms to iran ......

now, if we really wanted to win a war on drugs, or if we were really concerned about health hazards from drugs, we'd declare war on tobacco and alcohol ..... but i don't think that will happen, do you? i don't think we'll have the national guard spraying defoliants on the hops fields, or storming the coors brewing company ...... and i see that the damage suits, awarded against the tobacco companies, have just been dropped ......

i sure do love the rule of law, don't you? our courts are worth much, not when going up against corporations these days .....

now i know what you're thinking ..... you're thinking, gee, dr. pete ...... what about the war on terror? jeez, you should know what a belly-up-to-the trough get your good times on hand job this one is ..... when a pig farm in indiana gets more money than a world-class city like new orleans, well ..... it just tells you where our priorities are: republicans have always favored pigs over people, because they're so closely related .... they roll in shit, they squeal for their slops, and they're filthy cocksuckers ....

which really reflects badly on pigs, who are quite personable, and quite intelligent ....

no, children ..... the "whore on terror" is an open-ended boondoggle that's really a war on civil liberties, on the constitution, and on what little dignity the american people have left ..... every depredation, every theft, every lie, every incursion, every corrupt, evil, vicious, ignorant, underhanded manoeuvre will be presented as part of the whore, and in the interest of national security ..... it's appalling, it's horrifying, it's repugnificating, it's beneath contempt, and the media is complicit in its premise, so it's pretty much a fait accompli .....

and it's easier to pass repressive, regressive legislation than it is to undo it ...... that shit has a tendency to stick around, like dog shit on the soles of your nice new shoes, its permeating stench a constant reminder of how you've been soiled, used up, and abused .....

america on line "news" tells me that shithead mcfuck, the cretin in residence, has had a "bounce in the polls ...." why don't you just blow me, you shit licking toadies .... what, that cretinous scumbag is up from his watershed 29% approval rating?

the "media" keeps finding people who, in the wake of the "bottled water can kill you so all you sophisticates who won't drink out of a drinking fountain'll have to put down your nifty little designer sport bottles and oh, by the way? that starbucks you've got? the one that rang the death knell for all the little mom 'n' pop nice coffee houses where you could drink really good coffee and look at paintings or photos done by people who were local to the community until some soulless heartless ass fucking corporation came along and shot them in the back of the head and introduced a bunch of fucking drinks that make no sense at all and you can't even get a fucking double espresso from your "barrista" any more because the bitch doesn't know what you're talking about because it isn't a frappe or splooge-o-chino or a spiritual nepalese tea infusion with yak ejaculate and herbal dungberries .....

and now you can't take it on the plane .....

i don't know about profiling for potential tourrishts, but .... the last time i looked, it wasn't grandmothers with knitting needless that were chucking bombs ..... it wasn't nine-year-old boy scouts; it wasn't a harassed mother, herding her children on board while trying to keep them well behaved ..... it wasn't that girl with red hair and tattoos and it wasn't her boyfriend, even though he has dreadlocks ......

it's kind of like frogs and hot water ..... if you drop a frog into boiling water he'll bounce right out, but if you start him in the pot, and bring up the heat slowly, he'll just sit there ..... until it's time for your frog's legs dinner .....

and so it is with the american sheeple ..... they might complain if they were chucked straight into the concentration camp ...... but if you take away their nail clippers, tap their phones, open their mail, take away their bottled water and tell them they're safer for it, they go ...... well ...... ga-hork ...... shore we are ...... 'n' it's the least we kin do fer our kuntry ......

you know, the press keeps reporting interviews with good americans who will line up to go to the gas chambers once they've been resettled in the camps, who say, eeeeeee, it's inconvenient, but i don't mind because i'm dumber'n a bag of fucking hammers and gosh it's much better that my civil rights are abrogated and highly trained personnel look up my butt with red hot tongs in search of dangerous items like the bill of rights or the constitution ...... or they say things like, it's a small price to pay for safety ..... gee, it's so much safer being jammed behind barbed wire, wearing these nice striped pajamas, with other reeking, rotting sheep than to .... to ..... to .....

to say to the person in that fucking oval office, hey DICKHEAD! BLOW ME! EAT MY FUCKING SHORTS! F-U-C-K Y-O-U=!-!-!-!-!-!

when i was travelling to and from the east coast i had a metal shoulder that'd ring all the alarms; a guitar in hand; a bad fucking attitude; tattoos; long hair ..... the hallmarks of a terrorist, you know? now, at one time the people sniffing your feet'd be officious and brusque and peremptory and strutting self-righteous cockerels who'd fuck you over because they could and you couldn't do anything about it ...... but not this time around ..... the poor people stuck with this onerous task were apologetic, helpful, mannerly, ashamed, and ...... they all said, this is shit, this is stupid, this is a waste of fucking time and energy ..... this is ..... absurd and preposterous .....

while all the travellers with whom i spoke said, oh, fuck ..... what a hand job ..... what a fucking joke ......

the "media" didn't talk to me .... they didn't talk to 100% of the people that i spoke with ......

does this mean that they're not telling it like it is?

next: dr. pete may actually talk about music

Posted by DrKanga at 4:23 AM | Comments (2)

August 21, 2006

i started writing this on august 10, in the san francisco airport, as i waited to board a plane out for jfk airport on the 10th of august ......

in the wake of the media's blitzing the terror quotient of shampoo, conditioner, bottled water, and starbucks coffee, other putatively newsworthy items went unheralded, to wit, "baghdad's morgues announced 2000 customers in the month of july ....." (other news reports state 3,492 people killed this month; that's more than a 9/11 every month ..... )

by rudimentary math that computes to 24,000 people dead per year, and that doesn't include falujah, kirkuk, the sunny (bad joke! bad joke!) triangle (there's always a triangle, isn't there? why, in the old days it was "the iron triangle," the opium growing and heroin refining territory the central intelligence agency ran in laos and cambodia ....") and other parts of iraq that are enjoying our freedoms and democracy just like we taught 'em ..... i'm thinking that the flowers rumsfeld predicted we'd be greeted with are still there, only they're being used for funerals .....

now, you'd think that a conservatively estimated 24,000 dead per year would merit some attention, that it would generate some commentary, wouldn't you? and what shall we call this institutionally generated charnel house? charnel number 5? what are we waiting for before we call this a fucking civil war? and when was war ever fucking civil? "excuse me, sir, but allow me to introduce myself as the agent of your demise; now that we've been properly introduced, i'm going to shoot your fucking lips off, put semtex up your ass, and scatter your fucking body parts to the corner of the souk here ..... "

with all due respect, deference, and politesse .....

and what shall we call the pyre upon which our international good will has been incinerated, while the region itself, with bush's palsied hand on the wheel of our unsteady ship of state, with the israelis as our cabin boys, founders and goes down .....

taking the world with it ......

blub fucking blub ......

there is no perspective any more, not in this country and not with our great media .... one risk of "balancing" "real" stories against stories of a "terror plot" in england, propounded by retards and wankers who had no passports--let alone airline ticket--against the incomprehensible slaughter of a monthly 9//1 in the region we "made safe for democracy" which, i must presume, means freedom for our corporations and contractors to, with no oversight or constraints, do whatever it is they want to do while pissing away our national treasury, would be misconstrued as trivializing the very real dangers of terrorists, dangers which multiply like the dragon's teeth we sow in the fields we salt .....

now is neither the time nor the place to weigh in against the legitimacy of this "terror plot" story, or how i wonder about the timing of these revelations corresponding with the defeat of joe "i am your republican fuckboy" liebermann and his being ushered off the connecticut democratic stage .... the point is that, when news becomes a commodity, it is no longer news, for items must be manufactured--just like all the cheap chinese products that flood wal-mart--for the insatiable corporate furnaces firming up their bottom line as they serve the higher cause of republican fear mongering, while consumers--gullible, credulous, conditioned by generations of television and advertising to be insecure about the rings on their collars, the stench of their armpits, and the allure of empty, hollow want founded on hyperbolic images of spurious sexuality--with the attention span of an attention deficit disordered fruitfly, are bombarded with an endless stream of inconsequential goatshit in supermarket checkout aisles; in waiting rooms; in television crawl panels that purport to "keep you informed" even as they shove garbage down your throat and their fist up your ass: brittany, brad, and ben; paris, j.lo, there's a kitty up a tree, the bible forecasts armageddon, and who or what the fuck else i don't even fucking know let alone give a shit ....... 400,000 dark skinned people killed in a tsunami .... george w. bush, america's greatest leader? democrats: do they really hate america? jen jen jen .... brad 'n' tom, brad 'n' tom ..... vince ..... who the fuck is vince?

and democrats: why do they hate america?

2,000 dead in one fucking month, in one fucking city, and i don't mean new orleans; i think that ought to get some attention, and i think it'd make a good counterpoint to "israel: poised to assfuck lebanese civilians one more time ....."

jesus .... one thing about being on the road is sidestepping the barrage of media bullshit ..... the new york times went straight into the trash, i had no radio, and i never do tv .... funny, how ..... mmmm ..... i still seem to know what's going on, only it gets worse that i can even imagine .....

this morning my clock radio woke me up to mr. george "hi i'm howdy doody pull my strings and watch my wooden fucking jaws stumble over simple words and sentences while you media fuckholes take my dick .... tation .... in your mouths and swallow it all up whole" saying that now that "ever'thang's in place .... it's ..... unnnnhhhhhh ..... up to ..... unnnhhhh ...... the state and ...... hmmmmmm ...... mayor nagin and ..... governor ...... huunnnnnhhh ..... blanco ..... to ...... fahnd the money ......."

blow me, you cretinous fuck ..... we have .... oh, excuse me: i meant "had" ...... a federal government to take care of our people, not our fucking corporations ...... the state has to find the money? what about the nine billion that went missing in iraq? the 360 tons of paper money that was shipped over there? that went missing?

do you think that might help those cute l'il darkies down in n'orleans git their houses on?

oh, just call me a dreamer .....

i sure am glad jon benet is back in the news again! boy, there's some vital shit .... mmmmmm ...... 3,000 dead per month in .... what's that country? yawn .... but .... another white girl dead?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! up 'n' at 'em, boys!

the truth of it is, george bush murdered jon benet because he knew he'd need another diversion to defocus attention away from corporate theft, genocide, incompetence, illegitimacy, corruption, mass murder, mayhem, bankruptcy--both moral and fiscal--and all the other virtues that made this country great .....

there's more, but ..... i need to run to the wastebasket and puke up some fucking arterial blood; it's been much too long ......

my sojourn with the starship was great; i had a wonderful time and played very very very very very well ..... i'll tell you more about it when i pick the clots out from between my teeth ......

next: dr. pete gets irate again

Posted by DrKanga at 10:41 AM | Comments (2)

August 8, 2006

here's the calibre and quality of our brave soldiers who are defending our freedoms, and it's a clear reflection of their leaders ..... the soldiers who are up for the rape and murder ot the fourteen-year-old iraqi girl and her family were on the stand yesterday .... one said that his partner held the girl's arms while he .... well, he thought he raped her, but he wasn't sure; he wasn't sure if he'd succeeded .... he was pretty sure the family was dead because his buddy came out with the ak and he was laughing, but ..... he wasn't sure about the rape ....

gee, am i missing something? when you get down to rapin', you oughtta know if you're doing it or not ..... what are they teaching our kids in school these days? it's kind of like, you ought to know if you've brought democracy to iraq or not .... most people know about rape: i came back to find the comments section of this site filled up with adds for rape videos and ringtones .... there it is, america .... you can watch rape videos while you get the hippest, latest, most "now" ringtone available .... gosh, i sure hope those new fab rape ringtones aren't infringing on any of brittany's royalties ......

bush is taking another vacation, and that's a good thing; the less we see or hear from him, the better off the world is .... but i was glad to note that he thought it was "hard work," doin' all that dipllematin' stuff, and our highly paid reporters tripped over their fucking dicks to report that: "bush thinks work is hard, goes on vacation" .... i know congress worked real hard this year, what with faggots wantin' ta burn flags and have different species sex and i don't know what else .... so they deserve their two months off and their pay raises, like they get every year, just like the pay raises for walmart workers, you know?

it's a cost of breathing increase ..... there's no cost of thinking, thank god, for we'd be fuckiing bankrupt .... wait a minute! we are bankrupt ....

james baker, another highly paid great political mind, said yesterday that we might "have to talk to our enemies ..." i'm glad this man makes all the money he does .... not only is he responsible for stopping the florida recount in 2000, he's still plugged into the formulation of foreign policy: "we might have to talk to our enemies ...." sit down and hold onto your hats, folks, here's diplomacy at its finest .....

but i'm still thinking about the rape thing ..... he didn't know if he was successful .... it's important to have goals, and it's important to have standards by which you can evaluate your performance, you know? you want to be able to say, "hey, bitch .... we rapin' now, ain't we!" "yo, mama .... let's get your rape on!"

military intelligence at its finest .....

i'd say, run this man for republican president .... bush is fucking the country and the world and he doesn't know it and .....

you get the picture .....

i'm getting a drink ......

and polishing up my tribute to hot tuna .....

next: dr. pete is off the road

Posted by DrKanga at 7:59 AM | Comments (1)

July 28, 2006

i played a show last night with my old friend michael lindner playing bass .... after thirty years of playing together (off and on, mind you) i think we're getting pretty good .... and i also figure that we've finally arrived ....

gee, pete, what makes you think that?

well, somehow towards the show's end we'd attracted the kind of damaged person you associate with kelp dancing at grateful dead concerts, or the fine upstanding precious children of gawd you'd find gagging on their vomit while burbling "hot fuckin' tuna ...." yes, a matched set, a couple, slobbering and foaming and howling and gyrating madly in front of us ....

whatever you do with creatures like this, you don't want to make eye contact .... they sense weakness, they know when there's blood in the water, and it whips them into a frenzy ....

the cops arrived and took the male off as we were taking our instruments out to our cars; that left the alpha female, alone and angry, barking and snapping at passers-by ..... michael and i had just confronted the true face of america: .... disoriented, confused, and with a southern drawl .... dangerous, drug addled, brain damaged .... unwashed, unlettered, uneducated ... and fuckin' proud of it, and goddam proud of their time in the slams ....

my own understanding of this great land of ours deepened even further today when, while visiting costco i saw a very large woman wearing a bulging t-shirt that said "america .... one nation ..... under god ...."

i've told you before: every time i hear that i see lady liberty, lying face down in the dirt, her eyes shut tight, her torch extinquished in the dust .... there's an unwashed, overweight, greasy haired, unshaven man with soiled clothes and rotting teeth on top of her, hunching and humping away .... yes, a spiritual ass-fuckin', one nation .....

under god ....

and then i saw a t-shirt that said "no one fucks with jesus ...."

jesus ..... i just ..... i just don't now what to say .....

well, i was going to once more catechize the great minds and spiritual leaders the republicans have fobbed off on a willing populace: dan quayle, unable to spell ..... ronald reagan, unable to stay awake .... the bushes, unable to tell the truth, or recognize it if it nibbled on their shins ..... i thought of john mitchell, nixon's indicted attorney general ... patrick grey, nixon's indicted head of the fbi .... i thought of iran contra ..... i thought of donald rumsfeld and dick cheney and condoleeza rice and karl rove and .....

these fuckers won't even get indicted to get fucking pardoned by the next generation, will they?

well, this evening while driving up to my gym i stumbled onto an am radio station and you know what that's like and who monoplizes the channels and one of the things i heard was how the republicans were passing legislation to protect families, and how proud they were that legislation had been passed to withhold welfare from single teenage mothers ....

the announcer smugly noted that there were "a lot of them .....in certain communities ...."

why didn't he just say "niggers?" why didn't he just say, those goddamn niggers, all they do is get pregnant so's they kin sit back in their cadillacs and eat chawklit and watch opera windfree and suck on the welfare tit 'coz you know they don't wanna work .....

i'd go on, but i'm too tired to puke blood ....

but i'm really proud that we're making it impossible as well as criminal for women--not just single teenage mothers--to terminate unwanted pregnancies .... we'll now deny them funds or assistance to take care of the children we make them have ....

yessirreebob, real family christian values .....

but that's not what i wanted to say, although i deeply appreciate you letting me share like this; it makes me feel so ..... so much ..... so much lighter ......

all i wanted to say was, you're in for a streak of good luck, because i'm going to be away from computers and won't be writing for a couple of weeks, and one of those weeks will be my whirlwind tour of new york city with the geriatrics ... i mean, the jeffersons ..... i mean, the wheelchair .....

oh, whatever .....

i've been working on my tribute to hot tuna, and i think i'm getting it down ..... where i extend my right arm, the hand in a closed fist, palm up ..... and i slowly unfurl the middle finger ....

practise makes perfect, and don't you fergit it ....

y'all have a real good time while i'm away ..... don't go readin' any liberal media now .....

and y'all disregard any real hot weather? 'coz there ain't nuthin' to no globel klimit change .....

next: dr. pete recovers

Posted by DrKanga at 9:28 AM | Comments (2)

July 24, 2006

Detroit, MI General Motors, always sensitive to the market demands and the needs of Americans, has launched a new advertising, promotional, and product campaign to support their wildly popular Hummer. The television campaign features a young mother who, in spite of the best efforts of the Bush Republicans to protect her from universal health care, adequate education for her children, a democratic electorate, decent wages for people of color, or terrorist attacks on Indiana petting zoos, finds herself in the midst of a threatening world. To the exultant slogan, "Get Your Girl On!" she drives her Hummer over two homeless people, a hybrid automobile, four bicyclists, and one racial mongrel of indeterminate heritage, thus celebrating the Hummer's glorious combat-bred heritage and America's own triumphant policies of pre-emptive unilateral strikes, after which she turns and smiles at her cheering toddlers in the back seat.

Capitalizing on the timely positioning of the Hummer in today's sizzling niche market, General Mortars will introduce a New and Now perfume reflecting the product line, eponymously titled "Hummer." When asked about the proportion of floral notes to citrus or musk undertones, the General Mortars spokesperson stated that, just as the Hummer vehicle transcended all bounds of good taste, decency, or the intelligence that god gave a cockroach, so, too, would the perfume: "We're blazing bold new scentsual trails here," the spokesperson stated, on conditions of anonymity. "We'd like to capture the vitality of Today's Woman and combine it with the punch of Today's Headlines ..... it's the NOW we're talking about ....."

She continued: "Hummer will combine the heady aromas of Iraqi oilfields with the subtle perfumes of third degree burns from white phosphorus and ied's, left baking in 124 degree heat ..... we think we've captured the essence of bodies, unburied for days, as a clarion pheromonic call to all good Americans who want to support the troops and fight terrorism by buying grotesquely fuel-inefficient vehicles which," she added, "have a huge profit margin for our poorly managed company" She continued: "There are subtle notes of suppurating shrapnel wounds with a harmonic thread of cordite, then added: "no longer will you have to 'get your girl on' by inserting and moistening a finger and dabbing that subtle trace of vaginal lubricant behind your ear to incite your partner to rut ..... we know what today's upscale youth market wants, and it's the smell of freedom!"

In a totally related story, behavioral psychologists unveiled studies showing today's Americans, in response to their government's intrusions into all aspects of their private lives, no longer perceive their homes as their castles, but rather view their automobiles as fortresses, which must be made to appear as foreboding, threatening, and formidable as possible."

Posted by DrKanga at 7:39 AM

July 21, 2006

i was esconced at the sink, looking over my freshly picked roses at the headlands beyond, and washing baby bottles, when ..... well, when i heard a voice .......

dr. pete, the voice said; it's time i came down and talked to someone so that i could set the record straight ....

well, i'm rarely at a loss for words and, after years of clinical experience, as well as playing with hot tuna, i'm used to delusions, contusions, and confusions, but even so i was startled. ..... nay, alarmed, even ..... jesus h. christ, i shouted ..... what the fuck!

you're close, the voice replied, but you can cut out the middleman .... no need to invoke jesus, when you can speak directly to ....... Me .........

my god! i thought .....

yes? the voice replied .....

i said, do you know what this means?

it means, i said, that i'll actually have to use caps when i write this editorial, and that's going to be godda .... i mean, Darn Hard ....... but i quickly gathered the few wits i have left, and said, oh lord ..... what are you doing here, in my kitchen?

the voice replied .... i've been busy, you know ..... i've got to watch sparrows and raindrops fall, although, what with global warming and drought i've got a little more time to keep an eye on all of those who are masturbating .... and, he hissed, you know who you are ..... still, that doesn't leave me much latitude or free time; i've got a timeshare languishing in aspen, right next to one of ken lay's houses, that i haven't seen in god knows when .....

why, he expatiated, in universes that are infinite, in galaxies immeasurable, with countless numbers of habitable planets that have been in existence since before time was a twinkling in my eye, i've saved my Most Special 'Tention to keep an eye on the Earth, a planet i made just twelve thousand years ago .... god, was that ever a rush job, he mused, sotto voce ..... sloppy quality control, lots of sand in the concrete .....

then he continued ...... talk about rush jobs ..... it's not just the plant earth, but my very most favoritest of all possible peoples ever to walk the surface, my very special most chosen people of all time ..... the americans ...... oh, white ones, to be sure, and most 'specially the male white ones ...... i had to wait until 1776, he said, before there were americans ..... god, that was a long wait!

i didn't want to mention "dinosaurs," because i didn't want to entertain the notion that god would be a practical joker, and spend much of His time confabulating bones and fossils with which he'd salt the earth to spread confusion amongst scientists, non-believers, and other educated and intelligent people ..... why, the thought that god would wait, not just twelve thousand years, but wait until america had stolen land from its neighbors, murdered its original inhabitants, dumped its first king george and designed its flag, to declare its inhabitants as his Chosen Race was ..... well ....... it ....... i ......... and then, what could i say about Chosen People, knowing that the israelites believe they are and .....

well, just about most everybody thinks they're the most special and chosen of all .........

i swabbed out another baby bottle while pondering the implications ......

were you by any chance, i asked, smoking some of that wacky terbacky that you planted on the face of Your green earth?

well, he replied, i've been known to take a puff or two ..... don't believe me? just take a look at a wombat ..... but in this instance? don't tell anyone, he implored .... i wouldn't want any republicans to get the idea that i might make something that'd be enjoyable, non-injurious, have medicinal benefits, and be non-taxable and ...... out of the reach of the pharmaceutical industry ......

well, i said, i'm thrilled that you're speaking to me, but ..... why me? because i know how many of my psychotic and retarded clients you spoke to on a regular basis, not to mention our president ......

well, the voice replied, i do speak those who are ..... mmmmm ...... most speshully abled, but it's not like they get it straight ..... it's kind of like my word in the bible, he continued; it lost something in the translations, probably due to problems with the software ..... and, he continued, if no one's listening in, who's to make sure you're getting the straight scoop? actually, he mused, they are listening in ..... the nsa is tapping this conversation, even as we speak ..... but, he went on, i'll come and visit you in guantanamo ......

i was vastly reassured ...... what, i asked, with all the peoples and all the countries and all the nations throughout time which is, granted, but a twinkle in your eye .... i mean, twelve thousand years? it's just a drop of water under the bridge, right? but .... why america?

that's a good question, he said, putting in a plug for what is probably my best-known and most beloved instrumental composition, which is available by download through the "black kangaroo" page of the order section ...... i really do like your military ..... they're the ones i bless when y'all go out to fight and slaughter each other ..... sure, you're all my children (where's the fucking mother, i wanted to ask ..... what the fuck would she have to say about all this?), but you know how it is ...... you end up favoring some at the expense of others ..... american troops have the neatest uniforms, even though they don't have body armour, clean water, food, ammunition, health care, qualified leadership, retirement benefits other than a cheap coffin, or any disability benefits if they live long enough to return home and find that their jobs have been outsourced, their wives are balling someone else, and their kids are smoking heroin imported from afghanistan, why .... they're my favorite killers ..... also, he continued, i'm a nascar fan ..... nascar, he mused ..... it's kind of like a parable for american foreign policy, or what there is of it: immensely overpowered vehicles, going round and round and round in a circle ..... and i love the crashes, don't you?

god help us, i thought .... he's a ..... a ...... nascar fan!

i put the last a bottle in the rack to drain and dry, and turned my attention to the nipples, floating in the sink ..... god, you must be lonely, i said, but you sure won't be lonely long ..... i mean, what with this wholesale slaughter, mayhem, genocide, ethnicide, and republican mass murder ..... not to mention who the fuck all in africa or in lebanon or in palestine or in gaza or ..... i'm assuming that you collect the souls of the dearly departed? and they congregate about your right hand? so that they might sing your praises? and adore you?

that would get a little crowded, he replied ..... no, you know i'm only collecting 144,000 souls when it's time to do that inverse skydiving ..... oh, they're all americans, of course; i wouldn't have it any other way ..... as for everyone else? they'll just rest in peace ...... and, what with all this bombing going on, in pieces .....

i'm confused, i said ..... all this .... this ..... this ..... i stopped, one of those rare moments that finds me, totally dumbfounded, as i am every time i think that the republicans, out of their limitless respect for the american sheeple, have fielded such great minds and paragons of virtue as ronald reagan ...... dan quayle ...... richard nixon and .... spiro agnew ..... gerald ford and ...... oh my god ..... the bushes .... the .... the ....

did you know that vomit can clog nipples? and they have to be cleaned again?

but, i said, what about love? and peace? and .... and ..... and .....

well, you know, he replied ..... i've slipped in a plug for "that's a good question," so let me just quote a timeless line from that prescient masterpiece "billy's tune," which is also available by download from the black kangaroo order page of this website, and which you'll incorporate into your stellar renditions of music written for power trios and stacks and stacks of hiwatts but which you'll now play, with jefferson starship in new york from august 11 to august 15, on acoustic guitar ..... god knows how .....

"there's nothing as peaceful as a dead man ..... he never give NObody no trouble ....."

next: dr. pete takes dictation

Posted by DrKanga at 8:29 AM | Comments (3)

July 16, 2006

i thought i'd write some snappy, witty little squib, liberally (ooooo .... there's that word again ..... liberal ..... ooooooo) laced with tasty expletives like "republican" and "christian" and "uniter" and "decider" and "assmuncher" ..... but as usual the world bypasses tasteful humor and mordant wit with yet another stunning debacle, another mind-numbing .... i can't even find the words for israel's bombing lebanon .....

remember lebanon? the country that had fifteen years of civil war? the country that made that staunch republican ronald reagan "cut and run?" remember the bold decisiveness of that visionary marionette? "i'm a-gettin' outta here while the gettin's good ....."

other than being heartsick and nauseous, i'm not sure what to think about this ..... but a few thoughts come to mind, as they unfortunately always do, and they go something like this ..... first, israel's open warfare on a civilian population is sanctioned by what passes for american policies .... we engage in undeclared wars on civilian populations under the pretext of national security, or democracy, or protecting freedoms, or whatever, so israel gets to do it, too .... and they get to do it in an arena that's already volatile, fulminating, and unstable .....

it's an escalator upwards, always upwards ....

and what precipitated this? israeli soldiers were "captured?" so they get to level entire cities?

didn't we just do that? when two of our soldiers were "kidnapped" in iraq?

i know that linguistic precision has less relevance than fruit flies fucking and farting in this country, but i'm old-fashioned and old school, and it's still something i strive for ..... soldiers aren't "kidnapped" .... soldiers, if they are engaged in warfare, are "taken prisoner ...." we kidnap civilians, only we call it "extraordinary rendition," and i think it extraordinary that our policies include kidnapping, just as i am appalled by every other perverted twist and turn of this republican administration ..... i'm sorry; if your soldiers are "kidnapped" you're not fighting a war: you're horsefucking around, you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, and you can't have it both ways ....

let me anticipate the response here: ooooh, but dr. pete .... we're fighting terrorists and they don't have a uniform and they don't fight under a flag, so they don't fall under the articles of that outmoded document, the geneva convention, a document that the united states was signatory to but now thinks less pertinent than used laboratory animal bedding ..... so your semantic quibbling doesn't apply here, and you can just bend over, shuffle around some of the national security administration's wiretapping gear to make room for it, and shove it up your ass ....

well .... you can call me many things, but you can't call me anti-semantic ..... i seem to recall that the uniform of many vietnamese was black pajamas, they weren't rallying around a flag: they were getting rid of foreign invaders and occupiers ..... and they pretty roundly whupped our ass .....

perhaps we can say that some lessons were painfully learned, although the important lessons, like don't stick your dick in a hornet's nest, don't get bogged down in a land war in asia, don't get bogged down in guerrila warfare for oil in 115 degree weather ..... oh, what i meant was, don't show pictures of casualties coming back, and certainly don't show pictures of dead soldiers' coffins ......

because that might upset the livestock, erode public support, and we wouldn't want that, would we?

it's so fucking unfunny, that every time our forces of freedom retaliate for some guerrila or terrorist outrage--of which there are no shortages--it's the civilians that take it in the shorts .... there goes another city; there goes the electricity again; bodies in the water supply, best not to drink; sorry about that hospital .... .our bad .... too bad about that kindergarten, didn't know it had children in it ..... boy, i can't think of a better way to win hearts and minds than to--not just have them by the balls--but blow their balls of at the knees, and take the knees with them .....

i'm no policy wonk, but i do make predictions, and my current prediction goes something like this ...... with this israel/lebanon/hezbollah abomination taking center stage, a lot of things are going to slip by under the radar, things like stem cell research policy ..... or anti-abortion legislation in mississippi ..... and the real fear i have is that, in this topsy-turvy bizarro world of republican chicanery and doublespeak, this will be trumpeted as justification for further incursions into our ever dwindling stash of civil liberties ...... oh, those gosh-darned terrorists, they're at it again ..... do you see how unsafe the world is because of them? no wonder we tap your phones and monitor your bank accounts and read your mail and e-mail .......

just to keep that flea market in indiana safe ......

and, just to make sure, we'd best bomb the shit out of iran ...... oh, we'll use small nookilar weapons, so don't worry ..... and hey, while we're at it?

let's get syria ......

as an aside, i heard a discussion of hillary clinton's merits as a democratic presidential candidate, and it went something like this: she's pretty good, and i'd vote for her ..... but ..... i'm afraid of how she'd be attacked, and how that would divide the country .....

honest to god, if the democrats ran a fucking panda for president, the republican feces machine would have him decapitated, stuffed, mounted, and turned into panda paper sheets they could wipe their filthy asses with ..... and, maybe i'm missing something, but ......

didn't that "uniter, not a divider" polarize the country as neatly and as cleanly as a neurosurgeon using a chain saw?

next: dr. pete talks with god

Posted by DrKanga at 11:15 AM | Comments (3)

July 5, 2006

july the fourth just passed .... and what better way to celebrate our freedoms than by taking advantage of special deals on suv's ..... or watching the grotesque posturing of our republican coterie, as vain and as pretentious and as supercilious as hydrocephalics grunting and gurgling in front of fun house mirrors .....

on a day like the fourth we'd expect garbage and hyperbole and offensive nonsense from our president ..... in fact, that's what we expect from him each and every day, and he's a man we can count on, because where being grotesque and tasteless and offensive and insulting are concerned, he has yet to disappoint ..... like, what better way to politicize mass murder than by giving it a number:

"I will make you this promise, I'm not going to allow the sacrifice of 2,527 troops who have died in Iraq to be in vain .........."

they must have had a teleprompter in front of him to insure accuracy in reporting .....ooops, there goes another one .... damn, there goes another ..... aw sheeee-it ...... hurry it up, george; they keep on gettin' killed ..... like it really matters to them, how many people die .....

maybe i'd pay attention if he followed that up with, so these deaths aren't in vain i'm going to commit suicide right now, just like ken lay did, because i'm guilty of being a mass murderer ..... or if he said, so these deaths won't be in vain, i'm going to resign the presidency right now and turn myself in to the war crimes tribunal in the hague for trial ...... then i might pay some attention to a man who has never told the truth, whose every word emerges as slowly and as painfully and as distastefully as an elephant turd from the cringing anus of a chihuahua, a man whose idea of "compassion" is to mock the distress of the woman whose death sentence he has refused to commute .....

because he never met a death sentence he didn't like, neither as governor nor as president ......

what does it take to make the loss of these young people not in vain? not counting, of course, the thirty-five thousand americans and how many hundreds of thousands of iraqis that have had their titties and nuts blown off, have shrapnel through their brains, and can't quite get it together to run along with georgie porgie on their "enhanced" limbs .... did you see this? could you believe this? george jogging with a double amputee? what a manly man our president is ..... and this from the man who was ragging on a blind journalist ...... what the fuck is it with these people? you scumbag fuckers ... what does it take to make you feel some fucking shame?

it makes you want to say, george, just go fuck yourself .... you're absolutely sick and disgusting, and so are the evil cocksuckers who created this insane photo op ... and so are the editors that choose to display this grand guignol shit ...... what ... it isn't enough to stuff brawnie paper towel rolls up your ass and stand on an aircraft carrier in san diego harbor and say, 0oooooooo emissions accomplished .... emission accomplished ..... i've come, i've come, mommie dadddddie i've come i've come i've come everybody come and look at me look what i've done now now i've come i've come i've come emissions accomplished! mommie! mommie! mommie? come look! i've made sploogie in my didies! come look mommie! big sploogie! oooooo! i like sploogie on dead people! mommmieeeeeeeee mommmmieeee bigggg splooooogieeeees!

simpleton fuckwad .....

i'd like to see some photo ops done in the psych wards ..... you know, the rubber rooms? if he can run with the legless then, by god, he ought to be playin' texas hold-em with the sightless ..... or, how about eating chinese food, with chopsticks, with people who lost their hands? or maybe he could read "my pet goat" to some of the poor folk locked away .......

and this sacrificing our troops .... is this the same as supporting them? is that how you do it? by being some kind of aztec priest and saying, "next" while you rip out their hearts and the blood pours down the steps, its coppery smell ripe and redolent in the morning sun?

excuse me, it's blood pukin' time!

one thing you can say for these evil republican fucks: they've got their nerve ..... why, where else but in america can people who avoided military service impugn the valor of those who served? where else but america can those in power fribble away our time and energy on dog and pony shows like flag burning and same-sex marriage? what, you don't think there are really important issues that demand our attention?

oh ..... moral issues ..... so much more compelling than real ones ......

it's disgusting and it's reprehensible and ..... it's kinda now, it's kinda charlie, you know?

there it is: yet another column without a snappy happy ending ...... but whatever it is, it must be working .....

the sun rose this morning ......

next: dr. pete doesn't know

Posted by DrKanga at 7:06 AM | Comments (1)

June 29, 2006

before i talk about tour dates, let me just power boot some arterial blood into this here empty tequila bottle ..... oooooooooo ..... that's really messy, isn't it? and gosh, where to start?

oioooh, i got it .... how about the amendment to the constitution that would prohibit "desecration" of the flag ..... boy, i'm sure glad we've finally legalized fetishism and made a piece of cloth a religious object ..... and boy, there sure have been lots of flags burned in my neighborhood ..... yours too, i'd wager ..... i'm sure glad that my legislators are keyed into the important issues of our time .... and i'm really glad that so many of my democrat representatives truly represent my beliefs and my values, fine people like that fuck-nibbling harry reid and that rancid, wrinkled old douchebag, dianne feinstein .... dianne, why don't you just move to connecticut and lick joe liebermann's shrivelled, flaccid scrotum? mumble his prolapsed rectum with your edentulous gums? both of you so firmly belong in the republican party, why don't you just .....

come out of the closet .....

then, of course, i'm fascinated by the andrea yates trial ..... wow, redneck psychotic spavined trailer park dwelling single mom murders children because god told her to ..... now, remember that i'm the father of twins, so i'm not saying that infanticide is such a bad thing .... in fact, i think that god's got a point: bringing kids into a republican world is an elevator shaft to hard times and hell, and you might want to think about sparing them all that ..... but ..... isn't it interesting how when a single mother hears god telling her to kill her children? she gets prosecuted for acting on god's word?

do you know where i'm going with this?

sure you do .....

how come bush hears god telling him to kill his children (remember, our president is father to us all) and all the children all around the world, and that's stayin' the course (is this a golf course we're talking about? the one in scotland? that abramoff likes so much?) and he ain't no beach sandal so he ain't flip-floppin' but maybe the difference is he's an mba from harvard and so he delegemerates his killin' and so it's okay ....

this god-talkin' stuff, it's bothersome, wouldn't you say?

okay .... i'm done for the moment .....

here's what god tole me to tell y'all ......

i'll be on the east coast in august, appearing with paul kantnor of jefferson airplane and starship fame .... i've been asked to play bass on a "blows against the empire" set, something i did way back when the world was young and green, when i weighed way less, when i had all my hair if not all my faculties, most of my hearing, but the same negative attitude .... i've also been asked to play material from black kangaroo .... on acoustic guitar .....

now, i may be missing something, but i wrote that stuff over thirty years ago for power trios .... you know, for a group that played really really really really really really loud ..... and i haven't given it a thought in decades, let alone performing it on acoustic guitar ..... but i'm going to do it .... and do you know why?

because ..... i wanna be a whore ..... i wanna join mainstream america and prostitute myself out for low dollar, just like our congresspersons and our senators .... i wanna hang out on windy street corners and wear a mini-skirt ..... i wanna have a tube top hiked up over my protuberant belly ......

i wanna get away from my kids .....

here are the dates:

AUGUST

11 - BB Kings/ NYC
12 - BB Kings/ NYC
13 - Patchogue Thr./ Patchogue, NY
15 - Tarrytown Thr./ Tarrytown, NY

but wait! there's more!

i've been asked to perform material from the hot tuna days, so i'm preparing my world-famous "tribute to hot tuna ......" i'll be doing material from hot tuna's exhiliarating amphetamine and cocaine days, as well as material from hot tuna's inspiring heroin period ..... here's how it works: for the speed daze i'll come out and play one verse of keep on truckin', triple time, for two hours ..... then i'll switch gears ..... i'll nod out, fall off the chair, let a glistening trail of snot trickle down my face, gag on my vomit, and try to remember the next verse of keep on truckin' ......

i like the idea a lot, and can't think of a better way to showcase my talents, but ..... i've been cautioned that i might appear to be mean-spirited and harsh ......

i think it's all in good fun, and all in good taste .... but ..... i invite your feedback ...... let me know what you think ......

next: dr. pete falls out of his chair and gags on his vomit

Posted by DrKanga at 9:45 AM | Comments (6)

June 25, 2006

i'm naive, and i don't understand the why or the wherefore of such things, let alone their allure and the compulsion, but ..... the comment section of my editorials gets saturated with mass e-mailings that have headlines like "teenage rape" or "lesbian teenage rape" or "teenage lesbian rape"....

why? what the fuck is it with this country? wake up, asshole america .... if you didn't already know it from your obsession with teenage pregnancies and unwed teenage mothers, who clearly are to blame for the decrement of moral fortitude in the country, and if your fucking obsession with young girls' vaginas didn't mandate your denying young people sex education--which includes information about and access to contraceptives--then you can just take it from me: yes, it's true: teenagers fuck .... i did, and i wanted to long before i did ..... the girls i was fucking, they were teenagers too, and they liked fucking, as much if not more than i did ......

hey, america ..... here's a a wild concept for you .... i can just imagine how hard you're getting off, sending those e-mails in huge anonymous mailings ..... but ..... here's some news for you: did you know that you can find movies and videos and tapes .... of people fucking? no .... really .... i'm not making this up ..... gosh, i'm sure it'll come as a surprise to you, but ..... watching other people fuck--and i'm not talking about congress or the senate or that gibbering fucking ape in the white house fucking the country and the world in the ass--is big fucking business! why, they buy 'em and watch 'em in kansas and south carolina and in south dakota where they'd like to outlaw abortions so they can have more ignorant teenagers to fuck with .....

oh, fucking: it's a growth industry, all right, right up there with prisons and war profiteering ......

and, hey .... here's a prediction: i'll bet that soon someone's going to figure out how to put teenage pussies on the internet ..... and i'll bet that being a "teenager" who'll show her pussy'll last a girl through her twenties and thirties and well into her forties and beyond ..... yes, girls, show the world your beaver and you'll stay young forever! mark my words, wait and see ..... and remember, dr. pete told you so ......

speaking of news, i've rejoined a gym to get back into biking shape and, while doing the stationary bike i (remember now, i haven't had a television for over twenty years) marvelled at the seven large screens going berserk overhead, while every stationary bike, every treadmill, every bouncing little leg and footwhomper had its own tiny screen .... and cnn spent--by actual count--twenty-five minutes on "the myspace teen who went off to fuck some rughead in jordan," while, on msnbcqurztxuvwxy-zzzzzzzz, cher--yes, that cher--was on for over a fucking hour with something called "cher's mission ....."

what the fuck is cher's mission? and does anyone give a fuck? does that bitch have to pay someone to suck dick for her? she's had so much surgery she can't move her fucking lips .....

the point of all of this, and i know you're wondering: doctor pete .... what is the fucking point? get to the fucking point .....

the point is, that fucking media .... god help us! if we're this fucking stupid (and we are, obviously) and we are so obsessed with teenage sexual activity and cher's madame tussaud face, how would we ever get media time or attention to give a shit about, for example, the environment? about water that's undrinkable? about land that's unfarmable? about food that's inedible? about corporate profits that are unhinging, paid for by our health and our well-being and why the fuck am i even telling you this?

you are one of the Silent Majority .......

let me just add this, and then maybe, just maybe, i can talk about upcoming tours ...... mmmmm ...... where to start ..... oh, i remember: the liberal media, that fucking liberal media .....

not too long ago i was listening to a n(ational) p(entagon) r(adio) interview with greg palast ..... if you don't know greg, you should ..... he's an american journalist of great integrity and resource who cannot, of course, get his articles published in this country, so he works for the bbc .... but he writes books, including "the best democracy that money can buy," and in this interview he was talking about republican electoral theft and republicans purging voter roles and republicans intimidating black voters and republicans hiding democratic ballots and the interviewer kept saying things like, "surely you don't believe that" or "there you go again" or "is this another conspiracy theory?"

greg was much more composed than i was; i'm surprised you couldn't hear me shrieking "you fucking stup ....."

oh, hell .... you know what i was shrieking, and it went on long after i'd thrown the radio out the bedroom window and into the birdbath, where it interrupted two very wet and happy robins ....

then this morning, again on n(ational) p(entagon) r(adio) i heard two gentlemen who were npr functionaries, but whose functions i didn't quite catch, talking about terri gross' interview with bill o'reilly .... you know, the one where he stormed out of the studio? because that 5'1" nasty bitch hellcat was badgering that big, bad 6'4" hunk of he-man so badly that he had to run for cover? because he can dish it out? but can't take it? unless it's with a loofah? you know what i'm talking about? and one of these functionaries said something about terri really going on the offensive and pushing poor bill really, really hard ......

and i thought, gosh, am i missing something? this is the cretinous homunculus fuck that screamed "shut up! shut up!" at a man who lost his father in the twin towers, but wouldn't toe the o'reilly party line .... and national public radio is saying that terri gross was "offensive?"

oh, okay .... i'll stop, but first let me say, o'reilly is a guy who's sucked satan's cock for so long he's like a lamb collop on a skewer, and the barbed scaly tip has extruded past his rectum down to his knobby knees ......

fuck ..... all i wanted to do was tell you my tour schedule, in august, on the east coast ..... but i'm too distraught and it'll have to wait 'til the meds kick in ......

i hope i get some more rape e-mails ..... i can't wait until another teen goes missing ..... gosh, maybe, just maybe ..... she'll take her pussy with her ......

next: dr. pete chokes on his ire .......

Posted by DrKanga at 9:34 AM | Comments (2)

June 20, 2006

i heard today that there's thousands of national guard troops patrolling the streets of new orleans because of some "teen" shooting deaths there ..... boy, that's a first: we never gave a shit about n*****rs shooting each other before ..... oh, i remember .... new orlean's gonna be a gated community, and you don't want any uppity darkies running around with firepower, no way ..... gotta say one thing about the bush: he's a uniter, not a divider .... why, i can't tell the difference between new orleans and baghdad, can you? no running water, no electricity, no schools, lots of dark complected pissed off people, and troops, whom we all respect and support, of course, just blasting away .....

i'm enthralled with republican rhetoric and logic, especially when it goes like this ...... gee, you iraqis sure better get it together fast so we can--ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha--leave you to enjoy your democracy .... i mean, come on, guys; get your government together .... come on, you wogs: get your military together, hey, you rugheads: get your police together, along with everything else .....

what appalling, breathtaking, insulting fucking arrogance ..... what a shameless bunch of nattering cocksuckers these feces-tongued republicans are ...... it's like going into a china shop, sweeping everything off the shelves, smashing it to bits, taking a dump on the floor, and then saying, yo, bitch! clean this motherfucker up and do it fast ..... you lazy fucking whore ..... what are you, stupid? do i gotta do everything around here?

last i looked it was the united states that went in, unasked, uninvited, and illegally; that bombed the shit out of everything; that looted the fuck out of everything; that ..... do i really need to go on, to make a point?

and why am i talking to you? if you're reading this, why ...... you're now one of the Silent Majority ..... you know, you're one of the seventy-seven percent that think bush is doing a fucked job, that think the war .... i mean, our invasion ..... was a mistake, and that we should get the fuck out of there ...... yes, that's right: you've made the transition to the group richard nixon identified as " the silent majority," the majority of people whose views, attitudes, beliefs, desires, and national policy wishes are ....

being ignored, just like richard nixon said ...... only they're being ignored because they're not in accord with the best interests of major corporations, notably the fossil fuel industry ......

speaking of which, an old friend (and all my friends are old now) just wrote this:

I find myself horrified of late (what's new) not just by the appallng behavior of the monsters (Cheney, Abramov, Feinstein, et al,) the usual suspects, the overtly genocidal morons, but by a source of future human misery, I have not yet seen labeled as even potentially less than a Godsend panacea (like tornadoes?). Usually I find someone, no matter that they are on KPFA instead of ABC, Funny Times instead of the NY Times, who can help inflame my paranoia. But in this matter I find no reinforcement in the general media. So I turn to you, as a high mucky-muck in the Democratic clusterfuck, and a blogger. Blogs I understand are now, like the Beatles were, bigger than Jesus. So, would you briefly consider my depressing thought,
and tell me if you might help me get the argument out on the table, in the light of day.

my long-time friend, stephen schuster, whom i met at an east coast prep school in the very early sixties, continues: Bio fuels are being touted as the eco answer that we smug "caring" people may fuel our nature loving SUVs with, having our cake and eating it too. By growing sugar or corn, or whatever, supposedly renewable energy sources, we can rid ourselves of our petro miseries. The problems here are ....

We are already destroying (have already destroyed) the aquifer under the Great Plains. The dust bowl will become a permanent condition. Libya was a garden in Roman days. Lebanon was also. Lumbering for the Roman fleets deforested Lebanon and left many sections of lifeless desert. So we're not in unknown territory here.The sugar crops in Florida have been destroying the eco system of the Everglades and presumably the rest of what Disney World and the beach condos have spared. Fertilizers have created oxygen killing algae leaving water which won't support life.

So... the best that domestic production of "fuel" crops can bring are less dependence on Godless Arabs (wait, make that God intoxicated Arabs), the concomitant improvement of our trade deficit, the use of "fresh carbon" rather than stored carbon, and great profits for domestic mega farmers like Archer Daniels, Purina and so forth. In return we destroy the soil and the water supplies both incoming and outgoing. So .....

We go to the third world of the South, United Fruit Company, style and buy up land, replacing small subsistence farms which provide food to the indigenous population, with mega farms (efficicent eh?) which now plant mono crops to fuel our HumVees. This results in a society, Guatamala style, which allows the wealthy to import TV dinners, Frito's, and Whole Earth Greens, and the poor to, well, er, um, ...starve. If you thought the deforestation of the Amazon Basin for MacDonald's Burgers was offensive, imagine how much faster the good folks at Exxon will be able to destroy trees for sugar/corn, or whatever fast growing, nutrient absorbing crop they use, and will permanently create dead zones.

I really don't hear the obvious (to me) expressed (ex pressed like we used to have a press) in the public space. It should be, for the enormity of misery and death it will create can't be easily exaggerated.

i regret that stephen is correct: bio fuels are a staggering great boondodggle, along with things like compassionate conservatism, clear skies and healthy forest initiatives, and lockheed martin making and taking in more money the last four years than the department of the interior, congress, and five other discretionary departments combined ...... clearly there's an impetus for bio fuels: archer daniels midland and con agra wouldn't have it any other way--they stand to make another shitload and bundle, all at the expense of you and me ..... why? because that's why the good lord put us here ..... he may have been a-kiddin' when he put out false dahnosore bones to test our faith, but he was bang on the nail when he created the american people as sheep to be plucked, fucked, and sheared .....

let's just think about some of the unfortunate realities of shoving an ear of monoculture corn into your car's tank, as cargil shoves 'em up your ass: stephen mentioned monoculture, but didn't enumerate the nightmares that monoculture can bring ..... think "irish great potato famine" and you've got an idea, where dependence on an unvariegated crop led to agricultural, economic, and human disaster when it got infested ...... he mentioned lebanon, which used to be reknowned for "the cedars of lebanon," but didn't mention the overcutting on easter island that turned them into barren islands, inhabited only by great enigmatic stone heads, nor did he mention the disappearance of the anasazi from the american southwest ......

but wait! there's more! the over-emphasis of corn as an energy source and as a food supplement also contributes to the depredations and abominations of the fast food industry and the food industry's dependence on high fructose corn syrup ..... i regret that i cannot remember the name of the book, or of the author, who has just written about corn as a monoculture, along with its impact on diet, health, and society ..... but there is link between what has been described as an epidemic of obesity--and i don't just mean the fat-headed fucks in congress--and diabetes and other major health problems that now have a spectacularly early onset ......

oh ..... it's just a hah-potheosis? lahk eeee-volushun? 'n' globall warnin's .....

in terms of energy, the real kicker is, there are no benefits to bio fuels ..... why? because all bio fuels are fossil fuel dependent ..... bio fuels would not exist without fossil fuels for fertilizer and for pesticides, the fertlizers and pesticides necessary to grow monoculture crops on a con agra scale .... they rely on fossil fuels to power the combines that harvest them, as they rely on fossil fuels to manufacture those machines; they rely on fossil fuels for transportation through the infrastructure to processing plants (which run on fossil fuels), and on and on and on ..... without fossil fuels there would be no bio fuels ...... i'm no expert on this--shit, i'm only an expert on changing diapers these days--but it seems to me as much as we need legitimate energy sources, like wind power, the only wind power that corporations can use is the hot lying air that comes out of their mouths, and the mouths of their apologists and lobbyists and shills and whores, like the gas bags and wind bags and bags of noisome fart in congress, and the senate ....

and the white house ......

okay, stephen: i've done my thing ..... we'll do a bike ride on thursday, non-corn fed, and i've published this in my editorial page, which is read by three psychotic people ......

next: doctor pete talks about cretins, retards, asswipes, and not touring with nostalgia geriatrics ......

Posted by DrKanga at 10:01 AM | Comments (3)

June 11, 2006

in 1953 we were living in washington, d.c., and my father had just returned from one of his trips overseas ..... it was exciting to have dad back, but it was even more exciting because he brought a houseguest .... my father met alex josie while travelling through the orient ..... over the years my father would build up an extended network of people, a network that made him a formidable diplomat, a thoughtful and insightful analyst, and a man respected for his integrity wherever he went .....

that darned integrity ..... it always was an obstacle to his advancement in the united states foreign service .....

well ..... we took a day trip to harper's ferry .... located at the confluence of the potomac and shenandoah rivers in the states of west virginia, virginia, and maryland, it's where john brown made fatal miscalculations in his abolitionist fervor .... silly john; he thought that americans really wanted to free the slaves, and he thought he'd get some help from the slaves ......he was wrong, he was wounded, and he was hung .....

things haven't changed much, have they?

back then harper's ferry was a ghost town, not a tourist attraction ..... the town was abandoned, the buildings were crumbling, and we seemed to be the only people left in the whole, wide world .... it was a pretty neat place for an eight-year-old ..... alex, a brit, had just flown in from burma, and he thrilled us with stories of jungle fights and communist guerillas, of attacks on rubber plantations, of beating back beggars with his cane, and shooting his .45 at the pariah dogs that roamed the streets in savage packs ..... you've just got to shoot them, he said, as he nervously eyed an emaciated dog, shambling up the street .... you've just got to shoot them ..... that's the only way to deal with them ......

he was right then, he's right now, and nothing has changed .... listen to the english when they tell you how to treat mad dogs: shoot them, just shoot them ..... you have to shoot them; you can't pet them, they're not good with children, and they're not housebroken; they don't heel, they don't roll over, and they won't fetch you your slippers, your pipe, and the paper ...... they're not cute, they're not coy, they're not cuddly, and they need to be killed quickly like the mad beasts and bitches they are ......

i'm referring, of course, to ann coulter ..... i'm referring, of course, to the media whores and poseurs that encourage and tolerate her psychotic babble and insane ramblings .... i'm referring, of course, to all the republican apologists and pundits who excuse mass-murder and condone assassination, who gloss over pre-emptive unilateral invasions, and who disregard torture ......

i'll say this once and i won't say it again: don't dignify these mutant lizards by responding to their delusional rantings, their thought disorders, and their calculated provocations ..... they capitalize on outrage, manipulate media, and defocus attention from where it rightfully belongs ..... the "issue" isn't whether or not it's okay for an endless stream of vile shit to pour out of their mouths .... the issue is how the bush administration is institutionalizing war and corruption and duplicity and mass murder and theft ..... to "discuss" whatever it is these abominations have to say is to legitimatize the illegitimate, to give credence and substance to the shrill histrionic pipings of the psychotic, the sociopathic, the amoral, and the conscienceless, and to impute a semblance of humanity to cold-blooded creatures that were hatched from eggs and eat their young ...... it is bootless to say that they are ignorant, or that they are liars, or that they are hypocrites ..... those terms should apply to human beings, not to creatures who are wind-up sociopaths, who have no social guidelines, who never knew their fathers, and who were fucked in the ass by an endless stream of "uncles," pizza delivery boys, appliance repairmen, and stray, mangy dogs of indeterminate gender .....

speaking of barbarians, when did the united states of america have to prominently display pictures of its dead adversaries? when did we slip so far that we have to parade the dead through the media streets? why don't we just put their fucking heads on pikes on the white house lawn, and let republicans and other carrion scavengers eat their eyes?

or mount their fucking heads on the walls of the oval office?

oh .... i know ...... we'd run out of room ..... real fucking fast ......

next: carrion nurse

Posted by DrKanga at 9:11 AM | Comments (1)

June 7, 2006

i'll try to be short and to the point today; i'm too busy puking blood, spatter-painting my foyer with arterial clots to write much .....

last week i wrote about how the nazis codified torture and mandated the presence of doctors at their gestapo "interrogations" .... today's associated press reports: "The U.S. military issued medical guidelines Tuesday for the treatment of prisoners, formally directing doctors at Guantanamo Bay and elsewhere to force-feed hunger strikers whose lives are in danger and granting doctors a limited role in interrogations." [italics mine]

nice, guys .... that's really, really nice ..... we sure are number fucking one, aren't we? we're not number two, no way .... we're number one .....

oh, and we've just seen the american electorate come out in full force .... less than 30% of californians saw fit to vote ..... why is that, i wonder .... because we're not running another fucking movie star for high government office? because there aren't any "issues?" the san diego republican who will replace randy "gimme all your fucking money so i can shit on the flag and whore out my office and responsibilities to any fucking corporation or lobbyist who has my number and you can find my numbers on all the finer restroom walls"cunningham says that "it's not the corruption of one person that's at issue ..... it's the twelve million illegal aliens in this country that are the issue ....."

thank you, you scum-sucking bitch, for being up front about your blatant racisim, and thank you, southern californian republican christians, for legitmatizing it ..... and thank you, george bush, for frosting the shit cake of racism with vigilantes on the mexican border ......

meanwhile, it's time to blame those goddamned ass-fucking carpet-munching gender-blurred homos and gays for the moral degeneracy of this country ..... why, it must be dick cheney's daughter, eating pussy around the clock, that so unhinged marines in haditha they had to shoot two- and three-year-old children ..... wouldn't want 'em to grow up and be gay now, would we? thank god they weren't aborted; if they had been, who would jesus kill? and thank god our soldiers could do their job which, the last time i looked, was killing people .....

nossir: killin' kids ...... that's one job we don't outsource .......

good thing our congress is so on the ball that they can take up their time with constitutional amendments about who should get married .... oh, and how could i forget flag burning? i wonder what it's like to be so ..... so ..... relevant .....

but wait .... there's more!

now we're going to legislate penalties for obscenity on our airwaves, the ones that the public owns but somehow let corporations take over, just like national forest land .... "This is a victory for children and families," said Senate sponsor Sen. Sam Brownback, R-Kan. The higher fines were needed, he said, "in a world saturated with violent and explicit media."... what a shameless fucking cocksucker ..... half a million iraqis dead, but they're just fucking rugheads, and we sure don't want to see n*****s on teevee .... because the cattle might get ..... mmmmmm ..... curdled ..... if they were to see what our corporate policy was doing with their tax dollars, and the tax dollars of their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren .......

and speaking of n******s, boy, i sure want janet jackson fined for showing artificial titty on teevee ..... but you know what?

i think george bush in the white house, i think that's obscene .... i think dick cheney, telling tom daschle to go fuck himself, that's obscene ..... i think it's obscene that we'd let a great american city get flushed down the fucking toilet and not blink a fucking eye ..... i think it's obscene that we've stigmatized and demonized our dark-complected and our "gender others ...." i think it's outrageously obscene that scumsuckers like joe lieberman'll get their dicks hard over someone fucking, but won't rally to the flag when there's a call to impeach this presidential poseur or, at the least, censure him ..... i think lobbyists and corporations controlling energy and pharmaceuticals and medicine policies and pricing and yada yada yada yada yada, i think that's fucking obscene .... i think our media is fucking obscene, i think condi "excuse me i can't read memos about terrorists attacking this country because there's a shoe sale at ferragamo's" is obscene ..... i think less than thirty percent of the registered voters in california voting is obscene .... no wonder republicans can steal election after election ..... most voters don't give a shit and the media wouldn't report it anyway ..... why would they? they're owned by the very corporations that have turned us into a third-world fourth-rate shopping mall, where pigs fuck in the streets, tom delay plays golf in scotland, and you, my friend, you who is one of the three people reading this, are the natural resource that exists only to be strip-mined and exploited and sheared like the bleating ruminant you are .....

am i missing anything?

oh ..... i missed the wastebasket with that last hurl ....... but it gives the entrance hallway that flocked look that's all the rage .......

next: i don't know about next week ..... it'll be more of the same, only worse ..... and all i wanted to do was play some fucking music

Posted by DrKanga at 3:48 AM | Comments (3)

June 2, 2006

"In a 1989 Supreme Court case, the late Justice Thurgood Marshall listed some of the signs cops have used in deciding that an air traveler fits the profile of an illegal drug courier: The traveler was the first to deplane; he was the last to deplane; he bought a round-trip ticket; he bought a one-way ticket; he took a nonstop flight; he changed planes; he had no luggage; he had new luggage; he had a gym bag; he was visibly nervous; he looked too calm ....."

thank goodness we have clear guidelines on how to conduct ourselves in all the wars we undertake, that we're so successful at .... why, if we're as successful in the war on terror as we have been on the war on drugs, i know that georgie bush'll be lookin' into the soul of osama "yo mamma" bin laden in no time at all ..... and headin' out for a nice game o' golf with him ..... and the war on drugs? so successful you can hardly cop a joint in our schools or prisons ....

i'm not proud of it, but i'm reading again ..... oooh, dr. pete: whattaya readin'? i'm reading "the third reich in power," clearly gentle bedside table reading .... why am i doing this? i read the news ..... no, i read what passes for news .... and i was going to belabor points and make invidious comparisons between adolf hitler and the national socialist party and george bush and his reptile pack of flesh-eating, corpse-fucking republicans ..... but why would i do that? if you're reading this you probably already agree with my impartial and accurate appraisals of the american body politic unless, of course, you're one of those snooping spying scumbags that's sucking up my tax dollars to perform a 'round-the-clock colonoscopy and anal invasion on me, my family, and my friends .....

my, how far we've come in so little time: john f. kennedy managed to put a man on the moon; george fuckwad bush has put 245,437 paid spies, informants, and cringing lickspittle tattletales in uranus ......

now .... i was going to write about how "president hindenburg applied the death penalty .... retroactively to offences, including treason and arson, committed since Hitler's first full day in office. As some newspaper commentators still dared point out, this violated a fundamental principle of the law, namely that laws should not apply punishments retroactively to crimes that had not carried them when when they were committed. Now nobody committing an offence could be sure what the punishment would be." but i'm not going to write that, because gosharootie, our republicans wouldn't make pass legislation with retroactive and self-serving penalties, would they ......

i thought about including another fun quote, which referred to the exoneration of a communist coterie: "The Nazi leadership was humiliated. The Nazi daily newspaper, the Racial Observer, condemned it as a miscarriage of justice 'that demonstrates the need for a thoroughgoing reform of our legal life, which in many ways still moves along the paths of outmoded liberalistic thought that is foreign to the people.'" but i wouldn't do that, because i know that our american legal system is sacrosanct, and evil venal scumbags would never stack courts, let alone the supreme court of the land, to foster and inculcate a brutal, repressive, self-aggrandizing fundamentalist regressive agenda that would perpetuate their power at the expense of the citizenry and their civil liberties ......

i'd intended to include this quote: "preparations had been under way for the trial of Communist Party leader Ernst Thalmann .... A dossier of charges had been compiled, alleging .... a campaign of terror, bombing, mass poisoning and the taking of hostages. Yet the trial had to be postponed for lack of hard evidence. A death sentence had been agreed upon in advance. (italics mine) .... in the end the Nazi leadership considered it safer to keep Thalmann in 'protective custody,' manacled and isolated, in the obscurity of a cell in the state prison .... without a formal trial."

but why would i do that? gosh, in america? would we imprison people without charges, without access to legal counsel, without informing relatives where they might be? you know, i've always felt that habeus corpus was just one of those dratted details and obstacles that liberals put in the way of the execution of justice ..... and the execution of those gosh-darned terrorrisht criminalsh ..... thank goodness we don't let that run interference with the good times in gitmo ..... or abu ghraib .... or any of the myriad black prisons we've got spotted around the country with enlightened allies like karimov in uzbekistan where your fingernails are torn out before you're boiled to death .....

how about this? "From the very beginning of the Third Reich, interrogation sessions by the police and the Gestapo often resulted in prisoners being returned to their prison cells beaten, bruised, and badly injured ....... [after complaints and negotiations] police and Justice Minstry officials agreed that such arbitrary beatings should cease. Henceforth .... police interrogators were to be limited to adminstering twenty-five lashes to interviewees in the presence of a doctor ....."

thank doodness for compassionate conservatives and the culchur of life .... as long as it doesn't cause "organ failure or death," it isn't torture, not in this country, it isn't ..... (although i have to wonder, if the extensive use of dogs in abu ghraib is part of the "man-dog love" that rick "bring the dead fetus home so the kids can play with their little brother before he stinks too much" santorum was talking about ......)

well ... the police state .... what an interesting concept, and what a growth industry! the nazis, of course, framed criminal behaviour and criminals as "racial degenerates ...." clearly good germans, people of good racial stock, wouldn't do anything contravening the interests of the state .... by the same token you, if you were a good american (and, if you're reading this, i know you're not), wouldn't complain about your phone being tapped, your bank and health records being made available to corporations; your travel patterns catalogued; your written communications monitored .... because if you were "a good american," then you wouldn't have anything to worry about, would you? and, speaking of racial degenerates, isn't it .... mmmmm ...... compelling what a very very large proportion of our incarcerated are the dusky-hued and swarthy complected?

but i'm sure there's no racial agenda here, not in this country .....

i'm going to digress a little here, and cite something else i just read, although i can't for the life of me remember where it was .... it was about migratory patterns of human beings, how groups would move in response to seasons and the movement of game; how they would migrate as weather changed; how they would move as their numbers increased and resources dwindled ...... people have been doing this forever and a day, if not longer ..... why, that's why people left europe to come to america ..... they were hard pressed to be as biased, bigoted, and as close-minded; as dogmatic, intolerant, and prejudiced as they wanted to be, so they needed a new place where they could be self-righteous and intolerant .....

it didn't matter that it was already inhabited ...... let's see .... who was here first? algonquin, iriquois, cherokee; sioux, pawnee, apache; shoshone, navajo, paiute; hope, bellacoola, nez perce; haida, tsimshin, kwakiutl; seminole, shawnee, arapaho ..... the list goes on and on, and that doesn't even count the millions of people living in what is now mexico, or in central america, or in south america, those dirty aliens ......

now we've drawn boundaries and, while we're shipping jobs overseas and rolling up the blue collar workers while shafting the middle class, we're going to let our little vigilantes play cops 'n' n*gg*rs, put up a fence, and shoot sheepherders ..... now, we could ship these stormtrooper wannabes off to iraq, where they could shoot at people who might just shoot back, but no ..... we've got a new racial policy, because it's aimed primarily at swarthy, dark-complected people from south of the border ..... and our tax dollars are going to underwrite national racist policies! in germany it was "da chews dat vus taking da chobs,"and now it's those darned mescans .... and now we're going to legislate langwidge, like, you know, english? as our national langwidge? shit, we don't speak english here, most 'specially our feerless leeeder; i don't know what langwidge he speaks, but it isn't any english i've ever heard ...... hey, we speak 'murkin, and we proud of it and if'n you don't like it you just better go back to where you belong, you durty furner .....

can you hear me, puking blood?

but i'm doing it in english .....

oh .... i was saying, i was going to write about a prison culture, and the institutionalization of brutality which, of course, only happened in nazi germany, and would never happen here ..... why, back in that bad old nazi in germany "it can safely be assumed that [jailers and camp personnel] were committed to their job ... without scruples or qualms about the sufferings to which the prisoners were subjected ....." i thought i might write that "the Gestapo aimed to keep a comprehensive register of 'ememies of the state' ..... cards showed the category to which each individual belonged--dark red for Communist, light red for a Social Democrat, violet for a 'grumbler' and so on ....." but why would i write something like that? why would i be a grumbler? why, some grumblers might go so far as to suggest that our government would ask internet service providers to turn over comprehensive records of web usage of their clients, including sites visited and a list of e-mails sent, just like phone companies did when asked for their records of numbers called ...... and those self-same grumbling cynics would probably go so far as to think that those shameless corporate whores would stumble over their own tits in their eagerness to comply ..... but then, those cynical anti-american fucks would probably also think that there was something amiss with our government and its intelligence agencies closely monitoring known subversive and terrorist groups like greenpeace ..... or the quakers .... and, god save us, p.e.t.a ......

i even thought of writing something about the "interrogation" methods the gestapo used on their prisoners, but then .... you might think that americans would use similar--or even more extravagant--techniques in their illegal prisons, as they played "let's make you piss blood" with their goatherd captives ..... so i'll refrain from that ...... hey, i won't even write that goebbels "told broadcasters and radio managers that 'radio will be purged' of noncomformists and leftists...." why, some journals were so eagerly complicit that they wrote "it was time to rescue Germany ..... by reforming the .... constitution in an authoritarian direction ...." but why i would i do that? it might encourage you to draw unsavoury parallels between state control of the broadcast and print media in nazi germany and the united states of america, where we know that "freedom of the press" means the freedom to do jack shit ..... or less .....

why, i'd even thought of quoting one stalwart german, who said "The fawning and cowardice of this magnificent era makes one go red up to the ears and beyond to think that one is German ...." but this misguided individual was an artist, and we know what the hell they're like, so i won't bother .....

oh, i might have given in to the impulse to just go on and on and on and on and on, and maybe even mention the re-decision of the supremes to deny whistleblowers legitimacy, or protection under the first amendment, meaning, your ass is grass and we'll see you in being boiled over in uzbekistan if you think you're going to bring any government malfeasance, corruption, inefficiency, theft, or just plain assfucking around to light ...... because, if you do, you're threatening national security, which is the security of this administration to do whatever the fuck it is they want, which is to loot, pillage, plunder, and murder with impunity ....

but nah ..... you know, i see that brad pitt's a da-da .... and there was something incredibly exciting about american idol, although i wouldn't fucking know .... and isn't it the last episode of the sopranos coming up? and matthew mcona .... mconnugh ..... i don't even fucking know who he is, but he's split from penelope ..... penelope ..... whatever-the-fuck-her-name-is and whoever-the-fuck-she is ..... and my aol "news" tells me that hollywood celebs are flocking to las vegas because their new addiction is gambling .... and i think another teen girl's gone missing ......

gosh, don't we live in exciting relevant fucking times?

next: dr. pete has a drink .....

Posted by DrKanga at 10:02 AM | Comments (1)

May 25, 2006

okay .... color me wrong ..... but ..... AAAAAAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAAAA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ..... excuse me .... that just slipped out .... i don't know where that came from ....

i was saying AH AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, YOU LIZARD SCUM! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING REPTILE FUCKS! ....

golly! what's going on? what is this? could it be ..... demonic possession? am i channelling some ancient and wise figure?

well ..... i was .... ahem ..... saying that i'd been wrong when i predicted the exoneration of ken "kenny boy hey george here's my private jet why don't you take some more money for your corrupt fucking party and cut me all kinds of slack 'n' deals so i can assfuck california and just about everybody else" lay and jeffrey "gosh, it sure was goin' good the last time i looked "skilling in the enron and HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

and did you hear me screaming this morning? when i heard the news? that ken lay and jeff skilling had been found guilty?

here's what i said:

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AAAAAAAHHHAAAAAA BEND OVER FOR THE SOAP NOW, YOU FAT OL' WHITE BOY, YOU HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA ......

there was more, but i think you get the idea ......

there's one other thing i'd like to see: i'd like to see an interview with dick cheney, and i know it wouldn't be on fox, because all the functionaries and slobbering heads have his dick so far down their throats the shrivelled lopsided tip is sticking out their assholes, and they find it difficult to articulate, let alone ask any pointed or trenchant questions ..... it'd go like this:

cheney ..... well, i think we're really doing very well in iraq, and i have evidence that the insurrection is winding down and that we're stabilizing the region and 9/11 and freedom and democracy and 9/11 and terrorists and 9/11 and yada yada yada yada yada and the liberals hate our freedoms and yada yada yada yada yada yada yada ....

interviewer: ..... well, sir, with all due respect, you stated unequivocally that you knew where weapons of mass destruction were, and the only ones that have been found are the ones that the united states has used against a civilian population ..... you've maintained that saddam hussein was involved in 9/11 when everyone knows that to be a complete falshood ...... so .... my question to you, sir, is ..... why should we believe you now?

cheney, curling his lip even further ..... fuck you, asshole .... i stand by what i say .... we're doing very well and show all signs of emerging triumphant for the forces of freedom ....

interviewer ...... well, mr. vice-president, you're the man who shot an aged companion, wearing a bright orange vest, in the face, at a range of less than ten feet .... you're a man who mistook an eighty-year-old, dressed in orange dayglo, for a small bird ..... we're told that there were between five to five hundred pellets in him ..... five to five hundred? can no one count? is this enron accounting? i can see no reason we should trust a man with such confounded and untrustworthy perceptions, let alone who thinks "five to five hundred" a good statistical spread ....... i surmise, mr. vice-president, that there's more than a little bit of elmer fudd in you ...... i must ask you sir, did you think saddam hussein was a wascally wabbit? we know that carrots, like oil, come out of the ground .....

etc., etc., etc., etc .............................

next: dr. pete calms down

Posted by DrKanga at 1:43 AM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2006

i haven't always not had a television .... in fact, i have one right now: i bought it in 1987, from one of those "i'm mad melvin ..... i'm right on the corner, i'm right on the price, and i'm close to every turnpike exit known to man ..... and i'll eat the asshole of a rabid chihuahua if that's what it takes to convince you to buy your iron lung from me ....." i bought a videotape player, which i still have, and a panasonic food processor from the store at the same time ..... the food processor was great, and i'm sorry i sold it ..... but the tv still works, and it still works great; i have it hooked up to a dvd player, that old vhs player, and the audio output goes through a 400-watt-per channel amplifier that i bought at the same time, which powers the jbl studio monitor speakers i got way back in 1976 .... they sound great, the whole thing works fine, and i can occupy the moral high ground, knowing that i'm a fucking luddite and what worked back then still works for me now, unlike all the new technology things that cost so much money, like my full suspension mountain bike, or ......

how about our government .....

but i shouldn't say these things, because i'd like to get on npr and push "going home ....."

well ...... right about now you're saying, what's the point, doctor pete? what's the fucking point?

well, i guess the point isn't as pushpin sharp as the penetrating observations i usually make, given the acuity of my intellect and the focus of my ..... oh .... excuse me .... i nodded off there for a moment, trying to catch up sleep that the twins snatched away from me last night ....

ahem .... the point is reality, and the point is television, and the point is perception, and the point is life and death and war and just being a happy herd animal, bleating along here in this great old land of ours that's the country it is, and that's what makes it great ..... the point is, television describes and determines reality for so many americans ....

oh, you think i'm making this up? what about the appearance of the new press secretary, tony snow, who bursts into tears at his first show? so what am i supposed to believe, that this reptilian slit-eyed cold-blooded lizard motherfucker is a human being, capable of emotions other than greed, avarice, and blood lust?

crocodile tears, anyone?

unlike most of the citizenry of this great land of ours, and that includes our congress persons and our senators and other people who are in decision and policy making positions, whose perceptions, attitudes, experiences, and outlooks would benefit from a more cosmopolitan background, i've been overseas ..... in fact, i've lived overseas for what? ten, eleven years? that counts asia and europe and, the last i looked, i had a handle on four languages, none of which are understood by my friends, including english ......

the first time i went overseas was when my father was posted in what was then west pakistan, and the first thing i remember from that was the bandarwallah, outside my bedroom window, exhorting his monkey to do the dirty monkey boogaloo, while the cobra wallah, right next to him, was putting his snake through its paces ..... the music was great .... the electricity would go out regularly, kind of like iraq, but hey ..... even though refugees from the great partitioning of india and pakistan were sloshing back and forth, like dishwater in a pan, there wasn't any shelling going on, so it wasn't like iraq is today .....

the point of this is, the family would come back to the states on home leave and, in those precious weeks, i could watch television, and see the things that made this country great ....

ooooh, and what were those things, doctor pete? what exactly made this country great?

well .... professional wrestling was one of them ..... i'd sit with my mother's father, a man who had ..... mmmmm .... what ..... four ph.d's? and spoke eight languages? and translated russian treatises on air and water pollution? as he shrieked and barked at haystacks calhoun and bobo brazil and bruno sammartino and andre the giant ..... nothing would convince this man that wrestling was bogus, as phoney and as contrived as a megachurch revival or a bush administration presentation at the united nations ..... or a bush administration anything ....

what else was there? well, when i wasn't watching darlene's tits bloom and blossom on the mouseketeer show, i'd watch victory at sea .... that was a great soundtrack and a great program, and it fit in with some of my personal experiences ..... why, coming back through europe on home leave i'd seen firsthand how the german troops had burned finnish lapland as they made their way to norway, where they hopped troopships in the norwegian fjords, because the finns were kicking their asses .... who now knows that the finns were an axis ally, united in their mutual distrust of the soviet union? but the finns were tossing the germans out because the germans had asked for the finnish jews, and the finns, through marshal carl gustav mannerheim, said (i'll translate from the finnish) suck my dick, you evil motherfuckers; just go and suck my fucking dick .... there were piles of munitions and helmets and troop carriers, rusting out, that the germans left on the shores of the fjords, as they sailed for home, the footprint of the finnish boot on their butts ....

there were still huge minefields when i was there, and my cousins talked about friends who had stepped on mines, while hunting .....

after that my father was stationed in the philippine islands, so i've been to corregidor, and i've been in the malinta tunnel (you really ought to google this shit), and i've been where the death march started, and my classmates had relatives who were interned in intramuros by the japanese, or they had a parent who went underground for years, working with filipino guerrillas, eating bugs while tossing bombs .... i thought corregidor and the malinta tunnel were bitchin' ..... munitions were still stacked, floor to ceiling; the floor was under water from seepage; it was also inches deep in magnesium strips, used as rocket fuel ..... think about this: magnesium burns under water, and the tunnel floor was .... under water ..... the story was that there was still so much ammo stored on the island that it would disintegrate if something went awry .... and every evening i'd watch a column of water climb slowly into the sky: munitions disposal and smorgasbord .... the local fishermen would scramble out to pick up dinner ..... and how could i forget when one of my friends pulled the pin on a grenade that was a decade old ..... and blew his head off .....

so ..... what's the point, doctor pete? what's the fucking point?

well, the fucking point is, i'm reading another book, nor will i apologize for reading .... it's about the second world war, and it's about the pacific theater, and so .... i remembered victory at sea .... sure, it was martial and it was triumphant, but you got to see stuff .... here were shows about a war that was only ten or so years past, that would show you, not just great shots of ships maneouvering at sea, or big guns recoiling when fired, or tracers streaking through the night ..... they'd show you cities levelled; they'd show you refugees, pulling carts piled with their possessions; they'd show you displaced persons, behind barbed wire; they'd show you civilians, fucked up, in cities, fucked up, and it'd give you a taste for war that was pretty exciting but that made you glad you could walk into the kitchen and get a bowl of popcorn and come back out, settle down in your chair, pull the cat up on your lap, and .....

not have to duck and cover .....

or eat the cat .....

do you know where i'm going with this?

i don't watch tv now, so i've missed "shock and awe ...." but why would i watch that shit? watching firepower doesn't make my dick hard, nor does watching a city get flattened make me feel good about myself .... i've walked through it; cousins have been through it; my wife's father was a survivor and a displaced person; you know, there aren't any commercial interruptions in war; there aren't any breaks so you can go into the kitchen and whip up some popcorn; miller lite doesn't come on and spare a city block from being shelled; budweiser's chicks, rocking out, won't stop children from bleeding to death, or mothers scrambling for the arm that just got blown off, or ......

what happened to us, that we think the worst thing happening right now is that it costs a little more to put gas in our suv's?

fuck tv, and fuck the shallow voyeur mentality it creates, and the illusions that it perpetrates, and fuck the people behind it, and fuck you, too, if you're sitting down watching it ..... i don't think it's "extreme" when some asshole eats a cockroach as the camera rolls, but only when the makeup artist smears some glycerine on his tanned abs ..... i think it's extreme when a city gets firebombed and all the oxygen gets sucked out of it and people's lungs explode and their eyeballs pop out of their skulls .... i think it's extreme when hospitals don't have electricity or anaesthetic or antibiotics ..... i think it's extreme when morgues are busier than the schools .....

we need to be reminded that war kills people ..... war fucks up cities and it fucks up schools and it fucks up childrens' playgrounds and, because we're a good christian nation that values life, we don't let hospitals in these fucking rughead areas have drugs (oooooh! the war against drugs, right?) or hypodermics or anaesthetic or .......

i recently watched "hotshots part deux ...." that's me, mr. intellectual, but i'm proud of it .... and there's a scene where charlie sheen helps an american soldier get ahold of his balls and overcome his fear and reticence, and the soldier says, in a full face close-up, "war ..... it's fanTAStic ....."

what-ev-er........

you know, we invaded panama because we had low self-image after vietnam .....

we couldn't do fucking sit-ups?

and now the only thing that makes america question the evil and fascism that comprises george bush and his neocon crusade in iraq and the rest of the world is ...... higher fucking gas prices?

i'm sorry ..... blow me .......

i know that they figured something out, after vietnam .... it wasn't, "don't get bogged down in a land war in asia ...." it wasn't "don't invade a country on bogus bullshit reasons ...." it wasn't "let's be pro-life and not kill them or have our children killed ...."

what they learned was, don't show dead soldiers on television .... because the sheep tend to get upset if they see what happens when they're led off to slaughter, although it takes a long fucking time .....

so we don't see the coffins .... and we don't see the body parts .... and we don't see our brain-damaged soldiers in their rehab wards ..... and we don't see the levelled city blocks .... and we don't see the children, scrabbling in the dirt, trying to stuff their intestines back into their bodies ......

hey, i didn't mean to be a fucking down ..... i think i'm going to pour myself a miller lite, whip up some popcorn, and ....

watch some wrestling ......

it's more honest than fucking george bush, and every asshole he's got in office with him .....

next: dr. pete and bobo brazil's "coco butt"

Posted by DrKanga at 8:46 AM

May 13, 2006

i haven't written for a while, the reason being a major depressive episode .... you know why? you know what could make me disconsolate, inconsolable, and down? feel forlorn, hopeless, and helpless? wake up in the mo'nin'/feelin' so bad/lawse hab de wuss ol' feelin'/man mos' evah done had?

misunderstimating amerkans and their joodishal system, that'll do it for sure ..... why, just last editorial i'd forecast the death sentence for zacharias moussouai ..... but he didn't get it ..... he got a life sentence, which pissed him off, arab fundamentalists off, christian fundamentalists off (pro-lifers are really pro-death) and, of course, the united states government off ..... because we needed more bread with our circuses: nice, white skwushy roll-a-whole-loaf-up-into-a-fist-sized-ball-because-it-has-no-substance wonder bread, which means a show trial and a fall guy demonstrating how together our government is when it comes to protecting us, which means whacking out some poor schizzy thought-disordered wannabe wanker who is so fucked up he couldn't even qualify for being president of the united states .....

sometimes it just makes you wonder: what are our tax dollars going for? judicially speaking, i mean, because we know that every penny we pay improves the quality of corporate .... i mean, our ..... lives ..... remember that o.j. simpson walked right out of the courtroom and onto the golf course, where he'll tee off with ken lay (o.j.! o.j.! it's the one-armed man! he's your caddie!) ...... the police who played fungo with rodney king's face, they strolled off into pension-land .... and i can't keep track of all the others who were presumed innocent .... and found to be innocent .....

thank god we got martha stewart, that uppity bitch .... i rejoiced when she got sent up; i never could fold a napkin like she did .....

but that's all beside the point ....

is there a point? gee .... stick with me and we'll both find out ....

when i was young i read a lot of science fiction ..... today's stuff, which i don't read (unless you count the New York Times and The Washington Post, which fall into the realm of delusion and fantasy) seems to be science fantasy, wizardry and sword-cum-spaceship stuff, like you have to use a sword in the world of the future because we can't afford to manufacture munitions anymore, something i know that we'll never see happen: when it comes to choosing between guns and butter the phrase "eat hot lead" takes on new meaning .... or it's very high-tech sociological fiction, where you need a degree in calculus and a mainframe computer to keep up with the story line .... but in my day there was a world of imagination to be found within our solar system -- earth, mars, the moon; venus, neptune, uranus; jupiter and beyond -- that kept us round-eyed with wonder at the staggering visions of things that might transpire within our own time and our own tomorrows, all in our own backyards .....

someone just forwarded me an internet link to a spy-cam set up over a bald eagle's nest ..... sure, i like looking at the little eaglets sucking up regurgitated moose lips, but a number of thoughts occurred to me .... well, let me back up and say that thoughts always are occurring to me and ......

oh .... was that you, saying, what's the point, doctor pete? what's the fucking point? sure, bald eagle chicks are neat; we like chicks, honest we do, and so does dick cheney .... but what's the fucking point?

well .... george orwell, eat your lo-carb heart out .... i don't want to shock you, but i think the point is that the future is here, and it's here right now ..... the future dawns every day, and it never seems quite as rosy or as exhiliarating as it did when i read about the terraforming of jupiter, or the strange creatures that lived in the asteroid belt, or the alien artifacts that intrepid but doomed space explorers stumbled into, thinking that their fortunes were made .....

who could, way back when cars had tailfins, have imagined something like the internet and how it could streamline our shopping, which (along with duct tape, visqueen, and cans of tuna underneath our beds is the best way we can keep winning the war on terror) allows us to go deeper into debt to the chinese even as we ship more jobs overseas and close up all the retail outlets that aren't mega-chains?

there was a common thread through many of the sci-fi stories back then, along with buxom space-ladies and ray guns, and that was how devious, oppressive, and ill-intended the government was .....

well, all the predictions about flying robot cars didn't pan out; the interplanetary colonies didn't come to pass; the life of ease, with robot servitors, makes me spit my cocktail onion across the mixing console, but they got it right about the government .... the fact that you can sit back and watch a mother bald eagle feeding her eaglets macerated weasel spleens doesn't hold a candle to what the national security agency has been doing to you and your phone calls for over four years, and now the bush nominee for heading the cia, general michael hayden, is the very guy who's been running that program .....

coincidence?

i don't know, but i'm sure their intentions are good .....

people's capacity for idiocy is legend, and if i had a dollar for every slobbering cretin who, not realizing how labor intensive family is, wet themselves and shrieked, twins!?!?!?! how WONDERFUL!!!!!! my sons' college career would be guaranteed ..... and i'd have a pair of au pairs working 'round the clock .... and i'd be off diving fiji's somosomo straits right now .....

these must be the same over-medicated droolers who, when polled a few days ago, said that they were all for the government monitoring the phone call of every single american over the last four years, and who showed no concern that there was no end of citizen spying in sight ..... oh, sure, polls aren't really indicative of trends .... you can manipulate their outcomes by the way you phrase the question ...... "do you think your civil liberties, which you can't recall but can take for granted because they're always protected by a benificent and paternal government, might be noodled just ever so itsy-bitsy teensie-weensie little nibblets by george bush, an upright christian god-fearin' white man who wants to listen in to your phone calls ..... so he can stop the godless dark-complected religious fundamentalists of islam from coming over here ..... and fucking your daughters?"

by now you're wondering, what's the point, doctor pete, you fucking old misanthrope, you?

well, the point is, republicans suck satan's cock, and i shouldn't have to tell you that any more, but i do anyway .... the point is, christians are set to overthrow the constitution of this country and make fucking--and thinking--a capital offense ..... the point is, "they've" got your number, in more ways than one, and there are any number of "thems," ranging from your government to the corporations that run it, you little renewable natural resource, you ..... and you should know that without my having to tell you, yet again ..... and i marvel, over and over again, at how little "they" think of us, and how we go right along with "them" ..... hey, america! supply and demand! the market's regulating itself! here's a hundred bucks for your gas! oooooh, me for that! hey, america! here's nine dollars tax credit for you ....... wow, my cup runneth over!!! ...... hey, america! just keep voting republican and laisser le bon temps rouler! let's do the katrina shuffle! eeeeeee, ain't we havin' fun?

and george?

take my kids ...... please ...... so they can serve in your wars of empire .... and pay off the debt you'll be saddling them -- and their kids -- with .....

the real point is, i've not written because it's so depressing--not like "they" (and our democrats are complicit) -- aren't counting on your feeling overwhelmed, powerless, and adrift--as you see continued depredations, inroads, incursions, thefts, deceptions, and major rectal penetrations perpetrated on your quivering little rosebud of a hole by our government .....

and why do i perseverate on rectal penetration? perhaps because there are so many assholes in positions of profound power, whose sole mission in life is to fuck you, fuck with you, and fuck you up .....

but you already knew that, as you knew that 63% of the american sheeple think it's okay to have their phone records recorded, turned over to the military, turned over to religious groups, turned over to corporations ..... ooooooh, as long as you vote for george bush, who's a manly man, we'll be okay ..... well, let me back up a moment and say, in the world of the future -- which is here now -- the whole process is so streamlined that the voting is done for you, no muss, no fuss ...... because the fix is already in and the machines and mechanisms are rigged ..... and there's nothing you need worry about because your government is in control .....

and jeb's coronation hat is in the dynastic ring .......

thank god for ketel one!

next: dr. pete makes sense

Posted by DrKanga at 10:45 AM | Comments (3)

April 27, 2006

gosh, what an exciting week, dear diary! why, i've heard that there's a debate going on in congress--or is it the senate?--where our duly purchased representatives are falling all over themselves to give our wonderful president, that handsome, dashing, decisive man! bold new powers to take war to wherever it needs to be taken, which is wherever he feels like it, which is wherever god, that masculine, autocratic, monotheistic bearded antisocial deity tells him, without the inconvenience (let alone the breach of national security by alerting terrorists like liberals who hate our freedoms!) of having to declare war!

isn't that brilliant? to legitimatize what's already a fait accompli, in that the united states, while having fought in forty-seven different armed conflicts since the end of the second world war, which was the second War To End All Wars, hasn't declared war, an action that should be authorized by congress the, since december 9, 1941 .......

oh, dear diary! i get so excited, my panties are just sopping!

but wait! there's more!

spring is breaking out all over, and my phone has just been ringing off the hook, i'm so popular! sure, they're automated phone messages from democratic candidates, puckering up to suck cock and lick butt for the june elections, but i just get giddy with the attention, and i can feel the aerated blood rushing to my thorax in an effervescent swirl when i hear that mechanical voice go, "hello ..... i'm melvin schturdley, and i'm a spineless simpering twit and i'd like your vote because i ......."

you know, dear diary, there is one message i would like to hear from this crop of democrats; there is one message i'd actually listen to; there's one thing these ass-suckers could say that would keep me from hurling my phone across the room and playing carom shots off the wall, and it would go something like this:

"hello, i'm melvin schturdley, and i'm a democratic candidate for dog catcher ..... you know, i'm running against william mcwombat, but it doesn't matter whether you vote for me or for william, because there's one thing that we, as democrats agree on, and that is that george bush is an evil homunculus scumbag who should first be impeached and then brought to trial in the hague on charges of war crimes and crimes against humanity ..... thank you, thank you for voting, and god bless america!"

and now, dear diary, it's time to make some predictions!

there's so much exciting drivel written about tony snow, and how he's got a mind of his own because he said the president wasn't conservative enough, or didn't laugh long enough at karla faye tucker's distress when he didn't commute her death sentence, or how there are still some schools open because the president hasn't cut all the funding, or the upper one percent still pays tax when they make purchases, which snow feels should be abolished, and the press is just besides themselves, saying, isn't that wonderful? the president can tolerate dissent!

blow me, you simpering fuckholes ..... here we go again, another snow job, another hand job, and they're going for it ..... ooooooh, more media ima